Franny

Love the mountains, thanks for that- you too JDH. I met a man out that I thought I had a lot in common with. He was from PS. Anyway, I really liked talking to him and after texting back and forth for a week we met up. Unfortunately, all he seemed to be interested in was being physical. It was a huge disappointment because I thought we had potential to be more than that. So, I am done with the dating sites for now. I’m just going back to focusing on myself and finding happiness in other ways. I gave it a try but definitely not my thing.

Regular guy- you give the best advice!

I love the idea of having a buddy! I’m a newly diagnosed, 46, single mom and would like someone who has been there, done that with this diagnosis. Someone I could discuss being single and dating with this and finally finding love again. I am a widow so maybe someone who understands this as well. I would like to also help out someone having similar concerns. I’m a good listener and if I can help out in anyway I’m here! Thanks!!

Thanks to all of you for your help. I am taking it all In although I still don’t want to accept that this is my new normal. I am really trying. I was out today with some friends and asked if I was dating yet. I told my friends not anymore because I had a bad experience with the one guy I did see. I so wanted to blurt out- you know, because the a$$@)$@ gave me herpes! I really need to come up with a good reply for this question. Well, thanks again for your suggestions, advice and recommendations. I hope to feel as accepting of this as you all are. You’re a strong bunch and I appreciate all your support. I’m sorry this happened to you all as well.

Thanks again Adrial. I like the idea of retraining my brain on how to look at this. I think it’s great that you have developed all of this to help others in this predicament. I never thought I’d be here- I’m sure no one on here ever did. I’m just still having a difficult time processing it all. I just want to know that I’m going to be ok one day and this won’t be something I obsess over day and night like I do now. I’ll check your links out. I’ll take any help I can get with this right now. Thanks so much for the response.

Thank you Adrial. It sounds so easy- to meet someone and disclose this. I can’t see myself having that conversation. I think how I was before this. If I had met someone who told me that they had herpes I would have checked out of that real fast. My guess is that’s why it wasn’t disclosed to me by the man I was seeing. Why would someone want to put themselves at risk like that? That’s just where I am right now. Are there really people out there that don’t care? I find that hard to believe. I realize we all have baggage but this is a doozie!

So, just out of curiosity I logged into that dating site called positive singles. I was very disappointed to see the options on there. Most of the men with my diagnosis are not the type of man I would ever talk to. Is this what my future is going to be? Finding someone that has what I have and just hope for the best? I’m really upset right now. I am trying to be positive and it’s just very difficult. I hate that this has happened to me at a time where I was finally feeling ready to start dating again. ( I lost my husband 3 years ago). I had a great life before that tragedy and I finally was ready to find happiness again. Guess it’s not in the cards for me. I’m trying to count my blessings right now to stay positive. Just feeling very very sad at the moment and very discouraged. I was out with friends last night and they are always trying to get me to talk to guys that show interest. I just can’t help but think that this will not be possible. I can’t even tell my friends why I’m so afraid to date now. I’m so ashamed. It’s been a month now since I found out. Have you all gone through this?

Today I went for my follow up appointment since the diagnosis day. It’s strange that they don’t tell you much about this disease. I had to pull the info out of her by my many questions. Before asking them I basically was told this is a common std and that I probably carried the virus around for many years not knowing. The reason I had an outbreak now is because my immunity must have been down. She thought it would be a good idea to have all the std tests done and I agreed. But that was pretty much what she offered. I had to ask about what I should expect and what to do. So basically she doesn’t think I’ll have frequent outbreaks and only recommends I take the medication when I feel the prodromal symptoms. She told me to use condoms with future encounters and basically that’s all I needed to do besides stay healthy. I told her I heard I am always contagious but she said that is true but not likely. She said to just avoid sex when having prodromal symptoms and outbreaks and use a condom. I asked about taking Lysine and she said sure can’t hurt any. I asked if I should disclose to future boyfriends if we are intimate and she said that would be the responsible thing to do. I just feel like I would still be clueless if I had not the research myself. I feel like this is an area that everyone could use a little education on. -Thanks for letting me vent.

Jstar79, I really really hope so! Sounds like you have a really great guy by the way! Thanks for sharing this with me.

Username, I like what you said about how the second outbreak won’t seem as shocking. I believe that I will feel the same- as long as the symptoms are truly milder. It’s been about a month since the onset of my OB and I’m still feeling “uncomfortable “ in that area. Hopefully things will calm soon. Also, being a mom I had the same feelings about my children- like I had let them down by not being a better role model. I mean they don’t know I have this but I honestly feel like they would think differently of me. I know deep down they will love me no matter what but I did have a hard time with this. I couldn’t stop crying about this when I was diagnosed and they sensed something was wrong. My daughter asked me the other day if I had cancer like her dad. That really woke me up. I need to get a grip and change my perspective on this. I really am trying to look at this like a skin infection. Something that flares up occasionally like psoriasis or eczema. I’m trying to count my blessings and not dwell on this and let it define me. I go back and forth with that- being ok then devastated again. I appreciate your comments and perspectives on this. I am taking it all in. I think for me not knowing what is to come is the most worrisome part. I hope in a year I can reread this thread and Know I am in a better place with accepting and living with this. I am going to take some time and just focus on my self like Regular Guy suggested. Thanks Username for your insight too. You make a lot a sense.

Thank you for that advice Regular Guy. I know that self love is very important for many reasons not just a herpe diagnosis. I’ve learned this going through the years since my husband passed away. I guess I have just forgotten to make it a priority again now that this is happening. I really hate when I get into these self pity phases. I did this to myself and I need to deal with these consequences now. By the way, funny you should say that about a hobby- I was just looking into guitar lessons! And you made me laugh about the hand washing comment too. Thanks again!

Hello. I’m new here. I’m 45 and I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with hsv2. I’m not promiscuous by any means. In fact, I lost my husband 3 years ago and just started seeing someone last year. We were exclusive but I’m pretty sure he’s the one who have this to me. I had some symptoms last Jan. But was told it was a tear by my gynecologist. I had him swab me just for peace of mind and it was negative. Our relationship has been over now and the last time we had intercourse was August. So now recently I had 2 ulcers appear in my vaginal area. I went back to my doctor and now tested positive. I am having a roller coaster of emotions. I have read nonstop and feel like I can’t take in any more info. I know you all say this gets better but it is so hard to see any kind of silver lining right now. I feel like this is really adding to my grief and I just wish I could process it all. I just want to be happy again. How long before you all got there? What helps you get out of that negative thought process of never feeling like you’ll find love or be ok with intimacy again? I know there are worse things that people go through and survive. I think I just need some inspirational stories right now. Thanks all. Appreciate anything you have to offer.