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  3. Outbreaks can definitely be triggered by hormonal changes associated with the menstrual cycle (as can yeast infections). There was a period (no pun intended) when I would too get all 3 things happening at once. It’s frustrating but stress will not help. Have a look at your diet and lifestyle as I have found that when I am eating well and looking after myself, my body responds well. Eating lots of lysine-rich foods (or taking supplements) and probiotics will help curb the outbreaks and yeast infections. Don’t use any soaps down below, they are the worst thing for unbalancing ph levels in the vagina. If your outbreaks continue to coincide with your period, see your doctor about how you can better manage your hormone levels.
  4. Almost 3 years with my partner and I haven’t passed it to him. We don’t use protection and I haven’t used valtrex in a long time either. We obviously abstain during outbreaks and when I’m experiencing prodromal symptoms. There have been times I’ve been unaware of things happening below and after sex have experienced outbreaks. After having open conversations with my partner I am finally starting to realise that he is completely comfortable with the risk and if I did transmit it to him, he wouldn’t hold me accountable (although I know I would feel shitty, his acceptance would get us through it). For me, it’s mostly about being with someone who fully accepts me and makes me feel secure despite my own worries and stresses.
  5. Hi Jayce, For what it's worth, your feelings are totally normal (thanks to the herpes stigma out there), but also know that a lot of your thoughts and worries aren't true. You're not dirty. People who love you and truly know you won't judge you. This isn't going to hold you back, it will only take you deeper (into knowing yourself and deeper into connection with others). Don't let your mind run away with all these worst-case scenario imaginings. Be careful with what you choose to believe. Definitely sign up to get the e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook (Signing up here will also get you started receiving the Opportunity email series, which will give you positive reframes to all of the things you're worrying about. This is all about practicing seeing this as a positive in your life as opposed to falling for all the negative storylines there are out there. You're not alone. And you're just as amazing as you've always been.) Here are a few good videos to kickstart your way into Opportunity: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-facts https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-stigma-how-to-become-bulletproof https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-self-acceptance-process https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-you-are-what-you-think And if you need one-on-one support, consider posting for an H Buddy or getting coaching with me.
  6. You want to still be careful (especially during prodrome symptoms and/or outbreaks), but it's true that he has a lot of protection since he already carries the antibodies (and genital HSV-1 has less of a chance of passing genital-to-genital, even though about 1/2 of new genital herpes are from oral sex — oral-to-genital). It would be like him spreading herpes to himself (called auto-inoculation), which is rare after having herpes for at least a year and the body's immunity has it more under control.
  7. Recently i started dating this guy and the after a month I was diagnosed with a primary outbreak of hsv1 genital. His blood tests positive for Hsv1 antibodies but he’s never had an outbreak. our doctor says I can transmit the hsv1 genital to him. But everything I read online says that if he has the antibodies of the same strain as me he is safe. does anyone know if I can give him an outbreak if he already has the antibodies?
  8. So how did everything go? Did you guys finally get some results?
  9. So he went to the doctor and they refused to swab the sore saying it was a waste of his time and money because the sore wasn’t tender! What?! So I made him an appointment somewhere else and they don’t offer swab testing 😔 He still got a blood and urine test though so hopefully that will give us some answers. But so frustrating because the medical professionals are letting us down and we are left waiting. Finding out some results tomorrow.
  10. Yes that’s normal! Everyone heals differently but that hoe fast mine normally heal as well, it is just a few days of being uncomfortable.
  11. Would your wife be willing to go on suppressive therapy to see if that will keep her outbreaks from happening? The same as for any other medical condition that can be treated with medication, this may help her to feel more at ease with intimacy if she feels she has another method to control the outbreaks. I also think she could benefit greatly from speaking with a therapist because her actions are not healthy for her or for your marriage. She is allowing her fear to affect not only her, but also your marriage. And while I applaud you for being so understanding and accepting of her refusal to be intimate with you in a real way, there will come a time where you will grow to resent her and it is not fair to either of you to be heading down that road. My heart breaks for you because you both deserve to be happy and HSV should never get in the way of that. I cannot imagine what your wife went through to make her feel such shame about something that is really so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Would your wife be willing to come here and post and read and get advice from those of us who have been there and done that?
