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I think in a way, coming to acceptance was very easy for me because I have been single and celibate for so long and so incredibly picky about who I surround myself with that when it comes to H, it just kinda became one of those "If you can't handle ALL of me, then you just can't have ANY of me". And I am not letting myself stress about it. H is just a very small part of me, it does not define me, and if someone else can't handle that, then I don't care. What someone else thinks of me is none of my business, and I am going to continue to live the happy life that I had before the diagnosis. People can either join me in being happy or leave me the hell alone so I can continue as I was. It's not a big deal in my life, and so I will not make it one. I will disclose, and if it's a big deal/deal breaker to them, then that's fine. Moving on. I'm not going to let someone else shame me, whether on purpose or by default. I have a beautiful life to live.

Because what the CDC knows how to do best is make shit up if they don't know the actual answer. They also probably are going by estimates based on something like a random sample and the stats they got from that. The truth is, they have NO idea how many people have it, but that's their best guess, like pretty much everything else they put out. I don't trust the CDC for much.

I would not lie and tell him that you just found out. If you found out recently, I would start the conversation by telling that you want to talk to him about something. Then tell him that you recently found out, and if he asks why you didn't tell him earlier, tell him the truth. I would probably not go with "I was scared of your reaction", but maybe something more like, "I was still learning about what it meant and coming to terms and becoming okay with it myself, and I didn't want to talk to you about it until I understood it more and could talk to you about it with knowledge". At least for me, all of that is true. Maybe it is for you too. Any man worth anything will understand that you needed some time to digest what you had been told. When I received the phone call from my doctor that my routine STD testing that I had asked for came back positive for HSV2, I was FLOORED. I was in shock and did not believe it. And within 15 minutes, I texted the guy I had just started seeing and disclosed to him. Nearly lost him completely because I was freaked out, so HE freaked out. If I could do it over again, I would have taken that time to stop and learn more and then disclose with the above explanation. Fortunately, once I had a chance to calm down and do that research, he and I did talk about it again, and we are currently planning the next time we see each other. So, even if he initially has a bad reaction, it doesn't mean he won't come around once he has a chance to learn more and come to terms with what it could potentially mean for himself.

I was diagnosed via blood test about a month and a half ago (asymptomatic, but was getting tested in preparation for beginning a new relationship). I got the results and disclosed to him via text within about 15 minutes. He initially rejected me but said he wanted to stay friends. Over the past month and a half, we have continued to talk and things have taken a turn back toward beginning a sexual relationship. I think that the more he learned about it, the less he is freaked out by it, and now, he says he is fully on board to move forward with a relationship. The first time we spoke on the phone after I disclosed via text, I was a little drunk and emotional, but talking on the phone I really think was the turning point for us and slowly but surely, we are moving past it. I don't think it's a bad thing to be a little emotional, but I do think it's important to try to keep your emotions in check as best you can. It's okay to admit that it sucks to have been diagnosed with H, but I think the bigger deal you make it, the bigger deal it will seem. For me, H is a non-issue to my personal day to day life. The only issue that it presents to me is the stigma with disclosing. I have only disclosed once to a potential partner, and aside from the initial rejection, it really hasn't been too bad. I just took him up on his offer to remain friends and continued to show him what a badass woman I am. 😉

I may not be the right person to answer this because although I just found out a month and a half ago I have H2, I have had it for at least 10 years and cannot recall any outbreaks in that time, and even with the stress of finding out and disclosing, haven't had any outbreaks since being told I have it. However, I have no intention of taking suppressive meds. I am not a fan of pharmaceuticals, and do not take them unless absolutely necessary (and if I'm being honest, even a thyroid med that I've been on for almost 15 years is not taken on the regular, and I should take that every day). I am asymptomatic, so aside from disclosure and condom use, I'm not planning on doing anything. If you're having occasional outbreaks, I would probably go with suppressive meds only when you feel one coming on, but not all the time unless you're having frequent outbreaks. It may not be a bad idea to get the Rx for just in case, though.

Given that you have had all negative testing thus far, and logical explanations for the issues that you have had, I would say that it is pretty safe to say that you do not have herpes 1 or 2. Now, if you were only a number of weeks out from possible exposure, I would err on the side of caution, but it's been nearly a year and your testing 8 months past your last possible exposure was negative. Swabs were negative. I think you're freaking yourself out over nothing, personally. In this particular scenario, I don't see a need to disclose because there is nothing to disclose, except perhaps that you might be a tad hypochondriac about this. One thing that might change my mind...has your ex-girlfriend been diagnosed with herpes?

