Hi everyone,
This is my first post on this site. I feel like I have no one to talk to, only my boyfriend knows so it would be nice to talk to other people about how I feel. A part of me really wants to tell my closest friends or my mom but I just fear that they’ll be in shock and never look at me the same again. I don’t want to be treated like a leper because that’s how a lot of people view people with herpes. It’s sad but it’s true.
Anyway, here’s my story, I’ll try to make it as concise as possible. Back in 2015 I was diagnosed with HSV 1 genitally. The only outbreak I ever had was my initial outbreak and I took Valtrex 500mg daily for about 1.5 years as suppressive therapy and then just decided to stop taking it because I never got any outbreaks. I really felt like I didn’t even have herpes. Fast forward to July 2018, I kept having this recurring vaginal fissure (little cut below the vaginal opening) every time I had sex. It also happened back in April of this year. I just thought my skin was weak or not properly lubricated during sex so that’s why it was happening. I decided to go to my gynecologist and see what he thought and if there was anything I could do to keep this from happening. He looked at it and said it was a vaginal fissure, gave me some cream, but also did a swab test to test for HSV2. He said he didn’t think it was herpes but just wanted to do a swab to be sure. I got my results back a week later and the swab test came back positive for HSV 1 (which I already had) and HSV2. I was completely devastated, my stomach dropped and I felt like I was going to throw up. Now I have both types of herpes?! I went into a state of panic. I went back to my gynecologist and got a full std panel done and got an IGG blood test because I really just wanted to confirm that I had HSV2. It came back positive with a value of 3.02 so I guess it’s a pretty recent infection. I’m still so shocked because I got an IGG text for HSV 2 in April and it was negative and another one in September 2017 and it was negative and I’ve been with the same person since September 2017. He swears he hasn’t cheated on me so I guess he just didn’t infect me until he was shedding or something? Idk. He also went to get tested because he noticed he had some bumps and they did a swab and IGG blood test. He’s waiting on his results but the doctor is very certain it’s herpes and she already gave him Valtrex to take daily. This may be wrong but I can’t help to be a little mad at him and I even question if I should stay with him. He didn’t know he had herpes but he’s always been very ignorant when it comes to his health. He doesn’t go to yearly checkups, doesn’t get tested, he just assumed he was clean because he had no symptoms and because I’m clean. He did say he had a bump one time when he shaved but thought it was an ingrown hair because he actually pulled a hair out of it, who knows. I make my health a top priority and he doesn’t so it just angers me.
Anyway, I don’t mean to rant but I’m just trying to cope with this all. It’s been about 3 weeks since I found out I also have HSV2 now. Some days are better than others but some days (like today) I feel depressed and I have anxiety. I still love myself and accept myself, I’m just afraid others won’t. Now I just feel like I’m harboring this horrible secret, is that weird to say? Thanks for taking the time to read my story, any advice will be greatly appreciated 🙂