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Girlneedinghelp last won the day on March 12

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  1. It's ok, and September was not too long ago, so just go easy on yourself, you just have to look at this as the next person to accept that I have this is going to really love me for who I am and therefore it is going to be a good relationship. You just need to try and build yourself back up again, I hated myself for having this but thinking back on it, I was never comfortable with myself even when I didn't have it, I was incredibly insecure and needed to be with someone. I wasn't a strong person and having this made me stronger and made me start focusing on things in my own life like changing jobs, gyming 3 times a week, seeing my friends, putting some pictures of myself up on social media, things like that, if kind of forced me to be more confident and independent ironically! Try and think of maybe 2 things in your life you want to work on or improve and work on them, if guys start talking to you along the way look at them as a side thought to your goals and the chances are they will find you more attractive that way too!
  2. Hi, Firstly I know how you feel. Luckily for you HSV 1 is less reccurent so you have a milder one. Please try not to panic, we have all been there and I am sure everyone on this forum knows exactly how you feel. You are not alone. In all honesty, it has taken me about 8 months to get back to a state of normality, and I had counselling. I told nobody about it, it affected my work, my socialising, confidence, I completely withdrew from my friends and the gym, everything. I was having very vivid nightmares of men trying to abduct me and things, to the point that they got so real they were confusing and I wasn't sure if there were actually people in my house. This happened like 5 times a week and I was shattered. I looked at how I was infected in a very sinister way, as if he was out to get me, which made it harder to heal. At the end of the day, I now think of the guy that did it to me as very pathetic. This is only a skin condition and due to its nature it is very hard to tell who gave it to you. But it doesn't matter, and I remember people telling me this and I sat there raging because I was like it does matter, this person ruined my life and gets away with it. But it doesn't, and you only understand that when you aren't in shock anymore and take a step back. Because it doesn't change anything. The only issue with this is having to tell people, it's scary yes and it takes a hell of a lot of courage. Just be strong, distract yourself, you do not have to date right now so you do not have to tell anybody right now. Find a boxset, go to the gym, be brave, call a helpline and speak to experts, if you need counselling find a counsellor, take control of your next steps. You will be ok because I was you a few months ago, whereas now I am happier than before I even had it!
  3. Only swabbed on sores, never just generally swabbed for me.
  4. It's just like having a mouth cold sore, there are helplines that you can call every day and they talk you through it if you Google herpes helpline. It is mostly avoid sex on outbreaks or if it feels a little sore or tingly down there for her, but no doubt she is very aware of when this is the case and the fact she has been open with you about this shows she is responsible and can be trusted. There are plenty of couples that on my one person has it and never gives it yo the other person, I haven't ever given it to anybody and I have a boyfriend, alot of things you read on the internet are inaccurate and paint it to be something it really isn't, it isn't a big deal
  5. To cut a long story short I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for my first life for 4 years. Then I started dating a guy who I thought I loved. He dumped me while I was on holiday after 6 months (and on off dating before that) and I cried the whole holiday. I came home slept with him one more time then it was completely over. I then met a guy who was saying he wanted to be with me, who thought I was beautiful all the usual.. I slept with him after a week, no protection, he was leaving to go abroad for 5 months and we had spent every day with each other (all 7 lol.) it was stupid and I was confused and heartbroken and all that. Then new guy got on his plane. I became very ill, had to go to hospital, my flu symptoms were insane, and you know the rest, I had a first outbreak. I told no one. I wasn’t 100% sure who it came from out of new guy or old guy. Old guy used to insist we used condoms every time. New guy however said he drank smoothies and stuff for his skin.. even though there was seemingly nothing wrong with his skin, and he rang me the day he left for America and asked if I was sore, I said no.. I was still confused at this point, and he said good because I just wanted to check I hadn’t hurt you. Before he had left he also gave me some speech about having to accept him for who he is.. but was saying it was because he smoked weed.. idk. After 6 weeks of phone calls and stuff the new guy said he didn’t want us to continue and long distance was hard. That is when it hit me, I was alone with HSV for nothing. What is worse, I think new guy knew he had it all along and never told me, or used protection. I lost it. I messaged him and went nuts at him. He said he was having heart problems though and I couldn’t stress him out. He called me the next day and I told him on the phone (didn’t say what it was though) I was too confused and just broken. I told him it wasn’t harmful though and after a while (still in a state) I messaged him saying it was HSPV.. which isn’t a thing but I just was in such a daze and didn’t realise I had mistyped it until he replied saying along the lines of ‘well don’t worry 1 in 3 have it, some people are dying get over yourself, see ya’. Then it hit me, how did he know I was talking about HSV and not the HPV virus? He came back from America 3 weeks later, my blood was boiling. Like at this point I think I went psycho, I messaged him pretending to be fine so he would see me in person then, I don’t know, I just felt like I needed him in person for some sort of justice or apology or something? Bad idea, we met up, and I was still in shock, I was very traumatised by all this, and I slept with him, he didn’t bother with protection may I add. Then he told me to leave. Not exactly the justice or apology I had planned. This guy literally broke me and recklessly infected me. I had counselling and was diagnosed with severe adjustment disorder and elements of PTSD. I was having nightmares every night. They were of men trying to abduct me, and they were so real. This went on for about 6 months. And in that time, this other boy that I didn’t know kept messaging me on FB and saying he wanted to meet me, and after a month or so I reluctantly met him. I would say I never would have agreed to meet him if I didn’t have HSV because up to that point I found selfish players exciting and attractive, whereas, He was so different to my usual nasty selfish type, he was sweet, he took me to dinner, he had real conversations with me, he kept asking to see me, but how could I tell him all of this baggage. I dated him for 5 months, just kept telling him I was having counselling and not ready for sexual stuff yet, and he was fine. We shaped a little life together and I was happy but terrified of the secret I was carrying. Eventually one evening I just came out with it and explained I had caught something etc and if it changed things between me and him I could leave. He said ‘why would that change anything?’. I just want to point out, this boy is literally gorgeous, like stop and stare, successful, kind, funny, gorgeous body, literally perfect, and he still wanted me? We now have a sexual relationship and I take antivirals and that is that. He stopped my nightmares and he taught me to be with a person that treats you with respect. And all that came from this HSV nightmare we all live when we are first diagnosed. HSV doesn’t always steal from you your future life and hopes you had planned, in my case it actually realigned my perspective and taught me some self respect. Enough was enough with these awful guys that were making me chase them and eventually affected my physical and mental health. 1. Disclose when you are ready (just don’t put people at risk) for me it took 5 months!! 2. Accept (in cases like mine with a knowing giver) that the person who gave it to you should not be in your life and you are having a lucky escape. 3. If they don’t accept HSV they aren’t the one, you are just one person closer to the actual one for you.
