Question Sleep

Lily, I am terribly sorry about the pain and the intolerance towards yourself that this diagnosis has brought onto you. A few thoughts: - your first break-out is your worst. Hence the flu-like symptoms and the severity. I remember my first break-out. A cluster of red bumps on my mound, tingling, SUPER itchy. I remember crying so much when it appeared because I knew what it was. The good news is that as I said, your initial break-out always is the worst. - It is an ugly shock when you first realize you have it. There is a terrible stigma attached to it. In truth, quite a lot of people have at least one form of herpes. People think 'cold sores' aren't anything, and I notice that when I say 'cold sores', people don't seem bothered, but if I use the other word, 'herpes', then people are alarmed. It's like most people don't realize it's the same thing. - Speaking of people not realizing what it is, I think it looks different on some people, but when I get a break-out, it is usually a bump or two close by my lips and honestly all they look like are ugly white headed zits. People who are not schooled in STDs, healthcare, etc usually do not know (at least in my experience) that it is anything other than pimples. - I thought that dating and even having casual sex would be over for me after I got herpes. Not true. I remember being in the hospital and a nurse approached me and said 'I don't mind to intrude, but, your chart says you're very depressed and feel hopeless because you have herpes. I have herpes too and I am happily married with children." It is VERY possible for you to live your normal life even with herpes. It is VERY possible for you to find your true love with herpes. It is VERY possible to be with someone you love and to avoid giving it to them altogether. I've disclosed to potential sex partners, I had 3 of them since I got diagnosed, and with medication and precautions (being aware of my symptoms aka predomes) none of them have had any issues. - The way that I handle disclosure is I do not tell anyone unless we are going to have some sort of sexual relationships or even just a hook-up. If I am looking to date, I like to get to know people more, and then if it seems like we are headed towards a sexual thing then I say 'I wanted you to be aware that I get cold sores sometimes but I am mostly contagious if I have a sore and I have none right now.' And usually they respond alright and ask more questions. So the best thing you can do is educate yourself as much as possible on the infection so you can be prepared with answers. - I have had a couple of neutral responses to me having herpes (I wouldn't say negative because the people weren't cruel about it). Both were young (they were about 21, I am 26) and both just didn't want to have intercourse after finding out. This, of course, is their choice and yes it sucked at first but I also see it as it must not be meant to be for me to be with those people. - Hepes is annoying, but, it is not the worst thing in the world. It doesn't lead to cancer like HPV or kill you like HIV. I'd say the hardest parts for me having herpes (other than itchiness when I break out) is the jokes people make about herpes. I used to make jokes like that all the time and not realize how hurtful they were or how COMMON herpes was. It used to hurt my feelings but now I chalk it up to people being ignorant....because most ARE ignorant when it comes to the truth about herpes. I hope I gave you some sort of insight or hope, because I understand that the diagnosis and the stigma can make a person feel awful about themselves but none of us deserve to feel dirty or shamed because we aren't dirty at all.

Hello! I am very sorry about your situation and it sounds terrible/painful. :(. If you haven't already, I would take an epsom salt bath, just so it can dry up the area and help soothe your itchiness and pain. As for the person you slept with....well. A doctor can only diagnose herpes if there is an active sore for them to swab and test. So, say he knew he had herpes or there was a chance, for all you know he could have been treating gonorrhea or chlamydia. You can maybe try seeing if you can ask him if he has herpes and if that's what he was getting treated. If there is no medical evidence of him having herpes though (he may know he has it but has no active sores tested by doctors and therefore no medical record of it) he could just tell you he didn't know, or maybe he really didn't know and was treating another STD, and if he didn't know then you probably can't sue him. Also, as far as I've noticed online (I'm no lawyer or paralegal assistant or anything) but there is no federal law that requires he disclose to you.... there might be state laws that specify certain things like that but federally unless it's terminal like HIV, I don't know of any laws.

Hi! I've actually read online in places that for some reason some people get 'triggered' by sex and have outbreaks from it. I'm not doctor- but was your outbreak on your mound/external area or more inside? From information that I have, I've read that you're more likely to pass it if your partner actually touches that area that's affected so if say it's on your mound and he was inside of you and the condom broke- the sores weren't inside of you, so you might be alright. It is less likely to pass if there was no direct contact to the sores but sadly you won't truly know unless he gets a breakout at some point. 😞

Hi! I am sorry about your newfound discovery of having herpes. It sucks for sure. It's true that some people don't react well but you said you've been talking with him/getting close to him for about 5 months. If he is a good guy, he will hear you out. As you stated, herpes doesn't need to come from cheating but can come from past encounters or as you said, maybe he has the virus and doesn't know it. I would hope that a person who cares about you would listen to you and let you inform him about how the virus can lay undetected for years. Take a deep breath. Even though it isn't fun to tell people, I've actually gotten some positive reactions and people generally seem to be open to learning more about it. I wish you luck! 🙂