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  1. Hi with all of you, I am new to this forum. I just wanted to share my thoughts after 5 years of having HSV-1 and HSV-2. I would like to say that I appreciate this community and how fantastic is the support offered in this forum. I like the tools and skills that this website offers to cope better with the diagnosis and the condition. However, I would like to share some of my thoughts I have from my perspective. I would say that having it does not affect me. Of course, I get sad when I am rejected, it hurts; but I would say that I deal with it well. Psychologically, I am not going to lie. T
    5 points
  2. Kacey, I’m sorry that happened to you, that the way you got herpes was done to you with force ... Fuck that guy, for real. But don’t let your anger at that guy ruin your chance of a trusting connection with the next guy. Some guys deserve to be trusted and will honor your vulnerability as a strength. The question becomes: Who do you trust with your vulnerability? That is a big and important question, for sure. Especially since you haven’t been treated right in the past. And it’s really important to see how you are saying two conflicting things here: have soul-to-soul connected sex, but do
    5 points
  3. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here, but I want to share my story as this forum gave me hope in my darkest days following my diagnosis. Stories, like the one I’m about to share, helped me to know that there’s life after herpes when it felt like my life would never be the same. I was diagnosed in April 2015 after I had unprotected sex with the person I was in a relationship with. We had only been dating two months and about 10 days after our first unprotected encounter, I had my first (and worst) outbreak. When I told my partner he didn’t seem concerned, worried, etc - which
    5 points
  4. Hey guys, just wanted to give anyone a piece of hope if they are feeling down. I know that 2.5 years ago I was desperate for anything positive about this stupid virus. I constantly looked up cures and treatments thinking one day when I'm cured someone will love me again. Well I am here to tell you it that love exists with or without the cure. I disclosed to the man of my dreams 4 months into our relationship. (disclosure story on here if you want to read). Here we are almost 2 years into our relationship and I am ENGAGED. I have a huge rock on my finger from the most amazing man I have ever me
    5 points
  5. Hi everyone, I’ve only been on here for a few months, I contracted the virus in august of last year, so it hasn’t been a full year for me yet but that isn’t really what I’m here to discuss. I wanted to just come on here and say how thankful I am for this forum. 8 months ago, I think if left alone for a long enough period of time I had to potential to do unspeakable things to myself. I was 21, female, and not in a serious relationship. For the very FIRST time I had allowed myself to be intimate with someone I was interested in, but not exclusive with, and as a result of my decisions I con
    5 points
  6. So. I’ve had my struggles in the last 2 years or so. It really hasn’t been easy as many of you will already know. It’s been bloody hard at times and I hit my rock bottom for a good 18 months. I struggled with my diagnosis. I struggled to get my healthcare and mental struggle with it to be taken seriously by my GP etc. They still don’t understand the impact it’s had on my life. anyway, 2 years after diagnosis and a terrible depression, also vowing to stay single forever more ( I’m 43), I met a potential partner. Disclosure wasn’t an immediate issue as we were in lockdown due to Covi
    4 points
  7. Hey ladies I found this forum and thread during my endless search on how to go about disclosing to a partner my status. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago, late twenties, AA female living in Atlanta. Responding to some of the things I’ve seen asked or mentioned. - I don’t have frequent OB’s - I feel like I’ve had one major episode years ago but if I recall when I went to my obgyn she said it wasn’t a outbreak but couldn’t really say what it was. All I remember is it was painful and took about 2 months to really clear up. - Not currently taking any medication - I to
    4 points
  8. You don't know what the future holds. I broke up with my partner and started dating someone else, came crawling back to my ex, with herpes. He took me back, with herpes. Decent people who care about you, as opposed to just your sex organs, will accept you the way you come.
