Michgirl73
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Posts posted by Michgirl73
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10 hours ago, Bellapink said:
Hi i am 22 years old and i have had genital hsv 1 for 2 and a half years. I have only had my initial outbreak and no outbreaks since. I really like this guy and I want to have sex with him but I am scared I am going to transmit it to him. I have tried taking daily suppressants and they give me absolutely awful migraines and I can't take the migraines. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or who has genital type 1!
thank you!
I have Ghsv1, I’m having sex with my partner without protection he knows the risk and is completely ok with it. However we are taking steps to keep him from getting it as well. We don’t have sex if I have an outbreak or having symptoms. I do take Antivirals when I feel outbreak, but I hate them as well they make me feel horrible.
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Well I made it past a year and then i recently got my second outbreak, alittle differently from the first one! It started as feeling like a uti and went to doctors had blood in my urine. God I hate this crap!! Anyways this reminder makes me sad, I’m in a new relationship and my partner except me and knows but man now I just hope and pray it don’t mess with our relationship because now we can’t be intimate until I’m better!! I wish they get a cure for this! Everything has being going so good the last few months I am forgot I had it!! Then it comes back to remind me!! 😢😭 just need som strength and encouragement!!
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Thanks for sharing! I definitely agree it gets better. It sucks in the beginning but your life isn’t over.
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16 hours ago, tiredandlonely said:
Yes!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and so glad that this went well. Best of luck with this relationship!!
Thank you so much!!😊
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Hey everyone!! Well I finally was able to meet someone and disclosed and he said he didn’t care and that I meant more to him than the virus! I did wait about a month before I disclosed to him, I wanted him to get to know me first verses having this label on my forehead. I’m glad I did and he was happy the way I waited as well. We still haven’t been intimate at this point but now I can feel comfortable knowing that I told him and gave him the option to continue verses not having that option as I didn’t get. I told him we can be careful and take the steps we need to so he don’t get the virus. He is also going to get tested to make sure his status as well since some ppl carry and don’t know they have it. I’m so looking forward to moving forward with this relationship!
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2 hours ago, BlondeEB said:
Hi @Hereforalongtimnotagoodtim! Its good to hear youre in a similar situation re. agreed with partner no use of condoms and thinking about long term meds and in constant fear still. I have accepted that I have it too, and def feel its more the fear of passing it to someone you love. I think we will always feel like that but we can only do our best right? Do you get any weird tingling after sex, or only just the worry after sex? It scares me everytime because I don't know if it is real or if it just irritation from sex messing with my nerves. The only way I know for sure if everything is ok is checking with my partner for a couple of days/week after and I can imagine this can get annoying asking if he's ok daily! I suppose if we keep going with what we are doing we can only trust that its been ok so far and I will start to get over it... Its prob different for everyone but, symptoms were pretty bad for me on long term meds and I was gutted about my hair and how it made me feel, so we agreed I will only use them now for bad outbreaks.I have a couple of packs at the ready whenever I need and this gives me a bit of control too. x
@Michgirl73 ah man I know exactly how you feel, please do not hold back from being with someone and getting into a relationship again. I thought the same after the break up with my ex, i felt like i had to lower my standards, because who would want to be with me??? but got straight back on the dating scene to not overthink it too much and to flirt and to have fun and try to feel good. Even if i made a friend out of it, better than feeling crappy. I went our with 3 diff people and disclosed to all 3! You know gut feeling when it is the right time to tell someone after a couple of dates. The amazing guy im with now when i gave him the letter actually told me straight away he had genital warts when he was younger and straight away it made me feel at ease! And we spoke about our experiences and how really its nothing to worry about at all...it happens. It may be the same with the guy youre dating that he has been in or is in a similar position. I will share with you what i wrote in the letter to my now amazing boyfriend (he actually kept his letter from me because it meant so much to us, in a strange way ha, so ill dig it out) and you can use parts of what i wrote if you ever wanted to disclose by letter 🙂 x
Yes definitely I feel like I need to tell him to his face. Idk why but I just wanna be brave enough to do it. I’m getting the vibe from this guy he will take it well just by the way he treats and talks to me.
