Ubikwity

VA2121, For what it's worth, I did fall in love and intended on marrying the guy who gave me H. I knew what I was getting into as he told me right off the bat he had a wild sexual past long ago. He'd been tested many times for STDs but little did he (or I) know, Herpes isn't included in those tests. I remember thinking .... it's a miracle he didn't get herpes 🤔. We agreed that no matter what garbage life threw at us, we'd handle it all together. If I knew he had herpes I still would have stayed with him. That's love. Alas, the relationship didn't last. My hope is that one day we will all find that kind of love, that someone would think us worthy of the risk.

Hi All, I'm in a similar situation. I've been positive since 2016. I thought I'd never date again and this led to profound sadness. I did date again, and disclosed when things were getting intimate. He didn't seem to care but there were other issues so I ended up letting him go. Two years later I took a chance and went out with a guy and we hit it off spectacularly! We were so similar you'd think we were raised together, and we had the best fun. After two or three weeks of dating we both wanted to be exclusive. No sex yet, I did disclose. He asked me if I was only contagious when I had outbreaks and I told him the truth -- there's a small chance of transmitting even with no symptoms. I said I'd give him time to think and whatever he decided was okay. We continued dating and making out and had GREAT fun together. I don't think I ever dated someone I was so compatible with! But I noticed small changes over the next weeks, he seemed to be pulling away one day but so warm and loving the next. I asked him what his thoughts were about my status and he said he was still thinking. The following day I went on a long hike and gave it some thought. I came to the sad realization that he was uncomfortable taking our relationship to the next level (sexual intimacy). After the hike I stopped by his house and he was sooo happy to see me, a pleasant surprise! But I wanted to have a sober talk and so we did. I told him I felt his ambiguity about my situation and...it felt bad. It was hard on me knowing I'm constantly being measured and evaluated as to whether I'm worth taking the risk of him getting infected. And at some point in the future when we'd inevitably get into a disagreement as people do, he may even wonder why he "settled" for a H+ woman. He held me so tight. He kissed me. then he held me tight again. Asked if I wanted a little dinner. Fixed my watch that broke right then and there. Gave me vegies from his garden, etc. But I left, and as I was leaving he kissed me again and said, "talk tomorrow?" I agreed. I haven't heard from him sense. It's been 11 days. Friends, I have never met a man who I felt more comfortable, more compatible with and I believe he felt the same. But I must face the truth, we are not compatible, because he did not want to get H from me. Mixed feelings: Sadness in that a true friend that I cared for and who cared for me rejected me because of H. Relief that it's over because ultimately I know that his fear of getting herpes would haunt our relationship forever, and I wouldn't be happy. Hopeless because now I feel no worthy man will want me. (This guy was high-quality and has so many options. He's already back on the dating site that we met on) I'm 57. Look much younger. I have a great social life, no debt or addictions, and zero problem attracting men. How many times will I put myself through this again, going out with someone, getting my hopes up just to be rejected again. It hurts so much. Thank you for reading.

Hello, I took Valtrex for a year and that completely took care of the outbreaks. I still keep it around for the occasional (infrequent) outbreak. Deep breath, one foot in front of the other. You'll get through this!

There really is no way to know for sure, since herpes can lay dormant for months or even years before you have an outbreak. Really it could be from either.

Cantgetoverthis, I homestly believe that everyone can cut off the cycle of negative thinking. Including you. It takes practice! No one is good at something they're unfamiliar with until they try over and over. When my brain was in a utter storm and I couldn't turn off the thinking, I used a free app called prana breath. Essentially you follow the directions for breathing exactly. It takes a lot of focus, and you do it only for a few minutes, but while you are focusing carefully on the app's directions you're NOT thinking of the catestrophic thoughts your brain is constantly marinating in. You'll drop the story line you've been telling yourself, even for just a few minutes, and you'll FEEL better. I want you to live your best life, but that starts with YOU, putting one foot in front of the other and doing the work that needs to be done to take care of yourself. You can do this!

Hey there Cantgetoverthis and All, To give you hope, I want to let you know that I've had H for maybe two years and my life is great! I developed H near the end of a relationship. Both the diagnosis and the loss of the man I loved left me shattered. Fortunately, I'd gone through tough times before-breast cancer left me with reconstructed boobs. They're not bad but naked you wouldn't mistake them for the real thing. So going forward I was very self-conscious of my body and sure my love life was over. What man would be turned on by my Franken-boobs? I put my sights on making the best life I could make for myself and let the idea of a romantic, loving relationship out of mind. It took some time and a lot of work but both after the run-in with BC and H, I put one foot in front of the other and climbed out of the deep hole I was in. Meditated, exercised, put some make up on, fixed my hair, called friends to meet for coffee. Developed a new hobby and got good at it. Made new friends and found myself laughing. A LOT! My outlook is sunny, and I have to tell you people want to be near someone with that attitude, both men and women. From a relationship standpoint, I dont have a problem attracting men, however my standards have left me appropriately picky. Not going to lie, I did get into a relationship with a wonderful man and it ended because of H. *I* ended it, not him. He tried to downplay it but I could tell he was so worried about getting H from me, even though we used condoms and I was on suppressive therapy. That was hard for me and I do miss him, however I know that life throws us ALL a lot of curve balls. I do not want a man who can't handle the possibility of getting H from me. Good lord how will he handle a REAL crisis? I'm quite a lot older than most here and wishing you all could look through my lens of time. I know it feels like your life is over but it's not and there are wonderful days ahead for each of you. Embrace your future filled with joy and love and peace. Chin up!

