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lulu87

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  1. From what I've heard, blood tests can be rather finicky. Sometimes, our bodies haven't created enough of the antibodies against herpes (which is what is found in our blood) to test "positive", and there's a negative result. I would say if you've had two positive results, it's probably positive but get the Western blot to be sure. The best way to know for sure is to swab a sore, but it sounds like you haven't had symptoms and you probably don't need to worry about that since your body is already creating the antibodies if they're in your blood to protect you from them, most likely. Get the western blot and find out for sure! :)
  2. Hi everyone, I haven't been around much which is a double edged sword. On one hand, I haven't been around to help others; on the other, I haven't felt in as much need of support for myself. I've definitely come to terms with this diagnosis more than my first post and finding out I had HSV1 felt like getting the diagnosis all over again and starting over. I can honestly say now that even though I had the dark days of crying, suicidal thoughts, and not loving myself very much, I'm out of the darkness. I haven't had a second outbreak which might be part of that, since I can avoid remembering what it felt like to "have" herpes, but either way, I'll take it! This is just a little common virus that people get sometimes, and if it wasn't sexually related, nobody would care! Anyway, I sorta had the disclosure talk but I cheated a little ;) I got in touch with my ex boyfriend after my most recent breakup and he'd been really supportive but didn't know about herpes. One tough night, I told him and he was the most supportive friend. Since then, we've continued to talk and it looks like we are on the path to getting back together. We've talked about it and he is not worried about it. It's quite a relief to go from the dark place of thinking about constant rejection and loneliness to the moment when you realize that not everyone is going to see this as "the scarlet H". It feels really good to be accepted and I can confidently say I am in a much better place now than I was at the end of July. Hopefully one of you who is struggling reads this and sees that it's true what they say, it just takes time and it gets better. Keep your chins up!
  3. You're not crazy! I can relate to a lot of those feelings, especially the feeling of regret about getting this. I am a serial monogamist and fell for a guy who didn't want anything serious. I convinced myself to see where it led like so many of my friends do, even though I have never just casually slept with anyone, and ended up with herpes. I told him and he was initially supportive, then fell off the face of the earth - despite being my downstairs neighbor, he intentionally avoids me and my attempts at communication. Possibly the hardest part of herpes is forgiving ourselves for whatever led us to it and remembering that, in both of our cases, this was not something we chose or had the knowledge to decide about, and that doesn't reflect badly on us but on the men who were dishonest with us. We are both young (you're 23, I'm 26) and I'm confident that as long as we are good people at heart, a good person is bound to see through herpes and whatever other minor things we have going on and love us for who we are... when we are both healed and ready for it. Until then, we'll have missteps, we'll have outbreaks, we'll have good days and bad days, and then one day we will meet someone who accepts and loves us and this will feel like a distant, bad memory. :)
  4. Kuro, from my understanding they are quite similar viruses but tend to stay towards their preferred group of nerves (1 prefers the base of the spine, 2 prefers the pelvic region). In cases like mine, they can also swap places and this just means they're in the less common area and may not occur as often or as intensely as they would in their "home" base. So you can have HSV1 (oral herpes) genitally, like me, you can have HSV2 (genital) orally, you could have both, you could have neither, etc etc etc ;)
  5. It sounds like none of this has to do with you but more with her own insecurities with herself. Herpes can be quite difficult to deal with for some people and her being so young, it seems like maybe she struggles with her identity as both a young person and also someone who has herpes and may be wondering if there's a "catch" to you... why would this person accept me? Why would this person want to be my friend? You know what I'm saying? Like Nic said, just give her some time to warm up to you as a friend and be consistent. When she sees you're sticking around, she can understand your genuine trustworthiness and it can blossom into a relationship. And as for you, thanks from the herpes community for restoring faith that someone without herpes can be supportive! I've been worried there were none of you out there ;)
  6. I had this same conversation with myself and the lab tech when she told me my results and she said, "no test is 100%, but it's very unlikely a swab would be a false positive." I treated my first OB as a hemorrhoid so I feel your pain but unfortunately, I don't think any of the creams or things we did would create a false positive. However, I would suggest a second opinion and if you have real doubts, ask for a blood test in a couple weeks (if it is herpes, then it will take a few weeks for your body to develop antibodies that show up in blood tests). I'm from the US, and we can choose to go on suppressive therapy at any time but I have elected not to unless my OBs become more frequent. If you are concerned though I would see another doctor since it's not advisable to tell your patients not to tell others you're sleeping with - that's a personal decision. The chances are pretty low of spreading it though not quite 1%, you can read some of the articles (I'm sure if/when Adrial reads this he will link you to some specific ones!). Even if your results are correct, remember it just takes some time to adjust and accept what is happening. It doesn't make you any less of a good person and it happens all the time, you're not alone. Use this forum to help you and let me know if I can help!
  7. Okay, thank you! (you, you, you... sorry, I had to!)
  8. That makes sense, but what about me? (It's all about me- me, me, me!) Will I be protected against now getting HSV1 orally? I know it doesn't protect me against HSV2.
