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100918

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100918 last won the day on July 29

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  1. I would definitely get something to confirm. Western Blot is the gold standard, but not cheap.
  2. Exactly THIS! You were not being deceptive and not disclosing a positive result. You were living your life based on information that was given to you by your doctor and had no reason to believe that you had HSV. Now that you have symptoms presenting, tell your husband and both of you can go get tested. Honestly, for all you know, you really were negative back then and your now-husband was an asymptomatic carrier all this time and gave it to you unknowingly. HSV is so common that it's possible that he is positive and doesn't know. The best thing you can do is be honest with your husband, get tested, get confirmation, and move on. If your husband is negative, then you'll know to take measures to protect him. If he's positive too, then honestly, you just move on as you were.
  3. I have lived in AZ for many years. Have not had a single outbreak. Matter of fact, for almost the entire time I've been HSV+, I've lived in hot states. I've never had an OB. But please take my experience with a grain of salt as I've never had an OB that I am aware of. I was diagnosed by blood test alone and none of the usual 'triggers', trigger me. Not alcohol, waxing, heat, stress, etc... But I will also say that you will love AZ. Another option if you don't want the extreme heat is to move up toward Flagstaff. They have all 4 seasons there and the summers are not nearly as intense as in the desert.
  4. When I was first diagnosed, I felt a lot the same way you do. I was thinking about it constantly and worried that I would never find someone who would love me for me... My story is different than yours in that I was single and celibate for nearly 10 years before deciding to start dating and had a full panel done in anticipation of starting a sexual relationship. Wanted to be able to tell a future partner that I didn't have anything, and then BAM! Surprise to me...I've had HSV2 for at least 10 years and didn't know. About 3 months later, I met an amazing man who is HSV-negative. And he is not scared off by the fact that I am positive. We have been together for nearly 6 months now, and he is still negative. We have an amazing sex life, and an even better relationship. HSV is something that I barely think about now. I really only think about it when I log in here to read people's stories and see if there is anything I can do to help someone who is in the position I was in 9 months ago. Otherwise, HSV is not on my mind, ever. HSV does not define you. Being so fresh off a separation/breakup, I would recommend taking time to work on rebuilding your life, and working on self-love. Knowing your worth and knowing that you have a lot to offer someone is going to be key to allowing yourself to find happiness and to not settle for someone just because he might say he's okay with your disclosure. Set your standards high, know you are worth it, and keep your head up. You WILL be okay!
  5. He said he's okay with it. Believe him. You will sabotage the relationship if you refuse to believe him when he says he's okay.
  6. If someone, as you put it, bounces after being disclosed to, I would not fault them for that...where I will shame someone is their reaction and how they treat a person after being disclosed to. If the person is a total dick about it, then yes, I will call them what they are...an asshole (male or female). If they are kind but let you know that they are not comfortable with the potential to being exposed, that's great. Like anything else in life, it's all in the delivery. If someone doesn't like a dinner I make, I am cool if they say they don't prefer it or wouldn't like to have it again. Tell me it's a disgusting plate of slop and I might just punch you in the throat.
  7. I'm going to repeat what I said above...especially after reading this... You may need to take time to work on self-love for a bit because you attract what you put out into the world. So, if you are putting out the vibe that you do not value yourself or feel there is something "wrong" with you, you will attract someone who does not value you and will see this as a something wrong with you. When you put out the vibe that you are amazing and worthy of the very best, that is what you will attract...you may still attract some toads, too...but you will also attract quality men. Weed through and toss the toads.
  8. If he is educated about HSV, which it sounds like he is, and he knew fully what the potential risks were, then I would also believe him that he is not upset with potentially having gotten HSV from you. My boyfriend had the exact same reaction as yours, except his ex didn't have it. Fortunately, we have been together for 5 months and he has not gotten it, but if he does, I honestly will not feel guilty or awful about it because he made an educated decision. I would only feel awful if I had not disclosed. He is a grown adult who is capable of making his own decisions. We had the adult conversation about it. That's all we can do. You disclosed, you did your part. He was aware of the potential risks and chose to take them because he wants to be with YOU. There is nothing for you to do here except to be for him the same way you would if he was going through anything else with his health.