You can message Adrial. When you sign up, it does explain that in order to maintain the helpful nature of the site, he does not like to delete entire profiles, so he suggests selecting a username that will NOT identify you in a Google search. However, he will happily change your username to something else. There are a couple of options. The last resort is to delete the profile. He can also anonymize your previous posts if you want to delete your profile. This way the posts stay. Adrial can explain all of the options to you. His username is mr_hopp

You WILL be able to move on. I was in a relationship with my giver for 9 years, married for 5 of those years. He also was a mind-fucker, made me feel like no one else would ever want me (and I didn't even know that he gave me H until 9 years after I left him because I am asymptomatic). Although I certainly did not love him anymore when I left him, and have no feelings for him now either, it was hard for me to move on and feel like I could date. He did a number on me, just in a different way than yours did. What I did was talk to a counselor, and then I gave myself time to get right with MYSELF. I took literal YEARS to just be by myself with my kid. I learned how to be Happy by myself, and happy with myself and my life before even considering letting a man in. And when I finally decided to date, I did so with the intention that dating is not something that I am doing to COMPLETE my life...it's something that I am doing to COMPLEMENT my life. And I started dating someone that had potential. And then I got tested because I was requiring it of him as well...and I was diagnosed with H. And it was devastating. And he rejected me. But, then I had to go back and remember what I spent the past 9 years doing...being good with ME, and knowing that no matter if I have a man in my life or not, I have a GOOD LIFE, and I am HAPPY. And finding out that I have H does not change any of that. The guy who rejected me only stayed away for a couple of days and now we've been talking almost daily since then (just over a month). I have no idea what's going to happen with him, if anything. But no matter what, I am okay. And you will get there too! It will take time, yes. And you will probably have some rough days. But counseling can help with this tremendously, and also meditating and self-reflection. Your life is NOT over...you just had someone fuck with it. You can get your life back, and it will be better than ever, but you have to be open to knowing that it is possible. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...and even though H is a virus that lives in our bodies for life, it is not a virus that will control our lives. It's a nuisance, just like a period. It comes around, it's uncomfortable, and then it goes away. NOTHING in this life is ever bad enough to take our own lives. Please find a counselor to talk to so you can begin the work on yourself. You are worth putting the time into, and life can be SO GOOD!

My thoughts exactly.

I finally started dating a really good guy and I insisted that we both get tested before getting intimate. I had been tested 5 times in the past 10 years (for other reasons unrelated to sex or sexual health), and was convinced that I was good to go but went and got myself tested again since I was making him go get tested...but apparently, they never tested for HSV any of those times, so I was beyond shocked when they told me that I was positive for HSV2. I'm still surprised that my doctor chose to test for it since I had no symptoms and no sexual history that would indicate a higher risk (only 4 partners in my life, and I'm 40). The CDC doesn't recommend testing for someone with my history, so it was really a fluke that my doctor tested for it.

I know I've had it for at least 10 years because I haven't had sex in the past 10 years, so I had to have gotten it before I stopped having sex. And I was with the same person (married) for 9 years before that. I later learned that he forgot to stop screwing other women, so it stands to reason I got it from him. And I've never had an outbreak that I know of. So I'm either completely asymptomatic, or I did have outbreaks but they were so mild that I didn't know what they were (possible).

Well, the guy sounds like a douche, so I would dump him anyway. I was just diagnosed almost a month ago with GHSV2, and I disclosed right away to the guy I had just started seeing. He initially freaked out, said he wanted to be just friends. But, now here we are, over 4 weeks later, and we're still talking. I don't have other experience with disclosing, and I don't know where this will go, but honestly, HSV2 isn't a big deal to me anymore. I've had it for at least 10 years, but only just now diagnosed. I had no idea I had it because I am asymptomatic. Thinking back, I think the reason the guy I was seeing freaked out is because *I* freaked out. I hadn't known but for 15 minutes when I disclosed to him, and I was DEVASTATED when I did...so of course, he would freak. That's kind of the example I set. But now, I'm like, "Meh, it is what it is. Take it or don't". But seriously, that guy sounds like a douche. Dump him. You deserve better. Period.

This kinda reminds me of what the guy I was seeing said when I disclosed to him right after I found out (found out when getting tested in anticipation of becoming intimate with him), except he doesn't have any STI, and he was slightly more freaked out by the idea of getting one. That was almost a month ago, and we still talk almost every day, either by phone or text. Not sure if it's going to go anywhere, but he still expresses interest in me. I wouldn't close the door on this one, if I was you. If he's for real about being there for you, and being a friend, take him up on it. You never know what the future holds. He may end up being just that friend, or he may decide down the road that he wants more and is willing to take the risk. Either way, I think it's still a win.

I don't have any good advice, but didn't want to read and not respond at all. My ex also gave me H without disclosing, and I just found out now (10 years after I stopped having sex with him, 9 years after I left him). I can't imagine that he would ever pay up on anything anyway. I can't even get him to pay his % of medical care for our kid, so I really have no advice. Since he has not given you anything at all yet, I would imagine that even having a judgment, he probably still won't pay anything, and then what? I suppose you could put a lien against his house, if he has one, but the realistic part of me says that even if you get a dollar value assigned, getting him to pay up may still be a fruitless effort. If the deal was supposed to be that he pay for lifetime treatment, I would calculate the cost of continuous suppressant meds without insurance (because what if you lose your coverage in the future), and add in any other expenses that you have incurred in the past since being diagnosed and multiply it out as if that will be a regular expense and go from there. Since you didn't have anything in there for any pain and suffering/loss of enjoyment of life, you can't ask for anything above and beyond what you anticipate actual medical costs to be. That's the best I can do for you. I hope it helps.

