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  1. I've had hvs2 for almost 40 years. I rarely ever think about it. I have never had a negative disclosure. I've only had to disclose a few times and ended up with a lifetime partner who could care less about herpes and has never acquired it from me. I NEVER made it a big deal because, for me, it's not!!! I have hvs 2. Yes, I had lots of ob's in the first couple of years. In time, they have all but stopped. It has not kept me from doing one thing in my life! I have a great career, spouse, family and life long friends. Have traveled the world. I've had a great sex life and have never passed this
    13 points
  2. I could write a novel about my experience… A few words and thoughts from a non-medical mind and thriver: There's a hugely fulfilling life out there if you make the decision that this doesn't define you. Because it doesn't. And it shouldn't. Let it be the catalyst to help you discover the depths of your compassion, your bravery, your protective instincts, your self-love, your breadth as a human being, your balance. Let it be the divining rod to help you find people on this planet who will accept you as you are and to weed out those who just aren't worth the time of day. Great ex
    12 points
  3. Hello all! I am hsv-1 positive(about 8 years in), and have been reading this site for quite awhile now. I've responded to some posts, but as I've been browsing I realized that there are few stories out there about how it feels to be the one being disclosed to. So, here we go- Though I am now hsv-1 positive, I did not contract it til I was around 30 years old(I am currently 38). The story I want to tell you occurred when I was 23. I met a man. He was a bit older(15 years my senior to be precise) and was hilarious. Told the best stories and was just th
    12 points
  4. I haven't passed herpes to a partner and have been married to my wife of 4 years, who hasn't gotten it yet. But be careful of assigning risk via people's personal stories since even though the risk is low across the general population, either someone gets 100% of herpes or 0%, no in between. But being open about it and having an open dialogue not just about herpes, but about sex and sexuality goes a long way to protecting your partner. Communication is the first line of defense to keeping your partners as safe (and loved) as possible.
    10 points
  5. Hello everyone, A little about me I’m in my late twenties and an African American female. I was diagnosed with genital hsv1 about 10 years ago while I was a senior in high school. I was so devastated and embarrassed to learn that I had this disease, especially because of the stigma and ignorance behind it especially in my community and with black people in general. Exploring this forum makes me feel a lot better knowing that I’m not alone and it’s more common that people care to admit. I remember when I was first diagnosed, I sat in the doctors office with lord knows how many painful b
    9 points
  6. I RAISED my standards. When I was diagnosed, I was dating someone who was decent. Not everything I envisioned, so in a way, he was already not what I fully wanted, but he was nice. It was more of the superficial things that he didn't meet...like height, education level, made less than I do...so I looked past that. But when I disclosed and he rejected me (even though only for about a week), I decided that I deserve better. I set my standards higher than I ever had before, and ended up meeting someone who exceeds even those standards. And he accepts me and my diagnosis with no issues at all.
    9 points
  7. I first got diagnosed with hsv2 in February this year and it really hit me hard emotionally and even though I only had one small lump come up the pain from it was horrendous for my first outbreak, due to the stress of it I kept getting outbreaks one after the other so eventually got prescribed suppressive therapy where I take one acyclovir in the morning and one at night. Since doing this I have NEVER experienced and outbreak since and because of this its now not a big deal as it is not getting in the way of my day to day life. The only thing that is different is to be upfront and honest
    9 points
  8. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here, but I want to share my story as this forum gave me hope in my darkest days following my diagnosis. Stories, like the one I’m about to share, helped me to know that there’s life after herpes when it felt like my life would never be the same. I was diagnosed in April 2015 after I had unprotected sex with the person I was in a relationship with. We had only been dating two months and about 10 days after our first unprotected encounter, I had my first (and worst) outbreak. When I told my partner he didn’t seem concerned, worried, etc - which
    8 points
  9. 2 years together and going strong So far, I have managed to keep him safe (4 years with HSV2). But I’m also (finally) in a place where I don’t freak out about passing it on. He has openly said he “doesn’t care an iota about herpes”! About to purchase our first home together and talking about kids in the near future... There is hope out there for everyone! Even you, yes you! My advice? Be honest, be vulnerable, be courageous and own your status. Show your partner that you value them above your own fear of rejection. Approach the subject as objectively as possible but keep it
