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100918

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100918 last won the day on December 26 2019

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  1. Not to be a pooper to the party, but even on antivirals, you can still shed HSV while being intimate. I do not know enough about SCID or how bad his immune system is. This is really something he needs to speak with his medical provider about to see what the risks are to him if he was to contract HSV from you. He may be advised that it is too risky, even with antivirals, depending on how bad his SCID is. That said, if you have HSV-2, the odds are that it is genital, so kissing him will not spread it. However, intimacy can, even if you are not displaying symptoms and you are on antivirals. This is really something that only his medical care team can answer as to how or if you can proceed with a relationship without risking his health. And you cannot give yourself HSV-1 if you have HSV-2. They are 2 separate viruses and you also cannot spread HSV-2 to your face once the infection is established in your genitals, according to everything I've ever seen in my research. That all said, he is exposed to germs, bacteria, and viruses daily and he cannot live in a bubble. He may not be scared to be exposed to HSV...and then that brings me right back to him talking to his medical team. Unfortunately, none of us are doctors here, and even if someone is, medical advice should not be given or taken from a site like this. I wish you both the best!
  2. I get waxed every 4 weeks and have never had it trigger an OB. Each person is different. Drinking, poor diet, waxing, stress...none of it triggers an OB for me. 🤷‍♀️
  3. I actually disclosed on our first date. We had met a couple weeks prior and spent hours upon hours on the phone. The thing that made me nervous to disclose initially was that during our first (hours long!) phone call, he made a point to tell me that he was free of all STDs...I didn't say anything in return because I didn't know what to say. I just kept talking to him to see if I felt he was going to be receptive. I am so happy I didn't run scared and that he didn't either after I disclosed. When I first found out a few months before joining the dating app and meeting my boyfriend, I had been out on one date with someone else and in my shock of finding out (via blood test, I had no symptoms...just a doctor that ran HSV as part of an STD panel that I had requested when I decided to start dating), I told him. He rejected me. And I am so happy he did! Because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend that I have now! And the other guy quickly came around and decided that he was okay with it and wanted to be with me...too late!
  4. I met my boyfriend after receiving my diagnosis. Met him on a regular online dating site. I took about 2 days to feel sorry for myself and then realized that I am the same person I was before the blood test, I am still worthy of love, and that the right man would not be afraid of it and would accept me for me. And exactly as mr_hopp said, I RAISED my standards - and refused to accept anything less than that. And I found a man who exceeded my already high standards. He is amazing, loves me for who I am, and when I disclosed to him, he was not even a little bit put off by it. We have been together for nearly a year now. We are very happy, he is still HSV-negative (and we made the decision together, months ago, to stop using condoms since I cannot get pregnant - he is aware of the potential risk of transmission and is willing to take it), and if things keep going the way they are, I do believe we will be married sooner than later. I also agree that having HSV makes you really consider who you date. When I was online, one of the things I had to consider when talking to some of the men who contacted me was whether I would feel comfortable disclosing to them and what I felt their reactions would be if I did. It made me a lot pickier (see above about standards) and I didn't even waste my time going on dates with someone who I did not feel I would be comfortable disclosing. That all said, when it came time to disclose to my boyfriend, I knew leading up to that date that I was going to do it, and I was scared! I was having dreams about it, playing through different scenarios in my head and when I disclosed, it was so easy...and HE made it easy for me. As soon as that was done and out of the way, everything became easier. Love is out there! HSV is not a deterrent to the right person.
  5. Would your wife be willing to go on suppressive therapy to see if that will keep her outbreaks from happening? The same as for any other medical condition that can be treated with medication, this may help her to feel more at ease with intimacy if she feels she has another method to control the outbreaks. I also think she could benefit greatly from speaking with a therapist because her actions are not healthy for her or for your marriage. She is allowing her fear to affect not only her, but also your marriage. And while I applaud you for being so understanding and accepting of her refusal to be intimate with you in a real way, there will come a time where you will grow to resent her and it is not fair to either of you to be heading down that road. My heart breaks for you because you both deserve to be happy and HSV should never get in the way of that. I cannot imagine what your wife went through to make her feel such shame about something that is really so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Would your wife be willing to come here and post and read and get advice from those of us who have been there and done that?
  6. To the best of my knowledge, there is only one strain of HSV-2. There is an HSV-1, which differentiates it from the strain HSV-2 so it would stand to reason (in my mind) that iff there were additional strains, they would probably be labeled HSV-3, HSV-4, etc. I have tested positive for HSV-2 and am also asymptomatic. I would have no worries about suddenly becoming symptomatic by being with someone else who is also HSV-2 positive.
