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mr_hopp

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Everything posted by mr_hopp

  1. Hey @D_Marie! Your feelings and the pain you're going through are completely valid. I was super pissed off when my then-girlfriend cheated on me and then brought herpes into our relationship. I get it. I didn't get a choice in the matter to take the risk or not. It's a complex issue, and you're right that we all navigate risks daily without full disclosure or a full understanding. But when it comes to intimate relationships, transparency about HSV status allows partners to make informed choices together, which strengthens trust rather than undermine it. Not disclosing can kill a relationship's future before it even begins because eventually it will surface, then trust is damaged. I've coached so many people through this exact situation who are on the other side of not disclosing. It's not pretty. And it takes a whole lot more work to repair the trust that is broken than to have just disclosed to begin with. It basically comes down to 2 paths: 1) do the hard thing now (disclose) and reap the benefits long term ... or do the easy thing now (don't disclose) and reap the long term anxiety that I've seen come with that. Good relationships are based on sharing truth. While HSV might not be life-threatening, the emotional and psychological impacts are real and significant for many. And you know ... not disclosing doesn't lessen the stigma at all — quite the contrary — shame and stigma grow in hiding. Hiding it makes it a much bigger deal than it deserves to be and just makes it worse. So yes, because there is such a small possibility of passing herpes when the proper precautions are taken, let's disclose so we can help share that fact through data and knowledge — and that is what actually lessens the stigma. It's up to us, the folks with herpes, to normalize this and actually show that it's not a big deal. One disclosure at a time.
  2. Hey @kdogstew, I'm really sorry to hear about your wife's struggles. It's not common, but some folks do notice changes in their outbreaks when they start a new medication, including Valacyclovir. Everyone's body reacts differently to medication, so your wife's regimen might need some adjusting. It might be her body adapting to the medication, or perhaps the dosage needs tweaking. Best thing to do is have a chat with your doctor about it so it can be an ongoing conversation around what's working and what isn't. There are also other medications to try, including Acyclovir and Famvir. But your doc can offer tailored advice and possibly adjust her treatment plan to better manage the outbreaks. It’s great that you’re looking for ways to support her through this. Hang in there!
  3. Ah, PHN is no fun, sorry to hear that. What are your symptoms specifically and for how long have they lasted? You'll want to start taking note (if you haven't already) about when sensations show up, what they're like, etc. PHN can be pretty stubborn, especially for older folks. While it can hang around for different lengths of time for different people, there are ways to manage the pain. This could include pain meds, creams for your skin, antiviral meds, or even special nerve block treatments. Have you talked to your doc about it yet? You can also check out other H Opp forum posts about PHN here: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/search/?q=neuralgia&quick=1
  4. Hey @Jespo — Oof, it's completely understandable to feel this way, especially when you've opened up and trusted someone deeply. I see your hurt. I recognize it. I've felt similarly rejected in the past. The pain you're experiencing is real and deep and difficult, and it's natural for hurt to sometimes turn into anger. But remember that choosing not to disclose may only seem to protect you from an initial possible rejection and hurt ... but it's insidious ... it lays a foundation for deceit that can deeply impact your relationships — much more than herpes ever would. Not disclosing can lead to a situation where, when she does find out about it, the issue becomes not about herpes, but the trust that's been broken. She no longer feels safe with you from that moment on. And that may be years into a relationship that was originally built on lies and hiding. Don't do that to yourself. That will hurt way more than working through this kind of pain now ... and then getting back up and finding the courage to try again, from an authentic, honest and real vantage point. Some people argue against disclosing because the stigma is based on BS anyway, especially since it's such a minor skin condition for most people, and there's a low possibility of passing it when proper precautions are taken ... but I see disclosure as an act of challenging this stigma, not hiding from it by not disclosing. It opens up opportunities for education, dispelling myths, and