Freakingoutbad

I know this is an old topic but it’s a new one for those of us newly affected. I have read every study I could find (the actual studies) and also read Dr. Leone’s comment that is referenced here. From what I read, he is saying that there is merely no data available on a per encounter transmission risk. He wasn’t saying that your risk (of 10% or 5% or less per year depending on condoms and suppression) is the same whether you have 1 encounter or 100 over a defined time period. He was just saying there isn’t hard data on that. Intuitively though it would make sense that the more sex the more risk and the less sex the less risk. If you did a study of 100 couples having sex 3x week for a year and 100 couples having sex 1x month for a year I would hypothesize that the later would have a lower percentage of transmission. But it’s never been tested so it’s just a guess. I wish I had paid more attention in my college statistics class!

I just discussed this same thing with my doctor who specializes in HSV. The answer is it take 5 days on antiviral before the suppressive effects kick in. So wait 5 days.

It sounds like you have had this for much longer than me, so I won't pretend to know what it's like to deal with it for years....but I do know what you mean about depression. I've felt that too over the last month and I've had my share of tough parts in my life. Here is what i'm telling myself: It's happened. I unfortunately have this and there is nothing I can do to change that. So I need to move on and do the best that I can to minimize the impact is has on my life. When I first found out I had it I thought I would rather have been told I have stage 5 lung cancer than that I'm HSV positive. But that's ridiculous. It's a harmless skin rash and nothing more. It has a terrible stigma for sure. But that means that you need to get really good at telling people that you have it in a way that sounds like you have your shit together. Practice having that conversation over and over until it comes out in a clear and calm way without fear and sadness all over your face. Be confident in who you are and that you are way more than what your HSV status is. Everyone has some sort of problem or issue whether they admit it or not....you just have to accept yours. They aren't perfect either. You have HSV....just like millions of other people. You didn't do anything to acquire it other than be unlucky. But you are aware of it and your number one priority will be to make sure that you don't transmit it to your partner. And if you avoid sex during outbreaks...take a daily anti-viral...and use condoms the chance of transmission from a woman to a man is about 1 percent in a YEAR of sex a couple times a week. Meaning if 100 infected women had sex twice a week with their partner for a year, only 1 man out of the hundred would be infected. For comparison, they have a better chance of getting you pregnant having sex while using a condom than you do in giving them herpes (condoms are 98 percent effective). Keep those sorts of facts in your mind and they will probably make you breath easier. I think most of us are more worried about passing it on to someone than anything. I feel like since I got it that it must be super easy to get but that's not true if you take precautions. Anyway, try and stay positive....keep your head up. You're going to be ok. I will too.

Yes, if I understand correctly, suppressive therapy can interfere with the development of antibodies in the early stages of infection, so yes I think that is true. But after a year has passed I don’t think it makes a difference. It does not suppress everything...it works by specifically disrupting the HSV’s ability to replicate, which lets your immune system get the upper hand on fighting an outbreak. If you are always on it, your immune system has less virus to fight and therefore doesn’t get as strong as fast. But once your immune system is strong, it stays strong against the virus. I think your choice depends on your objectives. Suppressive therapy will reduce the frequency of outbreaks and the amount of viral shedding. So if you are worried at all about transmission or bothered with frequent outbreaks to another then suppressive therapy makes sense. If you aren’t worried about that or have minor/infrequent outbreaks then I probably would stay off it.

Not sure why it is an either-or. Why wouldn’t you do both? As I think through how I deal with it myself I feel like I should be using every tool at my disposal to manage this. Healthy diet, supplements, stress management, string immune system, AND suppressive therapy.

Yes, if both partners are hsv2 positive then there is no transmission risk. Of course you still have the other risks that come with unprotected sex to consider.

I don’t know that I agree with that. I’m recently diagnosed so I may be wrong. But I tracked down and read the entire study that put out those numbers. The were like 740 couples who did suppression therapy in the study (other 740 didn’t). Of the couples that used Valtrex daily and condoms, 1 percent female to male got HSV in the 8 month study. It also tracked the amount of times couples had sex, and it looked like the average was about 1-2x week. The more you have sex beyond this I believe the higher your chances because it’s more change the sex coincides with the occasional viral shedding. The chances are still very low either way.

I realize in writing this that I'm going to be judged...I would just ask that you realize that I'm in a bit of shock and trying to process a lot. My wife and I have been married for 20 years and have been happy, although we've had our bumps like everyone. For the last several years, our sex life has declined to where we could go months without having sex. About 2 weeks ago, I was feeling down on myself for that and I made a terrible mistake. I was out of town and met a woman at a conference. She was very flirty and after a few drinks I got up to go to the bathroom and she followed me in and gave me a blowjob. A few days ago, I developed 4 small painless blisters, they showed up and were scabbed over in the same day. After researching everything I could find on the internet, I'm convinced it is herpes. I obtained a Valtrex Rx online and began taking it the day after it appeared and the scabs are almost gone, 6 days later. I got a full STD test as well but i realize that it will be a few months before it is positive. So here is my terrible question that I'm struggling with. I made a mistake. I knew instantly I shouldn't have done it and regretted it since. I chose not to tell my wife because I knew I would never do it again and I'm near 100 percent sure she would leave me for cheating....moreso for cheating AND getting herpes. We have a happy marriage - since we were teenagers with grown kids. Just starting to enjoy our empty nest years. And now I'm scared it's ruined from a 5 minute mistake. So I contemplate not telling her. From what I read, if I don't have sex in an outbreak and take suppression anti-virals, the risk is about 4 percent that I would give it to her....maybe less since we probably wouldn't be having sex as much as an average couple. Then, if she did happen to contract it, like 70% of people who get it never have symptoms and know they have it. So, 4% chance she gets it and if she does, a 70% chance she has no symptoms and lives her life and never is aware she has it. I totally agree with her right to consent and know....but the consequences will be huge - for both of us if I tell her. We will lose each other. I know some will say she will understand but I know her and she won't. So I don't know what to do. She's out of town for the next several weeks so I have some time to decide but not much.