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Victory_in_Defeat last won the day on December 2

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  1. Victory_in_Defeat

    May God f***ing help me make this emotional pain go away!

    I'll agree that not disclosing to someone is the WRONG choice. As someone who was on the other end of that stick; I'll tell you that it hurts.... a lot. And now I live with that fact every day of my life. But, not everything you said was correct. We are all humans. And part of being humans is making mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes affect other people. I'm an Iraq war veteran, and I will tell you, that not every choice we made at the time was best for all involved. It is one thing to reconcile these facts with the creator (whoever that may be for you), but it is another to square it with yourself. I've been to more funerals than I have ever been weddings or baby showers. I got really good at saying goodbye. My point is, that I feel guilty for everything that happened in my past. And this haunts me everyday of my life. I've even expressed my guilt to the parents of my fallen brothers, in which one father said to me "you did your part", and nothing else, which hurt me even more.. No matter what I do, I can't change yesterday. I can't fix my mistakes. Yet that does not mean that I don't serve a purpose. There are people I can help. There are still lives I can touch for the better. Your fight is far from over. Yesterday will always contain its share of pain. But that doesn't have to have an impact on tomorrow. It's certainly hard to forgive ourselves for our past actions. But I think it is important that you try, You didn't end a life. Your friend is still alive, he still breathes, he has a chance. I can not say the same about some of mine. You've stood up and took responsibility for your actions and posted them here. And that is something I can appreciate. The past will always be dark and seek to drag you down, but forward is the only option left to us. I wish you the very best and pray that you're not too hard on yourself. After all, we're all in this together. You're the only one that can lift yourself from this feeling, though I will certainly try to help.
  2. Victory_in_Defeat

    Is this herpes?

    First off @Melly1244 as I say to everyone, I'm sorry you have found yourself on this site. In a perfect world, none of us would be here and this site would not exist. With that said, I'm glad you found your way to this site and are seeking answers for something that can be very scary. First off, I'm not a female, but I'm sure one of the females on this site can give you some more accurate information. Also, I am an engineer, not a doctor, so don't take every word of mine to be fact. What I can tell you, is that you're right, some of the symptoms you are experiencing could very well be herpes, but at the same time, symptoms of a particular illness does not necessarily mean you have it. Symptoms are only an indication of a possibility of a disease, not a certainty. HSV unfortunately can be very difficult to identify as it is a virus. The body typically responds to viruses in the same manner which is why you may experience some of the same symptoms of other illnesses, such as the flu. However, the length of time that you have experienced these symptoms is not typically associated with HSV, though it is still conceivable. My best suggestion is to have yourself tested, for HSV2. Since you already have had cold sores, I assume your are already positive for oral HSV1 - the virus typically associated with cold sores (though not exclusively). It is highly unlikely, though possible, to have HSV1 on both the oral and the genital region. It is more likely (but still unlikely) to have HSV2 on your genitals and HSV1 orally. However, the only way to know for sure, is to have yourself tested. My second suggestion, is to try and relax. Stress is a known cause for an outbreak. Even if you didn't have an HSV infection, stress is still bad for your overall health and will not help your situation. I know this is easier said than done, but worrying about your situation will not serve a purpose in this case. As of right now, we don't know anything for certain, so drawing conclusions and connecting dots that don't exist will not help you. I really do wish you the best of luck and hope you feel better soon.
  3. Victory_in_Defeat

    Terrified and confused

    @Susannahofthewolves Wanting to just shut the world out and stay home is a completely natural reaction. It's so hard to focus on things like work, considering all of the world's problems seem insignificant when compared to our life long....condition. I hope you can find peace between you and your partner. My "giver" failed to mention her condition before our first encounter. I no longer speak to her as I have nothing pleasant to say to her. It's certainly not easy feeling like a victim. I also completely understand your concern about finding new future partners. I certainly struggled finding a companion before the infection, and now I'm just not sure if I ever will. I did write a thread on this forum about dating yourself. It's something I wrote while drinking, however my sober-self read it and did thank my drunk-self for the insight. I've currently been trying that for now and it's actually worked out so far. As someone who is in the same boat, I really do wish you the best of luck.
  4. Victory_in_Defeat


