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100918 last won the day on February 11

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  1. 100918

    Specific Question Regarding Disclosure

    I am 40 and my partner is a few years older. We'd only been dating a couple of weeks before we got intimate. I think it has more to do with maturity and understanding than it does with age. My ex-husband is 47 and I guarantee that he would not have been accepting of it...and I can also pretty much guarantee that he is the one who gave it to me. But is an immature uneducated ass. If I didn't feel like my partner was going to be receptive to what I had to say, I wouldn't be dating him, and certainly wouldn't have bothered to disclose because I would never have gotten intimate with him. I really think that being HSV+ really makes us take a good hard look at who we are dating and consider things more carefully...but I was still scared to disclose...but for no justified reason, as it turns out.
  2. 100918

    Specific Question Regarding Disclosure

    I also don't think you did anything wrong. You were sober enough to make sure you didn't have sex with him. I just had my first successful disclosure over the weekend, and things went from innocent to let's get busy really fast. We were drinking, but I was anticipating that I was going to disclose that night, so when things were heading in that direction, I stopped him and told him I needed to talk to him before we went any further. And I told him. And he didn't care at all about it. And we continued with our night. I will admit that in the morning, I questioned whether he would regret moving forward or if he was fully getting what I was telling him. But, he and I were talking that next morning and he commented (not in a bad way, just kinda reliving the night) about me stopping him to talk about it, and then we had sex again, so I'm confident that he really does not care about it. We have mutual feelings that this relationship is IT for both of us, so that could be why. He may be feeling like it doesn't matter if he gets it from me because we're the last people we'll be with. I can't speak for him, but that's my feeling. Until I met this man, I was also feeling like "Is it worth it to potentially be rejected, and maybe I'll just stay alone and never have sex again", but I can promise you, there are some wonderful men out there who will love you for you and will not care about HSV.
  3. 100918

    Dont know what I am going to do

    Exactly. I never knew I had it, have shared cups and straws with my kid forever, and everything is just fine.
  4. 100918

    Dont know what I am going to do

    Because I hadn't dated or had sex in over 10 years.
  5. 100918

    Dont know what I am going to do

    I do. I have an almost teenager. I considered doing the Western Blot, but the values came back at over 8, and from what I've read, they recommend the WB for those who had results under 3.5. I was still thinking about doing it anyway, but the man I'm seeing honestly does not care if I have it or don't, and I can see myself marrying him, so I'm not going to spend the money. If it doesn't work out with him for some reason, then I might get the WB done just to confirm, but for now, it doesn't matter.
  6. 100918

    Dont know what I am going to do

    I found out 4 months ago that I have HSV2. Had it for over 10 years before finding out I had it via a blood test. Have never had symptoms. I felt the same way. I just disclosed to the man I'm seeing on Saturday and he completely and immediately accepted it, no questions asked. There are good men out there who are not afraid of it, who understand it, and who are okay with it. You'll find that out when you're ready to get out there and date. I am not going to lie, I was scared to tell him, but he seriously did not care about that at all.
  7. Brief background: I was diagnosed via blood test (no symptoms) by a fluke back in October when my ob/gyn added this test when I asked for an STD panel. I had not been sexually active at all in the past 10.5 years, so my exposure was a long time ago, and I am asymptomatic. However, knowing that I would now need to disclose this thing that I was previously blissfully unaware of, I was terrified of haivng to disclose. My first disclosure was to a guy that I had been on one date with, and I told him within 15 minutes of finding out myself...and I was a hot mess. And he rejected me. After about 4 days of allowing myself to cry and be depressed about it, I decided that I wasn't going to hold me back. At the end of January, I started seeing a new guy. This guy is PERFECT in so many ways. He checks off every single box I could possibly think of, and then some. And he feels the same way about me. Well, last night when we saw each other, I just knew that this was going to be the night that we were going to become intimate. I was again TERRIFIED because my first disclosure had been so awful. However, this time was different. I have researched the hell out it, I know it's not a big deal for the majority, and I also knew that this guy and I share some pretty strong feelings about each other. I could see myself marrying him...but yet, I had this *thing* I needed to tell him, and I was still scared that he would reject me. After all, he had previously disclosed on the phone that he is "squeaky clean" of STDs...but I couldn't tell him this over the phone. So, we had some drinks and dinner. Ended up at a hotel since we didn't want to drive to either house after drinking. And things were moving quickly...and then I had to stop him. He was confused and apologized, thinking he had overstepped. I assured him that was not the case, but that we needed to talk first, and that it was not optional. We needed to talk. He went and poured us each a glass of wine and sat down on the couch next to me and asked me to spill. First, he asked me "You were never a dude, right?" No. I asked him if he wanted to Cliff's Notes version or the droning on version. He opted for me to just come out with whatever it was. So, I told him that for other reasons, I had been tested 5 times for STDs in the past 10 years, and thought that they had tested for everything under the sun...except they apparently hadn't. And then I just told him that the blood test for HSV came back that I carry the antibodies and that I am asymptomatic. At that point, he stopped me and said, "So, what you're saying is that you don't have HIV, right?" And I told him that no, I do not have HIV. And his response was "Then nothing else matters. This is a non-issue. Can we have sex now?" And that was it. He has no problem with it, and he did not reject me. Instead, he embraced me and we continued on with our night. SO....don't give up, and don't worry. When the partner is right for you, they won't be bothered by your HSV status. I'm feeling so incredibly blessed to have met this man and cannot wait to see where this goes!
  8. 100918

