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livingbeyond last won the day on September 7

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  1. @eastnorthsouthwest Hi! I'm glad you decided to write and have joined the forums here. That experience I posted really did knock my confidence out for a few days, but I worked feverishly to mend and remind myself of my self worth outside of the diagnosis. There were plenty of tears and I also affirmed myself and regained the perspective that I still have value, and I had the opportunity to tell that person just that. So, once that was done I started meeting people again. I met someone who was immediately open about some of what he saw as limitations, which allowed me to be open about H. So far we have bonded over common perspectives on spirituality, perspectives on relationships, communication, and through transparency. There is an ease as a result, and we just have fun or are able to get back there through more serious times. I don't know that we would've reached this level of vulnerability and acceptance between us so soon if I didn't have H. Things are still being worked through to determine if we will have something long-term, but for now things are good. I hope this does bring some optimism. If you have any other questions or need encouragement, feel free to PM me.
  2. Following the same line of thinking, if you have GHSV1, can you then acquire it orally from someone who has oral HSV1? I thought I saw this on here before, but I haven't been able to find it in my searches.
  3. I started on a STI dating site when I first started dating after my divorce. I agree with @mr_hopp that it is a good warm up to dating overall after a diagnosis. I revisited one last year and noticed a lot of people choosing to wear their masks in their photos, so that is an option. You may even be able to express your boundaries in your profile that someone not request additional pictures if they don't have pictures, so it feels more equitable. It may start off as an uneasy feeling but once you see the support of others on the site or talk to some people, it could become more comfortable. I think the one i used was Positive Singles. Best of luck, Livingbeyond
  4. @mr_hopp & @Flowerteacher55 thanks for the comments! This song is definitely a tear jerker, but those big cleansing tears we sometimes need 😊. It's my anthem for today...it's on repeat. Hope it encourages others and helps to reset their perspective. Love and light! Livingbeyond
  5. Hi All! I had forgotten about this song, and I ran into it during a workout I do. Anyway, it's a great reminder that we are not our diagnosis anymore than anyone else with things in their past or present they are dealing with. I've done a lot of work over the past few days to get back to this thinking. Please hear the words.
  6. @Neverwouldathought Hi! I know this can be a difficult time with everything still being relatively new. I've had GHSV1 for 12 years. I didn't just accept it and move right through. It's a process. I was initially devastated and afraid to leave a lifeless marriage (and I contracted it from my ex). I was recently cowardly rejected but through returning to this site, I've been able to remember who I am as a whole human with H and not the summary or stigma that people have around it. I had to remember the people I disclosed to who accepted me and my story and saw me as that whole human. You are not doing this alone, even though it very much feels like you're on an island at times. Do exactly what you did here and reach out 😊. You'll find support and a way to address your thinking so you can get stronger through this. Grieving your H- life is normal. But remember you can live H+ and still be your awesome, powerful, amazing self! You'll find your way. Best wishes, Livingbeyond
  7. @Gypsy86 I can definitely relate. I have had primarily accepting experiences, so I think that's why this one threw me for such a loop. We had really hit it off and he seemed to be pretty non-judgmental in general. He pursued moving to the serious relationship stage, so that's when I disclosed. I was nervous before doing so because I hadn't needed to for quite a while. However, I'm not about being mistreated because of H. Even if someone has a choice about being with me or not (as is the case with anything) I still deserve a respectful response. He said he was fine with it then ghosted. So I've made sure to tell him how I felt about how he handled things and today I've been able to release it. I'm still working on me, but I'm sure I'll be back to dating in no time. You really have to know yourself and know you haven't changed at all, but that can take a blow with these experiences. Rejection is going to happen with or without H, and rejection is a course corrector for sure. Sounds like you don't have to worry about it for now. If you ever do date again, initially you can just take the time to get used to it and learning about people. Hone your skills there and learn about what would qualify someone to earn that type of vulnerability from you. It's not a perfect formula, but it helps. The first person I ever disclosed to rejected me, the second one I ended up in a nine month relationship with and we didn't break up because of H. I hadn't had an issue with anyone else I've told until this guy. This was starting to run on lol. I'm glad you reached out. I hope we can remain in contact. I'm in TX too. Livingbeyond
  8. Hi All! I have recently returned to the forums. I had been living a pretty typical life and was comfortable disclosing when needed but I've had a setback after being ghosted after disclosing, so I'm trying to regain my confidence and heal from the rejection. I was glad to have seen a thread that was so focused and to which I could relate. I hope it's able to continue because I'd like to connect with with other black women who have felt like they were on an island with this, despite the facts of how common it is. No one in my circle has acknowledged this but me. I have had GHSV1 for 12 years and contracted it from my husband on our honeymoon night. I stayed in the marriage longer than I should have because I was ashamed and felt I would never find someone to appreciate or love me like I wanted. I still haven't found this person after 3 years but I have been close, and I want to heal from this so I can continue the dating journey without this dark cloud over me. Anyway, hope to connect with some of you! LivingBeyond
  9. Hi there! I'm also not a medical professional, but I do know from experience herpes can show up on the buttocks, and they have coined it sacral herpes. It can happen anywhere around the buttocks, thighs, or genital area. I don't know of a correlation to acne, but the type of clusters and time and your prodrome symptoms may be a clue. Hope this helps! Take care!
