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Valerie

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Everything posted by Valerie

  1. Thank you<3 Herpes has definitely been a emotional roller coaster but it has helped me to really understand the importance of "studying" potential "boyfriends"/guys I go on dates with. You really need to take the time to get to know a person and see if they will be worth it in the long run and not just a temporary thing. Herpes is not just about respecting yourself and receiving respect...it's about respecting your partner as well and taking care of each other. Find a person who is worthy. Someone who will share the same love and who you can open up to completely. Your heart will tell you who is right because you will eventually find the perfect timing to disclose...even though you might feel like it's the hardest thing you have ever done. The first guy and I took the time, built respect & trust. So I was able to disclose when I felt it was right. The second one I felt forced and pressured to tell him. That's the difference. I wish you the best of luck when your time comes to disclose<3 <3 <3 @allwillbefine
  2. Wow...it's been forever since I last stopped by. I missed this and quite frankly, need this community! The last time I had logged on I was a wreck. I had just gotten diagnosed, I was failing in school, I wasn't doing so good in my two jobs, I didn't want to leave my house or communicate with anyone other than here. After talking to people here, watching Adrials videos, reading the disclosure forms, etc.... I began to actually disclose to my closest friends. Their support and love has kept me going all the way here (almost 2years since I got diagnosed). I remember being so afraid of ever dating anyone again. I didn't want to feel real rejection, I didn't want to get treated differently, and much less be rumored about after opening up to someone I might really like. With that being said...I met a guy in school. He really liked me and I would just push him away. I was terrified of ever feeling anything & even more terrified of the day I had to "say it". We began to hang out a lot and became really close friends.once we started really catching feelings for each other and getting to know each other more, I would always tell him "I will always protect you even from myself". I don't know why but I guess in my mind I was kind of getting him ready for it. I slowly began to trust him but was always afraid and had started mentally preparing myself, since I new he was going to take it a step further soon & ask me to be his girlfriend. The day came when I felt "ITS NOW OR NEVER!!!" I had to tell him already. So one day after work I told him we needed to talk if we were going to continue on. I felt so bad and nervous. We met up at a skate park. We both sat there nervously not knowing what the other would say. As he asked me what was wrong the first thing that came out of my mouth was "I don't think we should keep seeing each other" as I teared up. At the moment I felt like I couldn't do it...I don't know how to explain it...it was just so hard! So I broke down. As he asked me again what was wrong and his eyes began to water as well, I reminded him of the times I said that I would " protect him from myself"...."I have genital herpes" *break down (again)*. My heart felt like it stopped & I couldn't catch enough air to breath! All I hear is "So?! What the hell is wrong with you!? That's why your leaving me??? How the hell is that going to stop me from wanting to be with you more than anything??" *he breaks down in tears*. He told me how much he trusts me & how much he appreciated me actually telling him. After that day our bond and our love grew and incredible amount. No one in the world will ever understand how much relief and how amazing it felt to have someone understand and love me that much. Being with him brought me happiness, love, confidence, etc.... He never once used herpes against me! Never! He helped me get though school and work...he helped me push harder to succeed and he believed in me more that a lot of people ever have in my life. I am where I am today in my career because of him. I met him a little over a year ago...months after being diagnosed. We are no longer together...for different reasons (we didn't end on a bad note...invade you wondered :P). Our break up has been excruciatingly hard on me (.even though I know it's for the best)...but imagine...he was my first disclosur other than my family a friends...a boy I really liked! I had lost my self when I found out I had herpes, then I find some who helps me build a whole new and improved me...right? He's not in the picture anymore....so now what? It's time for me to find myself again and gain back my confidence. I just feel like it's a bit hard with out having my back 24/7 and feeling that unconditional love and support. I know i know, "you have friends and family that love you"...& yes, that's true but it's not the same. I feel even more lost & attached! Last month, on the other hand, I had started talking to/gave a chance to this guy that had liked me for years. Since I am single I said "why not"...mind you he has been my friend for a while but not close friend...so what scared me was having to one day tell him and have all our "mutual friends" find out about me having herpes. Anyways one night we all went out for some drinks. When he was taking me home he took advantage of the fact that I was drunk and thought he could try to get in my pants. After pushing him and screaming him a few times to "leave me alone", "stop", "you don't really know much about me! I haven't told you stuff yet!"..,it clicked in his head...he finally stopped "what's wrong with you!!!"