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Victory_in_Defeat last won the day on December 2 2018

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  1. Well, as I tell everyone I speak to on here, I am sorry that you found yourself on this site. A diagnosis of any life long disease is certainly not easy to accept. I think there's a couple of things that need to be said about the information you provided. First of which is whether you tested positive for HSV1 or HSV2. A large portion of the U.S. population is infected with HSV1. If you tested positive for this, then it's really not out of the ordinary. Secondly, there is a pretty good chance of false positives depending on the IgG score. I believe a score of 3 and below is a good indication of a possible false positive, but apparently people have had higher scores and still ended up being negative when tested with a more sensitive test. I understand that the results may have been a shock to you, but I can tell you that you've certainly come to the right place to find out how many people are in the exact same boat.
  2. @Lost4ever43 I can honestly say I know how that feels. I've got a coworker, very loud Australian guy, and he jokes about STD's, rashes, etc. non stop. Even saw the episode on Family Guy regarding a toilet calling his "girl friend" telling her he has herpes. Not sure if you're a Game of Thrones fan, but there is a part in Season One where Tyrion tells Jon Snow how to deal with being a bastard. In which he says "wear it like armor, and it can never be used against you". Basically, it's something that comes in time. Most people don't know what it's like to have an infectious disease, and if they do, they may cope by making fun of it or other people You would be surprised to find out exactly how many people around you have GHSV 1/2. The important thing is to remember that this does not define who you are. It's a condition like any other. You are YOU. They will never know what you go through, or how much you suffer in silence,. It certainly takes a stronger person to have to be dealt this hand of cards, and turn it into a winning hand. Though I will promise you, that it is certainly doable. And you've come to the right place to find out how. One step at a time. And I for one will be here every step of the way.
  3. Greetings @blessedheart89 From the information available online, you are correct. Oral HSV2 is indeed uncommon. Also symptoms take longer than one night to appear; typically around 48 hours. The chapped area on his lip is likely caused by something else. In my opinion, you both can rest easy.
  4. Hello @Lovenhope You're absolutely right; what you're experiencing is grief, regardless of what the source is. As humans, we are creatures of habit, and major changes in our lives can certainly cause some havoc on our psyche. I'm sorry to hear that your doctor is so insensitive about your situation. They'll probably still collect a paycheck, drive away in their Audi, go home to pay off the bare minimum interest payment on their student loans while sitting in a half-empty house eating Lucky Charms for dinner. It angers me so much that medical "professionals" can be so uneducated about situations that they're supposed to be experts in and honestly should have no business interacting with other human beings. Unfortunately I can not tell you when you will begin to feel better. I can tell you that HSV is not a deal breaker for everyone. There will still be someone out there that is more than willing to love you for you. However, I don't think you should worry about all that right now. Take some time to focus on YOU. I was raised by an old school father and I can tell you that I have broken down crying on my way to and from work. It's a bit sad for me to admit, that me, as a grown man, have been on my knees in the shower balling my eyes out. But screw it, I am who I am and I feel what I feel. If you need to cry, then go for it. Take the time to get yourself back on track and everything else will fall back into place. Until then, feel what you need to feel.
  5. @Lovenhope As I say to everyone here, I am so sorry you found yourself on this site. All the feelings must be amplified by the fact that the HSV transmission came from a sexual assault. Words can not express how sorry I am, and though my words will bring little comfort, I really do wish that you can find peace and that justice finds that monster. With all that said, I'm glad you found yourself here on this forum. Life certainly has a way of kicking us while we're down; ensuring that we remain on a roller coaster of events and never quite letting us find the level ground that we seek. In my 30 years of life on this Earth, I have experienced more heartache than I ever have joy. And yet as the A-Ha's once said in their One-Hit-Wonder "Take On me", I'm slowly learning that life is okay. (They have a terrific unplugged MTV version that you can find on youtube that I think is worth a watch). But if I leave you with nothing else, remember this, nothing is over. You're a person that deserves to be loved, held and cared for. Nothing about this virus, or the events surrounding it, can take that from you. I won't lie to you, yes, this does present some new challenges to us, but it's far, far, far from impossible. You can still be a wife, have kids and enjoy a family. And with everything you've experience so far, I am certain you would make a great mother. This will take some time to understand, as most things do, but I promise you that one day, you will see that none of this defines who you are as a person. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and work things out in your head. I and most everyone on this site, will be here if you need us. I''m on this site nearly everyday, so please feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to.
