mr_hopp
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Posts posted by mr_hopp
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Hey there @pecan!
Yes, the CDC does mention it can take up to 16 weeks or longer for enough antibodies to develop to detect HSV-2. This timing varies because everyone's immune response is different. Some people might develop detectable antibodies sooner, while others might take longer. It's not exactly specified how much longer beyond 16 weeks it could take, as it really depends on individual immune system factors. This is yet another factor that contributes to a lot of frustration and confusion about the herpes testing process, so you're certainly not alone in wondering this!
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Hey there @pecan,
Wow, what a journey you've had with all this testing confusion! It sounds super stressful, and I'm sorry you've had to go through so much frustration over this. It's great that you've finally got some clarity with the negative Western Blot result, especially after all those negative IgG tests over the years aligning with no symptoms. It does sound like your initial diagnosis might have been a mistake, especially with the inability to produce those early test results and the strange numbers on that old IgG test. My guess is that first test was *not* a Western Blot since WB is the gold standard and has much higher efficacy than IgG (but it's more expensive, so clinics tend to use IgG as the go-to herpes blood testing method).
A second Western Blot probably wouldn't be necessary if you haven't had any new exposures since the last test, as the test you had is quite reliable. Given your long history of negative results and lack of symptoms, it seems very likely that you don't have HSV-2.
Your experience highlights how important clear communication and accurate record-keeping are in healthcare. If you still have doubts or need more peace of mind, discussing this with a knowledgeable healthcare provider could help, but it sounds like you've been thorough.
Take care of yourself, and I hope you can find some peace after all this!
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Hey there @Darleen!
It's totally understandable to be cautious about long-term medication use, but know that all herpes meds (Valtrex/valacyclovir, Acyclovir, Famvir) are generally considered safe for long-term use in managing herpes outbreaks, but like any medication, they can have side effects. The concern about kidney issues primarily affects those who already have kidney problems, elderly patients and/or are taking other medications that impact kidney function. So if you generally have good health, you should be fine. I've been taking twice-daily Acyclovir for over a decade and I've seen no issues, and the vast majority of people fall into that camp.
If your outbreaks are becoming more frequent, it might be worth discussing with your doc. They can help you weigh the benefits and risks of ongoing Valtrex use based on your specific health circumstances. They might also check if anything else could be impacting your outbreaks, like stress or other health changes. Always good to keep your doctor in the loop, especially when you’re noticing changes. Stay safe and take care!
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Haha, "bumpies" — I love it! And shocking the bumpies away sounds like a superhero move. It's not something you hear about every day, especially in the context of managing herpes outbreaks. Your theory about it possibly impacting the nerves and the virus is neat to consider. While there isn't established research linking shockwave therapy with herpes management specifically, I'm glad you shared your personal experience just in case. Could be something there, but also could be a complete one-off coincidence. Who knows! And of course it’s always important to approach new treatments cautiously and discuss them with a healthcare professional, especially when it comes to long-term management strategies for conditions like herpes. Thanks for sharing your story!
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Thank you for the update, @Farishta, and congrats on reconciling! We humans can be pretty messy, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, but a superpower we have is the capacity to repair what needs repairing in the relationships we want to nurture in our lives. Good work! And yes, love that quote. Because even going through hell can give us an experience that has us appreciate our lives in a more profound way on the other side of it ...
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Hey @Isleguy, it sounds like you're carrying a heavy load right now. A perfect storm. Finding out about HSV-2 amidst marital strain must feel like too much to handle alone. It’s a tough situation, but you’re taking responsible steps by seeing a counselor and planning to talk with your dad. That’s brave. I certainly had similar suicidal moments initially myself, but I'm so glad I didn't do it. And I'm glad you didn't either. Because making such rash decisions in the midst of such strong emotions is never the way to go. It's super important to put this into perspective: HSV-2 is way more common and manageable than the stigma and shame would have you realize, and it doesn’t define your worth or your ability to have meaningful relationships. At all. Separation is a big decision, influenced by more than just a diagnosis. Honest communication is key, whether with your wife, a therapist, or close family. It’s okay to take time to figure out what’s best for you and your family. And @ashleytiffania, you’ve shared some insightful thoughts. Therapy could indeed be a pathway to rebuilding trust and communication, potentially creating a space for difficult conversations. And absolutely, time heals through the stages of grief (when you hold a positive perspective as much as possible).
Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to lean on this forum, friends, or family for support. You got this. Keep us in the loop as this thing progresses.
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Hey there, @Pink Sky, and welcome back!
It's totally possible for herpes outbreaks to shift locations slightly, especially in the same general area where the virus usually pops up. This isn't unusual, as stress and health changes can influence outbreaks, including their location and frequency. Stress and trauma can trigger more frequent or differently located outbreaks. The herpes virus lives in nerve ganglia (like branches of a tree) and travels along nerve pathways to the skin surface. Usually, it follows the same path, but sometimes it may take a different branch, appearing in a new nearby location. This doesn't mean it's spreading across the body but manifesting in different parts of the same nerve region. Definitely stay in contact with your clinic so when/if those ulcers come back under your butt cheek, you can run in to get it swabbed when they are fresh so you'll get a more definitive test. And you're right on it — managing stress and continuing therapy might also help manage the outbreaks since a peaceful physiology creates a healthier immune system. So keep doing what you're doing taking good care of yourself!
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My pleasure, good luck, and keep us in the loop!
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Hey there @Phoenix08! I’m really glad you found this forum, too, and that you shared your story. Your openness and spirit already add so much to our community.
And yeah, it's pretty wild how misunderstood herpes is, especially with those offhand comments about intimacy. But you’re hitting the nail on the head; herpes actually nudges us towards deeper, more authentic connections. It's not about lowering standards but elevating them, ensuring that we’re open and vulnerable with the right people.
Regarding disclosure fears, it’s totally normal. It can feel like our logic ("Wait, isn't this just a simple rash? It's so not a big deal.") and our emotions ("Aaaahhh! I'll never find love again ... EVER!") are at direct odds with each other; it can feel like a civil war between our hearts and heads, duking it out. But remember, vulnerability and honesty are incredibly attractive traits to the kind of people you want in your life. These qualities don't push these people away; they magnetize them. And about that stigma? Shining a light on herpes, talking about it openly and honestly, that’s how we start to dismantle it. Each disclosure is an opportunity to educate and reduce the stigma, proving it’s a small part of who you are, not the defining feature. If anything, your defining features become that you are honest, open, courageous, and all those good qualities that shine during a confident disclosure.
You’re doing great, and every step forward, even just mingling, is progress. It's exposure therapy, proving to your subconscious mind that you're okay, there's nothing wrong with you, and you're moving forward. Keep embracing your journey, and remember, every story shared here, including yours, helps someone else feel a little less alone. Keep shining!
... and if you haven't already, definitely read the free e-book and handouts to help you with your disclosure perspective. You can download them free here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
And here are a few videos to start with about disclosure, I hope they help!
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On 3/27/2024 at 8:15 PM, D_Marie said:
Thank you @mr_hopp for the thoughtful response. You have a lot of really good points for me to think about and consider. When I face difficult problems my brain likes to try and put it into a neat logical formula, but that obviously can’t be done with disclosures, as you so eloquently showed.
My pleasure, @D_Marie! Ultimately it's about asking yourself what kind of a relationship you want to have and attract ... If you want a relationship that's based on truth, authenticity, trust, and all those good things, then we need to lay that foundation. And like @Jespo shared, it doesn't always work out when you do the right thing, but it's vital to not let fear steal away our own integrity to then avoid having such important conversations with partners in the future. That is a recipe for even more pain in the future once a relationship is based on such shaky foundations.
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Hey @Surferdude3536, sounds like you've been on quite the journey trying to figure this out. Going to see an allergist and a new dermatologist is a smart move. Everyone's different, so what you're feeling might take a bit to sort out. My own experience with a bit of a sunburn feeling didn't last too long. Everyone’s experience with HSV (and skin conditions in general, for that matter) is unique.
