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Everything posted by nic4897

  1. Same here, @HerryTheHerp. It's never an easy conversation. And, nowadays, ESPECIALLY, sex happens so much faster than the friendship. It makes you really think about the evolution this society has created and how people wonder how they are so hurt after it ends... myself included, admittedly (more in the past). H or not, right? How can you expect love or respect, even, when you don't know the real person.. the one who is on the receiving, opposite end? It's a trap created by yourself and what you think that person is.. a first impression..an attraction probably a reflection of your own misgivings or just plain lust. Not, that any of it is bad but if your emotions are tied it weighs heavy and causes mental turmoil when the fantasy doesn't meet reality. That's more the percentage than true love.
  2. For a brief moment, I thought tonight, as a single person, what if I could forget? Not disclose. My H happens on my arm. It isn't even in a place that my doctor says would effect someone else on meds and a good life. It happens these moments even in all my therapy and self-talking down and up... Less than 1% with condoms and my meds she says but, then I remembered I'm blood test positive for HSV2. I could affect. I am reminded of my honesty and goodness. Of how my mental landscape-escape from the responsibility might take away someone's choice and (thank goodness) I go back to when I WAS effected. It was a horrific feeling of indiscretion. I am familiar with this terrible feeling of being entirely disrespected Thank you, regret. You made me feel again that I am the best person, doing right by others. Respect. A word that is forgotten nowadays. H or not, a relationship will never work without it. Even if you aren't compatible respect goes a long way because it says, "I Love you but we're not for each other." or "I love you and this is amazing!" And, either outcome...it's OK. H is just an incompatibility or compatibility factor. Seven years last month for me. I'll never forget. It has changed me. No lie. Broken relationships and good ones too and honestly, H had nothing to do with any. It just made my approach much different.
  3. Exactly! I actually wrote it for a dear friend of mine .. Nothing romantic at all. Thanks for noticing that Adrial
  4. A connection that is beyond permutation. It ebbs and flows like a river. One needs and the other gives. One gives and the other is needing. It need not be complicated because the connection is strong. It need not worry boundaries because you are both strong. It's sharing your best heart regardless and sharing your worse heart regardless. A true friend never cares either. A true partner will always be there.
  5. Hello H'oppers, I have been so busy of late. It's why I have not checked in to my beautiful ones. On nights like this when the busy life quiets, I become reflective. I suppose it's why I check in to join those who also wear their hearts on sleeves. My hope is in the rebirth of a new week everyone rejoices. The "halleijuiah" comes when we accept ourselves and everyone around. Let's make that affirmation at the very start. Goodnight, HOpp. ~Nic
  6. nic4897