    3 points
  9. So, I've had H since I was 23. I'm 61 now. I disclosed every time before sex and really didn't have too many problems at all with men not accepting it. I had one guy say he needed to think about it. He came back two weeks later and we dated for several months. I then met my late husband (he just passed away 4 months ago) who was head over heals in love with me and said he would be the last person I'd ever have to tell. He was correct. We almost made it 24 years married. He never got H from me. We had him checked every year. We mostly had oral sex (90 % of the time), but when we had intercorse,
    3 points
  10. I'm 60. I had been celibate 7 years and then dated someone for 9 months. It fizzled and then I was celibate again for 4 years. Then I was in a relationship 6 weeks when I found out I had herpes. My giver was not supportive and I was devastated. Its now been 2 years and I met someone. I was nervous about disclosing but I did and he was very understanding. I'm not sure where this relationship is going but its a huge relief to get that first disclosure out of the way. And to be honest, my sex drive has been stronger in my 50s than before. For me sex has always been more mental than physi
    3 points
  11. @Btru2urself I’m so sorry to hear this, but I can honestly say that after getting diagnosed 1 year and a half ago I no longer feel ashamed, dirty or less than. It’s really not a big deal and can/will happen to almost 80% of the population. When disclosing, just be open and honest. Frequency and severity can differ greatly, but there’s lots of medication to help. I take a complex b vitamin and immune boosting supplements that help. I watched the “you probably have herpes and that’s okay” YouTube video and it completely changed my perspective. All things considered, it does NOT change your worth
    3 points
  12. I have never used the same approach for any guy I been interested in. Some ways I have done it is: - I told them right on the dating app, before ever meeting - I told on first date - I told on 3rd date - I told via video chat before they came from out of town for our first 'date' - I have told after sleeping with them (not a proud moment, but we learn from our mistakes) Every person is different, and you will feel different with every person. It's just a matter of seeing how it feels and when it feels right for you. (I will just reiterate that I recommend to disc
    3 points
  13. Hi all . It’s been a while since I posted back last summer but I just wanted to give an update : I am in a much much better space and I can truly say opening my bible to read and understand how God views me and how He intended for me to think about myself has truly helped. I had to devote EVERY SINGLE DAY to changing my mindset and the thoughts going through my mind ! If you’d like any devotional options or messages that really helped me I’d be glad to share ! also had my FIRST disclosure two days ago and I literally almost threw up before i sent a text (Couldn’t bring myself t
    3 points
  14. The vulnerability itself that you speak of (the fears, the insecurity, the not-so-kind thoughts you have about yourself, etc.) are all opportunities for deeper intimacy and to let the lucky man who you trust more deeply into your inner world. The "tender subjects" that you're pointing to are exactly this ... doorways into deeper intimacy. And it's a process, for sure. A process of surrender and a process of trusting again. Because of your past experience, there are all sorts of barriers and thick brick walls coming up to protect you, to keep you safe. Even when your head can logically tell tha
    3 points
  15. Yes, it's necessary. (And I applaud you for asking! Because a lot of people have this question and are afraid to ask it.) Here's why it's necessary: There is always a chance of passing herpes. (Even with proper precautions, avoiding sex during active outbreaks, using condoms and daily suppressive medication, there's a 1% chance per year of a man getting herpes from his herpes-positive partner.) Download the e-book & handouts here to get the handouts and see all the facts: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook To get perspective on this, just think if the roles were rev
    3 points
  16. Hi everyone! I’m a 24 year old female, I was diagnosed with HSV2 in 2018 and as most people felt, I was tarnished and finished. I contracted it from my then boyfriend who just couldn’t stay faithful. Flash forward to my life now, i’ve been in one relationship and I disclosed before it even started and to my surprise he disclosed back. We were together for about a year and thank God it’s over. It was a traumatizing relationship and I felt like I had to stay bc we both had the same thing. Flash forward again and here I am just casually dating then I met someone. We met through some friends, hung
    3 points
  17. The first 6 months to a year are when your body is busy building up antibodies to protect you more and more as time passes. So it is true that there will be more viral shedding during this time, which will make you more contagious overall. Hard to give a definitive number (or how long you should wait after your initial outbreak) since the transmission rates that are given in the handouts are averages across the board. With that said, don’t let yourself fall for the whole pariah storyline. You’re not a pariah. And you’re not “dangerous” either (that word over-exaggerates it for my taste).
