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100918 last won the day on September 10

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  1. No. If you are not attracted to him, it is already the beginning of the end. Physical attraction is generally not something that will develop. If you already don't have those feelings for him, the odds are that you will never feel that and the relationship will not last. It is also not fair to him to be put in a position to where he may become HSV+ and then have to disclose for the rest of his life. NO ONE should "settle" for someone...and you already know that you would be settling. Don't do it. You both deserve better.
  2. The advantage of being with someone who already has HSV2 is that you cannot spread it to them again. They already have it, so no worries. As far as oral, my boyfriend is HSV-negative and we love oral. If you are recently diagnosed, you will probably want to be on suppressive meds, and be aware that you can still shed the virus to someone even if you have no symptoms. That is true no matter how long you've had it. And, if you have symptoms, then you should definitely avoid sex (including oral) until your outbreak is over. You need to be sure to disclose to all partners so that they can make an informed choice about having sexual relations with you. When I disclosed to my boyfriend, he was very clear that he did not care about HSV at all...that it was a non-issue. We've been together for close to a year now. We have a great sex life and he remains negative for HSV. It is very possible to have a great sex life...just be responsible, disclose, and discuss with your partner the precautions that you are both comfortable with taking (or not taking).
  3. Dating someone you work with is a bad idea on SOOOO many levels. I vote for being friendly, getting to know each other, and if you are still into him in a year, find a new job and then you can date. This is my advice whether someone has HSV or not...
  4. Can you not exempt out and wear a mask? I know a lot of people in the medical field who refuse it and wear a face mask during "flu" season...
  5. I have no idea if it can trigger an OB, but the flu shot can trigger all sorts of nasty stuff. Have you read the big, long insert that comes with the vial, not that little printed "info" sheet they give you? It is full of nasty crap and has a LONG list of adverse reactions. I got one in my life...and I am still dealing with the injury it caused...16 years later...
  6. Agreed that you are rolling the dice by not using condoms. That said, I was diagnosed as HSV2+ about a year ago, have been with my boyfriend for 8 months, we have not used condoms in 6 months (and being honest, we weren't good about using them before then either, but have been exclusively no condoms for 6 months), and he is still negative. I don't take antivirals, but I also have never had an outbreak that I'm aware of. My boyfriend understands that there is always a small risk that I could shed the virus to him, but he has been willing to take that risk and it is not a big deal to him. He had the same reaction that you did...that HSV2 does not define our relationship. It actually has had zero impact on our relationship and it's something that we honestly don't even discuss and have not discussed beyond the initial disclosure and a mention of it once the next day.
  7. I went through 4 pregnancies with H and never knew I had it until last year. So, I guess I'd say that in my experience the hormones had nothing to do with it. But, that also said, I've never had an OB that I'm aware of. I was diagnosed via blood test only.
  8. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to go see a doctor. I can promise you that Herpes is not the end of the world! The first disclosure is terrifying, and when I first disclosed, it was within 15 minutes of being told that my blood test was positive for HSV-2. That guy did not take it well and I felt awful. HOWEVER, shortly thereafter, he came around and decided he wanted to be with me. I then rejected him because I did not want to be with someone who could not handle the good and the 'bad'. A few months later, I met my boyfriend. I disclosed to him on our first date (we had been talking for a couple weeks prior to the first date and I just *KNEW* that he was something special) and he has been nothing short of amazing. We have been together for over 7 months and things are great! That first guy is actually a bit jealous that I found someone else and regularly texts me to tell me that he doesn't like that the other guy has me, that he wishes we were together, etc. I do not reciprocate those feelings and delete his texts...but telling you this so that you know that having herpes is not the worst thing that could happen. Out of 2 disclosures, I had one full acceptance with no hesitation, and one hesitation who now wants to be with me (and never will be!). I would also like to mention that being diagnosed with herpes has also made me much more selective about who I would choose to date, and by association, disclose to. The first guy, I told because I was in shock and hadn't thought anything through. In hindsight, I knew that he was not a good fit for me and I would not tell him again if I could go back. But, during those few months after disclosing to guy #1, I really sat back and assessed what I wanted, what I would not settle for, what my standards are...and I decided that for me to disclose to someone, he had better be pretty damn amazing. If I thought for a second that my guy would open his mouth and tell a soul, then he clearly is not the right person for me to be with and disclose to. If you have a fear that telling a partner would result in word spreading, then that is your gut telling you that the person is not worth your time to be with. A partner who truly cares about you will not tell anyone about your medical history, regardless of the outcome of the relationship. In this way, herpes is a blessing because it has really made me much more selective in who I choose as a partner. Try to look at it in this way. It has helped me. And please - go see a doctor about your thoughts of suicide. That is a permanent solution to a temporary problem! It does get better, I promise!!!
