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Melaningirl12792

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Everything posted by Melaningirl12792

  1. Good on him for disclosing! Good on you for disclosing too! You are totally right, choosing to do nothing or to wait is often the worst option. I hope things go well for you both! Thank you so much! Fingers crossed lol!
  2. So I met this guy on Mother’s Day. He came to our house to install our WiFi lol. I came out of my room and noticed how adorable he was. With that being said, even though I am not completely or %100 open about my “situation” right now, I decided to go ahead and speak to him, you know...try and make the first move. Now, I know...I know I promised myself that I would refrain from dating anyone and become celibate until I figured things out for myself buuuuttttt...I just wanted to have someone I could talk to besides my friends...and also he was cute lol. Surprisingly, he stayed at my house for almost 2 hours talking to me after he finished installing our WiFi. We hit it off. We had a lot of things in common. He eventually got my number and told me that he was really into me. Of course I was super excited! After almost two long months of dealing with my newfound condition and feeling like I had to isolate myself from any potential relationships or flirtationships lol, I had found a new friend (a new cute friend). Days then weeks passed and it seemed like the more I got to know him, the more anxious I felt about telling him about my HSV2. It is definitely imperative to give people a choice to be with you after knowing the circumstances. DISCLOSURE IS YOUR FRIEND! However, I had never disclosed to anyone but my bathroom mirror before. Yes, I am a disclosure virgin! Naturally, I was confused on how to do this. Do I suck it up and blurt it out? Do I ease into it? Maybe I should wait even longer? These were my initial daunting thoughts, but my fear was ultimately REJECTION. I felt like my heart would fall out of my body. My fear was that not only would he reject me but would he do it and sound disappointed, dismissive, or just plain pissed off? The judgement, the agony. Scared and indecisive, I began to sit and think about it. The more I thought about it I noticed that I was going over all of these scenarios in my head but none of them were true yet. I realized that I was preparing myself for a fatalistic outcome that I had conjured up in my own mind. I had not any faith in this guy. I let my own self consciousness and pessimistic thoughts tear down my hope. I had lost some confidence in myself. I lost sight of how amazing I was. It became very clear that if he could not see past the HSV2 and open his eyes to see how amazingly intelligent, beautiful, and kind-hearted I really am then hun, he was never the person for me. So I called him… He talked and I listened for about an hour. Then I began to hint at a secret that I had. I was trying to be as vague as possible about it but he made a suggestion. “If I tell you a secret...will you tell me one?” I nervously agreed. He went first. He went on to tell me about his ex-girlfriend and how their relationship was (all things I have heard before). All the while I’m thinking to myself, “wait, I know I have a huge secret buuuutttt what is he about to tell me?” Something I have never thought of before. He goes, “ Well about my ex...she never told me...she gave me Herpes…” This was the unpredictable variable. This was a major curveball. I could not help but laugh for what seemed like 10 minutes, of course to him it seemed like I was laughing at him. I finally told him, “I am laughing because, well, I have it too…” What an immense sigh of relief of relief for the both of us lol. We talked for hours about everything HSV related, the stigma, our own stories, our hardships, and our hopes for the future. I could not believe the struggle I had with myself to find the words to tell this guy something that he had all the confidence in the world to tell me. I admire his courage and strength. I will always admire anyone’s courage and strength to disclose because it is tremendously hard and does not always have a happy ending. Every single disclosure is an accomplishment for yourself good or bad, because you had the guts and moral compass to do so. Conclusively, whoever I am with, whoever I want to tell, I can not be afraid to disclose. So you don't know what they will say or do. That is ok. All you can do is control what you say and do. You also need to have FAITH people!!!! Not only in yourselves but others as well. You should try to give people the benefit of the doubt because they just might surprise you! Maybe taking action will suck sometimes and sometimes you will fail. Maybe you will have to work at it, but this experience has taught me that any action is better than no action at all. And most times the best actions gets you the guy. ;)
  3. @LoveTheMountains Hi! This is so super helpful! You should definitely share with everyone else. I am a nerd in all sorts of ways lol so I can relate and this could be great for me as well. I have been looking for many new and sometimes unconventional methods to help on this long journey to recovery, so this is perfect! Thanks a lot and I hope you have a great recovery as well. Good luck :)
  4. Hi everyone! Meningitis bacterial or viral is very serious. If you have any of the symptoms, I urge you to go to the doctor and demand a Lumbar Puncture Procedure as Meningitis can be fatal. The sooner you catch it the better. I have just gotten through my viral Meningitis and I am feel the same post VM effects but it is better to be alive and feeling this way than to be dead. If you have any question PLEASE inbox me. I would be happy to answer any of your questions.
