Ypcr5129

Here’s my story. Apologies in advance if this is long winded and full disclosure - This is new territory for me and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little terrified. I’ll do my best to give you the background and the full situation. I’d appreciate your honest feedback and of course your experience. I am (presumably) an H- male but have never been tested. I’m in my late 20s, college educated, good job, never been married, no kids, clean bill of health, etc. I have been sexually active for 10 years and have had about 10 partners in that time. I consider myself to be fairly open minded. I wouldn’t consider myself a germaphobe but maybe I’m just kidding myself. That said, If I’m being honest I would describe myself as having some OCD tendencies which generally make me an “anxious” person. If my research of HSV-2 is any indication, I’ll research the hell out of anything and worry about the little stuff way too much. Education and first hand accounts help me get comfortable but I’ll always have a little what if curiosity in my head. - normal? I don’t know. Now to the real reason I’m here. I met a girl (through a friend) and we hit it off. She’s in her mid 20s. Long story short, we’ve been on a few (3) dates. I really like her. We were starting to get more intimate when she stopped me to have “the talk.” I can’t express how much respect I have for the strength it must have taken to have that conversation with someone new. She has HSV-2, has never had symptoms but it was caught in a blood test when she switched OBGYNs. Has only had 5 sexual partners and doesn’t know when she contracted it. Part of me wishes she didn’t know - ignorance is bliss right? I didn’t ask when she found out but I think I may be the first person she’s had this conversation with (outside of friends, family, and possibly an ex). Luckily, when she told me I had a bottle of wine in my system so I probably looked less shocked. I asked questions, some she knew the answers to, some she said she’d have to research (particularly around if I could get it by going down on her - odd question to ask on a third date!). She left me afterward to think about it and research on my own. I texted her about two minutes after she left to reconfirm to her that 1.) I don’t know what this means to me yet and want to read/research but for what it’s worth I like her and I want to get to know her..I just need to think; and 2.) I think she’s an amazing girl and I don’t ever want her to think she’s less than that because of this. Life happens, this is apparently common and I’m just glad she was open about it. I’m going to see if she wants to grab dinner and have a deeper discussion now that I’ve had some time with it. I think my initial reaction after educating myself is that I’d be willing to take the risk if I thought she was my forever. I definitely like her or I wouldn’t be here, but that’s a hard thing to know after a few dates. Basically, what I’m saying is that if I thought I was going to marry her then it wouldn’t bother me - it would just be a (maybe) minor inconvenience that we could laugh about together. The fear for me is more being sexually active, her or I not “feeling it” 6 months down the road and breaking up after I’ve been exposed. Selfishly, I don’t want get it and have to have the talk with every partner in the future. I’m not that strong. I get why she told me so early - if it’s not something I want to move forward with then neither of us has lost much and can move on with little regret. What I want to suggest is that we continue to get to know one another over the coming months but don’t get physical until we’re very serious. I can see how this situation could actually help us get to know one another quicker. I already know her most embarrassing fact and what better way to open up and have an honest relationship. I think part of this next conversation has to be less around HSV and more what she wants. She was very clear that regardless of my decision, her feelings would not be hurt. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I’ve read stories, stats, studies, blogs, forums, etc. I understand that the risks will always be there but if managed properly can be less than ~1-2%. I’ve never hit the lotto so I suppose I like those odds. These are my main questions at this point: If you are in an H+/H- relationship - how did you or your partner get comfortable as the H-? I’m assuming it’s normal for me to have some mixed feeling about this given where we are in the relationship? Anyone have a similar experience having the talk with your partner after a few dates? Successes? Should I be tested now? Not that I would hope for this but there’s slim chance I already have it. I would never wish for that but that certainly makes all my questions moot Is my approach/ handling of the situation appropriate? I’m trying to be considerate of how she feels especially because she was so open with me and I think I was the first new partner she’s told How has it effected your sex life? Still have regular oral and vaginal sex? Any precaution outside of condoms for vaginal sex? Do you always use condoms. Has your partner contracted? Have you had kids? ...I don’t want to feel like I need a scrub myself with a bristle pad every time we have sex (ouch) She’s never had symptoms. I do not know if she’s on an antiviral. Does that change anything (I realize with viral shedding she can still spread it)? Do people go through life never getting symptoms or will she eventually have an outbreak?