livewelldiy

well said @SunnyDaysAreHere! Well said... I love that I have somewhat of a.. strainer in dating because of this. :) "If you can't handle me now, in my most vulnerable state, I'm only going to get stronger and more creative with my love, so why give you that specialty?!"

Every person is different, so it may vary from person to person. The usual culprits are nuts, chocolate, and caffeine that you should stay away from, as they are high in arginine. I have had herpes for 7 years and have been able to eat chocolate and have caffeine with no huge issue. Nuts, however, cause me to have an outbreak. Another major reason for the cause of an outbreak is due to stress or your monthly period. There's months where I will get an outbreak (every month) right around the time of my period (which may have to do with the massive amounts of chocolate I crave at the time!! haha) , but then there's others where I won't get any outbreaks.. but when I am stressed about something, I'd say about 95% of the time an outbreak occurs. I have also read that Lysine supplements help.. although I haven't taken any to recommend. Another tip is when you are having an outbreak, where cotton underwear! You don't want to wear tight fitting clothes either. It will irritate it immensely!! :( Not fun at all! Check these threads out for some tips/advice from others on here regarding diet/natural and holistic remedies: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2423/trying-to-control-herpes-naturally-my-tips-and-i-want-yours-finding-it-hard http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2592/nutty-question http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/11598#Comment_11598 Hope this helps! And I’m sure others will answer after me :) Hugs for Herpes!! Lol, it’s really not as bad as it is in the beginning, trust me! It’s all about your perspective on the virus and how YOU react to the diagnosis of a mere skin condition!! Don’t be like me and wait for years to accept it – that’s just a waste of precious time! -Amanda

Ask your doctor to prescribe lidocaine hydrochloride jelly! Mine is 2% It numbs the area so it doesnt hurt but you will need to reapply throughout the day. I suggest putting the jelly on at night or in the morning.. but waiting a few minutes so it can work on the affected area before putting your cotton underwear on. It has helped me a lot!! And you only need to put less than a dime size amount on.

Awesome!!! That's so great to hear!! So happy for you :) Please keep us updated and let us know if you need any support or help!! :)

That’s very true, it is just like an ethics class. And ok, makes sense about living in the same area. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Still, it doesn't mean that new people won't move to your town. Dealing with this is all about having an open mind and seeing things in a new light, while everyone else is clueless as to what this diagnosis actually is. At least you had the guts to tell your family. Nobody in mine knows. I can't tell my mother because I know she will reject me. I know it hurts. it's like a thorn in your side.. and you can't get it out. Now we know H is not fatal. It is only a mere skin condition. Many people don't see it that way because of all the negative social stigmas out there and the people who don't have H have no idea what it's like. Once you contract it, it's a whole different ballgame and you have a clearer view as to what it actually is. All that junk when you search it on google just makes it worse. You said, “ I had a chance to hook up with a girl for Mardi Gras in St. Louis this Saturday from college. I couldn't even bring myself to go because I didn't want to put myself in that situation of having to say something or do something without disclosing. “ – that’s your conscience at work. That’s a good sign. It shows you have a good heart and you ultimately want to do the right thing, regardless of your wants at the time. When an event like this actually occurs, just take a minute to really think about your choices: You can 1) be honest and disclose, 2) proceed without disclosing, or 3) postpone “hooking up” to see if you truly like the girl and then if all goes well, you can disclose at a time you think is best. Not sure if you’re looking for just flings or a girlfriend. Now, about the girl that gave you herpes. The fact that she denies that she has it is very common behavior. With all the negative stereotyping, why would she want to acknowledge it and disclose even when someone questions her about it? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I presume that's basically where you're at too? You also said, “I can’t say that I agree with her not disclosing but I am coming to understand why she didn’t.” – You see her perspective better, because you’re living with the same thing. She just chooses to deny it and that’s that. You can't change that. You can’t force her to acknowledge that she has it. Some people deny it their whole life and never tell anybody they sleep with. Is that right and just? Absolutely not, but that's my opinion, because I contracted it from someone who knew that he had it and didn't tell me. In a relationship, the beginning stages, middle, whatever, I value honesty and integrity over a good time any day. Honesty shows your true strength and character. It is not right what she did to you at all. And to be honest, to keep sleeping with her even though it’s comfortable is probably not the best thing for you, unless you can honestly forgive her and start over again. My question to you is, If someone who is interested in you and you are interested in them asks you directly if you have been tested/ have any STD's, what would you say? I know it'll be different in the moment and because it hasn't happened to you yet, but just take a moment to mull it over.

