Ryan, I’m newly diagnosed and am trying to deal with the disclosure discussion as well. It does help to know that we’re not alone; still part of me wishes that I never would have known. I’m a attractive young(ish) 29 woman and have had a lot of opportunities for relationships and sexual encounters, but prefer long term monogamous relationships. I’ve had 2 that lasted more than 4 years and was engaged at one point.
I still feel like such an idiot, because I was so careful about STDs for so many years and after my engagement ended, I let my guard down. I recently was in a shortterm monogamous relationship with this guy that I knew as a womanizer in the past. He was being weird with me about sex at first and looking back, I wish that I had trusted my gut, but also hindsight is 20/20. I told him that I wanted to use condoms since he hadn’t been tested recently and we had only been dating for a few weeks, but he told me that he knew he didn’t have anything and I decided to take him at face value. . . so we didn’t use protection since I was in BC. This is the part that is so upsetting. If he cared about me at all and was experiencing symptoms of herpes why the hell didn’t he just use a condom with me?! Because looking back, I am almost certain he was experiencing symptoms; he didn’t want to have sex at random intervals of our relationship to just cuddle instead. I wish I had trusted my gut. There is some blame on me, but I asked him and he said he didn’t have anything. I just thought if he had something, maybe he wouldn’t tell me, at least insisit on condom use since I was showing concern and he was my boyfriend. Anyway. . .
We were together for all of three months. I ended things in June because it just wasn’t working and started experiencing symptoms about a week later. I was diagnosed HSV2 positive after getting tested.
The thing that sucks is that I already meet a really amazing guy and I don’t know how to tell him. I think that he would judge me, but he also has the right to know. We have been using condoms and I’m on Valtrex, but I worry about our future with this secret I have from him. I have at least two breakout since my initial diagnosis which were not so bad, but just extremely emotionally painful, and I know that I will likely have more at which point even a condom will not provide 100% protection, so I will have make up excuses to refrain from sex. I don’t want to lie to him but i don’t want to lose him either. I guess I’m being selfish.
Please let me know how your story goes. I’m wishing us both a ton of luck. This disease so emotionally draining. I don’t know how many hours on the internet, I’ve spent either. At some point, after you have all the facts, you gotta stop searching and just get some support. I think that’s where I’m at. I need emotional support.
Ill feel for you so hard about your situation. It could happen to anyone.