And @Phoenix08, your story about the face wash is a perfect example of how tricky allergies can be! It really shows how something you've been okay with for years can suddenly become a problem. Reminds me of the time that a buddy of mine used hair conditioner to masturbate and ended up worried for weeks that he had an STI. Turns out skin can do weird shit when vigorously rubbed with hair conditioner. 😝
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@Jasonlee56, it's great you're talking about this stuff and weighing all the thoughts and ideas floating out there. Feeling like herpes could mess up relationships is unfortunately super common, but being honest can really help. It's all about when you feel it's right to talk about it. Everyone deals with it in their own way. Before you disclose or have sex, you need to trust this person with your vulnerability. That's key. And herpes-only dating just doesn't work for most people. Because you're pre-rejecting yourself, assuming rejection if you date the "normal" population (as if you're somehow ejected from that dating pool). By choosing herpes-only dating, you're cutting out so many options, down to less than 2% of people. Read this article for more on that: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-dating-sites
@Phoenix08 — You're definitely not alone feeling this way. It's okay to have ups and downs. It's awesome that being open led to good moments for you. It shows that being real with people can lead to deeper connections, even when it feels super scary. And yes, people assume that because dating was hard for them before herpes (it certainly was for me, too, I feel you!) then it will be 10x harder after having herpes, but it's just not true. It changes the landscape of the types of conversations you have and what people can see in you, beyond an overblown skin condition. They see your honesty, your courage, your vulnerability, your confidence ... and all of that is there because of how you are choosing to face a difficulty in your life. And that is very attractive to so many people.
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Hey @Missannthrope45, I totally hear you on the HSV dating site experience; that sounds super icky. It's so important to approach any dating scene with a solid mindset and expectations. To answer your question about disclosing, I waited a few dates or about a month before I disclosed to the woman who is now my wife and the mother of our 7-year-old boy. It gave us time to connect and build a level of trust and understanding before having that conversation. (But she had already googled my name and found H Opp, so turns out she already knew, and was curious about how I would disclose!) 😝 It was an amazing, beautiful day, and it opened our relationship up to a deeper level. Your experiences with disclosing and getting positive responses are really encouraging! It shows that there are absolutely plenty of understanding people out there who value honesty and connection over a diagnosis. Thanks for sharing your perspective and experiences; it adds so much value to this community.
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Hey @Missannthrope45,
Congrats on re-re-entering the dating world! And getting back into dating after being diagnosed can feel super scary. I hear you. It’s like you’re stepping back into the ring after being knocked down! But here’s the thing: Having herpes doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards. Actually, it means you get to RAISE them. Because now, you're looking for something real. A person who can’t handle your diagnosis isn’t someone you'd want long-term anyway. It’s like a filter and a chastity belt wrapped into one; it can help in finding genuine connections that you can trust (since you only disclose and want to have sex with people you can trust with your vulnerability).
And yeah, the idea of finding someone else with herpes might seem like it’d make things easier, but really, it’s all about finding someone who gets you — virus or not. In fact, herpes-only dating is pre-rejecting yourself and makes your dating pool much, much smaller than you could ever imagine. Read this article for more on that (specifically this part on pre-rejection): https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-dating-sites#:~:text=Herpes-only dating as pre-rejection
So yes, the whole dating game is tough, no doubt. But having herpes doesn't necessarily make it harder or easier. It just tends to bring more authenticity and realness into the preliminary conversations. It can actually be a great magnet in both directions: Magnetizing authentic and real connections, and repelling those who truly aren't meant for you. Keep your chin up, don't take it personally (easier said than done, I get it), take it slow, and remember: You’re looking for that needle in the haystack that makes all this worth it.
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Hey @D_Marie! Your feelings and the pain you're going through are completely valid. I was super pissed off when my then-girlfriend cheated on me and then brought herpes into our relationship. I get it. I didn't get a choice in the matter to take the risk or not. It's a complex issue, and you're right that we all navigate risks daily without full disclosure or a full understanding. But when it comes to intimate relationships, transparency about HSV status allows partners to make informed choices together, which strengthens trust rather than undermine it. Not disclosing can kill a relationship's future before it even begins because eventually it will surface, then trust is damaged. I've coached so many people through this exact situation who are on the other side of not disclosing. It's not pretty. And it takes a whole lot more work to repair the trust that is broken than to have just disclosed to begin with. It basically comes down to 2 paths: 1) do the hard thing now (disclose) and reap the benefits long term ... or do the easy thing now (don't disclose) and reap the long term anxiety that I've seen come with that. Good relationships are based on sharing truth. While HSV might not be life-threatening, the emotional and psychological impacts are real and significant for many. And you know ... not disclosing doesn't lessen the stigma at all — quite the contrary — shame and stigma grow in hiding. Hiding it makes it a much bigger deal than it deserves to be and just makes it worse. So yes, because there is such a small possibility of passing herpes when the proper precautions are taken, let's disclose so we can help share that fact through data and knowledge — and that is what actually lessens the stigma. It's up to us, the folks with herpes, to normalize this and actually show that it's not a big deal. One disclosure at a time.