    @Amando is correct. According to a study done by the New Zealand Herpes Foundation, the virus can only live for a few seconds outside of or off of the body. Which means by the time you put the cap back on your chap stick, the virus would have already died off. You're a terrific aunt for the concern, but your nephew will be fine.
  5. Victory_in_Defeat

    Just need to pour my heart out...need support

    I have never associated with something more than I associate with this. This just sums up all of my emotions, even now. I'll admit that every now and then I come back to this post and read your words just to remind myself that there is someone else out there that feels the same way I do. Thank you so much for this.
  6. Victory_in_Defeat

    Terrified and confused

    First off, let me say that I'm sorry you have found yourself here. Not everyone will understand what you're currently going through. It's certainly a tidal wave of emotion that makes getting out of bed in the morning very difficult. With that said, I'm glad you found your way to this site. I myself have spent countless hours going through this forum reading words of just absolute emotional pain from people who now have to live with HSV1/2. You need to keep in mind that you did nothing wrong. You did not get to make a choice and this certainly is not your fault. I know it can be difficult to forgive and accept yourself, but it's definitely important that you try. I won't say something as cliche as "It's going to be okay", because I know that would be very difficult to accept right now. What I will say though is you're not alone and though the next few weeks will be tough, we'll be here every step of the way.
  7. Victory_in_Defeat

    I have good news to share! :D

    So glad to hear that you've finally found some relief and some peace of mind.
  8. Victory_in_Defeat

    Date yourself... For now.

    At 30 years old, I think I was actually in love only once. I never told her how I felt, and yet I made it my life's work to make her smile everyday (we worked together). I call it love, because it brought me more joy to make her smile than I have ever felt in my entire life. I thought about her all the time, and even often dreamt about her. I can close my eyes even now and picture her smiling face, and that makes me smile, even now. BUT since we worked together, I didn't want to tell her how I felt. Not until I was sure that she would understand my feelings. So in the mean time, I sought out other sexual partners, but my heart always belonged to her. I think anyone reading this knows what ended up happening next. I blame my "giver" for this, because she didn't tell me, but I also blame myself. As a wartime veteran, and someone who has had to say good bye way too many times, I just can not forgive myself for letting this happen. I have life because of my brothers in arms; I was given a chance to be happy because of their sacrifice, and I screwed it all to hell. I thought I had lost happiness after I lost her. Not that I ever had her, but I thought maybe I could still find a way to be happy. Well, that's not entirely true, I'm not sure if I will ever be happy again. AND with that said, I wanted to share with you all something that I found a while ago, and yet, it's probably something that at least one person here on this site needs to see. And if I can make at least one person on this site smile, then maybe I can find a way back to being myself. Our featured presentation my friends is none other than Keanu Reeves *insert applause here*. This comes from the fact that so many people seem anxious about getting back into the dating scene after our initial diagnosis. The truth is, we first need to accept ourselves and our situation well before we can think about a meaningful relationship. And for the first time on this site, I'm not talking about our herpes situation, but rather about our lives (with or without herpes). Mr. Reeves was once approached and asked about why he has remained single for as long as he had. His response was this: "Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that's not true, I'm single and I don't feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes, I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity." He would also be quoted by saying: "Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things..." If we can not love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are, how can we possibly expect someone else to accept us. Rejection hurts, I am not disputing that fact, but if you are being rejected for what you have, rather than for who you are, then you really need to evaluate the people you are seeing. So date yourself. Break the rules and go see a movie by yourself. Take yourself out for a walk on the beach and buy yourself a new hat, and a cookie. And some ice cream. We only get one life in this world, and despite the fact that we have all been dealt a shitty hand, the game is not over.
  9. Victory_in_Defeat

