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alllgood

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alllgood last won the day on March 18

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  1. also.. I was just tested the full panel the other day so I don't think it's anything else.
  2. I also have had extremely abnormal discharge in the past like 4 months or so... I was diagnosed a year ago and didn't have this problem until an outbreak. But now it seems like its all the time... I hope to god its not hpv.... thats all i need
  3. I actually have been experiencing this pain all week... I could barley walk on my leg leg/foot the other day it was so bad. It has to be the H. I wish doctors knew more I feel so lost with this shit.
  4. I have yet to ever disclose and it's been a year.... So more power to you for your bravery first of all because I will never get to that point of openness with this. I genuinely envious, I just don't have the self esteem for it. So reading this, made me sort of validate myy horrible feelings of myself, but also, fuck this guy! You sound like an awesome person and this seriously pisses me off. People like that are the reason people like me feel the need to hide away. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but at least you're not alone in his insult, he insulted every single one of us on this forum, we're all in it together. I hope some day soon I have the courage to disclose to someone I truly like and trust and it ends up working out.
  5. i swear I ihave noticed more bumps around my mouth since getting HSV2 genitally... I feel as though I spread it some how... Maybe paranoia bc I've always had extremely dry lips and I do get pimples near my mouth but Idk.
  6. How did it go?? i never went the full diet route just yet bc its so demanding in college and having a social life... but my dad just set me up with the best equiiptment for it..... going to use jjames and others recipes and follow the guidelines. ive startedd slow... eating healthier and gym.... sometiimes supplements. but soon im going to make the full transition for a month or two and see how it goes.
  7. I knwo that was confusing but if you understand it slightly I hope it helps haha. its hard to explain without naming names. but basically i did what you did I knew/but I didnt know..... and I feel guilty bc truly i did and the signs were there and thats why I tried avoidding it but then I was like well the doctor hasnt confirmed and maybe these arent really the signs...... no way they are.
  8. I can realte to this on some level I guess. I was messing around in college and had a few different guys i fooled around with at the time of the contraction, but it was very obvious who it was due to the time of receiving symptoms after one (guy 1), not having sex with the other guy (guy2) for 2 weeks ish before (would've had symptoms by then) and the third guy (guy 3) being later i the week when I first contracted it but didn't have full blown symptoms. would've been impossible to get the symptoms that quickly after the second guy that week and maybe even the first (guy 1) but my body some how just felt dirty the second we had sex and from then on... Idk how to explain. hope you kept up if not just . bare with me lol i know its confusing. anyway I swear Ii started getting my symptoms within 48 hours of guy 1 which would've been 24 hours after guy 3, and the symptoms presented themselves as UTI and BV (which I had mutliple times weeks before that). I was in denial while at the same time a hypochondriac and just knew, and went to the doctor with my roommate that weekend once I started having trouble peeing, was still sick, and got the courage to look down inside and saw what looked like lesions. anyway, those lesions were tested but my results didn't come back right away and one doctor said it looked very likely and the other said it could still be my BV along with extreme yeast infection (i used to get horrible ones as a kid and thought it was herpes once when i hadnt even kissed a boy). so I took that as it was, knowing it was prob H but was also like in complete denial... and continued to be for months but we'll get to that. Anyway, I ended up having sex with guy 2 who I hadnt in awhile but it was after a very drunken, drug involved night, due to circumstanes. and I tried to avoid hiim coming near me all night from what I could remember but couldnt tell him why and then I ended up waking up the next morning realiziing what I had done and had a whole panic episode. because at this time my symtpms got very obvious and I igot a call later that day about the tests even though I full well knew at this point. anyway i was praying to god that soome miracle I didnt give it to him even tho you are most likely to shed to someone near primary ob, early on in the virus, not yet taking meds (bc they werent sure), and well I still had symptoms that felt like a yeast infection. Took awhile to lead up to this, but I ended up getting eaten alive by guilt but didnt want to say anything jsut in case and just checked up on him every couple days.... the first time being 1-2ish days later where he replied he was feeling really sick and think he caught something. my stomach dropped and my roomate was next to me and shes the type thats like i wouldnt tell anyone I mean its basically nothing like who cares blah blah blah... he prob didnt get it you overreact.. but I have anxiety disorder and popped my xanax becuase i couldnt fathom the thought of giving this to him especially jsut learning about how im going to deal with it myself. anyway.... he slowly stopped talking to me and got a gf a month or so later so I thought ok maybe im in the clear. 2 weeks ago at the bar he came up to me and jokingly said I know something, and I go what and he smiled and goes hoenstly its not a big deal idc, and I said what (playing stupid but more to see if he would say it) and he made a joke and walked away and we kinda talked after but he didnt even care to bring it up. So I'm back to feelin pretty guilty but honestly a little envious he is so cool about it when iim so not and he has a long lasting girlfriend.... Assuming he told her? maybe not bc everyone here talks?? idk anyway. I've done the same dumb shit... I went on to slightly do it again except thiis time i made the insinuation I may have it (i know stupid I just havent made it to the disclosure step even in a year yet.) and I knew he had it through close friends of his, so I thought... well if hes not sayiing shit neither am i. But yeah.... I think I need to take a step back and start loving myself again without the herpes thought in mind.... stop trying so hard to figure out the herpes situation and iinstead figure out my life and my best self, physically and mentally.... then maybe I can battle the H. Ii know its not easy, but hoenstly I'm not happy with myself before I even caught it.... I need major changes. anyway i hope this makes you feel less guilty. I still have a guiilty conscience with it but im glad we oddly cleared the air and both moved on without any issues. makes me feel ill find someone that will accept it before hand and itll all be good.
