livingbeyond

Hi @GeorgiaSimp I have an outbreak in the days before almost every period. It's gotten more frequent recently (it used to be every other month) so I was coming on here to ask/read about supressant medication and saw your post. I constantly work on stress management and take lysine, and I'm tired of the frequency. I've had this for 13 years for reference. For me it's definitely hormonal and has become a regular part of my PMS symptoms.

Hi @Flowerteacher55, Sorry I'm so late to respond. I actually wasn't meaning confusion around HSV being blood bourne. I was talking about the misconception that if you have it genitally you MUST ALSO have it orally. He, in reality, had it orally and could remember having cold sores since childhood but was never informed about them. I just wanted to clarify. There can be fear from people due to their lack of understanding/listening even if the time is taken to be clear. It's important to know the facts ourselves so we can be empowered by real information. This platform helps with that. 😊

There's so much confusion around hsv. I'm thankful for this forum because real facts are being disseminated. I had one person tell me one time he felt concerned kissing me every time we kissed bc I had disclosed to him at the beginning of our relationship. He never mentioned it as an issue until we were having a disagreement. The truth is I have GHSV1 and have never had any form of HSV orally and made sure to explain this clearly in the beginning. He actually had cold sores all his life. When I explained to him what he had and his confusion around what I have, he was awestruck. I guess it is in these types of encounters where the education occurs. @SailorSunshine I'm glad you had a place to come to for support and solid information.

When you have to inform your non-hsv partner that you are experiencing symptoms, is part of your disclosure an apology? I'm asking because I struggled with this. I was looking forward to spending some intimate time with my partner, and we're both really busy so that's been limited lately and we don't live together. We made other plans as well, which are still going to happen of course, but I had to let him know we wouldn't be able to be intimate because of prodrome symptoms I started having. He was fine, but I find myself feeling like I disappointed him in some way. In no way did he demonstrate this and focused on our other plans. I also felt like I should apologize but didn't because I also feel like I didn't do anything wrong. I'm conflicted. This is the first time hsv has "interfered" or been a factor for us. All my old fears about being rejected around this are resurfacing, and I feel like it's an inconvenience to be with me. I know I'm not defined by hsv and am an awesome person with a good heart, and I'm still currently up thinking about this still. I'm sure I'll talk to him more about it too. How do others deal with this in your dating life or relationships?

@Mercyme that's what gets me... the fact that they (medical system) just dismiss attempting to cure this. Moreso than living with it, that's what frustrates me. It seems like they're just fine with continuing to have an increase in these numbers and doing nothing for prevention besides make jokes. But that's my soapbox for today lol. In other words, mercy me, I agree 😊. I've only been hurt by two people's responses and my own mindset, and I can manage that. The distress is a lot more for some and I don't like that they're experience isn't honored by the medical community.

@89star I can relate. I felt like it was my fault for not having awareness but that's not fair to myself. I went to the doctor and we were both tested prior. The medical system didn't think h was serious enough to have a full panel. So now I have it. Holding setting against yourself for what you didn't know automatically makes you lose. It's like telling a newborn they should know how to walk. How if they've never been shown and introduced to that? As far as my journey, I still have outbreaks 1x every 2 months or so. They are manageable but prodrome is uncomfortable as it typically causes nerve pain. I have vitamins and herbs but I also try to get enough rest. Sleep is a huge trigger for me if I don't get enough. I exercise too. You'll find the keys to help your body through this!

@89star you're right, it can be difficult listening to the others' perspectives on h. If you're concerned a person won't like you once they find out, chances are they aren't worth your energy in the first place. I've had to remind myself of that a few times bc it's not like we walk around with an impenetrable shell on, so I get how it can hurt. Life definitely does go on and you can still enjoy it fully and have those things you want in life. Glad you found this forum so you know you're not alone in your experience. I was diagnosed as a 27 year old black woman and was married at the time. I'm since divorced & now in a relationship but have had many ups and downs over the years. Support helps. H is one more thing you have to carry, but at least you know you have at least some people who can relate and welcome your discussion of your experience.

Hi@Wonderlust_girl! I'm glad you found your way onto the site and into this forum. I wish I had some tips or tricks to offer but the one I know of you're already monitoring (i.e. water intake). Overall, I would say just making sure you're eating a variety of healthy foods and maintaining the right digestive balance in your gut with prebiotic and probiotics and such. I'm not a doctor but this goes a long way to balancing a lot in the body. Hope things continue to go well for you!