    “Just a skin condx” < NOT

    @Ishmael I appreciate the responses. Judging from your posts I can tell you're someone who has had to deal with many things over the course of your life. That wisdom is not lost on me, and I am more than willing to accept advice from someone such as yourself. With that said, I feel that you may have missed the point of my response. This is true. However, this website was intended to aid those experiencing one or more strains of the Herpes Simplex Virus; that is not to say that we do not offer support to anyone experiencing any other condition. Regardless of that fact, whether it be HSV1/2 or HPV, these are viruses, not skin conditions. Herpes and its effects are not isolated to your skin, it does not lay dormant in your skin, and most of all, unlike actual skin conditions, it is contagious. You can not downplay a contagious virus by just saying "Oh since it only visibly appears on your skin and is transmitted via skin to skin contact, it's a skin condition". There was a part of my statement that was implied, but not explicitly stated, given it was poorly worded. What I meant in my statement is that none of us would ask to be infected with HSV1/2. None of us would even want to encounter the virus if given the choice. There are those who were exposed to this virus by a spouse, meaning there was already stability and commitment involved. Others were exposed by someone they cared about deeply and accepted the risks. However, there are those of us that had no such ties to our "giver", and were left with absolutely nothing after the encounter except a contagious virus that we could now spread to the rest of the world. That fact is something we have to accept, because we are given no other alternative. Accepting the virus itself however, is a different matter entirely.
  10. Victory_in_Defeat

    “Just a skin condx” < NOT

    I believe the OP in this case is absolutely right. Herpes is not just a skin condition, it's a virus. Despite it being a life long condition, the worst thing about herpes, by far, is the fact that it is contagious. Imagine for a moment that herpes wasn't contagious. Given, if that were the case, none of use would have it, but if there was ZERO risk that we could pass this along, the vast majority of people wouldn't care who had it and who didn't. Sure herpes would be unsightly during outbreaks, but then again so is Acne. And yet, there is no danger of passing Acne to another individual. It's like being the kid on the playground with lice. Every other kid has been told to avoid the kids with lice. Unfortunately, herpes can't be cured by using medicated shampoo. It's a natural human reaction to not want to put one's self in danger. With herpes being a life sentence, nobody in their right mind would willingly accept herpes as part of their life. With that said, what's done is done. We're all here because of our or someone else's choices. How we choose to deal with this, is our own choice. Being honest and disclosing our condition to another person is hard, but being honest and squaring the fact with yourself, seems to be even harder.
  11. Victory_in_Defeat

    3rd Date She Told Me She has Herpes

    I didn't have the opportunity to make an informed decision like you now have. That choice was made for me. If you have any doubts at all, then don't do it, and don't feel guilty about it. It's your body and it's your job to take care of it, because we only get one. @TopJimmy
  12. Victory_in_Defeat

    3rd Date She Told Me She has Herpes

    @TopJimmy Well not quite. I'll spare you the entire story, but basically I did not know she was positive for GHSV2, and neither did she. She was not on any medication and we did not use a condom. I did not find out about her positive results until 9 days after our encounter. Ironically enough, it's the exact same day I begun to develop symptoms. Just lucky I guess.
  13. Victory_in_Defeat

    I had sex with someone who has herpes

    @Skman Well first off my friend, let me start off by saying I'm sorry you found yourself in this position. I know that feeling all too well. Secondly, breathe. Your chances of being infected with herpes is extremely low. Even without her taking medication or you wearing the condom, your chances of becoming infected when she is not currently experiencing an outbreak is low, between 4-5%. With her taking meds and the condom, your chances are like below 1%. Your mind right now is your biggest enemy. Use google to educate yourself, but at the same time.... STAY OFF GOOGLE. You will do nothing but cause yourself more anxiety. Just relax. It'll be okay.
  14. Victory_in_Defeat

    3rd Date She Told Me She has Herpes

    @TopJimmy I think you're doing the right thing by researching and seeking answers on this site. The woman is a person who deserves to be in a relationship just like the rest of the world. It's good that she disclosed to you, though preferably she should have done so before any sexual activity. Many of us here on this website were not afforded the same opportunity. With that said, I really think you should take some time to consider what all this means. Like you, I spent hours reading the online documentation on the specifics of the herpes virus. I read the statistics. Studies show I had a 5% chance of becoming infected with HSV2. Regardless if the chance is 50% or 5% there is still a chance. And once infected, unfortunately there is no going back. Two months ago, I would have said 95% were pretty good odds. But now, I realize the numbers and studies, really don't mean a thing. Best of luck to you, what ever you decide.
  15. Victory_in_Defeat

    Male nerve pain?

    During a breakout, does any other males here have shooting pains throughout the entire penis? I heard nerve pain is common before/during a breakout, and there is a nerve in the penis. Just wondering if this is part of the outbreak or if I got something else going on.