  6. Jason, first off as I tell everybody on this forum, I am truly sorry you have found yourself here. I know the feelings you are experiencing all too well. With that said, I'm glad you are here, all of us here have experienced the same emotions you now battle with. Reading posts on this forum and interacting with people who have similar experiences has certainly helped me to cope. For weeks I replayed the day of my exposure in my head. I wanted more than anything to change the events of that day. But alas, I can't change whats already done. The whole ordeal definitely took me to a dark place. Took me a while to be able to accept my new situation. Hard thing for me to admit, but I definitely cried more in a two month time period than I had in my entire life. I think everyone has their own ways to cope, but there are healthy ways to do so. I am on this site nearly everyday, please feel free to message me any time if you would like to talk. Also please talk to someone, anyone, if you get to a point in which you may hurt yourself. Suicide is certainly not the answer. I really do wish you all the best.
  7. I'll agree that not disclosing to someone is the WRONG choice. As someone who was on the other end of that stick; I'll tell you that it hurts.... a lot. And now I live with that fact every day of my life. But, not everything you said was correct. We are all humans. And part of being humans is making mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes affect other people. I'm an Iraq war veteran, and I will tell you, that not every choice we made at the time was best for all involved. It is one thing to reconcile these facts with the creator (whoever that may be for you), but it is another to square it with yourself. I've been to more funerals than I have ever been weddings or baby showers. I got really good at saying goodbye. My point is, that I feel guilty for everything that happened in my past. And this haunts me everyday of my life. I've even expressed my guilt to the parents of my fallen brothers, in which one father said to me "you did your part", and nothing else, which hurt me even more.. No matter what I do, I can't change yesterday. I can't fix my mistakes. Yet that does not mean that I don't serve a purpose. There are people I can help. There are still lives I can touch for the better. Your fight is far from over. Yesterday will always contain its share of pain. But that doesn't have to have an impact on tomorrow. It's certainly hard to forgive ourselves for our past actions. But I think it is important that you try, You didn't end a life. Your friend is still alive, he still breathes, he has a chance. I can not say the same about some of mine. You've stood up and took responsibility for your actions and posted them here. And that is something I can appreciate. The past will always be dark and seek to drag you down, but forward is the only option left to us. I wish you the very best and pray that you're not too hard on yourself. After all, we're all in this together. You're the only one that can lift yourself from this feeling, though I will certainly try to help.
  8. First off @Melly1244 as I say to everyone, I'm sorry you have found yourself on this site. In a perfect world, none of us would be here and this site would not exist. With that said, I'm glad you found your way to this site and are seeking answers for something that can be very scary. First off, I'm not a female, but I'm sure one of the females on this site can give you some more accurate information. Also, I am an engineer, not a doctor, so don't take every word of mine to be fact. What I can tell you, is that you're right, some of the symptoms you are experiencing could very well be herpes, but at the same time, symptoms of a particular illness does not necessarily mean you have it. Symptoms are only an indication of a possibility of a disease, not a certainty. HSV unfortunately can be very difficult to identify as it is a virus. The body typically responds to viruses in the same manner which is why you may experience some of the same symptoms of other illnesses, such as the flu. However, the length of time that you have experienced these symptoms is not typically associated with HSV, though it is still conceivable. My best suggestion is to have yourself tested, for HSV2. Since you already have had cold sores, I assume your are already positive for oral HSV1 - the virus typically associated with cold sores (though not exclusively). It is highly unlikely, though possible, to have HSV1 on both the oral and the genital region. It is more likely (but still unlikely) to have HSV2 on your genitals and HSV1 orally. However, the only way to know for sure, is to have yourself tested. My second suggestion, is to try and relax. Stress is a known cause for an outbreak. Even if you didn't have an HSV infection, stress is still bad for your overall health and will not help your situation. I know this is easier said than done, but worrying about your situation will not serve a purpose in this case. As of right now, we don't know anything for certain, so drawing conclusions and connecting dots that don't exist will not help you. I really do wish you the best of luck and hope you feel better soon.
  9. @Susannahofthewolves Wanting to just shut the world out and stay home is a completely natural reaction. It's so hard to focus on things like work, considering all of the world's problems seem insignificant when compared to our life long....condition. I hope you can find peace between you and your partner. My "giver" failed to mention her condition before our first encounter. I no longer speak to her as I have nothing pleasant to say to her. It's certainly not easy feeling like a victim. I also completely understand your concern about finding new future partners. I certainly struggled finding a companion before the infection, and now I'm just not sure if I ever will. I did write a thread on this forum about dating yourself. It's something I wrote while drinking, however my sober-self read it and did thank my drunk-self for the insight. I've currently been trying that for now and it's actually worked out so far. As someone who is in the same boat, I really do wish you the best of luck.
