It already has hindered my life. @regularguy , While I appreciate the perspective I still think it's a little different for someone like me. I was 17 when l lost my virginity and 18 when I was sexually assaulted and therefore I didn't have any sexual encounters for a year. So since I'm 20 I have only had around 2 years of a normal adult life, and even then it was a lot of dealing with the past. Statistically, I have only had an encounter with 1 guy who wasn't a boyfriend, and that makes me really angry how unlikely this is. While you sound encouraging, for me it i quite clear based on my past experiences and the unlikeliness of this happening that is a clear sign that I just do not deserve companionship, happiness, or a fulfilling life, especially since I feel like my life was just starting and it is now effectively over. It is nice that you have hope, but I feel like t the end of the day I just don't deserve any and that I should deal with my unfortunate life in a way that would end it sooner rather than later.