  6. To add to that, I think the ones I got in July are scarring on my bum? I had it 17th July I can still see the marks? Is that normal?
  7. Thank you, I’m just wondering could it be possible I have had an outbreak before and not noticed? My (what I thought was my first outbreak) was July this year and I could barely get out of bed was very sore very flu like and had lesions. I am just thinking though I thought I had a small spot before in March which now I’m wondering if it was a lesion.. it was just one though I didn’t really pay too much attention to it and I wasn’t ill or In pain or anything. It was on one of my bum cheeks though.. I don’t know? Is that possible?
  8. Just wondering, does anybody know if your second outbreak can be way worse than your first? Say you got 1 blister your first then 10 your second for example? It might be impossible to answer!
  9. I’m in a similar situation, I don’t really have much practical advice because I feel exactly the same as you and it is devastating.. other then a tv box set might distract you for a short time? That is what I am doing, I’m watching mortal instruments on Netflix.. it is helping a little, and I called a helpline which helped too as she had it as well
  10. I really related to everything you just said, have you overcome those feelings yet? The scarlet letter and that you were the only person that messed up? I feel it too
  11. On top of this I am currently feeling very low and I am considering calling the guy abroad that I caught it from right nowto talk to him about it but I feel like it is more a face to face conversation because we both know he didn’t use protection when he should of. Also he can’t do anything! He is in a different time zone for the next two months There isn’t any helplines open either currently I keep thinking of my ex in my head as well it’s just breaking me knowing that chance is now gone, our memories are just destroying me, and on top of that I am so alone, I can’t tell anybody this and I just keep crying i saw the leaflet I was given from the nurse in my bag today, something about seeing it written as genital herpes just made me feel sick
  12. I got it very recently, the guy had unprotected sex with me 5 times knowing he has herpes, and he didn’t tell me, at least you didn’t know. Whilst emotionally I am at my lowest ever I will repeat to you what the advice line said to me in case it helps you, it is just a cold sore virus, do you talk about cold sores on your face, do you allow them to end relationships, do they change your life fundamentally? This might help you live longer because you will have a constant threat if you don’t look after your health it will come out to punish you..
  13. I feel like I am the only person who has it, I’m hiding a secret from my friends and family, I’m literally heartbroken. Do you think if we all start to feel less down about it together it will improve chances of recurrences?
  14. (Newly diagnosed) I met this boy, we did instantly click, and he was going away with work for a long time so we moved quite quickly and we slept together three times on the Wednesday, twice on the Friday (unprotected). He then left Saturday and on Saturday night I was told to go to hospital by 111 because they thought I had a kidney infection, I had previously had a kidney infection however and it didn’t quite feel the same, I just knew at this point this was sexual health and went to the gum clinic two days later. They said it looked like herpes and I had been checked before this guy.. thinking about it now though 1) he kept religiously downing smoothies for immune systems and said to me it was for his skin, but he has beautiful mixed Caribbean skin and so now I know why 2) he told me he occasionally does weed and it is good for medicine, and that I needed to accept him for him.. again reading online now I know why 3) we are still in touch and with the view of dating and he casually asked me on the phone from abroad if I was sore from sex (we had 5 days previously) because I mentioned whilst we were having sex the Friday it was starting to get a little sore.. but I think this was to check whether I was showing any symptoms He knew he had herpes, and he did not tell me and had sex with me 5 times unprotected. I’m guessing by this behaviour that this is a fairly new diagnosis for him and he didn’t feel comfortable to discuss this but I am now left heartbroken and completely on my own because he is also away for months. I have had very few sexual partners in my life just come out of a long term relationship at 23, I rarely drink, I have never smoked or done anything reckless, I have terrible anxiety and I am scared of everything, and now I am alone trying to deal with this and process this and that is almost blocking out the actual physical pain. I am so stressed I have lost over a stone in a week, I am a size 4, isolated myself from my family and friends. And then when he calls me in the evenings after work I sit and chat to him and laugh with him because I feel that is the only normality I have left, he has it too I’m not alone. I haven’t told him I have caught it yet.. I feel like I have been robbed from ever mending things with an ex of mine now, he would never ever get back with me because he has a phobia of medical conditions due to experiencing the loss of a sibling at the age of 9.. I was with him 4 years. Literally picturing his face now is painful. It makes me feel sick I can’t even bring myself to leave the house to get my nails done, yes physically this is very painful,but emotionally I can’t even explain, I feel like I am mourning my previous life, my ex of 4 years, a normal childbirth, normal dating, sunbathing, all at once on my own in secret. One of my favourite things was buying beautiful sets of underwear but now I just feel disgusting looking at them and they don’t even fit anymore anyway can anybody talk to me or make me feel any better
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