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hwomanntexas7

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Everything posted by hwomanntexas7

  1. @Next step We dated for 4 months and only attempted to have sex 2 times. He had no sex drive or he was trying to be ok with me having herpes but couldn’t get it up enough bc of it perhaps. There were some other issues too so much to his dislike I ended things with him. Im back to being single and knowing I will have to have that conversation again. I recently went out with a guy from positive singles but right after first date he became pretty forward about wanting to give me massage and stuff like that. I wasnt sure I was even into him yet so just let that fizzle out. Ugh dating sucks and having this makes it worse.
  2. I had been dating a guy for 2 weeks and seeing a lot of him. He kept making plans for us in the future like sporting events and concerts but I wouldnt let him buy any tickets until I disclosed. So I would just act like yes I want to go but lets not make things definite yet. He also would mention not seeing any red flags with me and inside I would cringe thinking well there’s 1 I havnt told you yet. Yesterday he brought up that he had a gift idea for me and so I thought Im gonna tell him before he goes buying me something. So we were sitting outside waiting for dinner to finish cooking and I said I need to tell you something that I personally dont see as a big deal but some people do. Then I told him I tested positive for herpes 2 yrs ago and that I have never had an outbreak but ever since finding out I have taken the medicine daily. I told him about the 1% chance of transmission if we had regular sex for a year or 2% if we for some reason in the future didnt use condoms. I asked if he had ever been tested and he said no bc he hates needles. He said the risk sounded really low and he didnt have a problem with it. I said ok well I will probably be nervous for the next 2 weeks that you may change your mind. He said I understand that but I really dont see it as a problem. So we just talked about other stuff and moved on.
  3. Well I started dating someone new and we’ve seen each other 4 times and our most revent date was 24 hrs long. haha He already asked me to be exclusive and I said ok. He referred to himself as my boyfriend at 1 point and I looked up at him and he said ok soon to be boyfriend. He’s talked to me about some exes, bc I asked, and reasons why the relationships ended like one of them had a drinking problem, I said yeah Ive ended relationships because of someone having drinking problems or smoked pot too much. So he refers to these things as red flags. He keeps saying he doesn’t see any red flags with me and honestly Im a pretty good catch except for having herpes. I havnt told him yet but every time he says no red flags, I just keep thinking ugh because I havnt told you my news yet. He wants to make all these plans for like concerts and football games in the Fall and I just kinda jokingly say yes to all of it but wont let him buy tickets for concerts in even May bc what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore once I do tell him.
  4. I would be honest and just tell her that you were caught off guard and not ready to disclose that type of information at that moment but that her asking has made you think about it and decide that you do want to have that conversation.
  5. I’m 41 and have had type 2 for 2-3 yrs and know for 2 yrs. ive had some very negative reactions and some that were initially ok with it but I think then kinda changed their minds and ghosted. I just started talking to someone new last week and we went on a date on Friday and Sunday. We have so much in common including our age. He has never been married and doesn’t have any kids. Sometimes I think maybe a guy that has been single and dating for 20+ yrs may have some experience with this or may have it versus perhaps a recently divorced guy. I know it could be anyone but my logic is maybe more partners so maybe more likely to have it or meet someone that has it. I havnt told him yet and he’s pretty respectful so I think I can push off sex for a while and let him get to know me. He has told me that Im everything he has been looking for but I say well we are still getting to know each other. Im just hoping since he seems so nice and into me that when I do tell him it will go positively. Ugh
  6. He started texting me this morning about it again! Im like hey today is my birthday and I dont want to argue with you about this anymore. I wish I had never met him.
  7. Ok well that guy annoyed me even more so I told him yeah I dont need you and your negativity in my life. Told him he has a irrational fear of herpes and I didnt need to be treated like some disgusting diseased person. I had jokingly said sometimes I think I should just get back together with my ex husband and stop dating and that my ex has learned his lesson. That moron from my earlier post told me well if your ex doesn’t have herpes and you tell him you do, he may not want to be with you. I just lost it on him. I was like hey you have 6 kids, Id rather have herpes than 6 kids from 3 moms and paying all that child support. To each their own. My ex husband may not love it but I wouldnt have it if he had stayed married to me and he understands what being with me in a relationship means and he wouldnt be stupid enough to lose me again over something like herpes. This guy is just an idiot like each of you said. I dont even want someone in my life like that as an acquaintance. Good riddance.
  8. Im not interested in him like that anymore. I have an attraction to him but thats it. I know he is not someone that I want to be with and the only reason I still talk to him is he has some very interesting stories thats so far from things Id ever do or anyone I know would do that it just makes me talk to him because Its like watching a documentary but you can ask questions.
  9. Lets see about responding to each of you...Regular guy, thanks! I thought he was being totally out of line and immature and ridiculous. I kinda felt like my post was a bit of me just mad rambling but Im sure we’ve all had our moments with this that makes you feel like that. He’s 35 and Im 40 and between our stories, it amazes me that Im the one with the std. we talked about it more today and he was asking me how I feel about having it, i said if it wasnt for peoples reactions, I literally wouldn’t give a shit bc I take medicine and never have outbreaks and never feel any different, easiest thing to deal with for something that some people act like its the end of the world. Anyone that takes time to get to know me would realize it’s nothing compared to what their life could be like with me but yes they have to ger past that 1 issue. Jma...sounds like you’re a pro at this by now! If yall care about each other like you say, I dont see how it can go badly but people do amaze me sometimes. I usually feel like I can get a sense about people and how relaxed they might be about it...but Ive been wrong. I believe its a lot hardee these days to find someone that you both care for each other and want to be together and I wouldnt give up on someone based on them having herpes but maybe Im just a romantic. I also know some awesome women that any guy would be lucky to have in their life that have herpes. Best of luck to you! Id say go ahead and approach the conversation.