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Hey @kdogstew,
I'm really sorry to hear about your wife's struggles. It's not common, but some folks do notice changes in their outbreaks when they start a new medication, including Valacyclovir. Everyone's body reacts differently to medication, so your wife's regimen might need some adjusting. It might be her body adapting to the medication, or perhaps the dosage needs tweaking. Best thing to do is have a chat with your doctor about it so it can be an ongoing conversation around what's working and what isn't. There are also other medications to try, including Acyclovir and Famvir. But your doc can offer tailored advice and possibly adjust her treatment plan to better manage the outbreaks. It’s great that you’re looking for ways to support her through this. Hang in there!
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Ah, PHN is no fun, sorry to hear that. What are your symptoms specifically and for how long have they lasted? You'll want to start taking note (if you haven't already) about when sensations show up, what they're like, etc. PHN can be pretty stubborn, especially for older folks. While it can hang around for different lengths of time for different people, there are ways to manage the pain. This could include pain meds, creams for your skin, antiviral meds, or even special nerve block treatments. Have you talked to your doc about it yet?
You can also check out other H Opp forum posts about PHN here:
https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/search/?q=neuralgia&quick=1 -
Hey @Jespo — Oof, it's completely understandable to feel this way, especially when you've opened up and trusted someone deeply. I see your hurt. I recognize it. I've felt similarly rejected in the past. The pain you're experiencing is real and deep and difficult, and it's natural for hurt to sometimes turn into anger. But remember that choosing not to disclose may only seem to protect you from an initial possible rejection and hurt ... but it's insidious ... it lays a foundation for deceit that can deeply impact your relationships — much more than herpes ever would. Not disclosing can lead to a situation where, when she does find out about it, the issue becomes not about herpes, but the trust that's been broken. She no longer feels safe with you from that moment on. And that may be years into a relationship that was originally built on lies and hiding. Don't do that to yourself. That will hurt way more than working through this kind of pain now ... and then getting back up and finding the courage to try again, from an authentic, honest and real vantage point. Some people argue against disclosing because the stigma is based on BS anyway, especially since it's such a minor skin condition for most people, and there's a low possibility of passing it when proper precautions are taken ... but I see disclosure as an act of challenging this stigma, not hiding from it by not disclosing. It opens up opportunities for education, dispelling myths, and normalizing conversations about sexual health. Yeah, it could be seen as unfair that we carry the responsibility of breaking down the stigma, but if not us, who? Here's a story of when I disclosed to my best friend's fiancee when he made a bad herpes joke while we were playing a board game: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-stigma-how-to-become-bulletproof
Also, true Stoicism, as I see it as a way of life, isn't about closing off or not feeling; it's about accepting what we can't change and taking control of what we can (our perspective, how we choose to see situations in life, how we let it mold us and shape us). It's about embracing life as it comes, with all its complexities and hurt. It's about living with integrity, facing our challenges head-on, and finding strength in our honesty and vulnerability. (Yes, like real, true, unshakeable strength that goes beyond masculine and feminine.) I get how you could now see vulnerability as a dirty word ... because you blame vulnerability as the reason for this pain that you continue to feel, but please don't throw the baby out with the bath water! Don't let this harden yourself to life! Let it open you to more. Let it carve you out and allow you to feel and connect more deeply than before. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." — Kahlil Gibran
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Hey there @Missannthrope45,
First off, I totally agree with just the first part of @Jasonlee56's note — your experience with herpes can absolutely foster more empathy and humility, enriching not just your future work as a therapist, but in your experience as a human being ... Struggles can have a way of deepening our understanding of the human experience, connecting us through vulnerability and resilience. Yes, it sucks while we're going through it, but when we come out the other side, it's like we have a superpower of depth of feeling and gratitude. And remember, you certainly don't have to rush into the physical aspect of relationships. I get that our society says otherwise, but it's not a given. Taking the time to build trust and share vulnerabilities can create a more meaningful connection, making herpes a sort of positive "chastity belt" that filters out those who aren't a good match for you anyway. When you only disclose to those who you trust with your vulnerability, it also protects you from hopping into bed with people you don't trust on a deeper level. And that's ultimately a win.
