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seamor

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  1. Last Night I contacted him one last time and said, ‘Im not giving up on you, and Im not giving up on us.’ He immediately liked what i said via iPhone. He has always been the type to take his time to himself. And I viewed this as hope. I have yet to contact him today, or after that last night. I viewed it as him acknowledging my efforts, but letting me know he is taking his time. I think. My heart is absolutely breaking for this man.
  2. As for him, do you think there is anything in this world I can do to amend this? For him, with him.
  3. About ten months ago I started a relationship with the man of my dreams. After ten months, he found my medication in the center console of my car coming home from a beautiful dinner date, the literal day after telling me he loves me for the first time. It was a 45 minute drive home. One in which I repeatedly said how sorry I was and he respectfully kept replying, 'what does sorry do for me?', you've had that prescription filled five times - thats five times you could have told me, I trusted you, I thought you were different, Im done, etc. To make it worse, he is a medical student. If I would have came to him we would have understood exactly how my virus works. I contracted my virus at 15 and immediately began seeking treatment, I am 23 and have sustained preventive care. I take my prescription twice a day, I've never had an active outbreak, I tested positive via blood test for the virus, after confessing to my mother my step father had raped me, she immediately had me tested, knowing his + status. I explained this to Kim, and he once again asked me what difference how I contracted it made. Immediately when he asked me I said that it was for a cold sore that wouldn't go away, and then he said let me ask you again, and I confessed. The first time we were active was on the second date, clothes were flying and I did not have the chance, or I felt, to stop the process and tell him. I don't think he did contract it from me, but he has been exposed. I do take my Acyclovir daily, without fail, and that does cut down the chance of transmission. The point is, I did not tell him, he was the first person I had ever been active with, as in consensual sex. I was terrified I'd use him, that he hate me, never give our love the chance to grow. All of this happened Sunday Night. One hour after I left I sent him the following text... "I met you, and I fell in love with you. We had sex the second night we were together it just happened. I didn't have time to think it through and we were active. I cant tell you how hard this is for me. To know that I've hurt the man that I love and adore so much, I just wanted to serve you, to make you happy, to give you everything you ever wanted. All I wanted was to be the woman beside you. I cant imagine being without you, I don't know if ill ever forgive myself for the mess I've made of things. For the hurt I've caused you. I love you so much. I've never loved anyone the way I love you, and I've known since well before the stethoscope (for Christmas I gave him a stethoscope engraved with 'I love you' that was the first time I said I love you to him). I've torn us apart with this, and all I can dream of is the chance to repair and move forward with you. I was terrified of not being enough, of being too much, of you changing your mind. Not wanting me. And I think I've really done it now. I was always terrified you'd move on. That I was just to pass the time. Please know, what I wanted to give you was a happy life, a home, a love, a wife, a best friend, what I wanted to give you was the best parts of me. What I wanted was to serve and love you endlessly, what I wanted was to be your wife. You mean everything in this world to me. I don't have the words to make it better, but I do have all the love in my heart for you. I do. If you would just my undeserving heart, be yours. I know you need time. I know you are angry. I know you are. I know you don't want me. I know you are done. But God Kevin, please know, I would have and would serve you for the rest of my life. I would and will adore you. Worship you. Count my lucky stars everyday that I got the chance to love you, And pray endlessly that you will forgive me. Somehow." The next day, Monday, I said nothing but "Goodnight, I love you" at 9:52. Today, Tuesday, at 4:28 I said "Will you please give me the opportunity to come talk to you Saturday evening? I'm begging you. Or Sunday" He has replied to nothing. This is all a huge distraction from Medical School for him, and I know his heart is broken too. I am in hysterics, I cant eat nor sleep. I am absolutely heart broken. Please help me.
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