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depressedhippo

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  1. @lovinglife I'm 23 and was just diagnosed with HSV-1 one week before my birthday. It's now been a total of 3 weeks since my symptoms started and I am confident I know which partner gave it to me. Unfortunately, I started having sex with a new partner just around the time the symptoms started (I thought it was a yeast infection) so it's very likely that I've already infected someone else. I feel like absolute shit. I can relate to your story and all the emotions your experiencing about yourself and about this new truth. I spent the first two weeks in my bed: depressed, crying nonstop, not eating. The partner who gave it to me has oral herpes and did not tell me before our sexual encounter. I asked if he had been tested for STDs and he said yes that they were negative. At the time, I had no idea doctors and clinics did not test for herpes except for by request. I always assumed that because it was an STD, it was included in the panel. But nope. He says that he did not know he still had herpes and that he could pass it to partners. I say bullshit, because even I know that and I didn't have sex ed in school. But I really am disappointed in America's sex ed programs (more like lack thereof) and just general ignorance everyone has about sex. I feel just as stupid as you do and I feel that it is unfair. I've had less than 20 partners (a small number compared to A LOT of people I know my age) and I have always used a condom. I'm scared that no one will ever want to give me oral again because that's where my breakouts are and it can spread to their mouth or genitals. I talked to my most recent partner about my symptoms and later my diagnoses. He has been really understanding and does not hold anything against me. But he has also seen how devastated I am. I feel like I'm never going to be able to have children or a natural, vaginal birth. I'm concerned about having a breakout on my cervix since I have an IUD, increased risk of breast cancer, recurrent outbreaks that will affect my life in the extreme, etc. For example, during my first outbreak I was in so much pain I could not sit down or wear underwear. I was also on my period and I broke out in four different spots. My hope for the future is really really slim and I have been contemplating suicide. It felt like my life was over before it even started. And damn. 2010-present has not been good to me. It's literally been one thing after another with very little positive in-between. The only thing that has helped me get up this past week and start getting back to my life, is the fact that I do have dreams. And I'm not going to let some fucking stupid dickwad take that away from me. He gave me this disease and it sucks. But I'm not going to let him or my rapist or any other guy who has treated me as less than human because of sex fuck that up for me. I'm a bad ass. I'm a strong person. We, women, share the most difficult struggles and worst cards this life can deal to anyone and we should be proud of our resilience. Never ever let another person control your future or define your value. Personally, I will always disclose my herpes to potential partners. Because I didn't have a choice when I agreed to have sexual intercourse with the guy who gave it to me and everyone should be able to decide if that want to take that risk. You seem like a truly levelheaded person. And I don't really think you believe that you are a pariah or scum. You've been working on yourself, becoming the healthiest you, you can possibly be. You felt good about yourself and you see the results. Hold on to that, your hard work won't just disappear unless you stop taking care of yourself. You can still be sexy, attractive, intelligent, funny and clever with herpes. If it's HSV-1, I've heard that breakouts are far and few between and that eventually the outbreaks will lessen over time anyway. Don't do suppressive therapy until you have learned what triggers your outbreaks. If you are still itchy and tingling, give your doctor a call to ask if that is normal. I've seen several posts about that, so it seems like it might be common. I've still be a little itchy lately, too. Whenever you're unsure, just take extra special care of yourself. Take an epsom salt bath to prevent or lessen the symptoms of a breakout. Get plenty of rest. Take vitamin C and vitamin D daily. Keep eating healthy and working out. Your body will fight this for you if you just take care of it. And unfortunately that does take time that not a lot of us has. This is our new reality. We have to accept it or we cannot move forward. Thankfully, it is not the end of the world and we CAN make an effort to help educate people and eliminate the stigma. Stop researching online, step back and do something you enjoy. Watch something that will make you laugh. Focus on this present moment. It is a gift and we can never get it back. Stay strong, friend. We're here and listening.
  2. @maplemaple No unfortunately I have not seen that listed as a symptom of HSV and herpes. Just that it an outbreak can occur before or around your menstrual cycle. I also have a copper IUD to prevent pregnancy which is supposed to make your periods heavy, but have not for me thus far. Typically I run on a 45-day cycle with bleeding for 4-5 days. Though they USED to be 7 days long it felt like when I was younger.
  3. @lovinglife and @Abby137025 I read online that taking Vitamin C or Lysine supplements or eating Lysine rich foods can help your immune system battle and prevent outbreaks. Sleep is extremely important. Negative emotions and stress can weaken your immune system so definitely try to distract yourself as much as possible with other tasks that you can manage during the different stages of symptoms. For a couple days all I did was watch Netflix and bathe. I also spent a lot of time crying, but that's besides the point cx I was trying my best to take care of myself so that I would heal faster. Not all clear yet, but I feel that I've healed relatively fast considering my immune system is crap. Vitamin D is also very important to take daily. I think in order to prevent outbreaks we're just going to have to UP the self care to about 100 times what it was. Thank you so so much for tip about aloe vera gel.
