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Mellygirl92

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  1. inspired32 I would like to talk too, I didn't think about it as how many I've slept with, just the wrong guy. Because that's all it takes is one guy. I'm trying not to feel shameful, but in a lot of ways I don't wanna be the person I was before and maybe that's part of the reason this is happening to me, so I will wake up and be a better person. I don't wanna become herpes. But I don't want to be like so many of the other females my age in the town I live in. I know this is only the beginning but hopefully this situation helps me protect me heart and I don't end up with a total douche bag ever again. I don't think douche bags sleep with girls with herpes, only loving, understanding guys right? Hopefully anyways...
  2. Lelani, oh my I feel so lucky my outbreak was about a week. I am hoping that I met new people out of this situation, people that understand and well I guess I am starting too. And as far as dating goes, the guys that were interested in me are taking my rejection of them kinda hard. but when I say its not you its me, I realllly mean its me.
  3. Thanks for all your advice, I've had a few more days to think and now that my outbreak has gone away I feel a lot better. I feel a lot less dirty now that its gone and things at least appear normal. I'm talking to a counselor who has a lot of experience with people with herpes. My best friend keeps telling me how brave and strong I am and I'm feeling more positive. I feel like this may be my opportunity to be a different person. There is so sexual side to me anymore...that's not an option for me right now, there's no more dating. That frees up at of my time. I can be whatever I want. Even though it's only been a few weeks it's like a light switch... I never thought something like this would happen, and I never realized how much it would change me.
  4. As I think about my life so far (only being 19 1/2) and the experiences I've had, all the events leading up to this moment, I ask myself the typical question "why me?," I feel ashamed. A deep soul shattering shame that I never thought I would ever experience in my life. And it's not like I gave myself herpes, but I very well could have taken better steps of preventing it. I know the point is I can't blame myself. But I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and it destroys me as a person to think that getting herpes is the thing that finally got me thinking, got my to reevaluate and focus. I have a lot "what now's" going on in my head. I'm too young and inexperienced with relationships to ever have a chance, well anytime soon to have any kind of relationship. I hate being lonely, and it be one of the reasons I'm in this situation to begin with, getting in relationships just because I'm lonely. I will never be able to tell any family members that I have herpes, for I will surely be marked with WHORE and not allowed to touch any of my nephews or niece for fear of giving them it too. I have oral and genital. They will definitely never care to know the facts... herpes is sexually transmitted, sex before marriage is bad and therefore I am bad. I just keep having this image of my 14 year old self (the age of my first kiss) with my big, brown, wounded eyes looking at who I've become. And that song "it was only a kiss how did it end up like this..." replaying in my head making me feel so ashamed and wishing I go back and make so many changes. In only 5 1/2 years I've managed to fuck up any chances of having a normal relationship with any guy. A normal life, of all the stigmas I face everyday now I have another one. Just add it to the pile. When I told "the guy" today about the situation he was in total denial that it could have been him because he hasn't been with that many woman, but I told him I broke out the day after we had sex and I went over every detail of what happened, he still insist I gave it to him, but I have always gotten tested regularly, and know without a shadow of a doubt it was him. When he left he gave me a hug and said, "You're right though. I would feel like my life is over too if I had herpes." Well that's the end of my rant I hope someone has some comfort and advice.
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