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Thank you for sharing. I met someone I like, I gave discloses yet but planning on soon we have had 3 dates so far and I’m trying to get to the point I feel comfortable telling him because I’m so embarrassed of this. But I keep praying for strength. Anyway thank you for sharing it’s helpful listen to other stories.
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1 hour ago, BlondeEB said:
Ah @Michgirl73 I am so sorry you have had the same symptoms as me with meds, and also glad Im not alone in this too. I have to say I found confidence in myself after my anxiety issues and dating was actually ok! It was the fact I was honest to people after a few successful dates and left it to them to make the decision that made it 100x easier. For two of the guys out of the 3 I wrote them a letter and asked them to read whether they wanted to do it in my company or not, this helped massively because it was down to them to continue with me or not. The 1 I didn't do this and told them over the phone actually stopped contact a few weeks later and I recognised it was better to do it in person, so I would definitely suggest that with disclosing. Like i did, keep on with the condoms and knowing your early signs, and if you do meet someone see how it goes and make a decision together. I totally agree the virus sucks.. I wish there was a way to test / help check if you knew an OB was starting etc. Would make life so much easier and normal. Theres not a day that goes by that I dont worry. Keep strong! We can all get through this together 🙂
Thank you! You brought me to tears almost!! I worry about being alone for the rest my life and u breath some hope into my life. I’m scared as hell to tell them when it’s time but I have to I know this and be brave even though it’s hardest thing I ever had to do. I thank god for this group and being able to see I’m not in this alone.
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Yes I had issues with valtrex causing my hair to get extremely dry and thinner .. it can cause alopecia. I stopped taking it too because of that and it was causing me to get stuffy nose and headache. I was on it for about 3 months when the symptoms started causing me issues. I went off it my symptoms got better. I currently haven’t had sex since being diagnosed almost a year ago. I’m dating and scared when I do decide to if will cause me problems too! This virus sucks!! God how I wish I could change it.
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1 hour ago, tiredandlonely said:
I don't know if there are any statistics on people over age 49 (have never seen any)...but over 60% of people ages 40-49 have HSV-1, and the incidence increases with age, so you could present this statistic to emphasize how common it is.
Sorry this isn't more helpful 😞
I appreciate it. I was struggling finding the data too!
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3 minutes ago, Misstery2019 said:
Thank you ❤️ Hope you are doing ok.
Yes I’m doing ok! Somedays are good and some are not so good! Just gotta keep moving forward and hope that it keeps getting better in time. I hope your feeling better too! Hang in there this crap sucks but we can get through this!! Stay strong!!
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Does anyone know what the stats on people infected with hsv1 over the age of 49? I see most give up to age 49. I’m just wondering as I’m trying to date and want to know.
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10 hours ago, My_dog_is_hungry said:
If you both have hsv your not giving it to each other again.
The friction from sex can cause an outbreak.
Is there something extra u can do to avoid the outbreak? Like does lube help? It scares me to think it can happen, like it’s not going to be enjoyable because of constant worry of an outbreak.
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1 hour ago, Misstery2019 said:
That’s exactly where! Except only on one side where I had my initial outbreak. How long did it take for you not to have it anymore? It’s such an annoying ache!
It’s seems to come and go at times, I think exercising is helping with it. I have had Ghsv1 10 mths. I would say it’s been maybe better about 1 month. I think your body takes time to get used to the virus.
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I had pain and aching in the back of my thighs up in the crease of buttocks where the thighs meet my legs.. i didn’t have it at first but it seems to have gone away.. it’s hard because I feel like everything different I feel I associated it with the virus but I realize it’s not. I think I’m just hypersensitive now.
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Yeah those aren’t friends. This virus is emotional roller coaster as it is. Do yourself a favor and move from them.
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16 hours ago, annalove said:
@Fmals of course! I find it’s important for my journey to continue to post even if it’s not as frequent. Happy to help as much as I can!