@eastnorthsouthwest Hi! I'm glad you decided to write and have joined the forums here. That experience I posted really did knock my confidence out for a few days, but I worked feverishly to mend and remind myself of my self worth outside of the diagnosis. There were plenty of tears and I also affirmed myself and regained the perspective that I still have value, and I had the opportunity to tell that person just that. So, once that was done I started meeting people again. I met someone who was immediately open about some of what he saw as limitations, which allowed me to be open about H. So far we have bonded over common perspectives on spirituality, perspectives on relationships, communication, and through transparency. There is an ease as a result, and we just have fun or are able to get back there through more serious times. I don't know that we would've reached this level of vulnerability and acceptance between us so soon if I didn't have H. Things are still being worked through to determine if we will have something long-term, but for now things are good. I hope this does bring some optimism. If you have any other questions or need encouragement, feel free to PM me.

Following the same line of thinking, if you have GHSV1, can you then acquire it orally from someone who has oral HSV1? I thought I saw this on here before, but I haven't been able to find it in my searches.

I started on a STI dating site when I first started dating after my divorce. I agree with @mr_hopp that it is a good warm up to dating overall after a diagnosis. I revisited one last year and noticed a lot of people choosing to wear their masks in their photos, so that is an option. You may even be able to express your boundaries in your profile that someone not request additional pictures if they don't have pictures, so it feels more equitable. It may start off as an uneasy feeling but once you see the support of others on the site or talk to some people, it could become more comfortable. I think the one i used was Positive Singles. Best of luck, Livingbeyond

@mr_hopp & @Flowerteacher55 thanks for the comments! This song is definitely a tear jerker, but those big cleansing tears we sometimes need 😊. It's my anthem for today...it's on repeat. Hope it encourages others and helps to reset their perspective. Love and light! Livingbeyond

Hi All! I had forgotten about this song, and I ran into it during a workout I do. Anyway, it's a great reminder that we are not our diagnosis anymore than anyone else with things in their past or present they are dealing with. I've done a lot of work over the past few days to get back to this thinking. Please hear the words.

@Neverwouldathought Hi! I know this can be a difficult time with everything still being relatively new. I've had GHSV1 for 12 years. I didn't just accept it and move right through. It's a process. I was initially devastated and afraid to leave a lifeless marriage (and I contracted it from my ex). I was recently cowardly rejected but through returning to this site, I've been able to remember who I am as a whole human with H and not the summary or stigma that people have around it. I had to remember the people I disclosed to who accepted me and my story and saw me as that whole human. You are not doing this alone, even though it very much feels like you're on an island at times. Do exactly what you did here and reach out 😊. You'll find support and a way to address your thinking so you can get stronger through this. Grieving your H- life is normal. But remember you can live H+ and still be your awesome, powerful, amazing self! You'll find your way. Best wishes, Livingbeyond

@Gypsy86 I can definitely relate. I have had primarily accepting experiences, so I think that's why this one threw me for such a loop. We had really hit it off and he seemed to be pretty non-judgmental in general. He pursued moving to the serious relationship stage, so that's when I disclosed. I was nervous before doing so because I hadn't needed to for quite a while. However, I'm not about being mistreated because of H. Even if someone has a choice about being with me or not (as is the case with anything) I still deserve a respectful response. He said he was fine with it then ghosted. So I've made sure to tell him how I felt about how he handled things and today I've been able to release it. I'm still working on me, but I'm sure I'll be back to dating in no time. You really have to know yourself and know you haven't changed at all, but that can take a blow with these experiences. Rejection is going to happen with or without H, and rejection is a course corrector for sure. Sounds like you don't have to worry about it for now. If you ever do date again, initially you can just take the time to get used to it and learning about people. Hone your skills there and learn about what would qualify someone to earn that type of vulnerability from you. It's not a perfect formula, but it helps. The first person I ever disclosed to rejected me, the second one I ended up in a nine month relationship with and we didn't break up because of H. I hadn't had an issue with anyone else I've told until this guy. This was starting to run on lol. I'm glad you reached out. I hope we can remain in contact. I'm in TX too. Livingbeyond

Hi All! I have recently returned to the forums. I had been living a pretty typical life and was comfortable disclosing when needed but I've had a setback after being ghosted after disclosing, so I'm trying to regain my confidence and heal from the rejection. I was glad to have seen a thread that was so focused and to which I could relate. I hope it's able to continue because I'd like to connect with with other black women who have felt like they were on an island with this, despite the facts of how common it is. No one in my circle has acknowledged this but me. I have had GHSV1 for 12 years and contracted it from my husband on our honeymoon night. I stayed in the marriage longer than I should have because I was ashamed and felt I would never find someone to appreciate or love me like I wanted. I still haven't found this person after 3 years but I have been close, and I want to heal from this so I can continue the dating journey without this dark cloud over me. Anyway, hope to connect with some of you! LivingBeyond

Hi there! I'm also not a medical professional, but I do know from experience herpes can show up on the buttocks, and they have coined it sacral herpes. It can happen anywhere around the buttocks, thighs, or genital area. I don't know of a correlation to acne, but the type of clusters and time and your prodrome symptoms may be a clue. Hope this helps! Take care!