normalizing conversations about sexual health. Yeah, it could be seen as unfair that we carry the responsibility of breaking down the stigma, but if not us, who? Here's a story of when I disclosed to my best friend's fiancee when he made a bad herpes joke while we were playing a board game: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-stigma-how-to-become-bulletproof Also, true Stoicism, as I see it as a way of life, isn't about closing off or not feeling; it's about accepting what we can't change and taking control of what we can (our perspective, how we choose to see situations in life, how we let it mold us and shape us). It's about embracing life as it comes, with all its complexities and hurt. It's about living with integrity, facing our challenges head-on, and finding strength in our honesty and vulnerability. (Yes, like real, true, unshakeable strength that goes beyond masculine and feminine.) I get how you could now see vulnerability as a dirty word ... because you blame vulnerability as the reason for this pain that you continue to feel, but please don't throw the baby out with the bath water! Don't let this harden yourself to life! Let it open you to more. Let it carve you out and allow you to feel and connect more deeply than before. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." — Kahlil Gibran
  5. Hey there @Missannthrope45, First off, I totally agree with just the first part of @Jasonlee56's note — your experience with herpes can absolutely foster more empathy and humility, enriching not just your future work as a therapist, but in your experience as a human being ... Struggles can have a way of deepening our understanding of the human experience, connecting us through vulnerability and resilience. Yes, it sucks while we're going through it, but when we come out the other side, it's like we have a superpower of depth of feeling and gratitude. And remember, you certainly don't have to rush into the physical aspect of relationships. I get that our society says otherwise, but it's not a given. Taking the time to build trust and share vulnerabilities can create a more meaningful connection, making herpes a sort of positive "chastity belt" that filters out those who aren't a good match for you anyway. When you only disclose to those who you trust with your vulnerability, it also protects you from hopping into bed with people you don't trust on a deeper level. And that's ultimately a win. Herpes doesn't have to take away your confidence or sexuality if you don't let it; rather, it can help you identify folks who are truly compatible with you. When there's a genuine connection, obstacles like herpes are so not a big deal. They just become manageable. And yes, feel free to vent here anytime. But, remember that dwelling too much on the negative can solidify your perspective, so it's crucial to also focus on letting go of those stigmas and envisioning positive outcomes. Make sure you balance things out! 😉 To Jason, your insights are valuable, but I'd argue that much of this is influenced by our mindset. There are countless examples where herpes doesn't hinder relationships but, through honest and vulnerable disclosure, actually becomes a catalyst for deeper connections. I see it time and time again — it's almost become a cliché! The stigma fades when you stop believing in it for yourself; then what was once perceived as the deal-breaker of all deal-breakers turns into an opportunity for building deeper trust and intimacy. In fact, just yesterday, a client shared how disclosing to someone who initially listed STIs as their #1 dealbreaker led to an appreciation of her honesty and didn't deter the relationship at all. They ended up being intimate that night of the disclosure. And stories like this are much more common than the stigma might let on. But it takes courage to confront it through disclosing and seeing that it wasn't the big, scary monster it seemed to be. Instead of a big brick wall to intimacy, it became a doorway that led deeper into it. So, let's not limit ourselves with preconceived notions. Our experiences and how we approach disclosures can significantly shape our relationships and the acceptance we receive. "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't — you're right." (Henry Ford)
  6. Yeah, I agree with @AlliKat12: Dr. Google is a terrifying place to do herpes research. That's actually why I consolidated all the facts into the handouts. You might even consider sending her the disclosure handout itself since it really puts the true risk into perspective, which is actually quite small, considering the stigma that tends to blow this all way out of proportion — and no chastity belt needed. 😉 Download the handouts for free here with the ebook: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
  7. A big congrats for being vulnerable and courageous. This sets the stage for an honest and trusting relationship. Bravo!