  4. @Kp07 I hope it's not either... And it was actually around the time that some were scabbing over and some were cropping up. However, since you're itching ALL over and not just around the vulva, there's a chance you could be having an allergic reaction to the antiviral. I would call your medical provider as soon as possible to ask.
  5. @Abby137025 how did you know when the first outbreak had finally cleared? I'm still itching and I'm on day 9 I believe since I first noticed the red patch. I've been doing epsom salt baths once a day and using a blow dryer on a low setting to dry the area or just using a towel to pat dry and lie down under the fan. The tea tree oil 100% alleviates the pain and itching. Did you just get aloe vera gel for like sunburns or where did you get it? I'm sorry you're still having nerve pain. I started my period on like the first day of my outbreak and the cramps have been so bad this time. Now I have a yeast infection. Go figure. I'm with you though girl. We'll get through this.
  6. @seastar which tea tree oil? The one in the dark jar or the clear jar?
  7. @seastar which tea tree oil? The one in the dark jar or the clear jar?
  8. @Kp07 I had prodrome symptoms, or shooting pains, in the nerves of my upper thigh just before I had my first outbreak. I honestly thought it had to do with my EBV acting up (I had mono as a freshman in college). My clitoris was incredibly sensitive before the sores started showing up on my labia majora and minora, and throughout most of my breakout. I couldn't even touch it without crying out. And it felt so uncomfortable to wear shorts, pants, underwear-anything. I'm on roughly day 10 of my first outbreak and it's only the second day that I've actually been able to touch my clitoris without gritting my teeth. It would literally throb anytime it was jostled or touched. So I would say if it happened to me during an outbreak and with suppressive therapy, it's very likely that it is a common symptom. The nurse I talked to on the phone before going in a second time, knew exactly what it was. You are not alone!
  9. @maplemaple I just got my initial outbreak of HSV-1. Unfortunately, around the same time the sores were forming, I started my period. So I have been on my period for a week while also dealing with the worst pain I've ever experienced. Not to mention my period is now on day 7 and I normally bleed for 4. I am sure that getting waxed and my menstrual cycle triggered the outbreak. So my advice is to avoid using any insertable device for now, so like tampons and diva cups. You want to avoid spreading the herpes to your cervix (or that's what I know from reading online, someone please tell me otherwise if that is not the case). I used a tampon for a day or two because wearing underwear was so painful, but after that I either tried to sit or lie down on a towel or wear pads. Cotton pads or tampons are your best bet. You can only find them at health food stores or CVS pharmacies. Cotton absorbs moisture better so that it doesn't set on the skin. I took epsom salt baths once a day for the past three or four days to help dry out the sores and soothe the burning/itching sensation. You might need to pull a bath or use the shower when you need to pee because it will hurt like hell if urine gets on those open sores. You're supposed to try and keep that area as cool and dry as possible, and that is just in general. My car doesn't have air conditioning and I live in Texas so I have had to keep ice packs with me to help the groin area stay cool. I have also been wearing skirts quite frequently so I can go commando. That will help keep that area dry too.
  10. It already has hindered my life. @regularguy , While I appreciate the perspective I still think it's a little different for someone like me. I was 17 when l lost my virginity and 18 when I was sexually assaulted and therefore I didn't have any sexual encounters for a year. So since I'm 20 I have only had around 2 years of a normal adult life, and even then it was a lot of dealing with the past. Statistically, I have only had an encounter with 1 guy who wasn't a boyfriend, and that makes me really angry how unlikely this is. While you sound encouraging, for me it i quite clear based on my past experiences and the unlikeliness of this happening that is a clear sign that I just do not deserve companionship, happiness, or a fulfilling life, especially since I feel like my life was just starting and it is now effectively over. It is nice that you have hope, but I feel like t the end of the day I just don't deserve any and that I should deal with my unfortunate life in a way that would end it sooner rather than later. @why I feel the same exact way. I was sexually assaulted when I was 19 and 18 when I lost my virginity, since then I've had one relationship and long-term partner, and a handful of encounters since we broke up. Three weeks ago, I contracted HSV-1 from a partner who said he was clean and had been tested, but had oral herpes and went down on me during a time when he was asymptomatically shedding. I feel like it is so unfair. Especially after all the shit I've been through. What were the fucking odds? I still kind of want to end my life. I feel like no one will love me or want to be with me. My health is already pretty shitty so I feel like my chances of reoccurence are really high, especially around my cycle. It puts you at risk for other STDs and cervical cancer. Not to mention how to maintain a low-stress life in this fucked up world? (Which is the bullshit they tell you to prevent outbreaks) I feel you @why. But please don't end your life. I keep trying to think that maybe disclosing that I have HSV-1 to a partner might weed out the people who don't actually value me or really want to have sex with me. There's got to be some hope for the future. You are a bad ass bitch. And so incredibly strong. We're survivors. It is what it is, the past is the past. We deserve better and it is time that we start by expecting respect from our partners and set boundaries by saying "Before we get intimate, I want us to get tested and I ask that you use a condom." Maybe we can push for better sex ed, or be there for other women who will inevitably share our experience. Helping others can sometimes make us feel better.
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