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  1. Good for you Brenda! In reading your posts over the past months, you have come so far in your journey. When you consider not only a healthy response to your disclosure, but also the upgrade in quality of men you are attracting, it's a big learning and healing curve. Thankyou for sharing so fully, it's so encouraging for the new arrivals, as we all were not so long ago. best wishes for the unfolding of the new situation x
  2. Lelani how beautiful, I'm so pleased for you and so in awe of your authenticity moment by moment with this man. You deserve every happiness this promises. It's hard to imagine a more lovely start to a new chapter post all the upset you have been through; or a more beautiful spirit for this to happen for. Much love, enjoy the unfolding of the beauty within that you have found, as well as the new connection. Like all of us, I wish you every success. Thankyou so much for reporting in such detail. It will make such a difference to those who have not yet found an accepting partner. Much love to you.
  3. Lelani I'm so excited about this for you! I've been online dating for 3 years now, have met some great guys, 4 in all, none right for the longterm, and one did say no thanks after disclosure, but all great guys who I was appreciative of meeting. I learned a lot from all of those relationships, most particularly how great a woman I am. My latest guy, who accepted H in seconds, and I are not going so well because of the distance, we have 8 hours, and his work, he's a farmer....has about half a day off a fortnight.....but nothing to do with H. I highly recommend online dating, it's great learning about life and men even before contact; and as Lelani says, you can do lots of sussing first. Be picky!! you deserve who you really want. One of the great things about online is that you meet men you would NEVER have met otherwise, especially the long distance ones, even if it's ultimately too hard. Have the best time Lelani, just meeting a special man is wonderful regardless of the outcome. Much love + big hug!
  4. Thankyou so much for sharing this Brenda. It so underlies the "opportunity" conversation Adrial has started. I am moved by what is unfolding in this community. If we learn to open to all of ourselves, to love ourselves however we are, to move beyond judgement about H, our capacity to embrace others as they are, and to move beyond judgement of other things is so expanded. Thankyou all for your wonderful sharing. The love in this community is palpable, remembering how I was when I first found it is humbling and real.
  5. Wow Whoopsi,, how wonderful. Congratulations on settling into your vulnerability and going about it the elegant way that you did....and so much chemistry between you, this is delicious. Every disclosure we make like this has us accept ourselves more, regardless of longterm outcome, + certainly shows that H just isn't that big a deal to some people....and they are the ones for us. Lelani I wish you well stepping forward. Just getting into flirting and enjoying the sexual dance is fun, way before any thought of disclosing is even relevant. I am so glad you are giving yourself that pleasure again.
  6. I feel so much for everyone in the early freaking out stage. I have had H for decades and have virtually no trouble now; + when I do it's my body going the H way to tell me something I need to know. For those of you still so upset and afraid, I cannot emphasize enough that all those emotions are already within your body, H just activates them and brings them to your attention. You will benefit so much from learning ways to heal and release old emotions stored in the body, and there are many ways to do this. As you heal those old emotions, almost magically, your body will turn down the volume on frequency, intensity and length of episodes. This really works. Talk with Adrial, do some googling on it, there's plenty to learn and it will stand you in good stead for life. This truly is your precious body trying to connect with you. Do the physical, diet, suppressants, whatever you need, however the big solution is in emotional healing. This has been my experience, and that of thousands of others with all sorts of ailments. Shame is the big one for H people, but of course there's others as well. Wishing you all well, and sending much love for your journey, Rosie
  7. Hello everyone, this so brings us back to earth on what is important. Yes our struggles with H do color our lives, but everything seems highlighted at Christmas; it does give pause for the bigger things. Wow Lelani, that's so much going on at once, no wonder your body has been showing signs of stress with episodes. You are so courageous, sharing your love and reminding us that we are human and all our feelings have their place. Seeing our friends deal with issues of life and death reminds me of how short our time here really is. Loving and accepting each other and loving and accepting ourselves and all our feelings about everything keeps us real and connected. You have all been such a great gift to me in my journey, I would never have emerged from the darkness without you. So let's celebrate together love and its place in all our lives, whatever is going on, whatever day of the year it is. I wish you all so much love, Big Love and little love and all kinds; and a healing sunny 2013.