    3 points
  18. I can totally identify with what you’re going through. I haven’t dated much in the past 5 years for fear of having to disclose when things got to a certain point. I finally decided I would try online dating. I had been talking with a new guy for a month, day in and day out, we went on a few dates which went very well. He was clearly very into me, messaging me good morning each day, calling me “cutie”, just really sweet. I was really into him as well. Then I decided to disclose to him I was hsv2 positive and he ran for the hills. Completely ghosted me. It’s evident he was not emot
    3 points
  19. Hi Riseandfall, I've been hsv-2 postive for 5 years. I felt like you for 6 months, but you feel like this after 2 and a half years. I can share with you what I did to change it and cope with it: 1. Knowledge. I understood the virus completely well. I read academic papers and watched interviews with Terry Warren and other guy I don't remember the name. They are academics that study the virus for years. It's incredible how doctors don't even know about the virus, just that it is contagious with breakouts and that give you acyvlocir. 2. If I were you, I wouldn't even care about ha
    2 points
  20. It sounds like your Dr is grasping at straws. If you never had cold sores (you or your husband) then that's out the window. Yes, you could have had this a very long time (from another relationship) and it has been dormant, that's definitely a possibility. Do you know if your husband has been faithful 100%? If so, sit him down and tell him! If there aren't trust issues in your marriage, why would he think you cheated?? Especially if you are discussing this with him. I hope everything works out for the best. I think you have to bring it up. Best of luck to you❤
    2 points
  21. Hi @anne0314! I had something very similar to this that you may have seen me post about. I ended up going into the doctor and having her swab me, as well. Swab results came back negative for both types of HSV, but she also tested the swab for candida, as she felt it was probably from a yeast infection. Turns, out she was correct! I'm still paranoid, as well, but like you said, I figure if it was really was a herpetic outbreak, the swab definitely would have picked it up. If you haven't already, next time it pops up, maybe it's worth asking your doc to do the same. Hope that helps!
    2 points
  22. Hi maya. Firstly. In fairness, he may not have known he had HSV. But now he’s been made aware, he should really get tested. You can read almost anywhere that It can be symptomless. More so in men. Not always. But it’s more likely to show less severe symptoms or be thought of as something else in men. Secondly, you are carrying a simple virus, like millions of us around the world. You’re not alone. There are many of us. It can be a struggle when you first find out but you can and you will move forward. it just takes a bit of time. It’s a virus that will stay with you forever , and that’s hard
    2 points
  23. Thank you this made me feel so much better ! I totally agree, it shouldn’t be about who’s to blame, in my eyes we are on this journey together in the relationship and need to support each other not try and point the finger! Hopefully he realises this soon 😊 thanks again for the response !
    2 points
  24. There is definitely a possibility he had it first. You can carry the disease for years without knowing you have it. It makes me mad that he's laying the blame at your feet. I broke up with my partner and dated someone else. 2 weeks after sleeping with my new partner I developed an outbreak. We broke up and I got back together with my ex. Even he, in his situation, is wise enough to realise that we can't fully know where it came from. And actually, does it matter. That's the thing, you've got it, he's got it. Laying blame achieves nothing, which is why myself and my now husband don'
    2 points
  25. Any rejection sucks. IMO a rejection over herpes is 100% about the person doing the rejecting and nothing to do with you. I agree with @Little_Curly drop it in before you get the feels. I like @thestiproject on Instagram run by Jenelle Marie Pierce. She also has a new Facebook group. Feel better soon mate. It always hurts to lose someone we think is special ❤️
    2 points
  26. Hey lovelife2020, The ex who gave me herpes also denied it and refused to get tested. I stayed with him for 10 months after I was diagnosed (even though I knew he was not right for me) because I thought I was ruined and no one would love me. Finally, I decided that being alone was better than being with him. I am proud of you for ending things with your ex. Something I look for in a partner (or actually, expect in a partner) is the ability to own up to - what ever it might be. Which is part of being a mature adult. It took me a long time to accept myself. Lots of trial and error. Man
    2 points
  27. Hey just wanted to say that this is extremely common for people to not know they have herpes. up until I had my first outbreak I thought every time they were doing routine STI tests that herpes was included but I had no idea that it’s not included in a regular STI panel. i got genital herpes from my long term boyfriend performing oral on me and we both didn’t know he had oral herpes. He has never had a cold sore but most people are asymptomatic. this has made me learn so much more than I thought I knew about sexual health and our healthcare system. At least now you have kno
    2 points
  28. First off, let me celebrate you for having the courage to get out of that unhealthy relationship! That's a huge step. And even though it's not something anyone seeks out, getting herpes can be a blessing in disguise ... an opportunity even (and I totally get how it might not seem that way right about now). It tends to slow things down, allows us to really build foundational trust with people before we can trust them with our vulnerability to disclose. The prerequisite of disclosing before having sex is a very helpful filter to make sure we only sleep with people we can actually trust first.