    8 points
  10. I've been a member here for awhile, lurking around in the shadows. But I am proud to have found this community, as it has helped me re-frame my perspective on what it means to live with HSV2. When I was first diagnosed, I just knew my life was over. As an over 40 black female with HSV2, i figured i should just throw in the towel. Dating as a 40+ black female is hard enough, but then add cooties on top of that....forget about it. But then a funny thing happened. I met someone. He seemed awesome, and checked all the boxes of what I'm looking for. We went on about 4 dates and everythin
    8 points
  11. @unwritten believe it or not, it's not the end of your life. It's not the end of your dating life, either. Take really good care of yourself. Work out, eat very well (lots of all natural, organic fruits and veg), take some immune boosting supplements, try to stay calm, and your body will thank you. The virus will go into hibernation and once it does you'll start to feel like yourself again. It has been a little over a month since my first OB and as the days go on and I don't have another I start to feel better. I still check myself every single day and every time I go to the bathroom. I make m
    8 points
  12. I finally told my boyfriend my little secret. I was terrified. Heart pumping, facts ready, on the verge of crying. We had just watched an episode of dexter so I thought to myself, well it could be worse, I could be a serial killer right? I sent him a text earlier in the night that we needed to talk about something so he would keep asking me about it. Although I pushed it off, I couldn't avoid it. I sat him down and told him about my surprise blood test and what it meant. I told him how much I cared about him and wanted to protect him. I told him he had to not only get tested but also decide if
    7 points
  13. It’s been a long 26 years for me, but I wanted to tell you all, that I am happily married and I’ve had 4 kids, all fine. I don’t take any acyclovir, because it doesn’t really work well for me. Suppressive therapy has been successful with 500 mg lysine daily. I’ve been able to heal from outbreaks quickly by using neem oil on the sores, and, if they are bothering me a lot, a mixture of clove oil and peppermint oil as needed (apply with a Q-tip). Take internally: Lysine plus ( quantum) up to 3x a day, Lemon balm force, zinc (only once a day!), and definitely do some blue green algae daily if you
    7 points
  14. So if anyone were to read my first post ever on here I was full of rage, and sadness. totally lost. Something really surprising happened. After I pulled myself out of that I find that I am so much happier. I don't feel desperate for people approval anymore, I can set boundaries with people by saying no to things I don't want to do, I love my friends more, I reach out to people are hurting. I feel humbled by it and happier then i have in many years. I have no idea why this had such a positive change on me but for example tonight: I'm sitting at home wrapped up in a blanket and dri
    7 points
  15. I recently watched a Ted talk with Ella Dawson and something similar happened to her. She said she met a guy at a party and he hit on her by making a joke about how he didn’t have herpes. She came back and said to him that you shouldn’t make fun of people who have that because she did. She said he actually apologized and she ended up dating him for a long time after. I guess if you tell him, the worst thing he can do is back off. If you think there is real chance with him, why not just tell him? Just keep in mind that he may back off or he may actually decide that you are worth the risk and wa
    7 points
  16. Hello Again My H Star Family 😊 It has been awhile since I've lurked or posted anything - I stared grad school in August and honestly, between that and working full-time, I barely have time for anything else. However, the progress made with accepting my Team HSV2 status has not suffered. I found a few other great sources including some podcasts which are really inspiring and educational to listen to. Hearing from H Vets is one of the best sources of information...aside the ton of medical research of course 😊 So anyway, I've had the pleasure of disclosing my Team HSV2 status to my b
    7 points
  17. So, all of you who’ve been diagnosed have agonised at some point of having your whole network find out I’m sure, well this week has gone somewhere along those lines... i started a new job two weeks ago, I both work and live with the same people all the time, it is a male dominated company and being one of the few females means that I’ve had a few men chase after me. I took a liking for one of them and went on to do the good ole’ disclosure. He first said he would think about the implications it would have, so I gave him time to think about it. He was quite distant the next day and I