  8. My pleasure! You totally got this. Let your vulnerability be your strength. Let your honesty be your power. Let us know how it goes! You have already read the disclosure ebook and the facts handouts, right? They are free and you can download them here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
  9. Here is what Deb sent me to post on her behalf: ”My name is Deb Hipp and I'm writing a story for GoodRx about what it's like to have genital herpes, how you felt when you got the diagnosis and how you felt as time went on. I'll write your story with sensitivity and respect. You would need to use your full name, but you can help destigmatize genital herpes.People recently diagnosed or who've had herpes for a while will come across the article and find support. If you would like to be a source for the article, please email me at debhipp24@gmail.com. I need to find a source within the next week or so. Thanks, and I look forward to hearing from you!”
  10. Hey @herpaderp123, That's a heavy situation you've shared, and it's brave of you to open up about it here. First off, kudos for recognizing the importance of honesty, even when it's tough. Sharing your HSV2 status is about respecting your partner's right to make informed decisions about their health. It's a tough call but coming clean might ease that weight you're carrying. Telling her sooner rather than later is the way to go. You can explain that you've been taking antivirals and thought you were managing the risk but then noticed something that made you worry. Your plan to be honest about the situation sounds like the best approach. It respects her and allows her to take any necessary steps. Legal worries are understandable, but focusing on doing the right thing here is crucial. Honesty can lead to healing, learning, and, hopefully, forgiveness over time, especially you forgiving yourself and taking this as a powerful learning experience. Next time you're in a similar situation, you'll see the value in speaking to the moment. (And the "feeling like shit" part shows you that your conscience is alive and well; it shows up as guilt after something like this, but is teaching you to follow it more clearly in the future.) You're not alone in navigating these murky waters. Many have faced similar dilemmas and found a path forward through openness and compassion. Remember, this moment doesn't define you. It's about how you handle it moving forward ...
  11. @Gabe789 — Hearing your story really moved me. It's clear you're navigating through incredibly tough times, and your honesty here is both brave and touching. I remember when I first shared my diagnosis. The first person I shared it with was my mom. She passed away a month ago, but that mother's love never goes away! When I disclosed to her, I cried in her lap for hours in her work parking lot. That moment of vulnerability and the unconditional love she showed me reminded me of the strength and support we sometimes forget we have. This love from those who care deeply for you is a powerful beacon during these dark times you find yourself in. It's a reflection of the love you can learn to rebuild within yourself. Holding onto this can be a key step in moving forward, finding peace, and healing. You're not alone, and it's okay to seek help and lean on those who offer their support. Your journey isn't defined by a single aspect of your life ... in fact, we grow and evolve most in the darkest times. (My poet friend said it so eloquently: "The darker the dark room, the more colorful and vibrant the photos.") With time, support and a positive perspective, brighter days are ahead. One day, you will look back at this journey and be proud that you made it.
  12. Hey @laketodo It's a tough spot, feeling guilty and unsure. From what you've shared, it sounds like you're really wrestling with the "when and how" of disclosure, especially in these early, non-sexual encounters. @AlliKat12 and @Farishta brought up some solid points. Being honest and transparent, when you feel there's a real chance of getting closer, respects both your integrity and their right to make informed decisions. It's all about finding the right moment that feels true to you, without overwhelming the budding connection with undue worry. When to disclose? What I always say: When you trust this person with your vulnerability. If things seem to be heading in a more intimate direction, having that chat is not just brave, it's essential. It's okay to be scared, but remember, how someone reacts says a lot about their character. And that you are someone who discloses at all (even after a misstep) says a lot about yours. You're handling a delicate situation with a lot of thoughtfulness. If you haven't already, download the ebook on disclosure. It also comes with 2 helpful one-page handouts chock-full of the stats: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Also, watching these videos might be helpful:
  13. All good, negativity is perfectly understandable and totally allowed. 😉 And I totally get it — the stigma around HSV can be incredibly tough, shaping not just how others see us, but how we see ourselves. I went through a suicidal period myself early on. I really did think all was lost. But what I (thankfully) realized is that so much of this can play out as a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you brace for rejection because of HSV, you're setting the stage for it. How you carry yourself, how you disclose, it'll all set you up for a rejection that you already were anticipating and expecting. So it's crucial to shift the narrative within yourself first. Are you "damaged goods" or someone who's responsible, aware, and deserving of respect? This perspective can change the whole disclosure dynamic. Sure, some might still say "no thanks," but often, it's not just about HSV. It's about compatibility. What you're missing in the "it's more important what others think" narrative is that you have a lot of impact on how others see you and how they see herpes. The right person will look past HSV and see you for who you truly are. They will see you as the kind of person who takes responsibility and is honest, vulnerable and courageous. So your mindset and approach in disclosure can make an entire world of difference. Keep faith in yourself and the right connections will follow.