To be honest I’ve never had a stereotypical outbreak. I’ve read a lot of stores about painful initial outbreaks, luckily I haven’t dealt with that. I didn’t even notice anything was off other than a small cut and was diagnosed by swab from that. I’m not in a relationship and don’t have a steady sexual partner so I’m also choosing to not take any sort of daily medication. Every couple of months I would say I get a small sore, it’s pretty regular still for me. But I take medication for a few days and it goes away. Causes very very minimal discomfort. I do hope over the years I’ll see a decrease with maybe only one or two tiny sores a year. But as for right now the pop up every now and then isn’t a huge deal as I’m not sexually active super often and I’ve made the choice I don’t want any more medication in my body than is absolutely necessary.
Thanks for the update! I’m almost a year in and have been very scared to get involved with someone sexually because of the disclosure and trying to deal with emotionally and move forward. Some days are good and done are bad.. I have accepted this but hope that I can still have a future with someone after this as well.
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10 minutes ago, tiredandlonely said:
With both the first guy I told and my husband, I waited a couple of weeks (I think 4-5 dates) to have the conversation. I know some people prefer to have the conversation sooner, but I felt more comfortable telling them after they had a chance to get to know me and like me and trust me. I also wanted to know them better before sharing this information with them.
Neither of them felt like I waited too long or like I lead them on, in case that is a concern. I told them both up front that I needed to move slowly.
I told the first guy in a letter. I gave it to him and then left him alone to read it. It was only a few months after I had been diagnosed and I really didn't know what I was doing. The guy who had given herpes to me treated me badly and I knew I would get emotional if I tried to talk to the new guy about it.
I explained this in the letter and also told him that the herpes itself didn't cause major issues and wasn't a big deal for me, but that I was embarrassed to tell him because of the stigma. I also explained the transmission rates and his risk.
After he read the letter, we sat and talked about it for a little while. He asked me what it meant for us sexually, and I said, "well, it really is whatever you want it to be." and he said, "So, when can we have sex?" and I told him whenever he felt ready (we had very good chemistry and things had been escalating towards sex for at least a week or two) and he said, "so, like, now?" and I said, "sure" and then we went back to my apartment and had sex twice 😂
I told my husband a little differently, but I still had the letter as a back up in case I got emotional. I did cry a little, but it went well. I just said, "Earlier this year, when I was dating XX [he already knew about the guy], I found out that I had acquired HSV-2 from him. It was a really difficult thing to find out, but I have learned to deal with it and it hasn't caused me any issues since I got diagnosed and started taking medication." Then I just explained the risks and what we could do to protect him if we decided to have sex.
I think I did warn him before I started that I might get a little emotional because the experience (of catching it and finding out my boyfriend was cheating on me) was difficult for me to talk about.
I gave him the printouts I had with all of the statistics and information on it, and then I left him alone in the living room to process it (I went to my bedroom). I told him he could think about it and take as much time as he needed and that there was no pressure.
About 20 minutes later, I was pretty sure he had left my apartment and would text me later to end things, but he came into the room and said he didn't care about it at all and he wasn't worried about getting it from me. He said he took so long to come into the bedroom because it was obviously important to me that he read all of the information I had given him, so he read it carefully, twice. He said he knew as soon as I told him that he wasn't going to have a problem with it.
I think practicing what you're going to say helps (and even writing it down). I think it's important to convey that the herpes itself is not a big deal. It's a minor infection that causes an annoyance sometimes. The emotional component comes from the stigma surrounding it and often from the feeling of helplessness we have since we did not get to make an informed decision before we caught it.
I think showing some emotion and vulnerability is okay. Being vulnerable and sharing intimate information like this is HARD, so if your voice shakes/cracks or you shed a few tears, that's okay, as long as you can also be confident in expressing that you feel emotional because you are being vulnerable, and not because herpes is a big, awful deal that your partner should be afraid of.
In the end, before disclosing/moving forward sexually, I think it's important to come to terms with having herpes in the first place. If you accept it and come to a good place mentally, then this will be much easier to convey to potential partners.
