Sunshine75

Unfortunately, It came back positive. I think I’ve had a harder time with it than he has. He says he knew the risks and it doesn’t change anything. He’s wrapping his head around what it means and doesn’t. We’re in this for the long haul anyway so he’s just waiting to see how his body reacts. He was lucky to only have the single spot and no irritation or itching for that first outbreak. He didn’t want meds and felt some general achiness for a couple weeks, he seems back to normal now. I am sticking with with my meds regime for now. Wishing this wasn’t the outcome for him, but...

@ash128083 not sure your age, but if you are in your 40s or so, it could be related to menopause or peri menopause and the like. Might be a useful time to consult a nutritionist as well— you may fins removing some foods from your diet can help too. Things that didn’t trigger before can cause issues now. They do even without GHSV! the joys of womanhood! 😂

I too have been with my partner for nearly a year. I DO take antivirals daily and I watch for any symptoms that give me a sense that something might be coming on. I too would say that I am very attuned to my body. I contracted HSV2 about 5 months before I met my current partner. We stopped using condoms about 2 months into our relationship— he’s consulted with his doctor about the risks and felt if I was on the meds and we didn’t have sex when I had an outbreak then the risk was so low with or without condoms that he’d take the risk. We were in this for the long haul. he told me this week that he found a spot on his penis— he is going to his doctor for swab, but I know it’s H. I am heartbroken having passed this to someone I care so deeply about. He says he knew the risks and is still in this for our journey ahead. If going back in time and sticking with condoms would have kept him safe, I would have done that. But I don’t think he would have. as long as you are okay with the risk that you CAN get this, don’t let it define the relationship. It is just a skin condition after all. But, if you felt more comfortable with additional protection till you really know where things are headed, then ask for it. She’ll understand— or should. My guess is that, like me, she would want to do whatever she can to keep her partner safe and comfortable, especially if she really cares for you.

So sorry to hear about this @kimmypooh94. Disclosing is never easy, but it does bring forth the truth and will eventually bring you a deeply open, honest, and meaningful relationship. remember that you are still the awesome you pre-H diagnosis! Remember what you’re worth and that if someone can’t take you as you are, then they weren’t the right one anyway! You deserve better and more. not a pep talk, just a reality check for you. Chin up, you got this!

Your post comes at a painful moment... my partner of nearly a year told me last night that he thinks he may have contracted H. My heart broke as he told me, it brought back a wave of fear and stigma and shame from when I was diagnosed. He wrapped me in his arms and held on tight telling me that he knew what risk was there and that he went in “eyes wide open” to this. I had disclosed my HSV2 status after our second date and yet we didn’t look back. We’ve been planning our lives together. I’d nearly forgotten about H— it was just the motion of taking my daily meds and careful to avoid sex if I even felt a tingle of something coming on. But I have been lucky to have had minimal outbreaks since the first 3 months. But now, it’s like a whole new wave of fears... what if this man I truly love begins to regret the decision he made? What if his outbreaks are severe or complicated and I caused that harm? What if he comes to resent me? I’ve let him know I’m so so sorry and that I’m here whatever he needs as he processes this outcome. I feel like we’re committed enough to the real us that this shouldn’t get in the way, but it doesn’t hurt any less to think I am the one who brought this into his life. my positivity will return, but right now I’m just reeling and hurting and concerned about him. I turned back to this forum because I needed the lift it once gave me. So, I too have interest in the answers you receive to this post.

@Alisonbr nuts are really high in arginine and so I limit the intake. I’ve heard peanuts are often a trigger for outbreaks and in general they can cause inflammation anyway, so I just avoid them. But if you haven’t had issues with nuts, then they likely aren’t an issue for you.

@JulyP thanks for sharing. I really liked it too. Just went through this situation myself and it was tough to get out of my head. Talking helped a bit, but like the actress in the video says... it’s a hurdle to get through!

@Michgirl73 I have never been much of a beer drinker, but I’ve tried one here and there post H. No issues. Have also included a glass or two of red or white wine without issue, but it’s a sometimes thing so balanced with watch other potential food triggers... I.e. if I am going out and think I’ll want a glass of wine or two, I’ll be thoughtful to not overdue sugars, nuts, gluten, etc... with the meal (or during the day if I can). And I won’t have more than two glasses and not more than twice a week. I think I’m still in a fairly cautious stage not wanting to bring on OBs. I also try to drink lots of water. Maybe a year from now I’ll be less cautious, but I’d love to find a path toward few-no outbreaks. At current moment in first year, that means putting self care first and being mindful of everything that goes into my body, my sleep, stress levels, etc...

Hi @Jenny00 I have taken a close look at diet since my initial outbreak and have worked closely with a nutritionist specifically on this over the last seven months. Each person’s body will have different trigger for HSV, but a look at diet can really help your body stay in a solid healthy place. You can look up some of my prior posts on food stuffs if you have interest. In meantime, some basics I’ve learned so far: LOTS of water and good fluids! daily doses of Vitamin C, a good probiotic, and a lysine supplement can do wonders good sleep and low stress goes a long way to both keeping the virus at bay AND making sure by day you are making good food choices to keep your body healthy I’m avoiding peanuts (and limited intake of other nuts), very limited caffeine, limited alcohol, limited sugar and being mindful of gluten intake. I seek out lysine rich fruits and vegetables and limit those that are highest in arginine (i.e. I’ll go for an apple over an orange). Note that I don’t eat meat or dairy which means it’s harder for me to get the lysine intakes in balance with arginine intakes. Your diet may make that easier for you. Overall, I just look for a healthy balance and stay mindful of the food choices i make and their potential impact. If I have a glass of wine with dinner, I’m going to consider avoiding the sugars of a dessert. Might help to think of HSV a bit like the skin condition it is— different things might cause skin irritation for you than for me. But if you can strive for good, healthy foods overall, your body will be happy and you are likely to see fewer food-triggered outbreaks.