    Girl advice

    I have never had an outbreak that I am aware of, but have apparently been positive for the past 10+ years. I do nothing different in my personal care. I use Neutrogena body wash, and sometimes use a sugar scrub to exfoliate if I have shave bumps the day after shaving. That's it. Nothing special. I also don't do anything special with my diet, I drink alcohol on occasion, and I just don't let it control my life. This all said, I only found out in October that I am positive for HSV2, and I know my exposure had to be 10+ years ago because that's the last time I was sexually active in ANY capacity. So, when I found out, I just continued with what I was doing since I am asymptomatic. Maybe my advice won't be helpful since I don't have symptoms, but at the same time, it's possible I'm asymptomatic because I just keep on living life and doing nothing different. ?
  9. 100918


    My first (and only, so far) disclosure was a rejection. I told the guy within 15 minutes of getting the results of the blood test, and I was a hot mess. Did not go about it the right way at all. He said essentially the same thing. That he didn't want to put his body and health at risk, and that although he felt we had a great connection, he just wasn't willing to accept the risk, no matter how long. It sucked, and I was sad about it, but then I realized that I am still the same good person that I was before I got that phone call. It took this guy about a month, but he decided that he didn't care about the HSV anymore, and now regularly texts me, wanting to hook up. And now I tell him no. I am not a hookup. It does feel good to know that he has accepted that and is willing to accept whatever risks there may be, but he was too little too late. I have moved on and am now looking to date someone else. Knowing that this other guy is okay with it lets me know that there will be others who are okay with it, too. And they will want more than just a hookup. I don't want to give you any false hope, but there is always a small chance that this man that you disclosed to will come around and realize that the connection is more important than the small risk. But, I recommend that you don't sit around and wait for him to do that. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. (Before I disclose to anyone else, though, I will be having the Western Blot done to confirm the results. After speaking with someone at UW, they told me that the blood test has over a 50% false positive rate in people who are asymptomatic. I have never had any symptoms of HSV, and have had zero chance of exposure in over 10 years, so they feel fairly certain that my test will result in a negative. So, I'm going to spend the money and find out for sure. No sex and no disclosing until then)
  10. 100918

    Is the Western Blot legit?