I understand why you are freaking out about this and can tell you that the first few months are the craziest. Every free moment you have is like a piece of gum stuck on your shoe. Every other thought is "I have herpes" "what am I going to do?" "Nobody will ever want me again". I can tell you that these thoughts will eventually be drowned out by every day tasks.. not right away, but eventually. I've had HSV2 since I was 17-18 yrs old. I am soon to be 25. I know the feeling of being judged by everyone in a small town... that's why I only decided to let my closest friends know what I am dealing with but also any potential partners before sexual contact. Do you have a friend that you can put your complete trust in? If not, tell a family member that you trust. If someone gets to know you and really likes you, and you both want to become intimate, the right thing to do is disclose. Not on the first date if you don't want to, but when you feel getting intimate is the next step. There are tons of posts on here about successfully disclosing, which you can read about later or when you're thinking about disclosing. If that person really truly, honestly, loves you for you, they will be able to look past it. I'm telling you because it's happened to me. My suggestion to you is, rant on here. Get it all out. You are angry, bitter. It may take a few days, may take weeks, or a month. But once you learn that it's not really about the virus, it's about you evolving and learning to accept it and move on. With all the talk of a small town, I mean, are you going to stay there your whole life? Probably not. So for now, like you said, you need to focus on you. That doesn't mean go out and have one night stands.. it means physically(exercising), mentally(positive thoughts), emotionally(letting yourself feel angry and upset) taking care of yourself. Right now you are so distraught, you don't know what to do. Take a few deep breaths. H is something that every single one of us on here has. And we can tell you that your life is not over. Your sex life is not over. It is just put on the back burner for a little. Keep posting on here, we will help you through all these emotions/feelings you are having and with any questions. We're all in the same boat...

I know the feeling! I actually get an outbreak right around my period every few months or so.. so I'm used to it. Something that helps me was prescribed by my doctor when I was diagnosed. It's a jelly called Lidocaine Hydorchloride Jelly USP, 2% When I am having an OB I put it on the area that's affected, since it's not usually "inside".. it will numb the area so you don't feel the pain/itchiness. I usually let it soak into my skin a little before I put my underwear on.. and then it helps for hours, sometimes more because my mind is not really on the pain anymore. I will usually bring the lidocaine jelly with me and reapply when necessary. It helps me out a lot! I have only used this, and I know I should be taking suppressive therapy but I haven't been for years..I will start again when I go to the doctor in a few weeks :) I always felt uneasy/weird when I told my boyfriend about my OB's.. and he was ok with it. But just take it easy, try to train your mind to destress, drink lots of water, stay away from nuts (cashews, peanuts, etc) ... and focus on healing!

If that is how you're feeling right now..it's perfectly normal. Have you thought about forgiving the person who gave you H, or even better, yourself, for "letting it happen"? Did that person just stop talking to you, reject you, or call you names? Don't tell me that he/she didn't even say they were sorry?! Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got... Forgiveness is something that can heal a part of yourself that is so buried in guilt or hurt you feel you can no longer deal with it. It is one of the strongest attributes a person can have. This bitterness that is built up inside of you won't get you anywhere. "That's the thing with hatred and bitterness. It eats you alive. Anger, bitterness and unforgiveness keep you from experiencing the depths of joy." - Sydna Masse Here's my story: I remember the days leading up to, during, and after forgiving the person who gave H to me. His name is Michael. Just a little history first..I was diagnosed back in 2008. Never received an apology of any sorts, just got laughed at, and he said that he knew he had it. Took me awhile, but I started feeling the need to forgive him in 2013. For other non-related reasons, he was in jail at this time, and I thought it would be a good idea to go see him and forgive him in person. As this was an abusive relationship when we were together, I confided in a few older and wiser people of my plan and they advised to not do so, for safety reasons, and yada yada. All in all, ended up not going to see him, but I remember always saying in my head, "I forgive Mike... I forgive him. I forgive Mike for giving this to me." I had to repeat this to myself several times a day...whenever I was angry that I had it, whenever I felt anger at him for giving this to me. Since that day, my life has gotten so much brighter, and so much weight was lifted off my shoulders. "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were" - Cherie Carter-Scott Once you let go of that anger, you will feel it too. I felt so at peace. So happy to live another day, to smell the flowers and smile... to the point where I rarely ever think about him. Yes, he gave me H, but he is not a part of my life, so why waste my precious thoughts and time on him? No need to! I've got the rest of my life to live now! "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because YOU deserve PEACE" In my case, I have forgiven myself for putting myself in that situation, which needs to happen if you want to move on with your life. First, you need to realize that you made a mistake. Well, don't all mistakes come with consequences? If caught, then yes. In this case, I was caught and contracted H. In those rare cases, some people seem to always get off the hook.. don't you just hate that? But don't worry, they'll make another mistake, trust me. Second, Forgive yourself. Say it in your head, say it out loud. Write it on your mirror. Leave yourself a note. Anything to remind yourself to forgive you. You did not mean to cause this pain, so let it go.. Third step. Just take a deep breath in, calm your thoughts.. your ultimate goal is to get rid of that guilt, pain, and anger inside. Breathe it out... and let it go. It may take several times to fully feel the weightlessness of forgiving yourself, but you will get there. If you need any advice, feel free to message me :) Here's some more quotes I've looked up that may help some of you: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes "Forgiveness and letting go are steps on our road back to happiness!" Let's go! I'm ready... who's with me?!? :) "Bring into your mind anyone against whom you have a grievance, and let it go. Send that person your forgiveness."- Deepak Chopra "Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life. It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go." - Doe Zantamanta "It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even STRONGER person to forgive." "Forgiving people who have hurt you is your gift to them. Forgetting people who have hurt you, is your gift to you." "You can't undo anything you've already done..but you can face up to it, you can tell the truth, and you can seek forgiveness, and let God do the rest." "Love is forgiving, accepting, moving on, embracing, and all encompassing. And if you're not doing that for yourself, you cannot do that with anyone else." "True forgiveness is when you can say.. "Thank you for that experience." - Oprah Winfrey (Heck, I'm thankful for my diagnosis because I think that if I didn't have it, I could have gotten so many other things that may have been worse!) Hugs! Have a great night loves! Amanda

