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zanzim

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  1. I will be disclosing when I see him again in a week's time. In the meanwhile I visited my doc who is running a full STD panel. She shared some interesting points, like she has it to; that a large part of her practice is currently devoted to caring for women like me (recently divorced after a long term marriage) who are addressing STDs as they venture back into the dating world; and that the medical community no longer differentiates between HSV1 and HSV2 as an STD. In other words, herpes is herpes is herpes. If my partner has ever had a cold sore, then he also has herpes. If he's been with at least 4 women, then there is a good chance that he was already exposed. There is no "safe" sex, but if you follow the guidelines everyone on this site already knows (daily suppressant, condoms, and no sex during prodome or OB), my gyn said the risk of transmission for a discordant couple is "minimal." We are in the era of "safer sex."
  2. Thank you for your calm responses. I have an appointment with a new gyn to discuss my status and the information I have read on this and other sites. I had always thought that taking a daily suppressive, using condoms, and avoiding sex during outbreaks meant there was no risk of transmission, a proposition that was "confirmed" by my 30-year history with my ex and that is still adhered to by some people I know who have the virus. But according to everything I've read, the risk of transmission was about 1% or less, which is not much but more than zero. While that risk is very low, it wasn't mine to take and that is what I am struggling with. But I also wonder if by disclosing after the fact, I would be giving this man tremendous anxiety over an improbably low risk of infection.
  3. Follow up: Given my failure to disclose, I deleted my dating app profiles.
  4. By way of background, I have had herpes for over 30 years and take a daily suppressant (acyclovir). My ex-husband and I had unprotected sex throughout our marriage but he never contracted it. I haven't had an outbreak in a very long time. Last night, after several drinks, I had protected (condom) sex with a date without disclosing my status. I had not planned on having sex. I know I exercised poor judgment. But I also know this is not an excuse and the choice to accept the risk was his, not mine. I will also note that he was prepared to have unprotected sex, did not ask me any questions, or offer up his own sexual history. I am filled with shame and seek feedback from the forum.
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