  9. My boyfriend and I also decided together to not use protection (I cannot get pregnant), but I am not on suppressive therapy, and it's been 7 months so far and I have not passed it to him.
  10. It is my understanding that if you have oral HSV-1, it will not later become genital. You can become infected with HSV-1 orally and genitally at the same time, but I could swear that I read that once your infection is established, it will not migrate. Once it has settled in a region, that should be it. If you know you had oral HSV-1 and that was established and then down the road these folliculitis-looking sores popped up and they have never swabbed positive, I would bet that you do not actually have HSV genitally. And the sores that your daughter has that match yours are also probably folliculitis. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you are stressing yourself out over nothing.
  11. First, thank you for understanding that it was not an easy thing for him to disclose - fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of what your reaction might have been. I know when I disclosed to my boyfriend, I was TERRIFIED...I had found this great guy, he was absolutely amazing...but he had previously disclosed to me that he was "squeaky clean"...and I was so scared that he was going to reject me simply based on the fact that he was so quick to assure me that he knew he was free of any STD/STIs. Would he want to be with me? And when I disclosed, he surprised me in the best way possible. He told me that it was NOTHING. Made sure I said HSV and not HIV, and then reiterated that Herpes is NOTHING to him. And that he wanted to be with me. It's been about 7 months now, and things are still amazing. He is still negative, and life is good. My best advice is to keep learning about it. Learn ways to reduce the risk of transmission, make sure you are comfortable with the facts, and then decide how you want to proceed. It is easier for a man to spread HSV to a woman than it is for a woman to spread it to a man, but with proper precautions, you can reduce the risk to a very low number. Adrial (Mr_Hopp) has been married for years and has a child with his wife and she is still negative last I saw...so it is very possible to have a great, active sex life with someone who is HSV+ and not get it...just know that it is still possible TO get it, so don't put on the rose colored glasses and think it for sure won't happen...because it still can. However, if you truly feel like this guy is IT for you, then honestly, it won't matter if you do get it if you will be together for the long run/forever. I honestly think this is why it was such a non-issue for my boyfriend.
  12. The first thing you do is dump him. You WILL find someone amazing to be with who will not treat you like crap. No One ever has the right to treat you like crap. I met someone almost 4 months after I was diagnosed, and he has been nothing short of amazing. He is HSV-negative and has no worries about if he gets it from me. And he treats me like a princess. He has NEVER thrown HSV in my face and it is not even something that we talk about. I disclosed, we briefly talked about it, he told me that it is a non-issue to him, and that's that. Do NOT settle for someone who treats you like shit. Get rid of him, work on yourself, and when you're ready, get back out into the dating world. You are worthy of being loved and treated well...don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
  13. Just putting this out there: You do not have to have casual sex to be "normal".
  14. Don't give up! When I was first diagnosed, I had been on one date with one guy, and told him within about 15 minutes of finding out. He rejected me. Then he came around and I rejected him. Then I met someone else a few months later. We spent a couple weeks texting and talking on the phone before we met up in person. On our first actual date, I disclosed to him and he accepted me 100%. We've been together for nearly 7 months now and going very strong. Don't let one rejection stop you from finding someone great! If I had let that first *sshole stop me from putting myself out there, I never would have met my boyfriend and I would be missing out on so much happiness.
  15. To be honest, I do sometimes wonder if my test wasn't a false positive, but the number came back at >8, so the chances of that being a false positive seem pretty low. I do plan to get the Western Blot to confirm one way or the other, though. I have no idea why I have never had an outbreak...or if I had in the past, I didn't know that's what it was. But since getting the results of my blood test almost a year ago, I have been hyper-aware of everything, and I have had no outbreaks. I did call up to UW to ask them about the possibility of a false positive when I was first diagnosed, and the lady on the phone said that it was possible given that I had been somewhat recently exposed to chicken pox (also part of the Herpes family). I have not yet gotten the Western Blot test, so to be safe I did disclose to my boyfriend that I had a positive test. It was terrifying because I didn't know how he would react or if I would lose him, but he is amazing and told me that it was nothing to him...and he has held true to that. He is not concerned about it and knows that there is a risk (assuming my test was accurate) and he is willing to take it to be with me. This is also the only person I've been with in almost 11 years. I was completely celibate for 10 years (which is how I know that I had to have gotten it at least 11 years ago), so there was no chance to pass it along to anyone else 😉
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