How's everyone doing?? I'm currently relaxing at home and thinking of all of you. I've been reading quite a few posts lately, wanting to "like" them, and every single one I've read has made me smile. We all share somethhoweverhere, and it goes a lot deeper than just friendship.This vulnerability letting someone into our heads about how we're feeling and what we're going through is so special. Especially at the critical time, during the first 6 months or so. I am so happy that I found this place.. wishing I found it sooner, I may have made better choices, gained courage to date again.. still working on that.. and overall open up more to the people that truly care about me. However, over the past few days I've realized that I haven't lost any of that.. because every bad experience brings something good. Every challenge has an obstacle to overcome. Every day, you need to begin again with that first step from your bed. Happy Friday everyone! I like to think of us as these unique, beautiful, exotic and adamant flowers that you can only find growing on the side of a mountain..where the risk of falling is always evident, but the "ecologist" climbs it anyway, just to reach us! :) What do you all think?? -Amanda

thisisgoingtobeokay , You'll be fine. You might have an outbreak, because everyone is different, but just try to take extra care of yourself during that time. From personal experience, if you feel the sensation of one coming on, I would suggest to not wear a bathing suit, as it will cause more friction and heat, which may irritate and "excite" the virus. When I get an outbreak in the summer, I always think it's from the heat, but not entirely sure. Kanoa you're lucky!! I wish it was summer here! We're getting more snow tonight tomorrow and Wednesday unfortunately. And about 4 inches of it! Hope everyone is having a great Sunday!!

Hi everyone, I'm new here, wish that I found this site a lot earlier!! I've had genital herpes for around 7 years now, I'm 24, female and live in the NJ area.. so I guess you could say that I'm somewhat of a veteran, but I sure don't feel like it! I contracted the disease and also HPV from my first boyfriend (who was also an abusive one to add to the damage) even though he knew it never told me. Since I received the diagnosis, I think that I've accepted it, but obviously the hardest part is sharing the information with others. I have had some experience with that.. got a few different reactions, had a relationship or two since then but still feeling like I'm "damaged goods". Mostly I'm afraid of judgement, much like everyone else on here. I have yet to tell my family, only some friends know, but I think I'd rather not tell my family.. because it would feel weird and I'd rather not bring "shame" to my family/family name.. if you get what I mean? News travels fast where I live and my mom would not be very helpful to me :/ One thing I would like to know is.. can the disease be spread by touching/scratching a sore and then touching something else, say a doorknob or something. If someone touches it after you, can they also get it? So far out of my partners that I have had, having protected and also unprotected sex most of the time, nobody has caught it to my knowledge. I have told every partner/ guy that I was interested in and both of the longer-term partners had no problem with it. They even "went down" on me... which I thought was absolutely crazy of them but it was their decision, right? I would also like to ask everyone what they think about when the STD jokes come out as you are hanging out with your friends. I feel like it comes up more now than ever before! However, I also need to contradict myself because that also happens when you think you may be pregnant. You just happen to see every pregnancy commercial, first response, etc etc. Get my drift? Anyways, back to my point. Whenever someone jokes around about STD's and whatever, I feel so low and so disgusting. I'm afraid to say anything for fear of letting them onto something I don't exactly want them to know.. it really bothers me that the jokes come up so frequently but how do I stop it? If I say anything, I feel like they would know right away. And everyone laughs and makes other jokes too, so it makes me feel like I am the only one with something.. or maybe that's just their cover-up? Any thoughts on this? Thanks for reading :) Can't wait to hear from you guys!

Hello everyone! I'm female, 24 yrs old, was diagnosed with genital herpes about 7 years ago..also had HPV but my doctor said it can clear up on it's own.. contracted both from my very first boyfriend who knew what he had and never told me. Even now, still having a hard time with telling myself that everything will be ok.. some of my friends know, but I can't seem to tell my family. It would make me feel miserable and embarrassed/ashamed to do that.. Looking for a buddy to talk to, maybe even meet up in the future if you're in the New Jersey area.