  5. It's one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Is this a lesson, a consequence, or a test of faith? I feel much different. Parts of me are the same though. However, my mind is everywhere and nowhere all at once. The few thoughts at the end of the day, will I ever be me again? Can things be normal for me again? Would I overcome this or is this it for me? Meningitis is one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. But could it also be a positive undertone here? Is there “Light at the end of the tunnel?” April 2018, I was starting my first day at a new job. The night before, I had a headache as well as that morning. It was a stronger headache than I was used to but like any other headache I would get, I threw back two Advils and went on about my day. Hours into my day, into my training for the new job, I could feel the discomfort creeping back up. The pain was even worse, like I pissed it off or something. Six hours I spent at work that day, barely functioning, but trying to complete my training with everything I had. As soon as I clocked out, the tears came rushing down my face as I rushed back home. When I walked into the house, I fell to the ground clenching my head from all directions and crying, screaming really. My mom, lost and confused, oblivious to what was happening, helped me to my room where I layed down. I slept with a ice pack on my head for about an hour and a half before being taken to a hospital. The Nurse Practitioner kind of immediately had her suspicions about the cause of my pain. She performed the Lumbar Puncture and confirmed that is was Meningitis. I stayed in the hospital for seven days. Without really be sure of which type of meningitis I had without running all the necessary tests, the head doctor took precaution and treated me for both. I was confused and worried. I did not know when I got meningitis, how I got it, or where I got it from. I just wanted it gone, gone FOREVER! After the seven days I was released to go home. I was given a follow up appointment and my exit papers. However, it was immediately…. as soon as I stepped through my own front doors that the real problems set in. After just one day I realized that my vision was clearly impaired. I was unable to focus or concentrate. I experienced restlessness at night but was also so tired, extremely fatigued even. What seemed like the worst part was my memory, which fades in and out. Time meshes together, going by in a single blink. Days are the same, wake up, lounge, eat, repeat. I have this constant terrible feeling that I found that in the medical world they classify as “derealization” or “depersonalization”, where one feels as if life is not real or that they are just going through the motions of life and really inserted into it and feeling as if anything they do does not matter. It’s hard wanting to be sociable but wanting my friends to know as less as possible. Anxiety continuously tearing my mind to shreds. The anxiety was so bad that I slept with my mom the first week and a half that I got back from the hospital because I would have a panic attack just lying in my own bed. I am immensely depressed every step of the way but trying so hard to be hopeful that it will get better. It has to get better, because who can live happily in this mental, emotional, and physical state? I honestly felt like I could not talk to anyone, like no one understands. All I kept hearing was “maybe it is all in my head” or that I am “freaking myself out” but I am not. This is real. This is happening and I am feeling like I am losing my mind and every unique part of myself. I did not find out much from my doctor other than the basic spiel about what Viral Meningitis was and the treatment for it. I also found out later on that I got it from having HSV2. No one prepared me for the diminishing after effects of the infection. They left it all up to me. After days of panicking and crying, I gave in. My mom kept urging me to call someone, so I called a random Meningitis hotline, where I spoke to a woman, the secretary or something like that, who came to be the pivotal point of this whole experience. She told me things that the doctors did not. Things about the emotional and mental impact that these viruses leave on a person. She told me stories of others that made me feel actually grateful that I wasn't physically impaired or worse. She also told me something that I always try to remember when I get discouraged. She said, “What you are experiencing is like something you would experience if you were flew head first out of a car windshield, you have dead brain cells and maybe even a brain injury, and you have to treat it as such.” She expressed to me that this is MY health and MY life and despite what some doctors say I have to keep fighting for it and searching for answers. I had to find out more about what this infection was, how I got it, and ultimately what I was experiencing post viral meningitis. Beginning my research, I ran into all sorts of forums, discussions, success stories, and pleas for help. I was excited to see so many others experiencing the same symptoms I was and even having some of the same questions I did. However, I did not know whether to be joyful or saddened by some of the posts I read. One woman said it took her two years to even be able to function enough to reclaim her work life. With that, another woman said it only took 6+ months for her to recover. Another woman said to stay strong because she has recovered and there is “A light at the end of the tunnel” if you are patient. One person simply crushed any ounce of spirit I had by writing “Just learn to live with it and try to live life.” Well no, I refuse to just live with it. I want to be me again! I want to live my life as I once planned or thought I would. I want to be better. You know, being a christian I thought a lot about my sin and the way I was living my life after coming out of the hospital. I know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes everyday, but I can not help but realize that there is so much more positive I could be doing with my life. I am not living this life that God has blessed me with to its fullest potential. This sudden revelation was able to give me a bit of peace and encouragement about my situation. With these new ideas and thoughts, I started my journey to find healing. Diet, exercise, cognitive and occupational therapy, psychologists, neurologists, and maybe even some medication I found are all possible routes to recovery and rebirth. However, I found that time, patience and support, were the most significant steps to rehabilitation. It may have not been what I wanted to hear at the moment, but it did restore my spirit and hope that I can will be able to live the life I had always dreamed of for myself. All I really needed was these tools, a strong support system, and God on my side. A little over a month and I am still on the long journey of improvement, I really just started. In order to begin I needed to find my strength, hold on to my faith, and revive my optimism. There are resources and people to help, I just have to remain positive and want to work towards a better tomorrow. Previously, I began writing this for myself, like a reflective journal or diary of this experience to gain some sort of enlightenment, but after writing it I realized that I could inspire someone else. I am writing this to tell you, whoever you may be, although it may be difficult, try to remember who you were before the Meningitis. Although you might not completely become the person you once were, you might find that the person who comes out on the other side is even stronger and better than you ever were.