    2 points
  29. Hi there! I hope you're doing okay, and I totally understand your confusion! Typically, swabs are considered to be the more reliable method of diagnosis over a blood test, so that's a little odd that your swabs are coming in negative. I would say, yes, having an index of >5.00 for both HSV-1 and HSV-2 means you are at least carrying it in your system, but try taking another blood test if you want to be sure. I would also talk to your gyno about why the swabs are coming in negative, and if it could be anything else! If it's not HSV causing the ulcers, than you at least want to know what is s
    2 points
  30. Hi everyone! I wanted to update with a disclosure story and maybe it’ll help someone who’ll see this one day too! I recently found out my status and it crushed me. The first night I told my boyfriend he was shocked as well but super supportive. He held me while I cried and reassured that he still wanted this relationship and a future with me. He promptly got tested and we are awaiting his results. I told him there was a chance I could have had this a while and he could totally not have it while telling him all about suppression therapy and statistics. He doesn’t care either way. He doesn’t see
    2 points
  31. It's refreshing to see a celebrity speaking truth about the absurdity of herpes stigma in our culture (his herpes rant starts at 9:10). He says he was trapped in a "mental prison" for months thinking he might have herpes or some other STI. Turns out his test results came back negative, but the mindfuck affected him enough that he goes on a 3-minute long rampage about how herpes is just blown too far out of proportion in our society. He unfortunately still uses the "clean" label to describe himself (clean/dirty are still stigmatizing labels), but hey, overall this is a solid
    2 points
  32. I can relate. I thought I had herpes for a year. I am so thankful for this site and the support of Adrial and my sister convincing me to get tested.I think everyone should get tested and know their std status.
    2 points
  33. If it is eating away at you, maybe write a list of pros and cons of what can happen if you decide to disclose while still only talking on the phone. i know that feeling of sick feeling about keeping it from someone and that is not fun and not healthy. Please note, not disclosing is not lying, unless they specifically ask that bullshit question or ‘are you clean’ or any other version of that, and you say ‘yes’.. then that’s kind of telling a lie. But you still don’t need to tell them at that moment. It’s not their information to drag out of you. You tell them when you are comfortable.
    2 points
  34. Dear Black, beautiful women of color, I am writing this letter to you because I sort of had an epiphany. Im 48 years old, experienced many things, been in relationships, been engagements that did not work out, have 4 kids, 2 biological, 2 adopted, developed gift later in life, but hold on, i also have bv with my outbreaks, recently experienced a horrible tragedy, but guess what? Im still here, so ladies, everything we do is a blessing, be thankful and learn from it. So here goes some small tidbits that may help you: 1) Always know you are smart, beautiful and talented 2) love yourself in
    2 points
  35. You certainly aren't alone. And you never were. Group hug! 😃
    2 points
  36. Hi 🙂 Yes, I have been absolutely terrified to date, to disclose, and truthfully, to start accepting myself. You are not alone, but good things will come. Two years after being diagnosed I went out on date with a colleague. After a few dates, I got to the point where I felt comfortable enough to disclose and his response was really kind and caring, but still I struggle with self-acceptance. Mr. Hopp's comment on my post here really helped. His video on self acceptance: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-and-self-acceptance and others alike have
    2 points
  37. Hi there! Herpes tests can be confusing, and I'm having some confusion myself, so I understand the frustration! So I believe the general rule is that swabs are usually viewed as more reliable than blood tests. Blood tests will also show up negative if you take them too recently after your initial infection, as your body has not had time to create antibodies yet. They say you should wait about 6-12 weeks after your initial breakout or swab before getting a blood test. So, if your razor burn was actually a breakout and you did a swab test, I would look at how long after that you took your first
    2 points
  38. Hey! I’m a 28 yr old black female. There are plenty of black men w/o stds who would be willing to date & marry you. Change your perspective, change your mindset. There is always hope. Life isn’t over. Forgive yourself and forgive that ex so you can be free and receive new beginnings. Also, remember satan sends ppl too. You were vulnerable then, lonely, and satan knew what you liked. Remember wolves walk around in sheeps clothing. The past is the past. You’re loved! You will get that love life you desire! Don’t dwell on being single and alone. Use this time to improve you, heal you, start b
    2 points
  39. This is very sweet and kind! I feel very similarly to you - I was diagnosed about two years ago and it completely shook my world. I have always been a very outgoing person and I genuinely enjoy dating and going out and talking to guys. I'm not perfect, and haven't always made the smartest decisions regarding my sexual health, but ironically I contracted this from someone I'd seen on and off for 7 years. It really destroyed me at first - I was in my early twenties, and I would look at my friends who were casually dating and think "why did this happen to me? we're all out here dating around." Bu