@PhillyChick just want to thank you for sharing your disclosure story and your sample script. i posted on a different thread the other day how I’d referenced this as I disclosed last week to a partner I am really excited about. It went exceptionally well. thank you for sharing!

@Anonymous88 and @Amando I am sorry to hear this. Clearly wasn’t the right guy! but I also understand what Amando says and add one other thought to that thread. Remember there is SO MUCH misinformation or lack of real/truthful information out there about this. Think about how little we all knew about herpes before we got it! It can be hard in the heat of the moment to take all that in and process and consider long term potential impacts. I recently had a close male friend (who I’d disclosed to about my status early on for support) come to me to ask a question about a woman he’d once had sex with after she’d disclosed. He hadn’t had an issue when she disclosed but it was also just a sort of casual hookup, one time only. They unused protection, he didn’t seem to worry about it. He came back to me recently though because he wanted to circle back up with this woman about maybe start something more regular— thing was, he wanted info about the risks of transmission,etc. and wanted to consider all this before reaching out to her. I shared info, some resources, etc... answered what questions he had. And it made me realize that he didn’t know where to go to find out reliable information or to ask questions. He wasn’t comfortable asking her since he wasn’t sure he would be able to commit/take the risk. i wonder if this guy was going through a similar something (and how many others do)— not really sure where to go for good info, how to consider risks when all you know is the stigma, and not always feeling like you can ask the potential partner all the questions you have?? regardless of what was going on, I hear you on the hurt and the frustration. Keep your head up and keep disclosing. That foundation of honesty/integrity in starting off a relationship is something you will want— even if it means losing a few potential mates along the way! I do believe the right one(s) will be there for us!

@Uklad that you are being open and honest and sharing this with her (especially if you werare not in a situation of choice when you contracted) is really great! Really wish you all best!

It’s so hard to. Build up the courage to disclose, but so glad you had these two positive responses early on. That should give you confidence going forward. You CAN do it and the right guy(s) will be there for the right reasons!

I’ve only disclosed to potential partners twice— I’m still new at all this. Female to male disclosure. Like you I read posts on here, looked at the stats, read other articles, etc.... Both times I ended up disclosing by text. Not my choice going in, but just the way it worked out. First time around I was so nervous but wasn’t yet really invested in the guy, but there was some potential and I figured, just go for it— consider it practice if nothing else. I really figured he’d drop it right there and I’d never hear from him again. But I was surprised to find him open to it. Said it really didn’t matter, he had a friend who had it and had been there for him so understood. Relationship never fully manifested into anything physical, but that ended up being more about distance than about HSV. In fact, that never was an issue at all. second time was just last week with the first guy I’ve met in a LONG time that I just immediately clicked with and have high hopes for something longer term. 2nd date in, I knew i needed to disclose. We were both on the same page wanting more from this. He was getting ready to travel for work the next day, so I figured it was better to disclose and give him time to think on it before he came back. So I used a similar script to one shared on here in another post— just opening with how much I was enjoying getting to know him and that it seemed clear we both had interest in exploring where this might go. That I felt it important to be open about something that was somewhat hard to share. Said I had been diagnosed earlier in the year with HSV2, the virus that causes herpes. That there is a lot of misinformation out there but the reality is, it’s a skin condition that many people have— just not so many know they have it. Gave a couple stats, shared the disclosure pdf from this site and said I’d be happy to answer any questions or concerns he might have. We had a nice back and forth on text from this. At one point I apologized for dampening our otherwise wonderful evening by sharing (after all, we’d ended our date with a pretty great kiss and then he has me texting about HSV). His response spoke volumes— he said I hadn’t dampened the evening at all, if anything “made it better”! He said that it was so refreshing to know someone would be so open and honest. He suggested he go get tested since that would only be fair to me— he’d had two partners since he’d last been screened for everything anyway and felt that was only right for both of us to have a full picture of what were dealing with. And said he’d also talk to his doctor about it. 😊 but also said he felt like we had a great start to something here and we’d figure it out! That was last week and I am hopeful for where things might go with us. I am also trying to keep my heart in check to a certain extent until he’s been to the doctor and he has the information he needs to determine his options, risks, etc... but, no matter what, I have given him the choice that I never had on deciding to take the risk or not. i truly hope you have an equally receptive partner on the other end of your disclosure! There is something empowering about sharing this and opening up a level of honesty and openness with a potential partner early on! Doesn’t make it easy and I’d certainly never wish HSV on anyone, but you’ll know in their reaction if they are there for the right reasons! good luck to you! I look forward to hearing how it goes!

I @MarieH and any others interested. this is the best tool I’ve found for calculating lysine to Arginine ratios. It’s pretty comprehensive and supposedly if a food (whole food I.e. lemons) isn’t listed it’s because it doesn’t have a lysine/arginine ratio (basically, have at it!). Hope it adds a few more items to you “go to” list! https://tools.myfooddata.com/nutrient-ratio-tool.php?highest=Lysine&lowest=Arginine&foodgroup=All&list=Simple&spices=No