Cowardice and immaturity. I love the way you summed that up. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I really did think something great was on the horizon with this person, and I wondered how I could be so fooled into thinking I could trust him. I agree there are many great people out there, it's just that I feel hopeless for now that I will find one. I appreciate your optimism and outlook in this regard. Maybe I can provide an update at some point that does it justice. Also, thank you for the perspective that it might have just been about sex for him, even with the other reassurances, his actions may be showing me just that. I'll see if I can find some of those stories already posted too. I think that will help me reset from this blow. Grateful for you and this platform!

I've been H+ for 12 years. I contracted it from my husband on my honeymoon when he had it orally and gave it to me vaginally and it developed into sacral. We have now been divorced 3 years. I have been dating for 3 years, and I had one relationship for 9 months, and some on and off time for a year or so after that. He tried to help by giving me health advice but otherwise didn't give H a second thought. Since then, I've had several unsuccessful dating relationships. A month ago I met someone who I thought would change that trend. We were dating exclusively and he said he wanted me to be in a serious relationship with him, and so I disclosed in person. I gave him time for questions, and told him he could take time to consider what he wanted to do. He said he wanted us to be together. It's been 3 days since then, he blocked my number (straight to voicemail and no responses to texts). I called from a different number this morning and he answered and was all stutters. I gave him the opportunity to tell me then he was no longer interested, but he made an excuse and hurried off the phone. I know this behavior could have happened with anything because this shows how he handles things, but it still hurts to be tossed aside and ignored as if I don't have feelings. I had gotten to a good place of being comfortable disclosing and feeling confident discussing nuances with a partner. I feel like I'm having a setback now and returning to the negative thinking that kept me in my marriage for too long ("no one will want me because of this, and if they do it will come at me sacrificing some important standards I have"). I have done so much work around this already for it just to return. Does it ever go away? How do I not lose faith/hope? I'm not looking for a fairy tale love, just a healthy, supportive relationship with a decent, yet imperfect man. Does anyone have encouraging stories about recovering from rejection?

Thanks for bringing this up Le3113: I'd love to know where to get some facts on this as well. This is my current situation, and I just want to be properly informed. It took me a while to adjust to having HSV1 genitally, and I want to prevent either of us from having to adjust to more if it all possible & if it comes to that.

Hi Braino, I was in a sexual relationship for 9 months. We used protection every time, and we never attempted when I had prodrome symptoms or a full outbreak. I didn't transmit. We've broken up but it wasn't because of H. I disclosed before we ever initiated anything sexual. Everyone is different about how they proceed. Hope this helps!

So as a follow up, can you contract HSV2 from your partner if you have HSV1 genitally? I looked for this answer in the forums because I believe it was discussed before but couldn't find it.

Hi Lorena, Her putting that in her notes wasn't about you or stigmatizing you. It was probably because talking about a physical issue alone isn't medically billable for mental health services. It has to be coded a certain way for insurance to cover it. To find a good therapist is a matter of trial and error. You want to find someone who is attentive and can offer some course of treatment to deal with your stress and thinking around H. That will most likely be the most help. Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed way besides asking what type of therapy they offer and seeing if your personalities mesh. It is likely each one will have that intake appointment and associated paperwork. I hope this helps.

@Ishmael Thank you for sharing that post! I was able to use the text script she posted, and it went well. I am pleased to report that I disclosed to someone, and the result was much more understanding. He brought up the conversation about him being "clean," and I asked him to hold off explaining. I said that since the conversation was going in that direction, I had something to say. I used the script that I adjusted to fit my situation and include how I specifically contracted HSV. His response..."You're good with me". He said he knew about it, once thought he had it, and knows that under stress I may have outbreaks. I asked "really?" because I was in such disbelief. He reassured me he was fine with it, and we continued our conversation from there. It was the hardest thing to disclose with what happened before, but I didn't want to get stuck having more emotions invested in something if it couldn't go anywhere. The responses were night and day, and this restored my hope. There's no telling what will actually happen with this, but if I posted the devastating response I also want to post with something that can bring others hope. It is possible to find understanding people out there!!!

@organicmama Absolutely! In fact, this painful experience helped me disclose to a friend I've had for 10 years and was ashamed to tell. She was supportive and helped me remember, along with this site, the kindness of people and the power of having someone listen. There is also power in doing the opposite of what shame tells us to do; it's just very vulnerable.