  6. Thank you so much! Absolutely, I just remember how down I was when I first found out. I just hope to connect to someone inspire them to not be ashamed and to have a more positive outlook on life. Keep pushing forward!!!
  7. HSV. Everyone's favorite topic! If you read my other piece, you know about my struggle with Viral Meningitis. But now I get to share with you (because it was just shared with me) how I got it. As if I wasn’t already depressed, hurt, and confused, here comes the nurse from the hospital calling to tell me that one of the possible causes of Viral Meningitis is the Herpes Simplex Virus and they tested me for it when I was there. Surprise! I have the Herpes Simplex Virus type 2, or as I like to put it, Genital Herpes. I cried almost as loud as I did the day I got the severe headache from the Meningitis. I immediately thought, I am 21 years old and my life is over. I thought about all the cons, no more dating, the difficulties having children without infecting them, dating rejection, my friends judging me, having to worry about infecting people around me, every possible negative thought came rushing at me all at once. I can not believe this is happening to me. I had to mourn the death of the person I once was for a few days of course, but after coming to, I realized that although it is not curable, this is not a death sentence. I thought let me learn a little more about this before I just shut out the world and everyone in it. I found that 1 out of 6 people have HSV. So if you know more than 6 people, one of them most likely has some form of HSV. Some people know, some people don't, but they do. So yeah that is A LOT of the population. Some people get symptoms like itching, burning, and bumps on their genitals sometimes and some people can go years without having one single outbreak. There are Antiviral medications and even suppressive treatments to help lessen the outbreaks. To prevent the spread of the infection you can: *Use condoms *getting regular STI tests and ensuring sexual partners also get tested regularly *reducing the number of sexual partners *being in a long-term monogamous relationship with an uninfected person *avoiding sexual activity during outbreaks of the herpes virus *using anti-herpes medication daily if one partner has the herpes virus *abstaining from sexual activity Source: WEBMD.com The best thing to do if you find out you have HSV is to contact your doctor so they can answer all of your questions and help you find the best option for treating the infection. On another note, I felt like although I could treat it to minimize outbreaks, dating is going to be a nightmare from now on. I thought, who would want to be with someone with Herpes, one of the scariest STIs out there. I immediately thought ok, well what if I find someone with herpes like me to date, I could possibly find a guy that way. I mean, who could turn away someone with the same condition as them? This notion, I soon found out was a problem. I signed up for a HSV dating site and I realized that I was scared to share too many details about myself and even post a picture of myself. I noticed that I was scared to reveal that I had herpes even on a HSV dating site. Odd, I know. I was struggling accepting my truth. I went on to search for forums, discussion boards, etc (as I did when I found out I had Meningitis). I was searching for people my age with HSV who were struggling in the LOVE department. I found them. I could not help but fully relate to every single person on the discussion board. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. One blogger expressed how she would never sign up for a HSV dating site, as it can influence people who carry the virus to conform to only talking to or being with others who have it which is crazy. She opened my eyes to understand that we are all people and should not live under the stigma that Herpes is this big scary monster thing and we have to alienate ourselves from the rest of society. After all HSV is really just a few outbreaks of uncomfortable bumps and itching. It's not to say you shouldn't be careful with your health, it is just that the stigma behind Herpes is that it's a death sentence and its not. The posts made me laugh and informed me of so much. People my age, in college just like me, everywhere, going through the same exact thing. One girl and guy on the board went on to say don't be afraid to disclose that you have the virus to people. The girl told about 50 guys and had only been rejected by about 5 of them or so. She had been in 7 relationships post HSV. A guy said the girl he met had it and he didn't really care and slept with her. All of this was good news to me, not because I just HAVE to be in a relationship or have sex, but to know that I don't have to restrict myself to find love or be ashamed of myself for my condition. I also learned to ditch the stigma because its not as bad as anyone thinks and is easily contracted. Anyone can get it and not even know it. I don't know if I am quite as ready as these folks to be as open as they are with HSV, but I can say that I had a huge sigh of relief that I can be if I choose to. Tip of the day is to not be afraid of rejection. Not everyone will reject you.Take a chance, try it, disclose to someone and be positive about it, because you won't know the outcome until you try! These are the two websites I went to to research: The first is the forum from the people’s stories that I used in my entry. The other is an article. I hope you find these as helpful as I did. https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8423/dealing-with-herpes-in-college The Overblown Stigma of Genital Herpes - The Atlantic
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