  9. Good point Adrial! I think some days for me are harder than others. I accept it and most days I'm fine, others I am beating myself up about this and bringing it upon myself... and that is definitely the sexual stigma. So many people have sex but nobody is supposed to talk about it, so an STD is a double stigma: you are not only admitting you had sex, but you got something from it. Anyway, it's hard. Your point about whether or not to disclose is a good point too.. of course, I would choose to even knowing it's type 1. It just seems like it'll be more complicated to explain that there's two types and I have this type and you probably do too but don't know it or it's in a different place, blah blah blah. The safest road is to tell them, ask them to get the antibody test and then if they're part of that 20% that doesn't carry it already, then they can decide about the risks. My only question left is: if someone has HSV1 orally and don't know it, is there a risk they can get it genitally still? Or do their antibodies protect them from that?
  10. Hi everyone, you may have seen me around lately and I was diagnosed July 24 with HSV2 at an urgent care facility... except today when I went to my doctor and she read me and provided a copy of the results, I have HSV1 genitally and they gave me the results wrong (or perhaps the rude lab tech who gave me the information had no idea HSV1 could occur genitally and assumed). I had really coped with the idea of HSV2 and even begun to be optimistic because it wasn't likely to be contagious orally (with the small risk, and if it were transmitted HSV2 orally is usually a one-time or very uncommon thing) and was fairly mild for me... but now I am reeling from the idea that having HSV1 means I am likely to give someone this orally OR genitally. It feels like the risks are higher and although I know most people have HSV1 already (about 60% I recently read) I feel like it's a higher risk of transmitting it than HSV2 even if it's more mild because it occurs more commonly in both places than HSV2, kind of like a double whammy. Is that true? Am I making sense? Somehow, I felt better about HSV2 knowing it was mostly going to be genital and I wouldn't have to worry (as much) about oral sex as HSV1 and after convincing myself of that, I have to now do the reverse and I'm a little stressed about it and need some guidance around the differences.
  11. Agreeing with the others who said to stay in school. When I found out, it was on a 5 minute break during a work training an hour away from home. As badly as I wanted to leave and go home, I forced myself to sit through the training and it honestly helped me so much because as soon as I got home and had no distractions, it was all I could think about - and that didn't help! All you need is time to adjust and speaking from experience, that first outbreak is the worst and lasts the longest. During that time, it's really easy to focus on it and think of it as the worst possible thing, but after you get over this hurdle it'll be much easier. The acyclovir (which is what I took for my first one too) took me about 6-7 days to work fully (take it the full 10 I'm assuming you were prescribed) and you can always take it longer if it doesn't resolve. The itching was worse for me at night too but they sell witch hazel wipes for hemorrhoids and I put those in the fridge and then wiped with them before bed and after the bathroom and that helped a lot. I was also constipated but I took stool softener to help and laxatives when needed, and remember, this is all temporary! You will feel much better soon!
  12. I think it will be okay. You learned from it and there's nothing you can do to change it now, so hopefully he just goes through the emotions and comes to terms with it :) Good luck!
  13. Who is furious - your husband or the new guy? What made him angry? It's normal I think for people to have an array of emotions as it sinks in... give him some time to come around and see if he might simply need some more education. Keep your chin up! If he's someone who had such a strong connection with you, he can see through this!
  14. So glad to hear the original author is doing better. Kimmysue, I am on board with you darling. It's been really rough since my diagnosis. Knowing there's rejection out there is hard and hearing that you didn't want the people who reject you isn't always comforting because it doesn't take the sting out of rejection. BUT, I think that despite all our ups and downs and it being hard, everyone keeps telling me the first year is the hardest. Once we get used to and trust our bodies again, we will be able to find partners who we realize will accept and trust this. As with all loving relationships, the concern should come first and sex second and herpes is not the end of the world. People will realize that when they care about you regardless of herpes. I had the same thing happen - the guy who gave it to me either didn't know or didn't tell me and now won't speak to me or acknowledge giving it to me. We can't focus on that and trust that the universe has karma in it for those two cowardly people who did not care to inform us. Instead, we can use it to show people it's not a big deal and we CAN disclose and give them the power to choose. I am in a good place right now as I type this and I hope it helps you, but I'll admit that I feel like you do quite often and I'll probably have to come back and read this myself! If I can be helpful, please message me :)
  15. My relationships, sexual, friendly, whatever have completely changed since my diagnosis, which was right around when you got yours (only about a month or two ago). With that being said, I would wait to be in person with him to disclose. You may see something in him that clues you in to something you overlooked before or the connection may be different. Plus, it's always better (in my opinion) to disclose in person where you can read body language and the other person can read yours. When you're in a vulnerable situation like that, it's far too easy in email, text, phone, whatever for the other person to shut down and in person it's literally in your face to deal with it at that moment, so you can get some sort of reaction even if they need time. I also think being in person definitely is a different connection than over the phone and, while right now being away from you for several months he may be able to consider walking away after a phone disclosure, if he sees you in person and sees your honesty and has a physical connection with you in the moment, it's a lot easier to consider another option besides avoidance or walking away. I'd say something like, "I know you've been away and you know I saw someone else in the meantime. I didn't know that this person had herpes and it was transmitted to me. I am educated and managing it now, but I want you to know and be able to make a decision about our relationship. It's okay if you have questions and I can answer them as best I can to give you the information you need to make a decision. I hope we can have a relationship either way but you should know this since I care about you." It's very hard for someone to be outright rejecting with that kind of outlook! It also gives an open opportunity for him to say he doesn't know the facts and ask you rather than assuming the "herpes ewww" mindset and writing it off. I hope that helped! Sorry it was long!
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