  14. Hey @AlliKat12, It’s interesting to hear about your experience with the probiotic/prebiotic gummy and the timing of your outbreak. While there's some discussion in the community about various triggers for HSV outbreaks, it's important to remember that everyone's triggers can be quite personal. Gastrointestinal health and its influence on the immune system are complex, and while probiotics are generally beneficial, it's possible that any significant change in your body's balance might prompt an outbreak, especially if your immune system is adjusting to something new. The shaving aspect is also a well-known potential trigger because of the skin irritation. It's totally possible for something that hasn't been a trigger before to become one, as our bodies and the virus evolve over time. Stress, hormonal changes, or even slight shifts in your immune system's status can alter what affects you. Taking Valtrex is a good move to manage the outbreak, and keeping an eye on how your body reacts to new supplements or changes in routine is wise. If you continue to suspect the probiotic/prebiotic might be linked, consider discussing it with your doc or trying a period without to see if there’s a difference. Stay positive, and keep listening to your body! It's all about finding the right balance for you.
  15. Hey @ashleytiffania, It sounds like you're really taking control of this situation — solid. The tingling you're feeling can be pretty common with HSV, especially around outbreaks or when the virus is active. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll always feel it to this extent, but it's your body's way of signaling what's happening. Regarding your immune system and suppressive therapy concerns, it's true that building a stronger immune response can take some time, especially if you're starting from a place of frequent outbreaks. Three weeks is a good start, but it might take a bit longer to see significant changes (more like 6 months to a year on average). Your approach to diet, sleep, and supplements is spot-on. Suppressive therapy is a tool, not a sentence. Many folks find it helps them manage and then, with their doctor's guidance, they adjust as needed. It's more about giving you control and reducing transmission risk than anything else. It doesn't mean you're locked in forever; it's more about finding the right balance for your body and situation. Keep up the great work on taking care of yourself and maintaining a positive outlook. You've got this, and it's okay to take it one day at a time.
  16. Oh great! What I read said it was still in phase 1/2. Thank you!
  17. Hey there @OB123, I totally get where you're coming from. First off, it's super courageous to even think about diving back into dating after everything you've been through. It sounds like you're really hitting it off with this new guy, and I'm rooting for you! When it comes to the big talk, honesty is key, but so is timing. Maybe start by sharing how much you value trust and health in a relationship. It can be a simple, straightforward chat about your health, much like discussing any other aspect of your lives together. And remember, the right person will appreciate your honesty and the steps you're taking to manage your health. As for those tougher outbreak times, it sounds like you're already doing a great job with the antivirals and staying informed. Just keep in mind that life's about balance. It's okay to enjoy yourself; just staying mindful of your limits is important. You're not alone in this. So many people navigate this same journey and find ways to make it work for them, finding love and happiness on the other side. Hang in there, and keep focusing on the positive strides you're making. Here are some videos that might help: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-talk-success https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/rejection-is-a-state-of-mind https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-talk-as-vulnerability-training https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-talk-stigmabusting https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/an-alternative-to-stressing https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/when-do-i-have-the-herpes-talk
  18. Totally get where you're coming from. @Chelsea514, seems like you've got the sores under control with acyclovir, but that burn and itch are stubborn. And @OB123, it's a bummer that a little fun seemed to kick things back up. It's all about finding what works for you, which can mean tweaking meds and watching out for things like lack of sleep or partying too hard, which can throw you (and your immune system) off. If those pesky symptoms stick around, a quick chat with your doctor might help adjust things. Sharing these experiences is a big help for everyone trying to navigate similar situations. Here's to being able to let your hair down a bit more!