  8. Hey there D, I felt sad reading your post. How could you have asked or told him to stop if you don't remember the event? It saddens me that we women have so little respect for our bodies that we allow these things to happen to us. The last thing I would feel is guilty about his health! He knowingly took the risk. Looking after your precious self is much more important I think. It's a big lesson for many of us of all genders, and there's no work more worthwhile, the quality of your whole life depends on it. Big hug to you, I would definitely re-evaluate this friendship if you have any thought that this guy is a friend. Alcohol isn't your friend either if you can't limit yourself to a level that allows you to make your own choices, and to protect yourself if with someone who doesn't respect those. There are pivotal moments in life where things move in a different direction afterwards. This may be one of yours, I hope you don't have to go through this again. Get some coaching, or google self love online , there are lots of great resources around now. Take care of your beautiful self.
  9. You know Carly, you don't know that he has herpes, and if he does, you don't know that he got it from you. If he was sexually aggressive with you, you can bet he has been with other women. You don't know this guy well, stop blaming yourself! if he's got something from pressuring you, perhaps there's something for him to learn; and for you, practice saying NO if you don't want it. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but sounds like you didn't want the activity that wasn't actually intercourse; it was still sex. If he didn't ask you about sexual history and STDs he is as responsible as you are. Why do you even care what he thinks if he 's the kind of man who pressures women sexually? Consider working on your self esteem and self respect, you may find a more considerate man. As this virus often is, it's a wake up call to start learning to love yourself and stop giving men the power of your sexual choice. Stop putting yourself n situations where you are not able to stand up for yourself. Be kind to yourself!
  10. Hi Miss08, I feel sad for you, this is such a difficult time for you. You are in overwhelm and panic, and although you may not fully get this, your emotional overload is part of why you and your body are so out of sync with each other. H demands that we heal our selves emotionally and then physical healing is possible. Please get yourself a product called Rescue Remedy. Any health shop or natural healing clinic will be able to tell you where to get it, if they cannot supply it themselves. This will help you heal the emotional panic, so then you and your body can begin to create peace physically. This is a big process as you know; if you take it on consciously as a pathway for growth and learning to love yourself, you can use it to bring about a much better and more loving state of your health and your life. It's not easy, yet it is the only real way forward for you. You are worth it, you can do this especially with all the help in this community. Hugs to you, deep breathe and let yourself feel hope x
  11. Domo honey I'm so proud of you for deleting that number too. Just let him go. Makes space for someone more worthy of you, and he will be a better match all round for you xx
  12. Also Domo, it's worth noting that this first "rejection" is actually a major milestone in your own coming to terms with H. Once you get over your hurt and disappointment, and you will, you will know that you can survive this and use it to grow stronger and to love yourself more. You'll become more confident and fearless in disclosure. Remember the win in disclosure is your honor integrity and vulnerability, you cannot control the response of another. So the next disclosure will be easier, regardless of the outcome. So be v gentle and kind with yourself, and know that you have made great progress towards the kind of relationship you want, both with yourself and with a man worthy of you. x
  13. Hey Domo listen to those wise women! I know it particularly hurts to be rejected when it's the first guy you've met for ages who really stirs your interest and it seems to be mutual. I went through this myself earlier in the year. This one sounds self centred to say the least. He may have been deeply disappointed, all sorts of stuff could have had him be so cold, but it's irrelevant to how he behaved. A basic requirement for a relationship of any value is that each holds the other's feelings and wellbeing as at least as important as their own, and he failed you in such a vulnerable moment. Take heart. If there's one guy out there who you feel is special, there is more than one. Keep working on your self esteem and your body acceptance, keep connecting with this community. You are on your way towards full acceptance. Big hug to you x
  14. Hi all, this isn't totally natural but have to tell you as it's been so great: I got the idea to try this from another forum: Nappy rash cream! V fast healing, it's the high level of zinc in it I think. Try it, if it's safe for babies (well that could be debatable depending on your standards ...) but it works v fast on H episodes. So while not so natural, it's v convenient.
  15. Great work Pepper. Lots to learn from this situation. It's useful to know your boundaries before you get into a situation where you are not in charge of yourself. If you know you find it hard to speak up once it's obvious that the guy is assuming sex will happen, you need to state your boundaries early. No harm in progressing slowly to sex, it's often more connected that way....that's how most women prefer it. I know we have been trained to put everyone else's needs before ours, but that is changing....and you can change your part of it. You may find you are happier with yourself and becoming more confident with stating your needs to men. Only way for the relationship to be equal and to give the guy a chance to take care of you in the way he will want to, if he's worthy of you. I can hear the relief in your post!
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