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StrengthOfWolves

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Everything posted by StrengthOfWolves

  1. I understand your frustration and am sympathetic of how you are feeling now. I am 24 almost 25 and was diagnosed September of 2018. The first couple weeks were hard for me as well. I didn’t feel like myself, I was distant and shut out the world around me. Luckily, I was not as affected as other were after diagnosis. In fact, I was so un affected that sometimes I didn’t think the tests were right. I can assure you some days will be hard and you will not feel like yourself. I personally was diagnosed in front of my boyfriend at the time and luckily he stayed with me and we have been together ever since. However, it is still hard because sometimes I feel like I am with him because I have to be and because it is safe. He will stay with me, but sometimes I feel there is someone else I am supposed to be with but can’t because I am damaged goods. It is perfectly fine to feel this way sometimes. just know that the things you are feeling and the things you are thinking we all have been though. I personally put myself on permanent medication in case I ever had an outbreak and could take care of it right away. Maybe something to look into. You can always talk to me if you feel alone or need someone to talk to! We are all in this together!
  2. I was diagnosed around the same time as you just a few months before. Honestly the first diagnosis was the worst I’ve ever had. Ever since, the only indication I remember that I have it is when someone mentions the word itself or I get a minor itch never anything constant always random. I never got retested after my first initial blood test and my boyfriend of almost a year after I got diagnosed never was tested positive but I know it had to be from him. He still loves me no matter what thank god. However, I never tested again because I never felt I should test again, the medication helped and I don’t usually feel any effects from having it so I can say I am lucky in that aspect. I never thought it could be anything else other than what the doctors and test told me, now I wonder if I should test again.
  3. I understand you struggle, I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half and have been diagnosed since September of 2018. Fairly new. It wasn’t until after I had a terrible outbreak that put me in the hospital and was first diagnosed when he disclosed that he could have given it to me because he was not very monogamous when “playing the field”. Thankfully, he is still with me because I don’t know how I would deal with it otherwise. I have been feeling like a pariah ever since, I just recently told my family which I never wanted to do but thankfully did because they are very supportive. I have been terrified that if me and him break up I will never find someone who will accept me as he has and I feel angry at him for making the situation that made me feel that way. It’s a very hard situation but I’ve come t find out that high amounts of stress have caused outbreaks that last long periods of time and they are extremely unbearable. Although everyone is different, it could be you need a higher dosage on your valtrex. Mine personally had to be reduced because it made me extremely drowsy and caused a loss of appetite which made me loose a ton of weight. The virus affects everyone in a different way, I am sorry it affects you so. Please let me know if you need anyone to talk to! And always keep your head up, we are all in this together!
  4. I would very much enjoy a buddy to talk to. I would like someone more close to my age so I can feel more connected but anyone would be fine! I am 23 years old. I would love to talk to a female to respect my boyfriend who has been so supportive throughout this whole situation. I do not want to do anything that might make it seem like I am disrespecting him, and I do not want to make him think in any way I am cheating! Talking to a guy might do that. I am both HSV 1 & HSV 2 positive. Diagnosed September of this year. I also do not care where they are located in the world I would actually love someone not in the United States!
  5. Thank you very much for the kind words of inspiration! I try my best to stay positive but it just gets to me sometimes I suppose.
  6. I guess it’s more of a realization that everyday I feel more and more alone and scared. Scared mostly because I’m scared of how my family and friends will look at me differently and alone because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. But I guess I’m more alone than scared. I feel alone because I have no one to talk to because I’m scared people will look at me differently and I feel like that is the double edged sword in the situation. I try to be myself, however I was before I found out, but I’m not really sure who that person was anymore. I cry most nights because I don’t know what to do. The saddest part is, I think I got it from my current boyfriend. Unfortunately, he hasn’t gotten the test yet to verify that information even though I’ve asked him to multiply times. He just goes off of the information that has been given so far. I honestly think he refuses to get the test because he doesn’t want to question whether or not I cheated (which I didn’t, for anyone who wants to know), but because I don’t think he would know how to deal with it is it turned out he didn’t have the virus. I honestly feel the same way. My test revealed that I had both forms of the virus, HSV 1 contracted a long time ago due to the high amounts of IgG antibodies in my blood. While HSV 2 is recent and I don’t have the antibodies for that strand of the virus. I have been with my boyfriend now for a title over a year so it would only make sense that I contracted the virus for HSV 2 from him. However, if it shows that he doesn’t have the virus, I could have contracted it from a previous partner. Unfortunately, until he gets the blood work done, we will never know. So I wonder, has anyone else had a similar situation where they found out they had the virus and a significant other doesn’t want to get the test done and just says you got it from them? Also how is it in social situations? I have had a lot of experience with people using the phrase “at least you don’t have herpes” multiple times and honestly as many times as I tell myself it’s going to be okay, whenever someone says that I die a little inside and I wanna just crawl into a hole. So if there is anyone who had any advise for suggestions on how to make social situations any easier or if you just want to share an experience, please let me know!
