Just over a week ago I noticed a couple of very small open wounds near my vagina. I shave everything down there and thought I must have nicked the skin and it had become infected. It stung like mad so I went to the gp a few days later who said she didn’t think it looked like herpes and prescribed me some hydrocortisone cream. After a few more days I returned to the gp. At this point I was covered in painful lumps all around my vagina and bum. I’ve never felt pain like it - burning, tingling, stinging, I could barely walk or sleep. Gp sent me to sexual health clinic where a doctor swabbed me for formal diagnosis but seemed fairly certain it’s herpes. I’m still waiting for the results but I know it’s herpes. I’m absolutely distraught.
But what’s worse is my husbands reaction. His initial thought was I’ve cheated on him. I’ve been with him for over 5 years and never even looked at another man never mind cheated on him. He believes me now that I haven’t cheated on him but it took some time. I’ll never forget his disgust with me and the assumptions he made that I’ve slept around with ‘skanks’ before I met him. Which isn’t true and I think he’s basing this on a male friend he knows who has herpes who did in fact sleep around. I’ve told him what the doctor at the sexual health clinic told me, that you can catch herpes from someone who isn’t having an outbreak, so it could have been either me or him. There’s no way of knowing. I’ve never had an outbreak before, he says neither has he. The dr thinks it’s because my immune system is low as I’m pregnant that this is why it’s happened now. However I know my husband thinks it’s from me. He barely touches me now and is talking of how he doesn’t know if he can get over it.
We’re also 12 weeks pregnant and I’ve terrified myself with reading about the potential risk to my baby. I’m horrified that I now have to see an obstetrician for my care instead of a midwife. And so so so upset that I might have to have a c section if I have an outbreak near the end of my pregnancy. I won’t be able to bear it if my baby contracts this from me.
I’m so upset and feel so alone. The one person I thought I would have support from was my husband and I feel so uncertain about our future now. I feel dirty and disgusting already, I didn’t need to hear that this is what my husband also thinks of me.
Not really sure what I’m hoping to get from posting this. I just needed to write out how I’m feeling before I lose my head completely.
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