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KCate

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  1. Hi everyone! I've had HSV2 for a little over four years now and I swear it has brought up/exacerbated every self-confidence issue I have! I got it from a not-so-great guy I was dating in college...really the last loser guy in the line of several. It almost destroyed me and further convinced me that this was just another way for the universe to tell me I'm just not enough. However, contracting herpes turned out to be a blessing in disguise! I began requiring/expecting to be treated better and respected (kind of faking higher self esteem...fake it till you make it!) And ended up dating some very kind and accepting men while gaining more empathy for others in the process. However, last year I had my heart broken by the man I thought I would marry (he chose to tell me I wasn't what he wanted the week after my grandmother, who was more like my mother, passed away). Since then dating has been so difficult...I feel like even getting to know someone and going on dates without telling them about my "drawback" is just perpetuating a huge lie. I'm seeing someone new now, very new, and terrified of telling him. I constantly anguish over whether he will be unkind, or judgemental. I'm a mess and so scared about putting myself out there again that I barely have a sex drive! I'm pretty and educated but feel that is all negated by this ONE THING. I would love to talk with someone about this...I'm in New Mexico but travel to CA and Asia frequently for work. Pen pals anyone?
  2. Ok thank you! It does tell something about the person, but I feel like before contracting HSV2 and going through experiences like getting my heart broken I would have been insensitive like that too! Can the person be helped/educated? Is it worth trying when the problem is so rampant in society and enforced by the media?
  3. Hi Everyone, I just found this group, I was motivated to search for something like this after watching Brene Brown's TedTalk on dealing with Shame (which turned out to be featured on this site!). Anyway, in the past couple weeks I've been encountering a lot of unkind and sometimes brutal herpes jokes. In the media-- "Pitch Perfect" (the movie), "South Park" etc....and then also the 'accidental' jokes brought up in casual conversation. For example, a guy I am talking to (and interested in) mentioned buying used shorts, which I joked was gross and he said, "only if the previous owner had Herpes!"...*crickets chirping*, I laugh nervously. Good thing we were on the phone and not in person because he would have seen the "terrified rabbit" look on my face! I felt like someone had punched me in the gut and I started tearing up..all the while attempting to continue a normal conversation. Has this happened to anyone before? How harshly do you judge a person who makes these type of jokes? Should I stop talking to the guy? This view and these offhand comments about Herpes (and the horrible stigma) are so common (and stem from ignorance) that I have no idea how to handle this. Any advice? Should I call the person out in the future? Thanks
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