  7. Oh that is awful! I think about it all the time, my boyfriend gets really upset because it stresses me out! I found exercise and yoga have helped a lot!!! Not only with mental positivity but also with feeling good physically because I gained a lot of weight after my diagnosis, which was not that long ago I should add. I have only been diagnosed for almost two months so I’m still waiting the next outbreak, I’m hoping it’s not that bad! Trust me me it is an absolute terrible cycle of self doubt and loathing since my diagnosis, but I found with the right state of mind and support behind me (my brothers and boyfriend included) it makes it a lot easier to see that life does not have to change from what it has been before!! Half the time now, I don’t even remember I have it, which is great!! Thinking about the negative just makes things harder in my understanding. Just try and keep a positive mind!! Remember, there’s so many people here that are open and willing to talk! Message me anytime!!
  8. It’s very normal to have outbreaks during and after periods. Most outbreaks come from stress on the immune system. My first and only outbreak so far came after I had strep throat for a week and my period followed. It is very good to talk to your OBGYN about what can cause symptoms. I did and it made me feel a whole lot better!! For example, I didn’t think stress could cause an outbreak until I talked to my doctor and researched for hours and hours online and in my medical text books. I am insanely jealous that your outbreak was not what my experience was! Just all around awful, but they always say the first one is always the worst!! Thank god! I did start suppressive therapy because I did not want that feeling that I experienced before to ever happen again it was the worst pain I have ever felt!! The therapy seems to help me, but it’s always different for everyone.
  9. Everyone is different in how their virus appears and reacts with their immune system. Fortunately, the two strands of the HSV virus are very prone to localize to their preferred areas ( HSV 1 preferring the oral cavities including the mouth and lips, while HSV 2 preferring the vaginal, penis, anal and thigh area.) While it is possible to contract each of the virus to the opposing areas, the are localized to the one they prefer. Now, while the virus is localized to their specific areas, they are not particular to staying in one spot, such as the head of the penis. Shedding occurs all the time with this particular virus, most contagious during an outbreak. However, you can significantly cut your chances of infecting a partner by using a condom. It is also, according to some research, cut in half again with suppressive therapy. As for the red dots, the suppressive therapy is not meant to completely diminish your outbreaks, they are meant to suppress your symptoms such as blisters, itching, burning during urination, etc. You can still take the suppressive therapy and have a mild outbreak. It is always important to practice safe sex and inform any sexual partners of your infection, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Best of luck to you! I hope I was able to explain things a bit better.
  10. Hello @MissGuided I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time! We have all been there, just know everyone here is very supportive and willing to be a shoulder to lean on! Seeing as your OB has not prescribed you any form of medication might mean she doesn’t think you have the H. Although everyone’s different with their outbreaks (my first putting me in the hospital, which was no fun), yours may have not been that severe for a prescription to be required (if that was even it at all). The bumps can be from any numerous things (allergies, bumps from shaving leaving open cuts for bacteria to come in, irritation in general). I would say keep optimistic until the swab comes back, mine took about 2-3 days for the OB to call. Until then, hold onto to hope! Remember, we are all here to help! Best of luck!
  11. For the past hour and a half, I have stared at this blank box just wondering where to start. I’ve repeatedly deleted, retyped, and edited every detail of this post to get the right story out. I am a 23 year old girl still in college and working full time at a trailer store. Nothing exciting really happened in my life. I had started a new relationship almost a year ago (it will be one year October 13th). My puppy just shedded his first coat from summer since he turned 1 in May (he is a husky by the way so it was a lot!). Everything seemed to be perfectly normal and exciting. Until my first breakout, which went a little like this: It was the first week of September when I found out that I had herpes simplex 1 and 2. The news of it crushed me completely. I was angry for all the right reasons and also for all the wrong ones. One Sunday morning I woke up with a terrible itch in my groin area. When I went to the bathroom to see what was going on, I found multiple blisters forming all over. I had slight pain and tenderness during urination nothing to serious. Unfortunately, it was the Sunday before Labor Day and every where was closed other than the hospitals (which I did not want that expensive bill!). I had had to wait until the closest Med Express Urgent Care was open which was the next day. That Sunday wasn’t terribly bad. We had a Labor Day BBQ at my oldest brothers girlfriends house. Everything that day seemed normal like nothing happened. Until I had to go to the bathroom and the stinging hurt so bad I decided to hold it instead. Trying to get comfortable enough to sleep was even worse. The next day was Labor Day, thankfully I had no work. Instead, I was going to Med Express because shockingly they were open and they were only 65$ (thank goodness). I waited in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before being called back for the first initial exam of