Hello forum Im a 19 year old female who has just found out that they have what is mostly likely GHSV1. To start my story I got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship with my high school love in March. I started dating new guys and as as soon as I got home for summer feel instantly head over heels in love with a great and very special guy. He introduced me to polyamory which gave me the sexual freedom to find myself and have a fulfilling emotionally connected relationship! long story short we both started seeing secondary partners (I ended up dropping mine for a multitude of reasons). I met his new girl and me and her hit it off right off the bat and started to have a sexual relationship of our own. We were all so excited to explore this new development and have a relationship blossom between the 3 of us but before we knew it...something very bad happened
I noticed pain one day when me and my boyfriend had sex and assumed it was just a weird vagina thing since I had been having lots of sex. After 2 days I went the the gyno (I wasnt worried since I just got a clean std screening the week before) and they told me that I probably have herpes. I was devastated and immediately called him, he informed me that he's had cold sores his whole life and for some reason had never told me and had no idea they could be transfin this way. I called the other girl we were both seeing and she was having the same symptoms. We concluded that we both must have bee exposed it form receiving oral while he had a breakout on his mouth.
I haven't gotten my test results back but Im pretty sure based on all this information that I have genital HSV1. Ive been driving myself crazy doing research and have found a lot of helpful information that genital HSV1 is less contagious than oral HSV1 and that theres a huge possibility that I could go the rest of my life without another break out. I talked to my mom who has oral HSV1 and has never exposed my dad and she has also gave more some reassuring advice,. But despite all of this I am still in a very depressive mood I always thought i would make an amazing partner to anyone and now I feel like I have this scary thing that people have to accept about me and that being intimate with me is a huge risk. Even though my boyfriend wasn't properly informed of his risk of exposure I still feel very betrayed by someone I love. Mostly I just need reassurance that my life isnt over and that this isnt as horrible as i am feeling it is in this moment. I want to continue casual dating/ the polyamorous lifestyle but I feel like its no longer possible. My life is just starting and I'm just starting to explore my sexuality and part of me feels like I'm being punished. I also have found little to no information about female to female transfer rates which makes me feel like if i continue to explore relationships with women i cant have them the proper statistics about what risks they're taking? If anyone can give me some reassurance i'd greatly appreciate it!! Ive also read about GHSV1 having such a low transfer rate this its not totally necessary to disclose? I have a lot of mixed emotions about that but at the same time OHSV1 is so common people rarely disclose before kissing and if the rates of transfer are lower in GHSV1 why are we being punished for having it on a different part of out body? any thoughts? would also love to hear from any other Poly/Lesbian/Bisexual women on the forum of their experiences!!