IASIHH

I wanted to give and update on everything that happened since I originally posted. Full disclosure, the reason I felt like I needed to tell him right away was because we had already slept together before I found out I was positive. I ended up telling him the same day I found out, due to the fact that we were leaving in 2 days for a weekend trip together. I thought there was a real possibility that he would back out. And I also wanted to be honest with him. His inital reaction was, he didn’t know what to say, but he did say he still wanted to go on the trip with me. He decided to make a dr appointment for later the next week. We had another conversation later that night and he asked me what I would do if I was in his position. Luckily in the last I had thought about whether HSV would be a dealbreaker for me and I never thought it would be, so I told him my opinion. He said to me, he felt like if he thought I was someone he’d want to be in a long term relationship with m, he would be ok with it. He also told me a couple of stories of friends of his who had dealt with an HSV diagnosis before. Fast forward to a week after we get back from our trip. He had gone to the doctor, and had a conversation with her. They decided together he wasn’t going to get tested. She explained the stats to him, and other information about how common it is and how most people won’t even know they have it throughout their lifetime. At that point I asked him how he felt about staying with me and me being HSV positive. He looked at me for a moment and he said, “honestly, I don’t care. I don’t care at all”. i think the hope in this whole situation is that someone who cares about you and sees the relationship going somewhere is not going to see you as your herpes. Instead they will see you as you. Anyone who is going to reject you because of it, doesn’t deserve you.

I got results back this morning that I am positive for HSV 2. Part of me knew for a while, even though it was never traditional outbreaks. Mostly leg nerve pain that extended to my groin area. I’m relieved to have confirmation because waiting and wondering is the worst part. When I got my results this morning my whole body was shaking so hard. I’m not sure where to go from here. I just started seeing this guy I really really like, but I have a feeling when I tell him he won’t want to continue to see me. I feel so alone. I know I’m not necessarily, but I don’t know anyone around me who has it. I haven’t always had the highest self confidence, and this just makes me feel even worse! Part of me is ok right now.. because at least I can figure out how to move forward. Part of me feels like I’m going to be alone forever. Right now it’s a balancing act between depression and acceptance. I’m going to have to have the talk with the guy I’m seeing today... because we are supposed to go on a weekend trip together, and I want him to be able to make the final decision. I know I should be in a better place with myself when I do tell him, but time is not on my side. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!