  7. My guy is one of the ones who does not care, has not cared from the beginning. We've been together almost a year and it has never been an issue. When I told him, his response was first to make sure that I said HSV and not HIV...and once he clarified that, he was like, "Oh, so it's just herpes? Yeah, that's nothing." And then basically asked me if we could have sex. lol I don't know exactly why he was never put off by it...I think it's because he's older (we both are) and educated about it and knows that it's not a death sentence. Other than that, I don't know. I like to think that he simply thinks I'm worth the risk. I will also add that in the time we've been together, I've never had an outbreak...and we've been having unprotected sex for the majority of our relationship - I don't recommend this, but it works for us. 😉 I had someone else who I disclosed to before I met my boyfriend (someone else I briefly dated), and he initially was like, "Nope. I don't want to risk my health"...in other words, "You're not worth the risk", which is cool and is his choice. And then after I met my boyfriend and he didn't care about it, and the other guy saw that I am in a relationship with someone and happy, he decided that he also didn't care about the herpes and he wanted me. Too late...and thank God for his initial rejection because my boyfriend now is WORLDS better than this other guy ever could have dreamed to be! So, I firmly believe that HSV has been a blessing to me and is a great way to weed out the asses.
  8. Only you can control if you have the victim mentality...and I'll be the first to say that you do NOT have to "let all the good men pass me by". You need to turn your attitude about HSV to one of it being a blessing...causing you to be more picky about who you let into your life...I found an AMAZING man (meets my standards and then some!) who is HSV negative...and he does not care about my HSV status at all. I disclosed to him before we ever had sex, and his response was that it is NOTHING to him...a complete non-issue. We've been together for nearly a year and everything is still wonderful...I can see myself marrying him. If I'd had the attitude that I had to let him "pass me by" or that I didn't deserve him for some reason, then I would have missed out on someone amazing. Do NOT let yourself believe for even one second that you are not worthy of someone who meets your standards. Good people are good people and the right person will not be turned away by your HSV status. One last word of advice - do NOT do to someone else what was done to you. Disclosure is the right thing to do...and if someone does not accept you for you, then they are not worth your time.
  9. I think he is mistaking not having an active infection for not being infected. You can be not in an active infection (bloodwork may show when you have an active infection vs a latent one), but if you have tested positive for Herpes, you will always have it. I would ask him what your numbers are (both IGG and IGM). I hate how uneducated our medical professionals are sometimes.
  10. If it makes you feel any better, Chicken Pox is also part of the Herpes family of virus. And just like Chicken Pox, it lies dormant in our bodies and then can flare up (in the form of Shingles as in the case of chicken pox). And back in the day, and even now...people had/have chicken pox parties and willingly share the virus...knowing that it will forever be in our bodies. And no one bats an eye. The only reason there is stigma attached to HSV is because it is spread through sexual contact...but it's still the same family of virus. HSV flares up more often, but is very similar to chicken pox...bumps, pop/burst, scab, some discomfort, repeat. The only real difference is that HSV can shed and be spread when you don't have symptoms whereas with chicken pox, while it's dormant, it doesn't shed. The more I learn about HSV, the less I think it's a big deal. Should definitely still disclose, but not a big deal.
  11. No. If you are not attracted to him, it is already the beginning of the end. Physical attraction is generally not something that will develop. If you already don't have those feelings for him, the odds are that you will never feel that and the relationship will not last. It is also not fair to him to be put in a position to where he may become HSV+ and then have to disclose for the rest of his life. NO ONE should "settle" for someone...and you already know that you would be settling. Don't do it. You both deserve better.
  12. The advantage of being with someone who already has HSV2 is that you cannot spread it to them again. They already have it, so no worries. As far as oral, my boyfriend is HSV-negative and we love oral. If you are recently diagnosed, you will probably want to be on suppressive meds, and be aware that you can still shed the virus to someone even if you have no symptoms. That is true no matter how long you've had it. And, if you have symptoms, then you should definitely avoid sex (including oral) until your outbreak is over. You need to be sure to disclose to all partners so that they can make an informed choice about having sexual relations with you. When I disclosed to my boyfriend, he was very clear that he did not care about HSV at all...that it was a non-issue. We've been together for close to a year now. We have a great sex life and he remains negative for HSV. It is very possible to have a great sex life...just be responsible, disclose, and discuss with your partner the precautions that you are both comfortable with taking (or not taking).
  13. Dating someone you work with is a bad idea on SOOOO many levels. I vote for being friendly, getting to know each other, and if you are still into him in a year, find a new job and then you can date. This is my advice whether someone has HSV or not...
  14. Can you not exempt out and wear a mask? I know a lot of people in the medical field who refuse it and wear a face mask during "flu" season...
  15. I have no idea if it can trigger an OB, but the flu shot can trigger all sorts of nasty stuff. Have you read the big, long insert that comes with the vial, not that little printed "info" sheet they give you? It is full of nasty crap and has a LONG list of adverse reactions. I got one in my life...and I am still dealing with the injury it caused...16 years later...
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