It is possible you don't have herpes. If you were miserably uncomfortable one day and totally better the next, yeast is much more likely. She treated you for yeast right (you were o. Diflucan, not Valtrex or Acyclovir)? Unfortunately herpes is tricky to diagnose.

So sorry for the pain you're going through. It does get better though, if you do the work that needs to be done. You already know what that is: love and accept yourself. No one's perfect (NO ONE!) , and in that sense the H doesn't make you special; you are no less deserving to feel loved than anyone else. When you are ashamed you give off the vibe that you're unworthy and that's not only just flat out wrong, but it drives away potential romantic partners. You are worthy of the love of a good man. A man who would reject you based on your H status doesn't deserve a wonderful woman like YOU. Keep reading Adrial's posts and others on this site. Go to therapy, meditate , wash your face, fix your hair and take a walk outside and remember your blessings. These things will make you feel better. Consider yourself hugged. You're going to be fine!

I could be wrong but I think the IgG is the gold standard. If you've had an outbreak and a positive IgG, well that'd confirm it.

Yeah, acyclovir wouldn't work if you had the outbreak for more than a few days. Overall (and for the future) I think Valtrex works better than acyclovir, ateast it does for me. Maybe go on suppressive therapy? Any stress, including happy wedding stress can trigger an outbreak. If you want au naturale, I use tea tree oil down there and it keeps the outbreaks at bay. I bet it'd help your ulcer heal quicker.

Step 1.) make a doctor's appointment then keep it. Step 2.) spend time reading all you can about herpes (this site is great) Step 3.) live your life. Call a friend to have coffee with. Do something fun with your kids. Buy some flowers. Left root right foot, keep moving forward and know in the end it'll be okay 🙂

Loyalloulou I can see you're suffering terribly and my heart goes out to you. Your stress level is through the roof right now. Please understand when that happens your body creates a stew of chemicals that your brain marinates in, and therefore your thoughts become disordered, unreasonable, and even dangerous. And this is what's happening to you right now. Your kids cannot get herpes from cups and silverware that you've used, and they can't get it from the toilet seat either. About 20% of the population carries the herpes virus. Look around you, at the people you see on the street and TV. Those 20% are still going to work, still having fun with their kids, still laughing with friends, and even still in loving relationships. You are one of the 20%, so am I. I have a normal happy life, and so will you. No need to be afraid of the doctor, he or she is your ally. Get a correct diagnosis and learn how you can take care of yourself and feel well again. Chin up 🙂

It seems to me most people have had a cold sore or two some time in their lives so most people (not all) do carry the HSV 1 virus. And yes you may have been exposed but that doesn't mean you'll get it. If he has a good immune system and didn't have a cold sore that time time it's less risky...but the risk is still there. Try not to get too hung up on it. Cold sores are easily treatable with meds if you get started right away. You should always take proper precautions when having sex though, always.

Hello, if you test too soon your blood tests can come back falsely negative. I believe it takes at least 12 weeks for the igg to turn positive. We're your sores tested?

My first outbreak was painful but subsequent ones much less so and after about a year I've had none (although I was on suppressive therapy for about 6months). I think my story is pretty typical. . If you take care to keep your immune system strong, you're more likely than not to have few outbreaks that won't be as painful as the first. Your BF was very brave and honest and you could've walked away but you didn't. This speaks very highly of both your characters. H is really very controllable; the worst part is the stigma and that's only an issue if you buy into it - - DON'T! So go on loving and enjoying your time with your boyfriend and know in the end you're going to be okay. ☺️

We'll, for.YOU, ur seems like suppressive therapy isn't necessary because you haven't had to deal with painful outbreaks and who knows maybe you never will. And, if you do have an outbreak you can take needs then to shorten the duration. But I'm still of the same mind as your BF. Do what you can to protect him because you don't know at any given time if you're shredding so either condoms or meds. If/when you enter a life-long committed relationship if he's okay with the increased risk go condom and med-free. My 2¢.

Yes, I'm curious too. Once something is written it seems to become an oft-repeated fact, no one really follows up to see if the statistic is actually TRUE.

Yes the meds should help.There seems to be some resistance to acyclovir developing so if that's what you're on you should ask for Valtrex. And, I think the CDC recommends 500 mg Valtrex daily but that dose may not be enough. Some need 1,000 mg/day. Also, showering with tea tree oil soap or body wash "down there" may be helpful. Hope that helps!

