nic4897

Well.. Projecting fear onto a situation that may or may not happen is a futile effort. Accepting what's now a part of you honestly doesn't necessarily need to find out who gave it to you. You are doing the best you can to be responsible with yourself with something that is new to you. We can all do only the best we know how. You are being brave and responsible and that's all you can do. Be brave. A brave heart is priceless versus a scared heart which is useless since it doesn't share. Share your story with him in the hopes that it may help others. It's more than worthy.. It's honorable and makes you a fantastic person.

Oh! I almost forgot .. Most importantly .. If he chooses ..when you approach this from a stance of care and love ..to react with anger.. Realize at that point that he is going through his own process of possible risk and acceptance and you should honor that.. His emotional process has nothing to do do with you. It has to do with him. Just as your going through your own process of acceptance ... honor that he has to do the same. Good luck and blessings :)

Hi Lulu, Wow! What a talk you have coming! If I may suggest and honestly.. Take this or leave it.. Perhaps instead of having a "blame" type talk where you are trying to determine the "culprit" .. Perhaps your approach should me more about clear communication. I would approach it (if it were me) as .. Hey.. I care for you and I've been diagnosed with herpes and here is what I've found out .. 1.) I tested positive 2.) I told the last person I was with and they tested negative 3.) I truly care for your well being and think you should be tested. By approaching it from a place of love versus blame .. His reaction may be very different. It matters at this stage .. to educate the person about what they may or may not have versus telling someone to find out If they passed it to you. It's a matter of a flip in thinking.. a Positive approach .. I blame you versus I care for you. I hope this helps. Be brave and know that by his reaction to the situation, you will understand if this person should be a friend or more in your life. Good luck, friend! Post how it goes.. We are all here to support you :) You are very deserving of a loving friend or lover and hopefully both ;)

Thank you so much!

Hi everyone! I'm a 36 year old mom of 3, working hard, living a single and busy life in New England. Anyone looking to be an H buddy in the area? I am new to dating outside of the H community (even though I was diagnosed in 2007-- just really learning to accept now) and would love a supportive friend to talk about disclosure stories and managing in general. Promise (pinky swear) to be equally supportive in return :)

Oh my gosh!!!! You're inspirational!!! Love this news.. Hoping this is the start of something fantastic :)

:)

Oh and @Northoftheborder this guy... I know it's his personal choice and all...but it seems like he lost a really good person. Wishing you the best as well :)

Absolutely, @Northoftheborder :) I would always disclose no matter what..it was never an option for me and I would NEVER take that away from someone else. In the past 6 years since my diagnosis, I have only dated people with it via dating sites. I always thought it to be easier and probably is but honestly I've suffered in another way.. limiting myself to a small group of people on dating sites and making too many compromises when it comes from compatibility. And, you know what I was getting rejected and disappointed anyhow because I compromised. This is my first purposeful dating experience where now I must disclose. I guess I am unsure (previous to any sexual encounter) does one feel they are ready to trust someone to disclose? Thank you for your good thoughts. :) So nice to have support.

OK OK OK! Trying to be ready for this... So, about two months ago when I was actually dating someone else (a fellow H), I gave my business card to someone and they have been pursuing me ever since.. pretty much keeping in touch to see when I'd be single again. When the last relationship ended and he texted again, I figured well.. what the heck.. let's date someone whom I am unsure is an H or not because it's obvious he's very interested. So a month goes by and we have 5 dates. I left for a vacation and he's on vacation now (both out of the US so texting was minimal) so the relationship has been slow to progress to my relief. I have not had sex just heavy petting but this weekend I do believe he's planning for "the night." Here is my thing that I'm wrestling with.. I'm still unsure if there is a strong enough emotional connection to tell him something so personal. I like him. I like spending time with him but I have to admit knowing I'd have to tell him someday has caused me to be slightly detached and I am unsure if I am nitpicking everything he does trying to assess if he's going to be a harsh rejector. Are the red flags that I'm thinking of really red flags or is it me trying to protect myself from a rejector? Honestly.. I'm not sure. And, also...if you want to have sex and you are unsure about the person.. is the healthy way disclosing and just having sex to figure that out? I am so confused by this...

>:D< ditto

I am so happy to have read about your success! I hope just like everyone here to have a positive disclosure experience and am happy you have shared yours! Good luck to you :) Keep us posted!!! Relationships are tricky right? Energies are one but are really a million parts of a whole and when two wholes are attracted.. Who knows what part they are attracted! Taking it slow allows you to see more than just that initial part of the energy you were attracted. It allows you to see more of the whole. I wish to you the very best of luck :) xxoooo

I was diagnosed with herpes 6 years ago. The person I was with didn't know he had it. I was not given the choice in a disclosure. I have been very hard on myself ever since and swore I would never date anyone that didn't have it. The thought of passing herpes to someone else even if by their own choice was a terrible thought for me. What I didn't realize was that 1) I was choosing people because they had it and not because I generally found a connection and 2) I was being cowardly by bypassing ever having to go through with a disclosure or "the herpes talk." I know having my first talk will be very hard. I think this is the first step toward me finding a lasting emotional connection versus settling from looking in a very small universe of people that are open about it on a dating website for people with herpes. I think by being open to dating in general, I will have set a positive affirmation to the universe that I am ready to find a genuinely compatible partner no matter the obstacle, even if the obstacle admits something I can still barely admit about myself. Soooo, anyone wanna be an "H" buddy? I could definitely use the support and will definitely offer the same in return. :)