..."take me home" I said. As I got home I was scared...not only did he try touching me...thinking I was into that...yes we kissed a few times during the night...but I wasn't ready to take it further nor tell him. So now I had to tell him. I called him and told him "I didn't like what you were attempting...you don't know the real me!"...and before I can begin explains "one of my exes gave me an...." He said "you have a f*****g std!!!!!????? What the f**k you dirty whore!!!! I didn't think you out of all people you disgusting virus!!!!"....this went on for a few days he would text me bashing me. I deleted and blocked him from every social network. After that I warned him I'd put a restraining order so he left me alone. After that happening my #1 worry was "Omg! Everyone is going to find out! What am I going to do? No one is going to love me!", depression hit all over again...as if the day I got diagnosed repeated itself. It's been a month from that already...& all I can think of is the difference between these two guys. And the more I think about it...the more of a blessing herpes becomes❤️ As incredibly ironic as that sounds...and as much as I'm still trying to find myself and gain back who I am...I feel blessed. The people who are real, worth being in your life, and necessary to build you up...will love and support you no matter what the hell kind of "baggage" or whatever you feel you may have. Nothing matters! Those are people worth having around! Not just some jerk that is just trying to get in your pants with out first falling in love with the real you and give you the chance to open up to him. There will always be good & bad people...just gotta find the ones worth it. Like Nikki Minaj says "CALL IT A CURSE, OR JUST CAL ME BLESSED...IF YOU CANT HANDLE MY WORST, YOU AINT GETTING MY BEST."✌
  3. I found this quote today. It made me think about yours and my life right now. "I AM NOT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. I AM WHAT I CHOOSE TO BECOME." -Carl Jung Lets not let H nor society bring us down. People dont define who we are...we define who we are. TRUST yourself LOVE yourself BE yourself. "LIFE IS A CLIMB, BUT THE VIEW IS GREAT"-Miley Cyrus Lets make the best of what we got :) ♥
  4. That you so much for posting this. This gives me more hope to move forward. Very inspiring♡
  5. Thank you for sharing this. I just got diagnosed 2 days ago and all im looking for is hope and strength. This is really motivating for me. I know its going to take time but I want to be as positive about it too, although its kind of hard still. Im going out with someone whom I believe passed it on to me. Ive been so down that I havent even wanted to see him much less comfront him about it because im afraid of his reaction. I do have strong feelings for him and im not upset with him. I just dont know how to comfront him about this situation.
  6. I feel the same exact way. I completely understand you. Its sad really. From loving yourself, and living a healthy normal life to being defined as a disease by society. But then again if we think about it we are the same people! We are beautiful, sexy, good people, lovable people...we just so happen to have a skin disease that we are strong enough to handel if we dont allow it to bring us down! I am 20 years old and I got diagnosed 2 days ago and right away I felt like a virus and not a woman. All myself confidence that I had got flushed down the toilet. Im not going to allow this to bring me down and I hope you dont either. If you need anything im here for you just inbox me:) Your not alone!
  7. Thank you all for your support and love. Im happy I found this community. Being here (even though its virtual) makes me feel a little safer and accepted. I appreciate it so much♡
  8. Hello my name is Valerie and I just got diagnosed yesterday. I would love to get support and advice from a buddy. Im so devastated and shocked by this. I know it isnt the end of the world...its just im having trouble accepting this. I am 20 years old. I would prefer talking to a female about this. Whoever feels can help me I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
  9. Hello, I just got diagnosed yesterday. The moment I heard herpes a part of me died. All I thought of was "this will never go away", "im never going to be normal again", "I ruined my life", "im disgusting", "no one is going to love me", "no one will want to be around a person with this". I currently have a boyfriend whom I believe passed it on to me, since I have only had 2 sexual partners in my life. I have not told him about this yet because we got in a argumet this weekend and we havent spoken since. Im TERRIFIED of his reaction. Im scared he is going to blame me for this, never talk to me again or say that im not clean or treat me like a monster. Im also hurt that if in anycase he did infect me that he didnt tell me on purpose or he wont care he infected me. In fact my own mom is treating me like such. When I got the diagnosis I had to tell my mom the truth. "I am sexually active". I being active in church shouldnt be participating in sexual acts until marriage. With that being said my mom has been devastated, crying, calling me a slut, disgusting sick person, a virus. I know shes hurt. I know she is disappointed. But this only makes me imagine what other people are going to think of me if MY OWN MOM SEES ME THIS WAY! I am desperate, devastated, frustrated, scared, terrified, lonely, unsafe, dirty....etc. I only want to feel the opposite of all of the above. I want to form part of this community that can not only make me feel accepted and loved, as well as love myself again. I would like to thank Adrial for his youtube videos that brought me here today and is giving me at least a tiny bit of hope as I am still afraid of this unknown thing that is new to me. Also thank you in advance to whom ever takes their time to give me advice and support me through this. I appreciate it. Thank you♡
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