Five months in, grieving, a shell of myself; still trying to find solid ground. So I don't know if I will be able to add anything substantial here. But the question you pose speaks so forcefully to me. I think you are right to step back and think it over again, even if someone said yes. Why risk anyone getting this, even if it's just a 1% chance? They said yes, but can they really imagine what this feels like? To have this? Yes, it's ridiculous that essentially one pimple on the genitals makes one instantly and permanently marked, shunts one to a different class. But the sheer absurdity of it doesn't erase the reality.
Through the shock and grief, I have sketched out a plan for how I will date, and I believe I will do so with only H+ people. But: 20% of 16.2% = 3.24%. That's a profoundly lower chance of love (already rare), and a complete loss of all love found out in the open, where romance blooms over time, the way I was used to.
I see the enormity of that loss in full. Thus, my grieving, which has not abated for a single hour since November.
But...
I myself almost want to be persuaded away from my highly moral stance stated here.
Perhaps my moral thinking is so black and white right now because an amoral person did not disclose her status to me a mere five months ago. She failed as a human and changed my view of what humans are capable of. And right now, I want to stand as far away from her thought process (or sociopathic blankness) as I can. That probably leads to overdoing the strident moral philosophy. I almost wish for more shades of grey to creep in. I think where that might happen first is in allowing for the possibility of an H- partner over 40, who would in my opinion have a better handle on the true length of one's life and so be able to properly assess risk.
I wish you the best. I hope the other comments are right to encourage you and that I'm wrong in being so self-righteous that I veto what adults I've never met have decided to do for love. My comment is just a gut response from a place of shock and sadness. I'm philosophizing from the loneliest place I've ever known, a spot I didn't even know existed. This is my first time writing on this website, so thanks for bearing with me. Thank you for your eloquent post.
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