  9. This thread gave me hope with or without vaccines, and showed me there are ways around it transmission wise. also helped me feel better about my ethical stand point bc I feel this forum is always HUGE on always disclosing but my gyno also said that I shouldnt have to with casual sex and anti virals and other pracautions as they have more of a chance gettinig it from someone else. Idont wanna go around lying anymore and i need to work on that self acceptance but this always encourages me to get there, bc this type of talk proves how minor this issue is and how possible it can be to manage. LETS FIND THE CURE..... or just the self love that overpowers the virus all in all
  10. wow you took these thoughts out of my head... I did the same.. told my ex "i think ive been exposed I need to retest" but we ended up not working anyway. the ethics part fucks me up bc technically me taking my antivirals, and all precautions makes me less of a threat than the next 1/5 girls they sleep with next... Becasue of assymptomic carriers and people who are careless.
  11. I honestly think this is my main problem. It's been a year for me and im still depressed and haven't gotten back out there, but the problem is the sex and relationships I had previously in addition to having H. I've always struggled with self love and my only relationship was mentally abusive and draining. when it ended I was just getting into the college scene and back to my happy self (as happy as I ever was... not ever fully), and I had a lot of sex. Being diagnosed has made me hate sex and all of these things, but I get sad because even though, I know I need to focus on my future and not guys at this moment, I wish I had hope for when the time comes I'll be able to disclose and accept myself. I really wanna go out and have sex but the thought of it is terrifying because I feel like it led me to the darkest part of myself. I completely feel you on this lol.
  12. I've been trying... I find myself getting so caught up in my school and future stressors that I use those to avoid any kind of relationship, or to even think about my problem. I hope this works out soon because Idk how much longer I can handle it. I'm glad I'm not alone in these thoughts, makes it a little less lonely.
  13. I officially a year into this and still feel this exact same way. Idk what to do. My mental health is so far gone because of this idk where to turn. I haven't been with anyone in a year and I can only talk to my mom about this. Even one of my best friends who I told it was really likely I had it, I later told her i didn't because of how differently she treated me. It's worse because she didn't even mean to, and was actually trying to be supportive but it wasn't at all. She brought up being scared to get it, and talked about making dating sites for just herpes positive people. I know that was her trying to be positive and tell me or whoever we aren't alone and other people have it to date. But the thing that she validated was that she and really no one wants to date someone with it, and I guess that I have to find someone else that is settling??? I don't want this to define me, and this site always talks about it not defining us. if it wasn't though, why the hell are there sites and support groups and people even talking about that. it just should be. the people telling me that this isn't a big deal, it feels as though they're trying to reassure themselves too, which isn't all that reassuring. I constantly find myself lying about this part of me in daily situations where it'll be generally brought up, or when people ask about my sex life. like I can't have one, why bother. Sorry for the dark, negative rant, and I hope no one takes offense to this. This is just the thoughts that go through my head that keep me from moving on. basically, I can't see it happening.. So what now?
  14. I completely agree, which is why I didn't believe i had it until I got tested. I also was just posting my experience, wasn't telling him to not listen to a doctor. But I actually contracted it during a one night stand and I don't believe to have had it before since I got tested specifically for it multiple times within that year or so and nothing like this occurred. Thanks for your input from the research you've done, very interesting.
  15. Thanks for this... I need to figure out how to get ahold of the shame an depression thats eating away at me. Hopefully I can sooner than later.
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