    So well put, @HerryTheHerp :) Hope all is well in your world.
  7. nic4897


    Oh my H ' oppers.. How I adore u. Here's my story. It's brief. Gal falls for guy. He wasn't truthful and the rest you know. Truth - I could have been more responsible in the moment. Truth - I could have waited more before I knew him well enough to decipher what he never revealed. But, here's the thing. My card was drawn. Truth -- I wouldn't have it any other way. I used to have a martyr mind set. I promised seven years ago this May 1st that I would never pass herpes onto another. I was foolish in my martyrdom. I have never passed it. For awhile I limited myself to those who had it when I realized by this forum that I was limiting potentials, a universe unknown. I was running from my own self, my own insecurities that went way beyond herpes. Herpes was my crutch toward finding a true other that would support me on the way that I exuded upon to everyone as a friend, a mother, a person, as an independent woman. Herpes is hard because it leaves you vulnerable to having a conversation that leaves you to the judgment of someone you believe you should care about whole heartedly. But, herpes is not to blame. It's ourselves we should blame for that conversation. The conversation should act as a ripped off unapologetic band-aid ripping. Unfortunately, our psyches tell us different. It tells us because of taboo that once again we are not worthy. But, if we believe, we most definitely are. It tells us you suck they are more worthy because they haven't got herpes. And, that's ridiculous. We have a skin condition brought about by sexual contact. That's all. What we have is controllable and not an excuse to limit ourselves to sub par. It takes awhile to get here. But, I am. And, I'm so grateful to know I an so much beyond this mind set of , "I'm not worthy." In general, with every good friend feed I accomplish, with every good mother task I complete.. With very good worker.. Yogi... Community member .. I remember who I am. Im compassionate, caring, and complete. And, herpes will never define that otherwise. And, that is my story.
  8. @wcsdancer Ash is just powerful in her vulnerability .. We all need to come out of the closet one day to someone or everyone. Authenticity is just being brave :)
  9. The universality she speaks and the three points we could all use on a daily. Please watch and enjoy :) Check out this video on YouTube:
  10. So glad to hear that @wcsdancer . My thoughts are w you and your heart :) how is ur dad?
  11. What's up with y'all tonight? No Poems just asking sincerely. Love, Nic
  12. Sorry for the poem .. It's just the way I can accurately communicate.
  13. When you realize you're white light .. I smile. And, the world stands still. Because it knows the power of my happiness. You frown and I give. Too much. So I'm at minus and you're gaining from negative consequently. It's my choice to give. It's my revelation to understand when I'm unneeded. Force me and I'm gone. Push my boundaries and I'm gone. My light is a commodity to all. I must learn to choose when I give.
  14. Hope you're well @wcsdancer :)
  15. It's time to build something jaw dropping. It's time to bring something that changes my world. It's time to change the world. In a positive dramatic occurrence where every inhabitant stops and wonders what they can do to change too. To help.Spring cleaning my house will help me change. For the ages. For the better and for always. It comes. It's time. It's time for the new way.
  16. @chelmara9 that's exactly what my daughter said tonight
  17. Well, Hopp'ers, I've been through yet another break up. But, the universe does direct. Im being sought out and considered for another career position that would change my life on a daily. I would be working from Home and traveling two days a week by my own autonomy to lord knows where. Here's the crux .. I would travel the days I don't have my kids since I would be scheduling. But, I would be sacrificing relationships. I wouldn't have as much times with friends and surely could not expect a potential to understand any of that. So, the one day a week I would have would be managing the connections I love while seeking the one I don't. This opp.. Aligns with my goals as a child and as my old adult. Decisions oy vey.. What do you think Tonight? Am I adding too much baggage as an H'er as it is to potentials or do I align myself with the universes timing that I go along for the potential of what the universe may have in store? This could be my new path . Much love and gratitude and empathy for your hearts tonight.
  18. @It05 my words come from my heart.. very glad you oblige xxxxx
  19. Thank you, as always my sweet forum, for the best support EVER! xxx
  20. Amen, sister. My heart is so tired. But, unfortunately I do have enough energy to "vacuum". To better times. It's not all about H eh? It's about the worthy one. Good lesson for us all. Hope everyone finds respite in sweet dreams of better times if you're not living them now. :) I'll def try
  21. Thanks @ra1956 .. From the heart
  22. Oh, you are a thing. The past. The way we once were. Free and easy until it isn't. I try so hard to remember not to settle for anything less than amazing. But, my reverie gets me every time. I'll be brave. I'll tough it out with enough vulnerability that my heart will hurt enough to get me through to the next tidal wave shocking me under its current. It's OK. I'll be OK. This isn't the end. Of me. It's the beginning of a warrior who has might to stand up to the waves, wind and war and the heart to find empathy in everyone we therefore will meet and those still present that really do love. Me. Still loving. Even still giving. With all my heart. Still here. After.
  23. We broke up. I told him he needs help. It's heart breaking but he really is mentally ill. I know I can't fix him and I said we could still be friends, to reach out anytime for support. Hopefully, this is taken well. With Bi-polar and no meds you never know. I'm going to pray for him. Thanks, Mother Dancer, @wcsdancer2010 :)
  24. Ha! I fell asleep! So nice to hear from all of you, although @thisisgoingtobeokay ... feel better. Nothing like a virus to make you feel horrible .. yuck! @ChanelChanel thank you for your compliment :) @WCSDancer2010 it's so true about not over-thinking.. I do it all the time. Been struggling myself a little. The person I've been dating for two months is more than likely bi-polar and it's been up and down for a few weeks. I can't help but go back to that little voice inside my head that says he just doesn't care about me and his coldness and distance is about me and not his condition. Does anyone have any experience in this realm... am I in over my head? God, I'm so sick of relationships ending :(
  25. Love ya peeps .. No poems. Just checking in w my fellows.. How r ya tonight, loves? Been thinking ' bout ya :) anyone wanna chat? I'm here. As always xx Nic
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