  9. Your disclosure reminds me a bit of my disclosure with my boyfriend. I was terrified, but knew I needed to tell him, so I told him we needed to talk, and then just spit it out and told him. I barely got it out, and he stopped me, then said HSV is nothing to him. Not an issue at all as far as he was concerned. And it has never been an issue. We've been together for nearly 5 months now, and he's still just as amazing, if not more, as he was the day I met him.
  10. I RAISED my standards. When I was diagnosed, I was dating someone who was decent. Not everything I envisioned, so in a way, he was already not what I fully wanted, but he was nice. It was more of the superficial things that he didn't meet...like height, education level, made less than I do...so I looked past that. But when I disclosed and he rejected me (even though only for about a week), I decided that I deserve better. I set my standards higher than I ever had before, and ended up meeting someone who exceeds even those standards. And he accepts me and my diagnosis with no issues at all. He is also the kindest man I have ever dated and makes me feel like a princess. Do NOT lower your standards. HSV does not make you a lesser person. Do not accept a lesser person as a partner. KNOW YOUR VALUE and demand that someone meets the standards that show that they know your value and their value. You may need to take time to work on self-love for a bit because you attract what you put out into the world. So, if you are putting out the vibe that you do not value yourself or feel there is something "wrong" with you, you will attract someone who does not value you and will see this as a something wrong with you. When you put out the vibe that you are amazing and worthy of the very best, that is what you will attract...you may still attract some toads, too...but you will also attract quality men. Weed through and toss the toads.
  11. So you're around my age. I am 40 and my boyfriend is 44. That is ironic about the guy not seeing HSV1 as still being HSV. But, I have seen a LOT of people, mostly on FB, who openly are like, "Yeah, I have cold sores but it's not the same thing". Ummm, it can still be spread and can be spread to the genitals, so yeah, it's kinda the same thing at this point. Maybe back in the day when oral was something that only the "promiscuous" people did instead of just about everyone having sex, but now? This guy is old enough to know better. The fact that he hasn't bothered to research the strain that he has tells me that he just likes to be uneducated about it. You're better off moving on. Have faith...you will find someone who is not put off by it. A lot of us here have, and there are more guys out there who are educated and will see you for you and not for some stupid virus.
  12. I'm sorry that he had that reaction. It could have been a knee-jerk reaction and he may come around after he has some time to digest what you told him and does some research. If he doesn't, then you really are better off without him. Not sure if you saw my story, but when I was first diagnosed, I had just started seeing someone (was during STD testing I had done before gettting intimate - I was insisting he get tested, so I went to get tested as well...only fair, right?), and I disclosed to him as soon as I found out. He had a similar reaction, but didn't tell me to go date my own kind (which is actually a total dick move, tbh). He ended things. I was very upset because things had been going well. However, about a week or so later, he came around and decided that he wanted to be with me anyway. At that point, I turned HIM down because I realized that I deserved better than someone who would say hurtful things in a moment when I was being completely vulnerable with him. About 3 1/2 months later, I met my boyfriend. When I disclosed to him a couple weeks later, he was 100% accepting, had no issue with it at all, and basically told me that it was nothing as far as he was concerned. It's been almost 5 months, and we are still together and very happy. The way I look at it, you can never find happiness if you don't put yourself out there and risk getting hurt. And finding someone who will love you unconditionally is worth the hurt along the way. Can I ask how old you are? And how old the men are that you're dating? That could be a contributing factor to the reactions you are getting. Also, set your standards high. You deserve someone amazing, not just settling for someone you think will be good enough. Chin up! Allow yourself the time to be upset, and then pick yourself up and brush yourself off.