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  13. It's strange timing that you wrote this because today I just found on I'm negative on the Western Blot. Were your bumps sores or just bumps? Did any of the guys you were with ever test positive for HSV? I still have the pain in my urethra and urge to pee. Lucky me, my Urologist and their entire office is gone during December.
  14. @Jasmine10 Yay! So glad to read your post and see you are making progress in accepting your diagnosis and moving forward and finding happiness! Yes it comes in fits and starts. You'll feel good then the prospect of telling someone will send you into a tail spin. Just keep moving forward. I've actually written on here about using comedy to jump start me out of my depression. Only I binge on SNL clips on youtube for my "hit" lol. Other things I recommend: hiking, joining meetup groups, taking myself out to dinner and eating at the bar (where I almost always end up having a fun conversation with someone). Basically get out of the house and do something to feel human and connected with the world again instead of getting stuck inside your head. Glad you are doing so as well!! PS I'm getting ready to disclose probably this week. I am suddenly getting little freak out moments. Then I will find myself laughing at myself in disbelief b/c I am so comfortable with this. I know it is because I really like him and yes it will hurt a little if this situation is not for him, but I know I am awesome and it will not be the end of me by no means.
  15. I don't know if this info will make it better or worse for you. My H is something of an enigma. I 100% believe I have had it since I was 16. I was with a guy one time. Found out he had H after. I wasn't stressed because I really didn't know all that much about it and this was pre-internet days so no easy access to info, plus I was a teenager self absorbed with my life so didn't give it too much thought other than to get rid of the guy. (In other words I don't feel I was being a hypochondriac). A week later, insane genital itching and bumps. Over the next few months itchy welts on my chin/neck/back of legs that would come and go. Some time over the year 1 itchy red welt on m eyelid. Dr. prescribed an ointment but told me nothing. Years later I was reading the package and it said for ocular herpes. Started getting cold sores in those early years. Never went to the dr bc I just was oblivious and was now insanely busy plus in serious relationship. Plus all the common place knowledge on herpes from my day was "you just live with it and don't have sex when you have outbreaks". Late 20's: Occassional outbreaks over those years. Lots of prodromols. I was single again, now lots of info online and figured I needed to find out my HSV type. Dr. said no point in doing a blood test without an outbreak to swab, herpes was "so common" and a positive blood test wouldn't sayit was genital and not worth the stress people go through bc some many people have it. so I took her word and said ok. Early 30's; always told partners I have herpes. They never questioned for actual test results. Got a long term relationship and in our 4th year he said he had a bump near the base of his penis, he was too inhibited to show me. And again we were both practical people who were just like ok we both have herpes, get on with life. Over the years he'd occasionally get a bump again and itd go away. Mid 30's now in another long-term relationship. Disclosed to that who wanted actual proof I had it (kinda weird bc he totally wanted to be with me but wanted the official papers to go with it lol). Did HSV 1, 2, and HPV test. all negative! I don't know what kind of test it was. I basically told him I believed it was a false negative; I mean I've had outbreaks, prodromols etc! Went on antivirals bc he didn't want to use condoms ever. 4 years later he had some itching and small bump at the head of his penis. We assumed that yes, he finally got it from me. Our relationship eventually ended for other reasons. Hit my 40's, did a bunch of blood tests recently due to other health issues. Asked for HSv/HPV test just for the hell of it. All negative! My test info does not have any numbers like I read on here so I can't speak to that. I tried to argue with my dr about false negatives but she is very intimidating and basically cut me off saying "this proves you don't have it" and shut down the conversation At the end of the day, I know I have to have it. Outbreaks, prodromols, definite classic triggers (chocolate, nuts, stress), and 2 people who appear to have contracted it from me. I'd like to take the western blot but not interested in paying for something that I know I have. And I've read other people's stories on here who are in the same boat. So I just live my life as if I do and always tell my partners. I couldn't in good conscience say I don't have it bc I know I do.
