Suzy0sunshine

I've been married for 28 years. My husband had herpes when we married and within the first year, i contracted it. After going through a period where I had more frequent OBs several years ago, I went on medication and have had none since. I want to try going off the meds to see if I will have more OBs. I'm 56 so the hormones might not be a problem and I'm also much healthier now than I was then. Does anyone have any experience with this? We are going through a divorce and I have my own place now. Dating however - WHOA--- scary stuff. I can't even bring myself to flirt with anyone yet and I know I haven't forgotten how. I haven't decided if I am going to date in the "general population" and disclose or try joining some specialty dating sites. I don't live in a big metropolitan area, although I am less than 2 hours from the DFW area, so I'm not sure if I'd have much luck. Sex was so easy with my husband, knowing we didn't have to worry about STDs. (he has had hardly any OBs in a couple of decades) and now it just seems like it is going to be so complicated. Any encouragement is appreciated. Looking forward to reading about other's experiences and hoping to concentrate on the "good stuff" as I try to look at the bright side whenever possible. No matter how bad things seem, there are so many ways it could be worse, right?

I am going to need to be tested myself. I am still in the 60 day waiting period for divorce, but I am wondering what kinds of tests to take. I know there are labs you can go to in confidence, but I'd really rather only go once and I keep hearing mention of different kinds of tests. I'm hoping someone on here can tell me what kind I need to have done. Keep in mind, I contracted it almost 28 years ago and because of Valcyclovir, I haven't had an OB in years, don't know if that will make a difference in testing or not.

Hi, I enjoyed reading your post. I am 56 and in the process of divorce. It has been coming on for 2 years, so I have had a lot of time to consider what my life will be like. I was married for 28 years and contracted H from my husband within the first year. I knew he had it, but just did not consider how seriously it could impact your life. I only had 1 or 2 outbreaks a year for a long time and then I started having painful OB monthly. I think it might have been hormonal. Finally my OBGYN put me on medication and I have been taking it for a number of years with no OB. Now I am in perimenopause. I am wondering if I stopped taking medication, if I might never have an OB again, or rarely? I am going to ask my OBGYN in July when I go for my yearly appt. As for dating, I am anxious about it. I am feel like I am definitely dating material, and still enjoy sex, so NOT dating isn't something I want to accept. I have heard so much conflicting information about Positive dating sites. Can you tell me if there are "filters" on regular dating sites so that you can only be seen my people who also are willing to disclose up front? My husband doesn't want a divorce and if I had second thoughts, it would probably be because we have enjoyed a healthy sex life together and I'm afraid that I will never have that again. I totally "get" that dating and being brave about disclosure is the best way to go, but because I have suffered rejection early in my life, it is one area where I lose my sunny disposition. Just the thought of being rejected makes me want to withdraw from a situation where it is possible. Thank you for any advice you have for me.

That is good to know. So, you can actually ask for a copy of their labwork? I haven't dated anyone but my husband for 30 years, and it is certainly a different world, but being able to openly ask for "your papers" is a good thing!

My husband and I have been married almost 28 years. He had herpes when we married and gave it to me within the first year. I stupidly didn't request that he wear condoms. After several years of periodic painful outbreaks, my doctor asked if I wanted to go on suppression meds. I agreed and since being on daily Valcyclovir, I have had zero outbreaks. I am now 56 and have had a few scattered periods over the last 8 months, so at some point soon, I should be menopausal, although I have no other symptoms. I will try to go off medications when I have been without a period for one year, to see if possibly the hormonal changes will make outbreaks extremely rare. I have anger towards my husband because this divorce, although my idea, would not be necessary if he had listened to any of the therapists he has seen for 2 years. Our marriage has been on the rocks and connection broken for that long but everything just seems too difficult for him. I feel like I have matured and grown wiser over the years and it just seems that he has grown more disgruntled and entitled. He can't seem to "live in the moment". We have so much to be thankful for and our life could be wonderful. I digress. My question is that I will, at some point, want to date. I have a healthy appreciation for sex and am fit and consider myself dating material. However, the thought of disclosing Herpes is so scary for me. I know I will need to change my attitude about that, but in the meantime are there any Herpes dating apps or services that are not "scammy". I don't mind paying for the service at all, and I realize at my age and possibly because of my location (not a HUGE city), there may be few matches for me. I am not necessarily looking for husband material, as I will be okay on my own, but if it happens, I wouldn't be upset at falling in love and having someone to grow old with. Please give me your advice on Dating Apps/sites that won't just disappoint me.