Just call The University of Washington and request that they send you the kit. Then you will just have to go to a doctor to have them complete a form so you can go have your blood drawn and ship the sample to UW. UW is the only place that does the Western Blot. If the doctor won't fill out the paperwork, then get a new doctor. UW will not do the test without a doctor to fill out the paperwork, and they send the results directly to the doctor, so you need someone to fill it out.

According to the woman I spoke with at UW, the blood test I had done has up to a 54% false positive rate...which is insane! The Western Blot is the gold standard test, and has 3 scientists looking at the cells through microscopes. If they come back and say "Negative", then to me, that is the end of the debate, and it's negative. There is always potential for a blood test to be wrong. Not as likely with 3 separate scientists evaluating the same specimen. I'm going to have the Western Blot done. I already have my kit. Now just have to make the appointment and pay the money. I figure with the cost of the test, added with the cost of the shipping and the appointment to have the doctor fill out the paperwork and have the blood drawn, it will end up costing about $400.

I think it would depend on if my partner knew he had it and whether he disclosed or not. If my partner knew and disclosed and then I got it, I would not leave him for it. If he knew and did not disclose, it would be over. If he did not know, and I got it, and it was a surprise to both of us, then I would not leave him for it. You don't know what you don't know.

Nope. But, to be fair, I didn't know he (or I) had it when I left him either.

I started dating someone for the first time in the 9 years since leaving my ex-husband. Things started to turn toward getting intimate, and I insisted that we both get tested. I went to my midwife and asked for a full STI panel. She did the HSV testing and it came back positive. I was beyond shocked because in the past 10+ years, I had never had any symptoms that I would recognize. I had also been STI tested at least 5 times in the past 10 years (for other reasons), and never was told I had HSV2. It was apparently never part of the panel before. The guy initially rejected me, but we're still talking. Not sure what, if anything, will ever come of it, but he doesn't seem so scared of it now. I'm good either way.

However, a newborn can get it if born to a mother with HSV2 and an outbreak during birth. It's why pregnant women with HSV-2 are put on Valtrex during their 3rd trimester, and have a c-section if they have an outbreak when it's time to have the baby.

When you had your initial testing done, did they do IGG testing? If so, what were your numbers? When I called UW, the woman I spoke with said that they have seen the HerpeSelect test having as high as 54% false positive readings for HSV2. That's insane! I'm considering getting the Western Blot done as well, to see if I fall into the pile of those false positives or not.

Yes, you presume. I used to live in a town that had exactly zero stop lights, no mail boxes because there was no one to deliver mail, so everyone had to go to the post office to get their mail, one grocery store, NO churches, NO alcohol/bars, no school and one gas station that sold the only pizza in town. Lived in another small town that had one stoplight, one grocery store, at least 2 or 3 bars, one gas station, a couple of churches, an old high school that had shut down (and its highest graduating class had 13 whole people in it) and one place to get your hair cut. Both surrounded by nothing but corn and soybeans. So, yes, I GET the small-town mentality. However, it still does not give you the right to NOT disclose. I'm not saying you have to disclose on the first, second, or even tenth date. But, if you intend to let your penis out of your pants, you need to disclose first. And if you don't think you can trust that person to NOT go blabbing about town, then perhaps you should also reconsider if you want a relationship with her at all. THAT should be your litmus test. "Do I think I can trust this person to keep my confidence?" If the answer is no, then that's not the person for you anyway.

I've never used it yet because I don't know that I've ever had an outbreak (thinking that maybe what I thought were ingrown hairs years ago may have been an OB? No idea). But, if I ever DO get an outbreak, I'm going to put some oregano oil with olive oil and take that orally, and then put Melissa oil directly on the sores every day, probably multiple times per day. Fingers crossed that the oils will just sit there...although I have heard that oregano oil is great for just about ALL infections, so I'll probably still use that if I start to get a cold or anything.

Every person is different, so it's hard to say what your numbers will be or how either of your bodies will respond/make antibodies. It would stand to reason that your IGG numbers would be lower than someone who has had it a long time, but I have also seen people whose numbers hover around the "barely positive" line for quite some time. I was not given the exact number of my IGG results, just that they were "over 8.0", which is considered high, and indicates that I have had the virus in my body for quite some time. I also would not trust a visual diagnosis. I would definitely insist on the blood test (IGG, not IGM).

I just found out that I have H2, and have apparently had it for the past 10+ years. No symptoms that I would ever have recognized as H. If I had entered into a relationship and not been tested, I could have very easily passed it to my partner, and it could take years. I would not be quick to think he cheated. It is very possible that he has it and just didn't know. I believe Adrial has stated that he has not passed it to his wife, and they have a baby. So, it is possible to have it and not pass it...and if your boyfriend didn't know he had it, he would be more likely to pass it to you due to not taking the precautions that someone who knows would take. The best way to know is to get the IGG levels. If his numbers are high, then he's likely had it for quite some time. If they're very low, then there would be a possibility that perhaps he got it recently by cheating, or perhaps he just has low numbers. There is really no way to know for sure in many cases, which sucks.