  16. Thank you so much for the reply. Yeah, I'm coming to a realization that this may very well never change. So the question becomes will I leave my wife over oral sex or kisses? No...she is the foundation for which I'm motivated every day to be a better man, I wouldnt leave her over this. I am greatly sadden because these are things I enjoy...of course. I cant hardly imagine a life without them, atleast occasionally, but I told this woman one day that I'd be with her through sickness and health....she has my support no matter the outcome but yes. After this long, I sadly expect no changes or attempts, we havent tried counseling but I see no change because someone else suggests it. Mayne though, not coming from my mouth where of course its biased. Either way, thank you for atleast responding.
  17. @Loving Husband Oh your post just makes me so sad. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. I think there's something much deeper for her about this and it may not be fixable for her even with your help. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life in that situation because both parties have to be willing to work on this and it sounds like you are already becoming aware that she is not. But I'm sure you will stick with this for as long as you feel you need to. I don't know, I hope someone else on here has some wiser words for you than I can provide. I'm a bit older than you and as I've written in other posts, I worked in an end-of-life field where I got to see what the dying are thinking about and regretting so I am hyper aware that life is too short to be wasted. Just my too cents.
  18. @no_joyride To the best of my knowledge I'm not getting classic outbreaks. I never had a huge problem with outbreaks too much after the initial but like I said prodromols were like a permanent thing for me for a very long time. I have talked about this elsewhere, sometimes when really stressed I would get a sudden itchy red welt/welts on my chin area that would go away within a few minutes. Those started with the initial infection so I've always attributed that to H. I've seen other people on here talk about it too. Also last year I got teenie tiny hard bump like a little bigger than a grain of sand that stayed a couple of months then disappeared. That happened at least one other time in my life. Someone else on here describe the same exact thing so I assume that was from H. Also I've only been on antivirals when I was in a long term relationship.
  19. Right @Fmals. I personally am not a hippy or new agey person at all so my input is coming from a pretty practical and science driven person lol. There's definitely a connection between mind and body. I'm currently trying this approach with some serious lung issues I'm dealing with. Unfortunately I'm not confident it will work as there appears to be some actual physical damage/scarring in my lungs versus say simple asthma that might have the potential to be impacted by stress. But I'm trying anyway. Even a little relief will be most welcome. Also its way way way harder to ignore not being able to breath or pain with each breath than to ignore prodromals so I'm not being very successful at not caring/ignoring it. : (
  20. Hello, I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and my life has not been the same. I told my partner and he went to get tested. I don’t know where our relationship is going to go because it’s been a roller coaster. Either way our relationship is no longer the same. I am afraid to be single because I don’t know what it will be like to start dating with HSV. Honestly, I don’t think I can date as I feel dirty and ashamed. I can’t tell anyone about this as my family and friends will judge me. I just feel so alone and really need and friend to share this experience and process with. Thank you.