Heart, fever, etc. Finally I was waiting in the exam room. Keep in mind, my first initial though due to itching and redness was that I had poison Ivy, which I had had once as a kid. So the doctor and his assistant came in, giggly and with smiles on their faces. Then the male doctor asked “so what are you in for today?” As the girl tried her best not to laugh. I then went about explaining everything that was going on. Thankfully (but not thankfully), some of the blisters had migrated to the inside of my right thigh. Thankfully, I didn’t have to take my clothes off (or so I thought). Not thankfully, the doctor didn’t really get a good look at what was goi on before he made his assumption. “You have folliculitis.” He said “its very common mostly caused by a dull razor. It should clear up in a few days.” Which I promptly responded “I don’t think that’s what it is, it’s spread to a very delicate area and it hurts to pee. How does a Staph infection (for people who don’t know folliculitis is caused by staph) make it hurt when I pee?” He didn’t have much to say about that but I insisted he look at everything before making a final decision. With a sigh, the nurse gave me a gown and I took everything off from the waist down and waited for them to come back in. When he came back in, he did not examine me the way a gynecologist would have or he would have seen what was going on. I awkwardly pulled the sheet away from my stomach so he could see. He took one quick look and said “Definitely folliculitis, take these pills and use this cream and it will clear right up.” Not knowing any better, I took my medication and was on my way still kind of uneasy about the whole experience and annoyed with the unprofessionalism of the whole visit. As prescribed, I took two pills a day one at morning and one at night and I used the relief ointment that the doctor gave me. Two days later, I decided to go to the hospital because the pain was now worse and I couldn’t even shower without breaking down in full out hysteria from the agony. So so here I am, bladder basically full because I have barely peed in four days, hair soaking wet from the shower, eyes puffy from crying, and on my way to the hospital with my boyfriend. I did all the initial exams they normally do before taking you back to see the doctor. Of course, the part I was dreading, I needed to give a urine sample. I managed to get enough out for the sample and could not stop the rest no matter how much it hurt (let me tell you it felt like someone was sticking a hot rod up there). Finally, I am back seeing the doctor who I went over the whole story again including the terrible experience at Med Express and the incompetence that doctor showed because he didn’t want to work a holiday shift. She got extremely quite after she saw everything and her face looked like she didn’t want to say what she had to say. At that moment my heart sunk. I could almost feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes waiting to come out. ”Who is this?” She asked, pointing to Ian. “My boyfriend” “Would you like him to stay for this?” “ Yes, it’s fine.” “Are you positive?” “Absolutely.” I chocked out knowing it was not good. Then she finally said the words. “It looks like herpes.” My world felt like it had fallen apart. She kept talking a little more going over what was about to happen and how I could have conducted it and how it can stay dormant for years. All I could do was just nod my head and fight the waterworks that we’re waiting to come out. Even recalling it now I can still remember the feeling. I felt gross, dirty, I felt like a whore. I kept recalling everyone I had slept with (which was not a lot, I could count them on one hand). After they left left to get the supplies for the swan test, I could hear Ian behind me “Babe? Are you okay?” For a moment, while she was telling me, I had forgotten he was there. As soon as I heard his voice, the emotions exploded from me. All I could feel was him come and embrace me. He kept telling me, “this is nothing, we can get through this. It’s no big deal, it’ll be like nothing happened nothing is going to change between us.” It it was what I needed to hear, because I didn’t and don’t ever want to lose him. Someone who would stick by my side after all that and still plan a life together. At that moment I didn’t know I could love someone so much. When the doctor returned, she gave me a prescription for valacyclovir (generic valtrex) and one pill to take before bed to ease the pain. She said she was sorry and then left the room, and left me paralyzed as well. The ride home, all I could do was stare out the window, and silently let tears roll down my cheeks. Ian offered to get my ice cream or any kind of snack I wanted (I can snack when I’m emotional surprisingly I am not too out of shape!) but tonight I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. I was so happen when I got home and had to pee, dreading the pain until I realized it didn’t hurt at all. The next few few weeks were hard. The 1000mg medication they prescribed made me very nauseous and sleepy. I had no appetite and lost more weight than I had thought I could. It’s kind of been a blur since then. Ian and I are waiting for a move in date for our first apartment, which is good. Although it seems more and more were arguing about me being sad and out of it. I understand his frustration, sometimes I just wish he understood what I meant when I tell him things are different, because even thought they’re not, they are. So my advise from this, if you feel something deep in your gut, go for it. Even if it’s just you thinking that doctors appointment didn’t feel right. Because I wish I could tell that doctor he made me worse before I could finally get better (and to sleep him with my hospital bill because I sure as hell didn’t want to pay that!). I’m sorry for such a long explanation!!!
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