  10. Cowardice and immaturity. I love the way you summed that up. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I really did think something great was on the horizon with this person, and I wondered how I could be so fooled into thinking I could trust him. I agree there are many great people out there, it's just that I feel hopeless for now that I will find one. I appreciate your optimism and outlook in this regard. Maybe I can provide an update at some point that does it justice. Also, thank you for the perspective that it might have just been about sex for him, even with the other reassurances, his actions may be showing me just that. I'll see if I can find some of those stories already posted too. I think that will help me reset from this blow. Grateful for you and this platform!
  11. I've been H+ for 12 years. I contracted it from my husband on my honeymoon when he had it orally and gave it to me vaginally and it developed into sacral. We have now been divorced 3 years. I have been dating for 3 years, and I had one relationship for 9 months, and some on and off time for a year or so after that. He tried to help by giving me health advice but otherwise didn't give H a second thought. Since then, I've had several unsuccessful dating relationships. A month ago I met someone who I thought would change that trend. We were dating exclusively and he said he wanted me to be in a serious relationship with him, and so I disclosed in person. I gave him time for questions, and told him he could take time to consider what he wanted to do. He said he wanted us to be together. It's been 3 days since then, he blocked my number (straight to voicemail and no responses to texts). I called from a different number this morning and he answered and was all stutters. I gave him the opportunity to tell me then he was no longer interested, but he made an excuse and hurried off the phone. I know this behavior could have happened with anything because this shows how he handles things, but it still hurts to be tossed aside and ignored as if I don't have feelings. I had gotten to a good place of being comfortable disclosing and feeling confident discussing nuances with a partner. I feel like I'm having a setback now and returning to the negative thinking that kept me in my marriage for too long ("no one will want me because of this, and if they do it will come at me sacrificing some important standards I have"). I have done so much work around this already for it just to return. Does it ever go away? How do I not lose faith/hope? I'm not looking for a fairy tale love, just a healthy, supportive relationship with a decent, yet imperfect man. Does anyone have encouraging stories about recovering from rejection?
  12. Thanks for bringing this up Le3113: I'd love to know where to get some facts on this as well. This is my current situation, and I just want to be properly informed. It took me a while to adjust to having HSV1 genitally, and I want to prevent either of us from having to adjust to more if it all possible & if it comes to that.
  13. Hi Braino, I was in a sexual relationship for 9 months. We used protection every time, and we never attempted when I had prodrome symptoms or a full outbreak. I didn't transmit. We've broken up but it wasn't because of H. I disclosed before we ever initiated anything sexual. Everyone is different about how they proceed. Hope this helps!
  14. So as a follow up, can you contract HSV2 from your partner if you have HSV1 genitally? I looked for this answer in the forums because I believe it was discussed before but couldn't find it.
  15. Hi Lorena, Her putting that in her notes wasn't about you or stigmatizing you. It was probably because talking about a physical issue alone isn't medically billable for mental health services. It has to be coded a certain way for insurance to cover it. To find a good therapist is a matter of trial and error. You want to find someone who is attentive and can offer some course of treatment to deal with your stress and thinking around H. That will most likely be the most help. Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed way besides asking what type of therapy they offer and seeing if your personalities mesh. It is likely each one will have that intake appointment and associated paperwork. I hope this helps.
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