    7 points
  18. You have to tell anyone you plan on sleeping with. We weren’t given a choice. Don’t take that away from someone.
    7 points
  19. I contracted HSV2 about 4 years ago from the second man I'd ever slept with and the first sexual partner I had after a 15 year realationship. We used condoms and discussed sti's, but he was unaware he had it. We remained sexual partners and friends for sometime after my excruciatingly long first OB. After a while, this virus was emotionally crippling. I am an awesome, "gorgeous" (as I'm often told), single mom with a great education, career, family, friends, house, car...everything most people want and yet, I was harboring this horrible secret and didn't think I was WORTHY of sexual love
    7 points
  20. About 15 months ago, my world was turned upside down with my herpes diagnosis. I remember standing in the mirror saying to myself “this isn’t possible. This is a bad dream”. I was in such a state of shock I couldn’t even cry. I kept thinking “everything is different now”. And in some ways, that is true. But not in all ways. The initial heavy burden I felt has disappeared. I was blessed with having a few sessions with Adrial, and I read and educated myself as much as possible. I also let myself work through those first difficult 6 months where I didn’t feel 100% myself, while starting to
    7 points
  21. @secondchances i hadn't thought of that but i'm happy to share! the main points were as follows: * I'm really happy that we met, and I feel that we are getting closer, would you agree? * Part of being close with someone means being authentic and vulnerable, so i'd like to share something that's private to me * I have HSV2, the virus that causes genital herpes * There's alot of misinformation out there, but the truth is it's a skin condition that many people have. It hasn't stopped me from dating and I've never passed it to anyone * Even though the risk of passing it is small, I st
    7 points
  22. Well guys I finally did it. I had “the talk”......when I tell you it went the opposite way of how I thought it was going to go I couldn’t contain my tears. I couldn’t wait to log on and tell you guys. I have been dating this guy for 4 months now with keeping him at a distance because I felt so ashamed of keeping me having herpes from him. I felt I wasn’t worthy of finding love and that no one would want to be with me because of it. But joining this community has lifted my self esteem as well as building my courage to disclose to him. We had the conversation in a comfortable setting and he want
    6 points
  23. @TaintedLove the nurse at the clinic where i got diagnosed was so nice... when the actual doctor left after giving my result i stayed in the room coz i'm still in shock and my brain was going a thousand miles. okay back to the nurse, she stayed there with me... so i had to tell her that i'm worried about transmitting it and all etc etc etc, and she did pat me on the shoulder and i was like, hey, arent you scared of being infected by me (lol -- hey i only knew about herpes 2 minutes ago at that time) she was like, nope, i have it too -- you'll be fine.
    6 points
  24. I don't know who needs to hear this but, everything is going to be OK. I'm about a month in of finding out about my Hsv Stat. I, like most people who come here for community, was devasted. I cried, felt worthless and dirty, thought who would want me all that! I'm so happy to report that I'm on the other side now. The best thing I did was confide in some trusted friends and my mom, who all shrugged it off like "girl, that's all?!" After I did some intense research, I felt so much better. The biggest step in all of this was being OK with me though. Of nothing else, this made me reexamine myself
    6 points
  25. You have probably seen me posted for the past couple months leading up to this but after much talk in therapy, with adrial and my two siblings... i was able to successfully disclose (H and low risk hpv together) face to face to a partner I have been seeing (and really wanting to sleep with!). he was so supportive, held my hand and said, "i'm sure it was really hard for you to tell me that, thank you". we decided we will be making an appoinment to go speak with a doctor together so he can feel more comfortable about best practices to work around this. we spent the rest of the night snuggling an
    6 points
  26. I was exposed in august and was diagnosed by late September. It’s almost December and I’m think I’m at a point where I feel that 1 out of 5 people is a LOT of us. It’s kind of set in and I haven’t had an outbreak for a little while. I feel better about it. Time moves on and so do we. We have this, but so does everyone else. It doesn’t seem like it’s as big of a deal as it was initially to me. I’m in acceptance.
    6 points
  27. For most people that have HSV, it's less than a skin condition as they don't even have symptoms that they particularly notice or care about in the same way that they do with eczema or acne. I've had acne, eczema and hsv over the course of my life, and by far the one that has affected me physically the least is hsv. It has been, however, the most stigmatizing and psychologically traumatic, mostly because of people insisting that it be perceived as a big deal. If your lived reality is different, then it's fine to acknowledge your experience and your truth, but I'm not convinced that something th
    6 points
  28. I needed to share my successful disclosure after weeks of reading forums, articles, blogs, watching videos and most importantly freaking our about disclosing. I am a single mom, in her very late 30s. I have been carrying the herpes virus for over 4 years now. I got the virus from my ex after one of our many attempts to reconcile. I never had to have "the talk" before, because after my ex and I separated (yet again) I wasn't ready to date and later decided to try a herpes dating site so I don't deal with the anxiety of having to deal with "the talk." While PS is a great site, it doesn't ha
    6 points
  29. I recently returned to online dating after taking some time to adjust to my diagnosis. I initially thought it would be too tricky, trying to find the right time to disclose, wasting time getting to know people and then getting rejected, but that has not been my experience at all. I should add that I am more interested in dating and FWB situations, not looking for "the one" or marriage, and I was concerned that people might not want to take the risk for something casual or temporary. Over the last two months, I've disclosed four times. All four people were interested in moving forward. (I
    6 points
  30. you need to tell your sexual partners. Someone didnt tell me and I am having my first out break. I feel so violated. It is WRONG not to disclose
    6 points
  31. Hi there, female, 34, diagnosed 11 years ago, NZ. I have zero shame or embarrassment about my little skin infection, so if you need a pep talk, I'm your gal.
