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fstop

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  1. I'm a 23 year old female and I found out I have herpes about 2 weeks ago. I'm currently going through one of the hardest times of my life, completely unrelated to herpes, because of a huge drunk mistake I made 2 months ago that was extremely public and I'm going to have to deal with the legal ramifications of that, as well as not knowing if I'll still have my job once the dust settles. So I've been dealing with the emotional toll THAT event has been taking on me, and now I'm having to deal with the fact that I have herpes. Even typing this out is difficult. I haven't had sex with very many guys, but the last partner I had didn't tell me that he had genital herpes until after we had been having protected sex. I was initially incredibly angry with him, but I tried to understand his position and how difficult the "conversation" must've been, and I forgave him. We had protected sex a few more times before it ended due to circumstances completely unrelated to herpes. I had no signs or symptoms up until about 3 months ago, when the itching started. My doctor chalked it up to a bad case of BV because I hadn't experienced lesions and he hadn't seen any. He prescribed me an antibiotic and the itching went away briefly. Then the tingling started, and a few days after the tingling a painful red sore the size of a dime popped up and went away after a few days. I've been experiencing itching and tingling since then but no lesions. I requested an STD panel, and when I went back to get the results 2 weeks ago, I came back positive for HSV1 at 17.80 and positive for HSV2 at 0.17 (which I'm aware is a low positive.) I'm not sure if all of the other things going on in my life are making this herpes issue seem small, but I'm actually doing okay with coming to terms with this new condition. I have moments where I internally freak out at the thought of having to tell my next sexual partner about this, and I'm terrified they'll think I'm "dirty" or "damaged goods." I'm trying to focus on embracing my feelings while still acknowledging the truth. I feel dirty, but I know this happened from doing something natural that EVERYONE does. I feel unattractive, but only when it's 2AM and I'm staring at the ceiling overthinking things. I feel lost, but nothing has really changed except for this really annoying skin condition. The thing is... I have herpes and I still freaking love myself. Sometimes I let it get to me, but for the most part I'm just trying to focus on the things I love about me. And I know when I meet the man I'm meant to marry, he won't love me "even though I have herpes." He'll just love me for me. Hell, maybe he's up late on some forum trying to soothe his soul just like me. Who knows? I would love to get in touch with some folks who are willing to chat on the days where self love is a little harder than usual. Also... does anyone have any experience taking BHT as a treatment option?
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