I talked to a therapist for a while before I disclosed the first time and I found it really helpful. I feel like there was so much shame attached to herpes because it made me feel like a whore. But I have friends who are far more casual about sex than I am, and I have never seen that as shameful or bad. The shame comes from the diagnosis and from thinking there is something wrong with us for catching it. The fact is that it is a very common virus and we caught it because we are sexually active and we got a little unlucky one time. There is no further meaning attached to it unless you allow it to be.
Thank you!! This really helps a lot. I do still struggle with it. I know it’s the stigma and most my friends and family are supportive. I just hope it works that way for me when I disclose. I’m scared but I know I have to disclose. I’m gna take your advice and get info and maybe write a letter.. I have been looking at post to get more feedback on how to say it in the way I need to.
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On 5/21/2019 at 5:11 PM, Payden said:
I've had herpes for 5.5 yrs now. It's always been pretty similar in occurance. A good session of sex or two would be enough for an outbreak for the first couple of years so I would constantly have sex then have to stand down and wait for recovery. Even as late as last year I had a period of a lot of stress and went through 5 consecutive outbreaks mid-year with no let up in between. It was crazy, but made it pretty clear that stress is a big factor. I had one more tiny outbreak around December (which didn't quite go full blown OB) and then that's it since then. Only 1 outbreak in almost a year. I've had more and longer sex in the last 6 months than any time since I got it 5 years ago. I feel senstive in the area, I feel like an OB is coming, but nothing... it never comes. It definitely gets sensitive down there, sometimes numb around the OB area. I don't take the suppresents anymore, I often did but not every day. I'd just take them for a few days during OB to try and get rid of it quicker. The area of original outbreak, which has had many since then, is quite rough now, almost like prodomes forming, but it's permanent. They're not catchy though. I also make no effort to eat the things they say you shouldn't eat (chocolate, coffee!)... screw it you only live once I'm not sacrificing coffee for the tiny chance I might have fewer outbreaks haha.
So I take all of this stuff, but usually only when I feel an OB coming:
Aciclovir
Propolis (antioxidant)
Ester-C+ Echinacea (Vitamin C)
Vitamin B12
and the odd one out: Hyperisince (Hypericum mysorense)That Hypersince there's reports from some people online that it cured them completely. Could be fake. I took it for 2 months, ended up getting a rash and then an outbreak. Waste of money. But I've since continued taking them during an OB, just in case they did do something.
So has anyone else experienced years of consistent outbreaks then suddenly they go away and never return, despite still getting the tingling OB sensation? Has my skin had so much OB damage that it's now maybe got nerve damage? My libido is definitely lower during this same period, maybe that relates to it. Or maybe I'm just having a really lucky spell and I'll get an OB soon. Or maybe that Hyperisince works.
Are u hsv1 or Hsv2? I wonder if the different strain has a different reaction. I have Ghsv1 but since being infected almost a year ago haven’t had sex..I’m currently dating and wondering how it will effect my sex life.. I’m actually a bit scared because I know it’s hard enough to get someone to accept u having the virus let alone issues with actually being able to have sex because it might cause outbreaks.
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On 5/18/2019 at 9:27 PM, brightsidegirl said:
I was diagnosed with GHSV1 last year June . My primary outbreak included swollen lymph nodes on each side of the groin and excruciating blisters and bumps . Three days ago I had sex with my boyfriend and when I woke up my nodes we swollen again and today I noticed cuts near my anus . Could this be a second outbreak ? Does lymph nodes swell with recurrent outbreaks ?
I’m thinking that this can happen. I haven’t had sex yet since diagnosed back in July 2018. Does your boyfriend have it? Do u think maybe u were exposed to Hsv2?
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On 5/5/2019 at 9:45 PM, tiredandlonely said:
The first guy I disclosed to (mentioned earlier) was really great about my disclosure and herpes did not affect our relationship. But he wasn't a "wonderful guy" - he ended up being a jerk, like many of the jerks I had dated before.
The point of my earlier post was that you do not need to be afraid of this virus. People will still accept you. And it is still possible to find love. It's not easy, but it wasn't easy before herpes.
I agree with 100918. You have to work on yourself, really love yourself, and figure out what you want from a relationship and from life in general.