    2 points
  40. Let my complain a little before I share the good change that I got from this whole issue. I was never a very sexually active person, I was modest and kind and emotionally sensitive, and picky about who I’m with, oh and also very young when I caught it. I, however, think sexual pleasure and physical health are important in overall mood and wellbeing. I never neglect my body. So getting ill took a toll on me and seemed unfair. But it helped me exercise my courage to talk and think openly about “all the good things and the bad things” in sex. (Recognize the song? lol) I was never prou
    2 points
  41. Thank you for the kind words! So I ended up not disclosing that night, but instead disclosed the next day via text. I know some people may say it’s not the best way to do it but I find myself better at explaining thing in writing rather than saying it in person. He was very understanding and said he was so sorry this happened to me. He asked me a few questions and then continued on with our normal conversation. He’s coming over for dinner tonight so I’m not sure if more will be brought up then. All I can say is that whether or not this works out I am soooo proud of myself for being able to tel
    2 points
  42. Hey I feel you, it's a very difficult situation especially when you start developing strong feelings for that person. But it's also likely they are developing strong feelings for you and herpes shouldn't stand in the way of that. Any mature person will understand that it isn't a big deal. I disclosed last year after spending a lot of time with someone, not telling her while we were getting closer was eating away at me so I decided to set a date that I would tell her and make sure I stick to it. It went really well, she understood and it didn't change anything between us. "We do not
    2 points
  43. I was diagnosed at 21, i just turned 24. I may be young but we relate on this one topic. PLEASE don’t feel like herpes dating sites are all you deserve. Even at my lowest I never considered it because herpes is NOT who i am it’s just what i happen to have. I found myself in a domestic relationship, being mentally physically & verbally abused bc i met someone who had hsv 2 as well and i felt like we were meant to be together bc of that.. Some people will care and may not want to peruse if you disclose but there are people who will love you regardless. Disclosing always scared me and when I
    2 points
  44. You will have kids NATURALLY no problem. The person who is meant for you will accept all that you are! And the risk of herpes, because let’s face it, other than the stigma and the uncomfortable talk we have with new partners, it doesn’t affect our lives or at least it shouldn’t. Any potential partner runs the risk of contracting it from any random person who don’t know they have it but at least with you taking care of yourself, listening to your body and taking medication lowers the risk of transmission to almost nothing.
    2 points
  45. Heyy ☺️ I’m 24, Female from the Uk, I’ve had HSV-2 for nearly 2 years, it’d be nice to have someone to talk to about everything and to provide and receive support 😌 happy to chat to anyone, feel free to send me a message 😌
    2 points
  46. I often wonder about this myself. I have HSV2 and to be honest, after living with it, knowing what I know, I wouldn’t have been comfortable dating someone who had it. It’s been that bad for me. And that doesn’t make me a jerk. Or anyone else not worth it. Everyone has their reasons and are entitled to them. I wouldn’t want anyone to have the experience I’ve had. The first 6 years were not a huge deal overall. The past year has been brutal. Full of pain and tears and sleep. I am hopefully improving now. I’m trying really hard. A few thoughts on why they don’t seem to care.. I don’t think peop
    2 points
  47. Great topic and question!!! I've been on both sides of the coin and it's definitely an interesting conversation. My ex years ago had oral HSV-1 and I didn't know until he got a blister and he wanted to "talk." Looking back, I know how hard it was for him to disclose to me. He didn't even it call it herpes, just that he cold these blisters every now and then and has since he a kid. I told him, oh yea, you have herpes. Okay - can we go eat? (I was really hungry lol). At first he didn't think I heard him, but I had and was already aware of the frequency of oral herpes and wasn't too con
    2 points
  48. My guy is one of the ones who does not care, has not cared from the beginning. We've been together almost a year and it has never been an issue. When I told him, his response was first to make sure that I said HSV and not HIV...and once he clarified that, he was like, "Oh, so it's just herpes? Yeah, that's nothing." And then basically asked me if we could have sex. lol I don't know exactly why he was never put off by it...I think it's because he's older (we both are) and educated about it and knows that it's not a death sentence. Other than that, I don't know. I like to think that he s
    2 points
  49. Hello! I am a 30 year old female in South Florida and I am looking for a male or female as a support buddy. I was diagnosed in January with HSV2 and have been struggling to accept that I have this. Would be nice to converse with someone who can relate to how I am feeling and support each other through this. ✨You don’t have to be perfect to be amazing✨
    2 points
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