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Next step

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Next step last won the day on September 23

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  1. Help ! I’m 47 and in addition to the fear of disclosure I am dealing with men in their 40s that have issues with performance when condoms are used I always insist on safe sex ( before this h thing ) but now feel like I will be rejected due to the condoms vs the h what can I do ??? Really feel like my sex life is over
  2. 47 female in Canada . Would love a buddy in the same age range to lean on . Ideally someone with some years of experience into this who can show me the way forward thank you
  3. I would love to hear more stories like this - especially in today’s world where sex often comes quick early on in the relationship …. This concept of dating for months without intimacy doesn’t seem to exist and I am not sure how to discuss this with someone who barely knows me enough and with whom this will be shared well before we’ve really gotten ti know each other . Currently I have shared with someone that I may have it ( unconfirmed) and we have been deeply connected for about two months -but we have been intimate and I know he has gotten ti know me . He still didn’t seem to react well to the possibility - questioning if I was the one for him and generally sounding like it would change things if I confirmed …. His past sexual behaviour is much more reckless than mine but I still feel the burden of being the educated responsible one . I want to protect him if I have it but it seems he would rather be ignorant so why must I be some kind of martyr???
  4. Honestly given how common this is it’s likely you have been exposed already just by being sexually actively . If you are interested in polyamory of course that likelihood is MUCH higher unless you regularly test every partner - which doesn’t seem realistic . Use protection try to be as safe as possible ( if your partner won’t take meds then you have the right to refuse the relationship ) and move on .
  5. What are stats on transmission with antivirals only no condoms
  6. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the support my concerns are this : 1) I minimized the fact I may have it and his risk . like I stated it like I didn’t have it ? 2) we are planning to get tested for the other STI but I feel I’m being deceitful if I don’t get HSV in the panel knowing full well it won’t be included 3) i got nervous and asked my dr side valtrex daily to reduce my anxiety on transmission but now feel Im hiding something when I’m trying to do the right thing what I want is to know the disclosure was ok and forget about this for now it feels like much ado about nothing right now and like I’m being forced to take that test to be in integrity help
  7. Three years ago I had symptoms I thought could be herpes ( I am very knowledgeable about the condition how common etc ) I got it swabbed at STD clinic and it was negative . Family dr said likely it could be herpes given my age etc and prevalence and that swabs can be misleading. was told to watch it for next little while I haven’t had anything like it since except for an itchy spot/ little cut lasted two days one year ago . Gone before I could get it looked at I am hesitant to get antibody testing as I know it has it often complicated things what do I do in terms of disclosure ? I mentioned to the guy I’m seeing now that I once thought I had herpes and carry a high index of suspicion given prevalence etc he said oh yea they don’t really test for it and 90% of people don’t know they have it … he told me had chlamydia once . That is kind of where we left the conversation i was relieved but now after a few weeks ( and having had sex) I wonder if i need to say or do more ? we talked about getting tested and not using protection but I know they will not test for herpes . I always use protectionniste thé past , he has been open that he doesn’t - which is why I said we need to get tested . Now I’m feeling all conflicted 😐 I don’t want to open the HSV testing can of worms for us ….
  8. I’m in same boat ..... have no idea how people do this and face the possible rejection....I just want to guard myself or go back to how things used to be
  9. I've had two doctors now suggest that disclosure is not required if I engage in casual sex with precautions . How do people feel about this ?
  10. @_a_rayofsunshine_ are you in suporessives? Did you and your partner use protection ? How did you disclose ? Just curious as I think transmission is what everyone worries about most . Thx:)
  11. @Jane M don't worry it wasn't you post - it was learning he was negative that set me back - like how is it statistically possible ? And then why the fuck do I have it??!! And the sadness set in and more over losing him and the inevitable end .... it is reassuring to hear your disclosures wentnwekl though . What have you been saying when you disclose? And when do you do it? You say there wasn't any chemistry so did you disclose even though you weren't likely to have sex with these guys ? This is all so much added complexity to an already complex dating world :(
  12. @Jane M everything you have expressed is exactly how I have been feeling . I too feel out in an unfair position to put this on display , educate the masses , and face judgement ignorance and rejection . The guy I thought gave it me tested negative which brought up all kinds of emotions as he is much more sexually active and not as educated or responsible in these things as me. It set me back several weeks - I was feeling more confident about approaching this in disclosure and not making it a big deal because I don't think it is . I too am an MD and speak about it matter of factly but the stigma of others makes me emotional .
  13. @Loyalloulou my heart breaks to hear you feeling this way. Please reach out to someone if you are feeling suicidal 1-800-273-8255 and need to talk . plrase do not let H and your fears convince you your life is not worth living . It is ! You just need to come to terms with a few things and find support to help you . inunderstand where you are I was there too honestly - lost weight couldn't focus work was not going well.... but somehow I have managed to start feeling like myself again slowly . It takes baby steps - what can you do in THIS moment to love yourself ? Is it a bath ? A cup of tea? A deep breath? Or reminding yourself you are NOT alone? Whatever it is DO IT!!!!! You are worth it . And you may not agree but I do not think God punishes us . Shit happens . We punish ourselves with what we tell ourselves about the shit that happens . Pray for self forgiveness and the courage to move forward - God will meet you there Much love and blessings im cheering you and myself on at the same time
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