Alwayshavehope

A year and a half after my shock diagnosis following an assault.. I'm still struggling. For the most part, my life is the same. I also have a wonderful partner now who completely accepts me and helps me..he doesnt care an inch.. doesn't mind if he gets it..doesn't see it as a big deal. He is perfect. But we are long distance and I get so nervous when I see him that I often have what I think is an outbreak (1 small tear triggered by sex) when I finally do get to see him. Then I'm never really sure how to proceed the rest of the time we spend together.. .whether to stop sexual contact altogether or carry on as normal in spite of the tear seeing as I'm unsure if it is or isnt an outbreak (he also really really doesn't mind.. ). The biggest issue for me is that it's on my mind constantly. I feel like its changed me as a person..whether it has on the outside.. no..but on the inside. I worry about seeing him and something spilong it. I feel ashamed of myself and never have before. I feel disgusted by myself and feel different from other people. I'm not saying these feelings are warranted. My partner keeps reminding me how little of a problem it is. It's just me and how I've reacted to it. Im not sure I'm strong enough to shake these feelings and that really worries me..I dont want to worry my whole life or keep ruining things. I want to be happy and I'm so desperate to be. Please help if you can. I really need it at the moment more than anything

Hello thanks so much for replying. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling the fulll force of this too. You know what...i got myself so low this weekend that I scared myself. I kept shaking and honestly thought I couldn't carry on. I think it might have taken that to really shake me up. I've vowed to sort my head out. My best friend has just had a baby..the man of my dreams is taking me away in April, regardless of H. Ive realised that I am more than this diagnosis...just like Ive been more than my Ms. Im still clumsy and still can't sing. Still love my dog to pieces etc. The herpes success stories forum helped and I think if I do read anything I'm going to focus on those stories now..just to sort my head out. I already feel so much better for accepting this for what it is..a little irritation. In england we have the HVA. I emailed them fot advice and they told me this... i realised how many of us there are! All functioning...al living. 100% we can do this... Im so tired of judging myself and hating myself now..we didn't choose this.. but we do choose how much we let it affect our future. Someone is definitely going to accept you... with all the facts..it's hard for someone not to see it for the minor thing that affects millions of us. And if they don't even armed with all the facts ... they arent worth it!! Hope you are doing better. Look after yourself xx we WILL be ok!! By age 25 seven out of ten are carriers of the virus. We cannot say how many caught it genitally and how many facially as only one in three is aware of having it at all. By 35 we know that over 85% of women carry this virus.

So I got diagnosed in summer. I was going away shortly after...so as shocking and painful as everything was, I just had to get on with it. I had minor blips, but generally my mind was elsewhere. I started researching a lot when I came home and got so stressed I brought a 2nd OB on. Luckily, I had plans to go away over xmas.. so again my mind was elsewhere. Since coming back I have been reading this forum every waking hour. It helps.. but then also you see a lot of stories from people like me who are afraid and can't get over it...and then that sets me back again. I think I'm just becoming obsessive. I know everything there is to know...but I try desperately to find more and more out. I was taken advantage of by the first guy I liked after my awful break up the year before which left me in a real state (I'm assuming the H was from him as it happened about a week later...though I do remember symptoms similar but MUCH milder years ago that no doctor could explain as I had no lesions just what I thought was recurrent thrush and hermerroids). Luckily, I met a wonderful man in the summer who knows everything and has been completely wonderful and accepting. I'm so nervous that my anxiety will be through the roof if and when we become intimate and ill spoil everything for him. I want to be close to him but I'm so nervous about giving this to him... then i hate the fact that I feel infectious and capable of causing someone harm (more psycologically). I've always had boyfriends but I've always been quite nervous and shy in general. This has only increased with my diagnosis. I feel like I'm locking myself up in a box and my head is a mess. Most of all...I'm battling shame and feeling disappointed in myself. I've got MS and have had it since being in my teens (now 30). I've always tried to look after myself and I feel like this has just made my life so much worse. This isn't going to help... 2 neurological conditions. I fear for my future more than I ever have. Sorry for being a pity party. I'm not asking for sympathy. I think i just wanted to talk to someone as I'm struggling more than ever with it at the moment. I just don't know how to cope and I know I can't carry on like this. Hope you are all well x

6 days but I had mild but similar symptoms a few years ago (what I believed to be thrush and hermerroids all at once...but no cream or medication resolved anything for ages) so i could have got it a long time ago. Is it possible to have mild initial symptoms and a more severe outbreak later on? Im not sure so would really appreciate finding out

I have MS (had it since I was 17) and got this in July. It's listed as a common side effect of my medication as it works by further surpressing the immune system. My first OB was severe. I kept a pack of tablets on hand just in case, but didnt have a further OB until Christmas (i was really stressed at work). This was minor in comparison. I now take supression just so that I can stop worrying about the possibility of an OB.. as I found the fear of it worse than the reality. My nurses said that supression tends to used a lot more in immunocompromised patients as were more vulnerable to outbreaks