Herpes doesn't have to take away your confidence or sexuality if you don't let it; rather, it can help you identify folks who are truly compatible with you. When there's a genuine connection, obstacles like herpes are so not a big deal. They just become manageable. And yes, feel free to vent here anytime. But, remember that dwelling too much on the negative can solidify your perspective, so it's crucial to also focus on letting go of those stigmas and envisioning positive outcomes. Make sure you balance things out! 😉
To Jason, your insights are valuable, but I'd argue that much of this is influenced by our mindset. There are countless examples where herpes doesn't hinder relationships but, through honest and vulnerable disclosure, actually becomes a catalyst for deeper connections. I see it time and time again — it's almost become a cliché! The stigma fades when you stop believing in it for yourself; then what was once perceived as the deal-breaker of all deal-breakers turns into an opportunity for building deeper trust and intimacy. In fact, just yesterday, a client shared how disclosing to someone who initially listed STIs as their #1 dealbreaker led to an appreciation of her honesty and didn't deter the relationship at all. They ended up being intimate that night of the disclosure. And stories like this are much more common than the stigma might let on. But it takes courage to confront it through disclosing and seeing that it wasn't the big, scary monster it seemed to be. Instead of a big brick wall to intimacy, it became a doorway that led deeper into it. So, let's not limit ourselves with preconceived notions. Our experiences and how we approach disclosures can significantly shape our relationships and the acceptance we receive. "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't — you're right." (Henry Ford)
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Yeah, I agree with @AlliKat12: Dr. Google is a terrifying place to do herpes research. That's actually why I consolidated all the facts into the handouts. You might even consider sending her the disclosure handout itself since it really puts the true risk into perspective, which is actually quite small, considering the stigma that tends to blow this all way out of proportion — and no chastity belt needed. 😉 Download the handouts for free here with the ebook: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
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A big congrats for being vulnerable and courageous. This sets the stage for an honest and trusting relationship. Bravo!
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My pleasure! You totally got this. Let your vulnerability be your strength. Let your honesty be your power. Let us know how it goes!
You have already read the disclosure ebook and the facts handouts, right? They are free and you can download them here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
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Here is what Deb sent me to post on her behalf:
”My name is Deb Hipp and I'm writing a story for GoodRx about what it's like to have genital herpes, how you felt when you got the diagnosis and how you felt as time went on. I'll write your story with sensitivity and respect. You would need to use your full name, but you can help destigmatize genital herpes.People recently diagnosed or who've had herpes for a while will come across the article and find support. If you would like to be a source for the article, please email me at debhipp24@gmail.com. I need to find a source within the next week or so. Thanks, and I look forward to hearing from you!”
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Hey @herpaderp123,
That's a heavy situation you've shared, and it's brave of you to open up about it here. First off, kudos for recognizing the importance of honesty, even when it's tough. Sharing your HSV2 status is about respecting your partner's right to make informed decisions about their health. It's a tough call but coming clean might ease that weight you're carrying.
Telling her sooner rather than later is the way to go. You can explain that you've been taking antivirals and thought you were managing the risk but then noticed something that made you worry. Your plan to be honest about the situation sounds like the best approach. It respects her and allows her to take any necessary steps.
Legal worries are understandable, but focusing on doing the right thing here is crucial. Honesty can lead to healing, learning, and, hopefully, forgiveness over time, especially you forgiving yourself and taking this as a powerful learning experience. Next time you're in a similar situation, you'll see the value in speaking to the moment. (And the "feeling like shit" part shows you that your conscience is alive and well; it shows up as guilt after something like this, but is teaching you to follow it more clearly in the future.) You're not alone in navigating these murky waters. Many have faced similar dilemmas and found a path forward through openness and compassion.
Remember, this moment doesn't define you. It's about how you handle it moving forward ...
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What is safety of valtrex for long term suppression
in General herpes discussion
Posted
My pleasure, and thanks for the kind words! I love to hear it that folks like you get goodness out of H Opp being around.