    6 points
  32. Hello. I'm so glad you came here. I hope this helps you start to realize, you're not alone, there isn't anything wrong with you, and you can and you will adapt and get through this. I promise. I found out I had HSV-2 over 10 years ago. My world crumbled too. I remember that awful feeling I carried with me daily; felt like a monster no one would want. I was so wrong. You may meet a few people who don't know how to deal with it, or deal with it poorly. In a way, that's where this condition becomes a positive thing. It filters out the shallow people or those that cannot be bothered to
    6 points
  33. @Sunny720 thank you for starting this thread. I was diagnosed with HSV2 in Dec. 2017. I thought dating as a black woman before my diagnosis was difficult enough; now I feel like it's almost impossible. Can't bring myself to respond to men showing an interest because I know that I will have to disclose. In addition to fearing their reactions, I worry that they will gossip about my status to others. I can't deal with the judgment that comes along with being open about my status. I read an article published in 2010 that said according to the CDC, 50% of black women have herpes. 50%. That num
    6 points
  34. You're going to be alone for the rest of your life? Why? About 20% of women have HSV-2; are they all alone? Or do millions of people that have herpes still manage to lead fulfilling lives filled with great sex, intimate relationships and love? What is special about your herpes that it has consigned you to a life of loneliness where it has not for so many others? It's normal (and perfectly okay) to go through a period of being extremely upset, but over time two things are going to happen. 1.) You're going to realize that, physically, herpes amounts to an inconvenience. Perhaps a painful and irr
    6 points
  35. Hi with all of you, I am new to this forum. I just wanted to share my thoughts after 5 years of having HSV-1 and HSV-2. I would like to say that I appreciate this community and how fantastic is the support offered in this forum. I like the tools and skills that this website offers to cope better with the diagnosis and the condition. However, I would like to share some of my thoughts I have from my perspective. I would say that having it does not affect me. Of course, I get sad when I am rejected, it hurts; but I would say that I deal with it well. Psychologically, I am not going to lie. T
    5 points
  36. Kacey, I’m sorry that happened to you, that the way you got herpes was done to you with force ... Fuck that guy, for real. But don’t let your anger at that guy ruin your chance of a trusting connection with the next guy. Some guys deserve to be trusted and will honor your vulnerability as a strength. The question becomes: Who do you trust with your vulnerability? That is a big and important question, for sure. Especially since you haven’t been treated right in the past. And it’s really important to see how you are saying two conflicting things here: have soul-to-soul connected sex, but do
    5 points
  37. Hey guys, just wanted to give anyone a piece of hope if they are feeling down. I know that 2.5 years ago I was desperate for anything positive about this stupid virus. I constantly looked up cures and treatments thinking one day when I'm cured someone will love me again. Well I am here to tell you it that love exists with or without the cure. I disclosed to the man of my dreams 4 months into our relationship. (disclosure story on here if you want to read). Here we are almost 2 years into our relationship and I am ENGAGED. I have a huge rock on my finger from the most amazing man I have ever me
    5 points
  38. So I haven't been on here since October which is probably a good thing since I was in such a dark place. I was borderline suicidal, depressed, and had clinical anxiety. Figured I'd come in and provide an update so that people who are newly diagnosed can see it gets better! I'll start with the bad to get that out of the way..... The Bad News A single day hasn't gone by that I still don't think about my giver and the night I'm pretty sure it happened. However, I can think about it, and move on instead of be paralyzed or overcome with regret and grief all day like I used to. I ge
    5 points
  39. Hey, everyone! I haven't been on here for a little while because I am trying not to think about my diagnosis too much. However, I wanted to shine a little light on your day. I am seeing someone for the first time since being diagnosed. I have been going on dates with him for about a month or so. I really like him and can see myself being with him. I finally decided to tell him about my diagnosis. I want to mention (2) things that I think are really important. (1) Before I told him I wanted him to get to know ME. I didn't want to disclose right off the bat because all they know about you is tha
    5 points
  40. Being diagnosed with H is scary. Being diagnosed with H at 19 is extra scary. I wanted to share what I've learned in my nearly 2 years post-diagnosis. I feel like I'm forgetting a lot since I'm so used to it now, but I'll make a part II if I think of anything else. 1. It is 100% okay to stand up for your sexual health. Prior to H, I never felt comfortable standing my ground when a partner would try to pressure me to not use condoms. Now, the quickest way to be kicked out of my bed is to not respect my choices...the FIRST time. 2. No, you will not be #ForeverAlone. This is not the end