    Your doctor is a twit if they don't know what the Western Blot is. Every study about testing for HSV 1 & 2 compares everything against the Western Blot because it is considered the GOLD STANDARD in testing because it has scientists actually looking at the samples under microscopes...not just one scientist...three scientists (I think...maybe four?). If the Western Blot says you do NOT have HSV, then you do NOT have it. Your doctor needs to do some research.
  11. For me, having the ability to come here and read the truth of what people are dealing with, how they disclose, how those disclosures go, learning about different ways that people cope, their stories, etc...is beyond valuable. If we didn't have anonymity, surely many of these stories and helpful posts would not exist and I would have felt SO ALONE when I got the call that my bloodwork came back positive for HSV-2. I can guarantee that I would not have shared my story if I thought that someone could trace it back to me and my identity. I am STILL terrified of disclosing to the new man I've just started dating. The one disclosure I had before ended in the man backpedaling, deciding he just wanted to be friends...even though now he regularly texts me and wants to hook up. So, I guess he got over the 'fear', but I'm not okay with being with someone who judged me so readily, so he can pound sand. Sorry for the sidebar. BUT, what I'm getting at is that without being able to read how others do it, I would have NO idea how to disclose, and I would be a lot more scared to disclose than I currently am...I am pretty sure that I would not have even stepped back into the dating world without this site...and the anonymity that goes with it.
  12. 100918

    Kissing someone who has HSV1

    My understanding is that once you contract it and it's out of the initial outbreak, you won't contract it in a different spot again. So, if you have it genitally, you shouldn't get it orally after the fact.
  13. 100918

    Could long term parters test negative

    First, if you had your first outbreak about a week after sleeping with him, odds are, he gave it to you. Second, that nurse is a twit. You can absolutely get HSV from skin-to-skin contact. This is why there is still a risk of transmission even with condom use. Regardless if your partner used protection when he was sleeping with someone else, he could have gotten the virus from her, or if he's been positive for a long time, he could have also given it to her. HSV can shed even if there is no active outbreak, and even if there is a condom used. I think the partner definitely needs to be tested. Third, yes, it is possible to be with a partner long-term and not spread the virus to them. Adrial (MrHopp) and his wife are an example of this. He is HSV positive, and his wife is negative. They also have a baby.
  14. 100918

    So many questions, so confused

    I would say that the only thing you would be unable to do is grind on someone while you have an outbreak. Swimming pool - you can go. Sunbeds - you can go Bath - don't see how that's any different from a swimming pool. The virus is spread by skin contact, so you should be fine. Body washes - I would probably stay away from anything that has something like tea tree in it if you have an outbreak just because it might sting, but otherwise, life as usual I have had HSV2 for at least the past 10 years (but was only just diagnosed also almost 2 months ago by chance when my doctor ordered HSV testing as part of the STI testing I requested when getting ready to start my first sexual relationship in 10 years), and I have a son who I have gone swimming with, he has used my shower scrubby when he takes a shower, he's used a towel after me...and he has not contracted anything from me. When I was first diagnosed, I initially freaked out and didn't want him drinking after me or anything...and then I started to research and realized it's not spread through casual contact and that it's been at least 10 years and I haven't spread anything to him, so I wasn't about to freak out about it now. You have a low chance of spreading the virus during sexual contact (4% without antivirals or condoms, 2% with one of those, and 1% with both of those), so you have essentially zero chance of infecting anyone through casual daily life contact as the virus cannot survive without a human. So, use a public toilet (they're still gross, but you won't spread HSV), and go about your life. From what I hear (I am asymptomatic), the outbreaks do lessen the longer you have H. I cannot recall ever having an outbreak, and if I did, it was not anything I recognized as one, so I can't really help you there, but I have seen a lot of people report that the outbreaks get less intense and less frequent as time goes by.
  15. 100918

    It’s been 4 months now

    I think in a way, coming to acceptance was very easy for me because I have been single and celibate for so long and so incredibly picky about who I surround myself with that when it comes to H, it just kinda became one of those "If you can't handle ALL of me, then you just can't have ANY of me". And I am not letting myself stress about it. H is just a very small part of me, it does not define me, and if someone else can't handle that, then I don't care. What someone else thinks of me is none of my business, and I am going to continue to live the happy life that I had before the diagnosis. People can either join me in being happy or leave me the hell alone so I can continue as I was. It's not a big deal in my life, and so I will not make it one. I will disclose, and if it's a big deal/deal breaker to them, then that's fine. Moving on. I'm not going to let someone else shame me, whether on purpose or by default. I have a beautiful life to live.