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Newme last won the day on November 9 2018

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  1. From what I've read, herpes is only an issue if you are having an active outbreak during childbirth or have a lot of outbreaks during pregnancy. If there is no sign of an outbreak, you can deliver vaginally. Just make sure you tell your doctor about the HSV so they can monitor you throughout the pregnancy.
  2. I'm new to this and my one disclosure ended in us never speaking again. I will say that there was absolutely no way for you to have known. They don't test for it when you go for STI screenings. You didn't mention having an OB so you weren't intentionally putting him at risk. At this point he's either going to accept it and be an adult and understand that just statiscally speaking he probably already has it, unrelated to you, and you two can move forward...or he's going to be a jerk, not do any research and freak out. I'm trying to work through this part as I type and it sounds cliche but, if he's a good one, he'll understand. He should know you well enough by now to know that you wouldn't purposely put him at risk. He should appreciate your honesty and do some work to educate himself. I feel like once people realize how little they know about herpes, their perspective should change. Hopefully this helps. Wish you the best of luck.
  3. That sounds so promising but so far fetched. I know how minor of a thing it is but people make it seem like it's life and death. I spent all last night worried about what he thinks and anticipating the negative interaction we'll have when we finally talk about it. The thing is, we're not even together!! Someone who had access to my personal records told him..i.had no intention of telling him because there was no need. I feel a lot better now. Spoke to my therapist this morning and spent some time with my gfs. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight.
  4. His relative was the front desk administrator at my OB. I was going as a follow up. I knew he wouldn't want me because all he knows about herpes is that's its sexually transmitted. I knew he would associate me having it as me being dirty and a whore. The only other person who knows and may ha e told was the guy I was seeing at the time I found out. I disclosed to him because we had been intimate a week before I found out. So now he knows and having to face him is making me so sick. I'm afraid of what he now thinks of me. I just know he's going to say all of the negative things I feel about myself sometimes. This whole ordeal, diagnosis up to now has brought up some issues I didn't know I had. I struggle with feeling like I'm not enough. I also didn't know that I do want someone to love me unconditionally...these seem. To be big issues for me as of late because to some degree, I have been having trouble loving me, unconditionally. I'm tired and I feel broken. I don't know how to pick myself up.
  5. So glad I found this thread.. So I've known for a few months and I was just getting over the hump when my child's father found out. I'm almost certain a relative of. His who works at my doctors office told him. Now I'm ashamed and embarrassed all over again. The crazy part is I know he hasn't been tested for it and has no idea how likely it is that he has it or how it's even transmitted. Because of the stigma I feel so dirty and unworthy even though I know that it's really just one of those things.
  6. So I've known about my status for a few months now. I thought I was over the hump until the one person I was dreading having to tell found out. When I was going to get tested a relative of my child's father was the front desk attendant and could view my information. I believe she told him. Now he knows and he's upset. We have yet to talk about it but his friend mentioned that we needed to talk and that he found out some information about me. Its the only thing I can think of. I feel ashamed and dirty all over again. We're not together and once I found out about my status I knew that we wouldn't be getting back together so I made it clear to him that I was moving on. I was mostly trying to avoid this conversation. Now we're here and I'm sick. Idk what to say to him.
  7. I don't know who needs to hear this but, everything is going to be OK. I'm about a month in of finding out about my Hsv Stat. I, like most people who come here for community, was devasted. I cried, felt worthless and dirty, thought who would want me all that! I'm so happy to report that I'm on the other side now. The best thing I did was confide in some trusted friends and my mom, who all shrugged it off like "girl, that's all?!" After I did some intense research, I felt so much better. The biggest step in all of this was being OK with me though. Of nothing else, this made me reexamine myself and how I really feel about me. The diagnosis brought to surface some deep shit I didn't know I was harboring. I'm working through that now, but I have to say, I feel so much better. Once you do the research and realize how common it is and how it's nobody's fault, especially yours, and how many people have it and don't know, it kind of normalizes it. Trust me, I'm a control freak perfectionist, and I'm on the other side now!! I will say, my first disclosure didn't go well. I told my last partner. I told him 2 days after I found out. I haven't heard from him since. But that brings me back to the how I feel about me bit. His reaction just reassured me that because I was having self esteem issues that I hadn't addressed, I was attracting and accepting the type of person who would write me completely off after 10yrs. I needed his response to be what it was so I could really go through all the stages of grief for what I thought was my sex life, but what is turning out to be, a version of me who didn't value herself enough. I feel so much better now and you will too. Allow yourself time to process everything and go through the motions but trust me, it's something so beautiful on the other side.
  8. So today I was supposed to go to my Obgyn for a follow up. When I got there my son's father cousin (on again off again bf) was at the front desk. I left before signing in.. I'm pretty sure she now knows my Hsv status and I'm afraid she's going to disclose my information. On top of that, my son's father, who I had hoped to resume a relationship with, I haven't told. We haven't been intimate in 2 yrs so I don't think I could of contracted it from him. I think how I know he's going to take the news whenever I tell him is my real fear. He's going to look at me differently and no longer want or love me. The thought of this is debilitating. I think this is where my issue with accepting what's happening is. I'm meeting with my therapist tonight because this morning I could barely get myself together. I'm afraid of being rejected by someone I want to be accepted by so much. I also know that this is a me issue and that instead of worrying about what he might think of me instead of focusing on what I think of me. This whole ordeal has brought a lot of my self esteem issues to the surface and its forcing me to come to terms with the internal battles I've been fighting before the diagnosis.
  9. Day 5 of knowing my HSV+ status and I'm struggling. Yesterday was a good day but today is killing me a d it's only 9am. I can't sleep, I can't eat and I feel empty. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like my whole life is over. It truly feels like the end of the world. I considered killing myself this morning. I felt that worthless. The fear of rejection is literally debilitating. Who would want me and why would they? I don't even want me. I'm disgusting and worthless. I'm 30 y/o Black woman in Philly. Pickings are already slim add being a single mother to the list. I'm never gnna get married. I'm going to die alone. If I didn't know that my child would miss me and be looking for me I swear I would have ended it this morning. It's been just 5 days and the negative voices are already consuming me. Idk how I'm ever going to get through this. Anything I felt bad about myself about is magnified by 10 now. I can't see past this moment in time. I want to believe it will get better. I pray and try to focus on the good stuff but I'm tired. My heart is heavy, my soul feels empty. I can't shake this.
  10. I'm new this as well. Just turned 30. Single black female, mother of 1. Is there hope for me? Guys my age are kids and misinformed. I feel like I'm never gnna find someone who can love me in spite of my diagnosis.
  11. I didn't know you could have a false culture test.
  12. Culture test. I've read that's the most accurate test.
  13. I think so but I know that it's hard to pinpoint if this was a new infection or if it had been dormant. I didn't have an OB as described in the threads. I had one pimple that I thought was a scratch. I do believe it was him though.
  14. So I just found out I have herpes and I am devasted. I looked up the virus and found out that it is pretty common and also very stigmatized. I'm struggling with my diagnosis. I feel dirty. I can't even fathom what my future look like romantically. I forsee a lot of rejection. I told my most recent partner and he hasn't spoken to me since. I have a good friend who is also HSV+ and she's been carrying me through this. Since her diagnosis she has even had another baby. I'm struggling to accept what it is and not feel ugly about myself. I already suffered with self esteem issues and this is just another blow. I'm trying to push through. I have read a lot of info and know that this does not have to be the end of my life romantically. I just can't get that negative voice to stop. I know I have to work on loving me so that I can get past this low and realize that it doesn't have to make me.
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