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newtothis22 last won the day on March 4 2020

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  1. Hey I feel you, it's a very difficult situation especially when you start developing strong feelings for that person. But it's also likely they are developing strong feelings for you and herpes shouldn't stand in the way of that. Any mature person will understand that it isn't a big deal. I disclosed last year after spending a lot of time with someone, not telling her while we were getting closer was eating away at me so I decided to set a date that I would tell her and make sure I stick to it. It went really well, she understood and it didn't change anything between us. "We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown." Don't assume someone will reject you or respond badly. Tell it in a way that doesn't make it seem like a big deal, because it isn't. If they're not education on it they will likely ask a few questions and you can both move on from it. Feel free to message me if you'd like a chat, I'm a 22 y/o male from the UK so you might find comfort in speaking to someone of the opposite gender on their perspective.
  2. @Concerned1977 Yes you're right which is why I didn't think it would happen but perhaps that is why. We didn't always use protection and I didn't use antivirus because I hadn't had a genital herpes diagnosis, just HSV-1 from a private blood test but certain symptoms lead to believe it was genital.
  3. It was about a year ago I found out I had HSV-1 and since then it hasn't been easy. Wishing I could turn back the clock and not be intimate with certain people, or ignoring my symptoms and being blissfully unaware, however that isn't the type of person I am and I explored every avenue to receive a proper diagnosis. This then meant I would have to be honest with future partners which scared the hell out of me, and I even considered not telling them. However when I started getting feelings for someone I realised that I couldn't keep this from her, and because of the connection we had I actually felt quite confident that she would accept it. This didn't stop my nerves before telling her though but luckily it went well and we've said no more about it since. But several months down the line she tells me she has been diagnosed with herpes, I feel terrible but she reassures me she knew the risks and doesn't blame me. Knowing I have given someone an incurable STI does make me feel bad, but what would make me feel 1000000x worse is if I didn't tell them I had herpes in the first place. I know it isn't easy but disclosure really is the way forward, it brings you closer together through honesty. I have herpes, I disclosed to my partner and now she has herpes too. The "worst case" has happened but I'm fine, she's fine, and herpes really is no big deal.
  4. @Braino What are the statistics on hsv1 shedding & transmission rates? I can't seem to find them anywhere
  5. @Lonelygirl88 Well hopefully you'll get answers soon... Why did you have to leave? I'm sure everything will be okay and feel free to message me if you'd like to talk
  6. @Lonelygirl88 Thanks but there's no need to apologise, we are all going through something tough. I get spots around my lips a lot, I wouldn't call them cold sores though but every single red spot or white head certainly gravitates to my lips for some reason. Have you had a blood test then? It's frustrating not knowing due to a lack of a swab. How do you disclose what you have?
  7. Last year after having unprotected sex, the following day I began to get irritation around my penis including some red spots and small rashes. A few days later I had white heads appear near the base of my penis but with no pain. By the end of the week I even spotted what I believed was a very small genital wart on my penis. This freaked me out because I already knew a lot about herpes so I suspected it could be a mild outbreak triggered through sex and now I had genital warts on top of this. The next week I went to the clinic but by this point the white head spots had faded, but still I explained everything and they diagnosed my genital wart but didn't suggest herpes. I also had a boil above my pubic area filled with puss but was told this wasn't linked to herpes. I was still worried my outbreak could've been so mild that it went unnoticed so I decided to take a private blood test to ease my concerns, the results came back HSV-2 negative but HSV-1 positive. A nurse phoned me with the results and I explained to her why I thought it could be genital but based on my symptoms she told me she thinks it's just oral due to the absence of painful blisters. I can never remember having coldsores but my father has always had them and from what I can remember he was never that careful in keeping me protected since we would share drinks etc. My mother also had genital herpes while she was pregnant with me if this is relevant. Since then I've not known what to think, at times I do get red spots on and around my penis and every time this happens I visit the clinic but they always tell me it isn't anything to worry about and no need for swab tests etc. I'm just in a position now where I don't know how to start dating because I'm unsure what to tell future partners. I am ready to start a long-term relationship with someone but I feel it is best to be honest with them although I'm worried how best to explain my situation without scaring them away. I actually have feelings for someone but she lives in the same accommodation as me and we share mutual friends so I don't know if I could bring myself to tell her and risk others knowing. We have been spending a lot of time together lately and as much as I want to make a move this is holding me back and I'm not sure if it can ever work given my circumstances.