Next Step, You are so not alone! Herpes is super common. Look around you and know *at least* one in six have genital herpes. You will find a new normal and one day it'll be such a small part of your life you'll hardly remember it. Bear with me while I tell you a story. I had a run in with breast cancer that ultimately got me a new set of boobs. The surgeon's handiwork was marvelous but believe me reconstructed boobs look nothing like the beautiful boob jobs women get to look hot. When looking in the mirror, I thought like I was lady Frankenstein, sooo weird looking and absolutely sure my husband (at the time, now divorced) or any other man would recoil in horror once they saw me with my clothes off. To my amazement, **that absolutely never happened.** Actually the first guy I was with emphatically said he was attracted to ME and he could give a crap about the weird boobs. Totally not an issue. Next BF echoed his sentiment. So once upon a time my reconstructed boobs were all I could think about and now I hardly ever do. My strange boobs are only one of a million various traits that make me... Well, me. Similarly, herpes is only one aspect of my life, both fake boobs and H the consequence of a life LIVED. Now I'm not going to tell you you'll never face rejection because of H, you might. But there are all sorts of reasons people get rejected that don't seem fair (too short, too old, too poor etc.) So what? Rejection is a part of life and everyone needs to be able to just roll with it else we sit inside and sob all day, with no chance of ever achieving our dreaams. Last, getting out among people can be very helpful to lift your depression. Why not join a Meetup group? It's great to get out and talk about anything not herpes. I belong to several hiking groups and a science book club group. These are not dating groups mind you, but just people with shared interests. I've met some really interesting folks that way and several have become beloved friends. And, I did date one or two hiker guys 🙂 Sorry for the long diatribe. I just really want you to know it'll be okay in time. Take care of ((you))!

Love The Mountains Thx for sharing your the inspiring story!

Hmmm. It's really hard to say. The skin down there is thin and sensitive. Could be irritation from a lubricant, friction, contact dermatitis from fabric softener or soap, etc. Did your gf have hsv testing? If so was she tested for hsv? It's not included in the regular testing.

Hello Next Step, My heart goes out to you. I know I felt the same way, like I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life alone. Actually was fully committed to being alone and shunned any overtures from men for about a year. But after reading of successful dating with H stories on this forum and others I became hopeful. I had a successful disclosure and dated a great guy, and I'm quite a bit older than you (55). Unfortunately that relationship didn't work out and I'm still hurting from the loss, but at least I know that there are guys out there who, if disclosure is made in the right way, won't run away screaming. Actually, at this point I come to believe MOST guys won't run away screaming. So chin up girl! Regarding the physical aspects of the infection, everyone has a different story. Some have frequent outbreaks but most don't, especially if they're on suppressive therapy. I didn't have any outbreaks at all while on suppressive therapy, and have been off for a few months now and still haven't had any. Poke around on this site--there's a wealth of information and you'll find many reasons to be encouraged! Consider yourself hugged. You're going to be okay 🙂

It's likely you weren't out on a high enough of antiviral dose after the first ob, and that's why you had subsequent ones. There's some flexibility in the dosing, and health practitioners are trained to use the lowest effective dose. You didn't say which med you were in or what the dose was but I suspect the dose needed to be ratcheted up. The tingling sensations you get once or twice a year may be an outbreak--it can be that mild after you've had H for a while-and its likely you're shedding at that point. Personally, I think you should try the antivirals again.

Nicola, trust me your world has not ended. But I can sympathize with you in that we've all been in your shoes and felt the same way. Some things to consider: I assume you had a blood test. Were you pos for HSV 1 or HSV2? If you had no outbreaks prior maybe the test was positive for HSV1 which could just be from cold sores. If you've only just had your first outbreak, maybe HE gave it to YOU? (Wonder why he didn't want to get tested?). Having said that, it really doesn't matter because you both made the choice to take the risk--as we all have, no judgement implied. Yes your world is now limited and that's a good thing. You'll now have relationships with men who won't become a freaking basket case because of the small chance they could get an occasional, annoying skin rash which resolves quickly with prompt treatment. Consider that everyone has something they're ashamed of and would rather keep secret. Some live high but have enormous debt, others have problems with substance abuse, or abortions, or gambling problems, or a troublesome family member, or a past relationship they'd like to hide or, or, or...the list is endless. Our "something" is H. Big deal (rolling eyes). Keep it in perspective--it's a rash. A rash you got by having sex--something MOST people do unless they're extremely unlucky. Anyone who judges you for this is unworthy of your friendship. Once YOU see it is the small thing as it is, others will too. If we buy into the stigma, we perpetuate it thereby doing a horrible disservice to ourselves and others. Make no mistake, a man may reject you because of H, but people get rejected all the time for all sorts of reasons. Buuutt, there are good men out there who are sensible, and can look at the whole picture of you--pretty, smart, fun--and understand that H is only a little bitty part of your life and on balance you're freaking awesome. Be kind to yourself nicola12, and know you're going to be better than okay. You'll develop the courage and honestly and vulnerability that good men prize. They're out there, trust me.

It's so hard to say whether you were shedding or not. Unfortunately we can shed whether we have any symptoms or not. Why don't you find a doc to put you on antiviral meds? That'll reduce the chance you'll transmit H.