  13. You may already be that person. You had sex with someone without disclosing and it is possible, though low likelihood, that you gave it to him. Personally, I don't buy that you forgot that you have HSV-2. It's not something that you forget. I have never had an OB, but I can promise you that when I started seeing my boyfriend, it was at the front of my mind as something I knew I was going to need to tell him. And even though it's the same situation as your previous relationship where we don't even talk about it since because I've never had an OB and he is fine with knowing my status, it is still something that I am aware that I have. Every day, I am aware that I have it. I would not go the route of "I forgot that I have herpes" with this guy. He probably won't believe it either. I would be honest that you were drunk and that you screwed up by not disclosing. I would say that you are very sorry for not telling him beforehand, and that you have been trying to figure out how to tell him ever since. How long ago did you have sex with him? Your post doesn't say. If it's been more than a couple weeks and he hasn't come to you to ask you if you have it (meaning...if he hasn't had an initial outbreak), then it's most likely that he was not exposed during that encounter. However, you still have to tell him...it might lessen the blow to him if it has been a couple weeks to know that he likely was not exposed and it may help him to understand the risks are fairly low. But, be prepared that he may not take it well. In my case, I disclosed before we had sex...but it was seriously right before we had sex...as in, had to stop him so we could sit and I could disclose. And I was thrilled when he very clearly was not bothered at all by it and still wanted to continue. I did worry that perhaps he wasn't thinking clearly because it was heat of the moment and we were drinking (but not drunk), but the next day, he acknowledged it and was very clear that it is not an issue for him. We've been together for almost 5 months now. It's still a non-issue and he is still negative. We stopped using protection a couple months ago, too, and I'm not on antivirals. I tell you about my situation because it's very possible that the guy you slept with may have the same reaction as my guy. But, you need to just own it, admit it, apologize, and see how he wants to proceed. Be prepared for either reaction. I wish I had more advice on the "how" to tell him...but all I can say is to just take a deep breath and tell him. Don't try to sugarcoat it. You messed up and he needs to know. He will appreciate your honesty, even if not in the moment.
  14. I've never used Femara, but I went through IVF 3 times and never had any issues with anything except for the vaginal progesterone suppositories. They didn't make me have an OB (I actually didn't even know I had H until after I was done having babies), but that shit is nasty and caused a raging yeast infection every time I used it. So, if you ever do have to go the route of IVF (I hope you don't!), opt for all PIO shots...I prefer the shots any day over the progesterone suppositories.
  15. When I was first diagnosed (by blood test, no symptoms), I disclosed to a guy I had just started dating. He initially fully rejected me, but then he changed his mind and decided he wanted to be with me. I then rejected him, but we stayed friends. However, over the couple months that followed, he continued to flirt and make comments about wanting to be with me. I was toying with the idea as more of a FWB thing (even though I have never wanted to be a FWB), but then met my boyfriend that I have now. He fully accepted me and we have an insane connection. The first guy is now completely butt-hurt that I am with someone else and that he lost out. I have come to learn that men really respond to the idea of losing someone they really care for. If this guy knows that you will walk away, even though you really like him, he may re-evaluate how he feels about everything and decide that he is willing to take whatever risk there is, with appropriate precautions. I am NOT suggesting you try to manipulate him into being intimate with you. I am saying that you need to be willing to walk away from someone who is not meeting your needs and standards. If you walk away in a loving way (for example, "I really like you and I see a lot of potential in us, but I am not looking for a platonic relationship. I don't want to hold you back either, so I think it's best that we go our ways. If you decide that you want more with me, I can't promise that I will be waiting for you, but please know that I care about you and want the best for you"), he may decide that he doesn't want to lose you and that he does want to take that next step with you. And then it is up to you as to whether you give the relationship a second chance. I have done this once, but not regarding H. It was a different circumstance, but I walked away all the same. I told him that I wanted the best for him and for him to be happy, and that I couldn't promise I would be here waiting if he decided that we really were that great together. He took less than a day to think about what I said before reaching out and telling me that he didn't want to lose me. All that to say, do not settle for less than you deserve. If he is not meeting your standard, then he's not right for you.
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