  19. Hey @Farishta, It's really brave of you to share your story here. The situation you're in is tough, no doubt. It's clear you've got a lot of love for this guy, and it's heartwarming he's been supportive in so many ways. But it sounds like there's a big "but" when it comes to fully embracing the relationship because of what amounts to a simple, stigmatized skin condition. @chapstick1520 is right about the irony of him having HSV1 and the stigma around HSV2—it's all herpes at the end of the day! And @DistressedLady — I love your perspective on self-worth. It's so true. Your updates hit hard. It's a raw deal, feeling like you're in limbo over something that's part of you, but certainly not all of you. Making the tough call to not wait indefinitely shows a lot of respect for yourself and your needs. I commend you for that. The silence after your talk must be really tough. But remember, you're not toxic waste—not even close. Don't dig yourself into that hole because of his response (or lack thereof). You're a person who's capable of deep love and deserves the same in return, without reservations. It's okay to feel all those emotions, and it's okay to mourn what could have been. Your experience and strength in handling this are going to be a beacon for someone else in the same boat. And remember, your worth isn't defined by anyone's acceptance or rejection of a part of you. If anything, this step you've taken is claiming your self-worth on a deep level and having clear expectations about what you are looking for in a relationship. Sending you a lot of support and hope. Remember, one day at a time as DistressedLady said. You're not alone in this.
  20. BD111 is a super cool development utilizing CRISPR-Cas9 technology aimed at HSV-1, primarily for treating herpetic stromal keratitis (herpes affecting the eyes). This therapy is still in early clinical trials, not yet at phase 3 (more like around phase 1/2), meaning it's undergoing safety and efficacy evaluations in mice. So yes, the promise of gene editing a cure is significant, but it's definitely still an evolving and new technology that hasn't proven itself out yet in human trials. That will be the giant leap if it can do that, but that's a fair distance away. When I first got herpes many, many years ago, there was just as much promise of a cure right around the corner. So we can certainly have hope, but certainly don't put your life on hold waiting for a cure. I would see a cure as icing on the cake of an already-great life. 🙂
  21. Welcome back, @pecan! Your fluctuating HSV-1 IgG levels, especially with readings as high as 58 without a current outbreak, might understandably be concerning. However, IgG levels can indeed vary and aren't directly tied to the intensity of symptoms or the presence of an outbreak. The high levels indicate a well-established infection more than they do a current outbreak or low immunity. Stress, recent illnesses, or other factors could contribute to your recent weight loss rather than a serious underlying condition, especially if your other blood tests are normal. If the weight loss stabilizes and your health checks out otherwise, it might be worth focusing on stress management and overall health rather than worrying too much about the IgG fluctuation.
  22. Hey there, @ashleytiffania! Oof, sounds like you've been through a really tough time — I'm sorry! And I totally get how overwhelming this can feel. First off, kudos to you for taking all those proactive steps to manage your symptoms. It's clear you're doing everything you can to find relief and regain a sense of normalcy. It’s really good that you're planning to see an OB-GYN and considering suppressive therapy. Those antivirals can be game-changers in reducing outbreaks and making things more manageable (daily suppressive meds can actually reduce frequency of outbreaks by 80%! More stats/details with the free ebook & handouts). About the continuous sores and sensitivity, it's definitely a smart move to get a professional to take a closer look to rule out any other issues, especially since you've noticed a persistent sore. They'll be able to swab it and get a direct result. You mentioned trying gentle sex with plenty of lube or coconut oil, which could be worth exploring with your partner, considering the precautions you're both aware of. It's all about finding what works for you without causing more discomfort or risking further irritation. Your feelings of frustration and hope for improvement are totally valid. There is absolutely hope that things will get much, much better. In fact, genital HSV-1 has a much lower recurrence rate than genital HSV-2, so you're already in a much better place with that datapoint right there. This might just be a wakeup call and a blip on the radar to get you to take great care of your body so it can take great care of you. Remember, you're not alone in this, and reaching out for support, like you're doing now, is a huge step in the right direction.