    5 points
  41. @No More Tears D of course dear!! Well a few things make me think this way. First, I have this virus and there's nothing I can do about it now, so no point in stressing over the fact of having it in general. Second, when I learned I had it i would go online and read tonsss of shit about peoples different experiences with it, outbreak triggers etc. When i learned that stress can be a trigger, I decided i wasn't going to continue reading all this stuff about it because that on its own was stressing me out, when it shouldn't.. because everyone is going to have a different experience with it. Deci
    5 points
  42. To cut a long story short I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for my first life for 4 years. Then I started dating a guy who I thought I loved. He dumped me while I was on holiday after 6 months (and on off dating before that) and I cried the whole holiday. I came home slept with him one more time then it was completely over. I then met a guy who was saying he wanted to be with me, who thought I was beautiful all the usual.. I slept with him after a week, no protection, he was leaving to go abroad for 5 months and we had spent every day with each other (all 7 lol.) it was stupid and I
    5 points
  43. Hi Concerned, Until recently I was taking Valtrex daily but became complacent and have now stopped altogether, as I would like to see how my body goes without. We have never used condoms. I offered, but we were both happy to go without (fully STD tested and on birth control). I am always open when I experience symptoms (99% of which I feel are either very temporary or in my mind) and my partner often “checks” me haha. He has no qualms and I think appreciates being a part of the process! I avoid sex during an outbreak (obviously) but they have been few and far between. Other
    5 points
  44. My pet peeve is people saying that herpes is “just a skin condition”. I mean, if that falsehood helps YOU to cope then so be it, but stop spreading false information to the masses. Eczema is just a skin condition. Acne is just a skin condition. Herpes is deeper than the skin, literally. It incubates at the base of our spines, affects our nervous system, can become a serious illness, affects people in many different ways from least to absolutely worse! Most & many skin conditions are treated, cured, & go away. Herpes is always with us, whether it’s rearing its ugly head or not. Herpes I
    5 points
  45. At 30 years old, I think I was actually in love only once. I never told her how I felt, and yet I made it my life's work to make her smile everyday (we worked together). I call it love, because it brought me more joy to make her smile than I have ever felt in my entire life. I thought about her all the time, and even often dreamt about her. I can close my eyes even now and picture her smiling face, and that makes me smile, even now. BUT since we worked together, I didn't want to tell her how I felt. Not until I was sure that she would understand my feelings. So in the mean time, I sought
    5 points
  46. Hey there Cantgetoverthis and All, To give you hope, I want to let you know that I've had H for maybe two years and my life is great! I developed H near the end of a relationship. Both the diagnosis and the loss of the man I loved left me shattered. Fortunately, I'd gone through tough times before-breast cancer left me with reconstructed boobs. They're not bad but naked you wouldn't mistake them for the real thing. So going forward I was very self-conscious of my body and sure my love life was over. What man would be turned on by my Franken-boobs? I put my sights on making the best
    5 points
  47. This is what I have come to realise....for now! I had my first OB 3 weeks ago after being sleep deprived and morning the loss of a loved one. I'm I didn't know what the hell it was. I couldn't wee without crying, nothing was working, and for me I had very large ulcers on my clitoris and very near the entrance of my vagina. I was sure it was thrush where I itched so much. Well turns out it was an OB of type 2. Absolutely gutted. I have been through all the emotions. Dirty, shameful, sad, like one big fat walking germ and the biggest one....lonelyness, but what I have come to realise is w
    5 points
  48. Thanks @Hopeforall and @Next step! However, it's important to acknowledge that in addition to being wise and uplifting, I'm also VERY handsome.
    5 points
  49. FYI, I’m considering starting up a private support group via video conference so we can all be together wherever we are in the world. If there’s enough interest in it, I’ll make it happen, so stay tuned!
    5 points
  50. i liked reading these posts, its a candle in the dark. Lately, my life is being like drinking a lemonade with no sugar ... is not sweet anymore. Im kinda new to this virus, only 2 months, 30 years old and single. Dreadful thoughts of permanent loneliness linger in my head right before i fall a sleep and as soon as i wake up, i shake em off and get busy to distract my mind ...i havent disclose to anyone yet and i feel like i still need a little time for the virus to settle in and my body to handle it, but ill wait...and after, when im done licking my wounds im going for it harder than ever, ill
    5 points
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