  10. So I told someone that had told me some sexual stories that made me think well he might be kind of open minded. His initial reaction was that wouldnt stop him and that he is open minded and would use condoms. I was like ok. I also told him very early bc I was like if this is a deal breaker then no emotions involved from me and he will leave me alone. Within 24 hrs he was asking me lots of questions, which is fine and I answered and provided him the pdf from this site and also typed the overall stats since I take meds and if we used condoms. Evidently he talked to a friend that has it and she was like condoms dont protect against it, its from knees up to torso that you can catch it from skin to skin contact. He was like could I use a dental dam if I went down on you, I said use whatever makes you feel protected. The more he talked about the risk the more I was like ugh. I said well I personally think that almost any time you have sex with someone you are opening yourself up to potentially catching it or another std. i said 85% of the people that have it dont know so dont take meds or are not cautious. I said so if you have sex with people without seeing recent test results then you are at risk. He proceeds to tell me that evey time he has sex with someone new he goes with the person or yes persons and they get tested and then show their results before engaging. I said ok well Ive never heard of someone being that cautious so I will just say that we are not going to have sex or anything. End of story. Then he get on his high horse and tells me Im part of the problem because I have not told everyone I was with previous to having it that they could have it and could have given it to me. I did tell 2 people within an hr of me getting my diagnosis and when their tests came back negative I went back further by another but then honestly I stopped. I had not talked to anyone else in a year. I thought telling 3 that quickly was enough. I also tell new people, like him. It just made me so mad because he was so rude and telling me he would be mad if I caught it from him and didnt tell him he had it. I was like if anyone should be mad its me instead of that guy that probably gave it to me. I cant be responsible for everyone. People need to be responsible for themselves too and get tested. I told him done with this conversation and don’t worry, we are not going to have sex. This was all within 24 hrs of me telling him. This is just such a blown out of proportion problem to me.
  11. Statistically speaking Ive now told 8-9 guys that I have herpes, 3 were guys I had previously been with and none of them had it which I believed because they both went out and got checked as soon as I told them. Of the others that came later and no didnt have sex with almost any of them but did disclose and none of them evidently had it. They all told me they had been tested for work (which why does any work care if you have an STD??) or they were tested at the end of their last relationship. I know lots of females around my age that have it so how is it that its ao damn hard to find a dude that does? I would be thrilled if a guy I met was like I have herpes bc in 19 yrs of being sexually active...not once has any guy ever told me they had it.
  12. Also I think you told her enough, she can do some research or ask more questions if she needed more details
  13. I mean if she already had oral herpes then thats kinda weird, maybe she just doesnt like giving oral sex to a guy so she used it as an excuse.
  14. People are so extreme about something that can be so minor, as my gyno said its more of a nuisance than anything. It can be so hard to find someone that loves you and is there for you and I just feel like herpes is so blown out of proportion. I’m so sorry that happened to you especially when first finding out. It’s just amazing how some people react to it. I was rekindling a relationship when I found out and then had to tell that guy about my test results and then he went and got checked out. While he was waiting for his results he said well if I have it then I guess that seals the deal on us and we should be together. He didn’t have it and chose to date his coworker instead. Just made me feel dirty basically. So sorry that happened to you. He may realize he is being an idiot and come back to you. He should get tested if they didn’t test him before for sure, he may have given it to you. Ugh!
  15. I go on first dates fairly often, i even went on one 2 days after I had gone out with this guy. I just felt a much stronger connection with him than I normally do. Sometimes Im like that guy was nice and cute, I guess Id see him again but this 1 guy just got me all crazy about him. My friends were laughing at me because I never acted that way towards someone, I usually act more like meh, whatever. He seemed as into it too which made me excited but then he got super busy at work and seemed like the busier he got the more his personality just went away. We just didnt have enough foundation for me to understand what he was like when he was stressed vs the guy I had gone out with twice in 3 days. I will probably never know what happened. I know now its better to try to maintain my casual attitude instead and not let them see me excited about them. Dont let them see me be vulnerable. Ive been on 2 first dates since and both seem interested so Im just sitting back and will make them do the work if they want anything with me.
  16. I met this guy and the first week and a half everything was awesome. I told him about having herpes after a week. His initial reaction was just that he was fine with it, as long as I took my medicine. He left my house a bit later and gave me kisses goodbye. Then the next week he was still talkative but not as much. He also had a shift in his work schedule that he was open about and was not texting as much. I let the change in behavior get the best of me and I text asking if he was having any other thoughta about the “bomb” I had dropped on him about herpes. He responded and just said sorry babe, work has been crazy, blah blah. The next week or so got even worse about his work schedule and I basically just felt so rejected but not. Its like I have given you outs twice now about herpes stuff, just take the out. He closed his dating profile and I asked about it and he said it was distracting and he was working too much. Then he jjst stopped talking to me. I tried a bit more in case he was just busy to just send light hearted msg once a day but then nothing. I mean I just feel like everything was on fire until I told him about herpes and then I think maybe his sexual desire for me just ended and it wasnt enough to get him to pur forth effort when he was busy. I just don’t understand the dragging it out if it was the herpes. If it wasnt that, nothing else makes any sense other than he was total player. I just wish I could be like I ussd to be and not get in my head about waiting to get rejected. Will it always be this hard? Ive told a couple others and some have basically run from me, 1 was like I probably have it but he didn’t and then this guy. I think Id prefer someone being like yeah I cant handle it then giving me false hope and then phasing me out. Ugh! Its so common among so many female friends of mine but we all have the biggest issue with telling guys.
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