  23. Yes, this is totally possible. 20% of all people with herpes will never have an active outbreak, but it can still be transmitted via asymptomatic viral shedding (the amount of shedding depends on the type of herpes, HSV-1 or HSV-2, and the location of the infection — more details/stats on our free ebook & handouts). And 80% of all people who have herpes don't know they have it! So that is a setup for unwittingly passing herpes. That's the first part. The second part is yes, herpes can lie dormant for years, so either you could have had herpes all along and it's only now popping up, or he could have had herpes for many years and unwittingly passed it to you. The duration before the appearance of the first outbreak after initial infection varies. A clinical study on genital herpes indicated that the incubation period, which could be considered a form of initial dormancy from exposure to the first outbreak, can range from 1 to 49 days, with some cases experiencing longer periods (Thin, 1991). However, after this initial episode (which can be minor, sometimes being misunderstood as jock itch/pimples/rash), the virus can become dormant for months, years, or even decades before triggering a new outbreak. Unfortunately it's impossible to know for sure how it all went down. How has it impacted your relationship, especially when it comes to communicating about herpes?
  24. Hi @Chelsea514, I hear you on the neuralgia and itchy situation, that sounds super frustrating! Early on with my own herpes experience (within the first year or so), I'd get this burning sensation on the head and shaft of my penis (kind of like a sunburn feeling), but no outbreak would follow. I treated those times as prodrome symptoms and avoided any sexual activity, but eventually that went away after my immune system got a handle on it. Nowadays, I don't have any such sensations, but do have occasional outbreaks when I have gone off my daily suppressive therapy. It's interesting your doc pointed to neuralgia and gabapentin has only helped a bit. Are you also on daily suppressive therapy? That will help lessen the viral load, and hence help slow down the movement of the virus down your nerve pathways (which is what contributes to these kinds of sensations).
  25. Hey there @juicebox8787! Your situation sounds really challenging, navigating the complexities of HSV1, especially with such a long history both orally and possibly genitally. It’s quite the journey you’ve been on with your partner, and I can imagine the frustration and confusion you're feeling. First off, it’s true that having an established oral HSV1 infection typically provides some immunity against getting the same virus genitally due to the body's production of antibodies. However, there are exceptions, and it seems like your situation might be one of them, especially considering your partner's history and your symptoms. Autoinoculation (spreading the virus from one part of your body to another) is less common but not impossible, particularly if your immune system is compromised in some way. More than half of all new genital herpes cases are via oral sex when the partner with a history of cold sores goes down on their partner and passes it that way. Negative swab tests, especially when not done during an active outbreak or on a lesion with fluid, can sometimes not capture the virus, leading to false negatives. It’s a tricky virus to pin down without the classic symptoms or during asymptomatic shedding periods. The tricky thing is if you're not having a "swabbable" active outbreak, there's not going to be a way to truly nail down what it is since a blood test will only tell you what you already know: You have (and have had for many years) antibodies to HSV-1. So yeah, you're in the midst of an annoying gray area, lacking the necessary data to have a definitive answer. Your proactive approach with antivirals is a good step, and it sounds like they’re helping somewhat, which could indicate a viral component to your symptoms. The odds and realities can vary so much from person to person. While reinfection in a different location is unlikely, it’s not out of the realm of possibility, especially in nuanced and individualized situations like yours. Hang in there, and it sounds like you’re navigating this with as much care and attention (and patience!) as you possibly can. It’s okay to seek second opinions or additional tests if you’re not feeling right. Keep us in the loop about further developments, I know it's a tough and frustrating place to be.
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