  21. The mind is a powerful thing...what you give power to will have power over you, it’s not hippy talk haha it’s real. Just like how fake flowers can cause an asthma attack to an asthmatic that doesn’t know the flowers are fake. I like to listen to sleep hypnosis for healing before bed as well...worth a try! 😊
  22. I wrote my story in an article(anonymously) of how my ex who was a sexual predator will8ng transferred the virus to me without my consent even though he knew i was a virgin. This incidebt triggered an mental illness trait that is genetically predisposed. I have learnt that my ex is still with his next victim but the way i see it, she doesnt care that he willingly gave her the virus. I recieved alot of sympathy and even follow up replies that people are keeping me in their prayers. Ofc, there were backlash and others ridiculed my situation. I honestly wish my ex will get serious punishment in life. I tell myself everyday that i will kill him. A rapist and predator deserves to die. ( please do not call the cyber unit lol) Even though i am not as pretty as I was before, i have gained alot of belly fat and acne prone face after the herpes and also mental illness trigger.Nonetheless I am still attractive plus I have hip and big booty , so naturally I attract alot of men. So far i have been flirting with all the men i meet, going out on dates, knowing i have no intention to be with most of them. It's as if i am using them to feel good about myself sexually. Ever since my diagnosis , i have learnt aloooot , from reading redflags to adding tax to my worth. I am not applying this knowledge fully to my life though. Anyway, there is this one guy that stood out. I honestly want to be with this guy but i dont want to give him herpes nor do i want to disclose but that would make me a predator like my ex , seeing its highly contagious. He hardly ever mention my physical attributes, he is more focused on my personality and personal development and he always surprise me with gifts. Take me out on dates and is still patiently waiting on me but i feel like to leave him alone. This is third good guy i am giving up because i have herpes. Sigh, i just keep flirting with some other guys that i already flagged but as i said earlier i am afraid to have sex with a next man. My first experience in relationship ruined me. Should I tell him or leave him to be? I wish there was a cure. I deserve a second chance, my second chance would allow me to choose better men.
  23. Hey all! I wanted to see if anyone out here is on higher doses of either acyclovir or valacyclovir for suppression as opposed to the standard dosing? It’s been a rough 2 years for me (those of you who have come across my posts know). I feel like lately I am not getting the relief I should unless I am taking 1.5g or 2g of valacyclovir daily. My doctor told me I can take 2g a day during my ovulation week since that is when I seem to have flare ups. I just feel like I’m constantly on the verge of an outbreak. I saw my OBGYN last week and was swabbed for bacteria and yeast but it was negative AND she said she didn’t see any “lesions” but something was DEFINITELY wrong down there. They called in brand name Valtrex for me which is going to cost me $125. I was going to suck it up and try the name brand for a month to see if it makes a difference but I cannot keep up with that copay. Why is this medication so expensive?! It’s so frustrating! Has upping the dose or changing how you take it make a difference for anyone?
  24. I wouldn’t say that I have necessarily “given up” yet but this is definitely something I’ve noticed myself. I contracted the virus a few months ago so it plays heavy on my mind sometimes still, and when I’m deep in thought about it is when I’m most uncomfortable. when I’ve had a busy day at work and my mind was busy w that, I’ll realize I wasn’t really uncomfortable until the thought came back around.
  25. Yah really, that's what I did. I'm not saying it will work for everyone and I can't say exactly how it worked for me, other than that we truly know stress is a trigger so if I stopped caring about it I must have stopped stressing about it and at some point my body could heal???? I was so exhausted by thinking about it all the time. It took over my life it seemed. I don't remember how it played out exactly but I probably just broke down in tears and just said "enough" . Like I gave up in a way. This phenomena is also frequently talked about by recovering alcoholics in AA. My dad was a recovering alcoholic and many talk about fighting their addiction for years, trying everything under the sun, then just breaking down and giving up, hence the first step in AA "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable". I used to read the literature from those meetings (also had a ex who was alcoholic so exposed to a lot of AA stuff) and read lots of stories of people who feel they got to a point where they were exhausted by the battle of wills with alcohol and once they "gave up" they felt a sudden change in their addiction/compulsion to drink. So yes I'd have non-stop tingles and just general feeling that things weren't "right" down there. Back then I think I just dove into a ton of hiking and walking, learning to identify the plants in my area. That's what I was into so it was easy. These days I feel like I've developed some quicker at home tricks when stress hits me. The most common being reading and having a marathon hour of watching SNL skits or anything really funny. Hope this helps.
  26. Thank you so much! Messaging now 🙂
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