Also, I was very scared of winding up alone, too. But then I decided that ending up single (if that's what happened) does not mean I'm ending up alone. I have a great family, great friends, and pets that bring me so much joy. I have hobbies that I enjoy and a career that I find fulfilling and rewarding.
These are the things that are important to me, and when I started focusing on the things I loved and cultivating a life that I could be happy with, regardless of whether I shared it with one significant person or with my many friends and family, I realized how much I had to offer.
And after I did all this work, my first attempt at letting someone in failed, because it's not a perfect system and guys can be really sweet and wonderful in the beginning and then turn into jerks when they lose interest/stop caring. I thought that because he accepted me with herpes he was this amazing person, but he was still just a guy who wanted a fling.
It hurt so much, I really didn't want to put myself out there again, so I do understand the feeling of defeat and hopelessness. Dating is so hard, emotionally draining, and often times doesn't seem worth it.
I think that focusing on yourself and what you need/want in life is important. But I also think putting yourself out there and dating is a good thing if it's what you want to do.
If you do date, try to forget about herpes in the beginning. Make up your mind that you're not going to sleep with anyone for a month, 6 weeks, etc. and then just put the herpes discussion out of your mind. Be yourself and get to know people and let them see the real you. If you start to get close to someone and feel that you really like and trust them, then you start to think about disclosing.
Can I ask you how you disclose? Is there a way to say it ? I just don’t want to get emotional about it because it has caused me so many issues with acceptance myself.
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17 minutes ago, Robdarko said:
Hello All
Thank you for all of your replies. I have been to support groups and have voiced my story there as well. I appreciate your views.
I don't want to call her out in public but at the same time I have been through a lot of mental and physical pain. This has definitely affected my future for ltr and I feel betrayed abused and used up just because she got it from someone and felt like she will not be loved again. So she went back to normal dating and did not disclose because she wanted to have sex and infected me. I still tried to convince her that this is not right but apparently her friends thought this is the right thing to do and leave him. So the way it ended made me feel that I was just used as a puppet and the anxiety is way high. I can't do what she did and that means a long way to get a partner with more rejection being a guy it definitely sucks.
And what bothered me more is that she was cold hearted, in-compassionate and ruthless. She said she will date other people and she was back there on the dating scene having fun as if nothing has happened.
I honestly have a very hard time moving on as we live quite close. I just don't know how to tell her what damage she has done and I feel like she is having some mental issues that she does not understand the severity and stigma of this.
I understand and can completely relate my ex got me back to turn around and infect me and then dropped me and went back to his ex where he turned around and got married to her. Here I am almost a year later haven’t been able to get back into the dating scene because I’m so scared. I feel like my life was taken from me.. my body took the virus bad. I feel better now but it’s been a hard road with it and also dealing with depression. If u ever need to chat please feel free to reach out to me. This shit is hard to deal with.. I hate myself for believing him and thinking he was actually being genuine and thought he loved me!! I feel I’m the one suffering and he just goes on with life like it’s nothing.. 😔
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I had the same thing happened to me my ex gave it to me knowing he had it and then dropped within a month later. I feel the same way it’s not easy dealing with this and trying to move forward like they did nothing.. I asked my ex before hand since we had been separated for awhile. I believe karma is a bitch and they will get theirs in the end. It sucks.. because I’m scared to date and tell someone about this virus because I’m embarrassed and scared to be rejected.. but I will not put someone through what I went through. I will disclose even if it’s hard and hurts because nobody deserves this!!
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Thank u!! I really do try but get discouraged because I do have a lot to offer the right person but keep meeting the wrong ones!
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Genital HSV1
in General herpes discussion
Posted
I have been sexually active for about 3 months. We don’t use protection we both got tested and I’m positive for Ghsv1 . I had it already a year before I had sex, and he is first person since my diagnosis that I have been intimate with. There only been once where I felt maybe I was having a outbreak and went to the doctor and it was gone.. I haven’t passed it to him yet. I don’t plan on passing it, we are trying to be careful with it but we both understand that it can happen.