  8. Was your outbreak diagnosed through swab and blood test? HSV-1 from a blood test doesn't necessarily mean genital and could be oral herpes caught from childhood. If you get another blood test it will probably come back as HSV-1 again since around 80% of people have the first type. In regards to dating I would advise taking it slow and waiting until you feel comfortable with that person until you disclose, and just be honest in what's going on. I think you'd be surprised in how accepting people can be. Saying this I am in a similar situation to you with HSV-1 and am yet to attempt disclosing but this forum has made me feel more confident for when the time comes. Feel free to PM me if you'd like someone to talk to :)
  9. @SD1990 I agree but I have shown certain symptoms in my genitals, however they've been dismissed as something else by heath care professionals. Although very mild (small painless white heads etc) I am still paranoid from what I have read that it could be a mild outbreak despite never being diagnosed. Part of me wishes I didn't take a blood test at all but I just wanted to make sure it wasn't HSV-2 first. If it is genital then I probably caught it from receiving oral sex but considering 80% of people carry HSV-1 it's hard to avoid.
  10. If you really like her then there's no need to end it, just get the warts frozen and they should be gone within weeks. Then disclose to your partner and if she cares about you as much as you do her then she will understand. Don't throw it all away and make yourself miserable or you will always wonder 'what if'
  11. I've read a lot about the transmission rates for HSV-2 but I never see much about the rates for HSV-1. Does anyone know more about the rates of transmission for HSV-1, oral or genital? I am unsure where mine is located and only found out due to a blood test to ease my worries but unfortunately it didn't do that because HSV-1 on a blood test doesn't tell me much. I still wish to disclose though by explaining I carry this strain but some statistics to go with it would help. If anyone knows them or of any useful websites then it would be much appreciated. Thanks
  12. After reading many of the successful disclosure threads, it has made me slightly more confident for when the time comes. I'm just unsure how to disclose my particular "situation" since it isn't just a case of genital herpes. This is my "situation" - Diagnosed with one very small genital wart in November, frozen off and hasn't returned. Had some white heads appear on my penis after unprotected sex, worried this could be an outbreak of existing herpes so opted for a private blood test. The results came back HSV-2 negative but HSV-1 positive, but when I told the nurse about my outbreak she told me she doesn't think it's genital and likely oral from childhood. I've had multiple visits to the clinic for every little symptom but never has any doctor told me they suspect herpes and therefore no swabs. I don't recall having cold sores but my dad has always had them, I have had a lot of spots above my lip lately though. I also get red spots around my pubic area that don't seem to go away. I just don't know how to explain this to someone without it taking forever and scaring them over two incurable STIs. While there's a chance it could be, it may also be a case of HPV that has already left my body and oral HSV-1 that 80% of people carry anyway. Yet I am still terrified of dating again!! Does anyone have any advice for me? Thanks
  13. 22 y/o male here from England. Carry both HPV and HSV-1 and would like someone to talk to, no real preference on age/gender just someone who can emphasis with my situation whether they carry one or both viruses. Feel free to drop me a message anytime, I'm very responsive πŸ™‚
  14. @alllgood Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to 😊
  15. Thanks for your reply @Amando and you're right if I do ever get them again I'll go straight to the clinic but it's unlikely they would swab them anyway because at every clinic appointment I've been to they haven't even mentioned this could be herpes and dismiss it when I suggest the possibility. However I chose to take a private blood test for my own peace of mind. Very true πŸ˜‚ But you're correct I feel that it is so common people in the UK people don't even see it as an issue when it comes to sex, before I did my research I had no idea that cold sores even meant herpes! Thanks again, It's great to have an active member in this forum and it looks like you're helping a lot of people, big respect πŸ˜ƒ
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