  10. @Amando is correct. According to a study done by the New Zealand Herpes Foundation, the virus can only live for a few seconds outside of or off of the body. Which means by the time you put the cap back on your chap stick, the virus would have already died off. You're a terrific aunt for the concern, but your nephew will be fine.
  11. I have never associated with something more than I associate with this. This just sums up all of my emotions, even now. I'll admit that every now and then I come back to this post and read your words just to remind myself that there is someone else out there that feels the same way I do. Thank you so much for this.
  12. First off, let me say that I'm sorry you have found yourself here. Not everyone will understand what you're currently going through. It's certainly a tidal wave of emotion that makes getting out of bed in the morning very difficult. With that said, I'm glad you found your way to this site. I myself have spent countless hours going through this forum reading words of just absolute emotional pain from people who now have to live with HSV1/2. You need to keep in mind that you did nothing wrong. You did not get to make a choice and this certainly is not your fault. I know it can be difficult to forgive and accept yourself, but it's definitely important that you try. I won't say something as cliche as "It's going to be okay", because I know that would be very difficult to accept right now. What I will say though is you're not alone and though the next few weeks will be tough, we'll be here every step of the way.
  13. So glad to hear that you've finally found some relief and some peace of mind.
  14. At 30 years old, I think I was actually in love only once. I never told her how I felt, and yet I made it my life's work to make her smile everyday (we worked together). I call it love, because it brought me more joy to make her smile than I have ever felt in my entire life. I thought about her all the time, and even often dreamt about her. I can close my eyes even now and picture her smiling face, and that makes me smile, even now. BUT since we worked together, I didn't want to tell her how I felt. Not until I was sure that she would understand my feelings. So in the mean time, I sought out other sexual partners, but my heart always belonged to her. I think anyone reading this knows what ended up happening next. I blame my "giver" for this, because she didn't tell me, but I also blame myself. As a wartime veteran, and someone who has had to say good bye way too many times, I just can not forgive myself for letting this happen. I have life because of my brothers in arms; I was given a chance to be happy because of their sacrifice, and I screwed it all to hell. I thought I had lost happiness after I lost her. Not that I ever had her, but I thought maybe I could still find a way to be happy. Well, that's not entirely true, I'm not sure if I will ever be happy again. AND with that said, I wanted to share with you all something that I found a while ago, and yet, it's probably something that at least one person here on this site needs to see. And if I can make at least one person on this site smile, then maybe I can find a way back to being myself. Our featured presentation my friends is none other than Keanu Reeves *insert applause here*. This comes from the fact that so many people seem anxious about getting back into the dating scene after our initial diagnosis. The truth is, we first need to accept ourselves and our situation well before we can think about a meaningful relationship. And for the first time on this site, I'm not talking about our herpes situation, but rather about our lives (with or without herpes). Mr. Reeves was once approached and asked about why he has remained single for as long as he had. His response was this: "Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that's not true, I'm single and I don't feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes, I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity." He would also be quoted by saying: "Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things..." If we can not love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are, how can we possibly expect someone else to accept us. Rejection hurts, I am not disputing that fact, but if you are being rejected for what you have, rather than for who you are, then you really need to evaluate the people you are seeing. So date yourself. Break the rules and go see a movie by yourself. Take yourself out for a walk on the beach and buy yourself a new hat, and a cookie. And some ice cream. We only get one life in this world, and despite the fact that we have all been dealt a shitty hand, the game is not over.
  15. @Ishmael I appreciate the responses. Judging from your posts I can tell you're someone who has had to deal with many things over the course of your life. That wisdom is not lost on me, and I am more than willing to accept advice from someone such as yourself. With that said, I feel that you may have missed the point of my response. This is true. However, this website was intended to aid those experiencing one or more strains of the Herpes Simplex Virus; that is not to say that we do not offer support to anyone experiencing any other condition. Regardless of that fact, whether it be HSV1/2 or HPV, these are viruses, not skin conditions. Herpes and its effects are not isolated to your skin, it does not lay dormant in your skin, and most of all, unlike actual skin conditions, it is contagious. You can not downplay a contagious virus by just saying "Oh since it only visibly appears on your skin and is transmitted via skin to skin contact, it's a skin condition". There was a part of my statement that was implied, but not explicitly stated, given it was poorly worded. What I meant in my statement is that none of us would ask to be infected with HSV1/2. None of us would even want to encounter the virus if given the choice. There are those who were exposed to this virus by a spouse, meaning there was already stability and commitment involved. Others were exposed by someone they cared about deeply and accepted the risks. However, there are those of us that had no such ties to our "giver", and were left with absolutely nothing after the encounter except a contagious virus that we could now spread to the rest of the world. That fact is something we have to accept, because we are given no other alternative. Accepting the virus itself however, is a different matter entirely.
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