Hi everyone. first and foremost thank you for all you do here. The new diagnosis is scary and extremely depressing which is a bummer but you all help the loneliness that comes with it. I was diagnosed late jan and while at first i was pretty numb to it the depression hit fast. It goes in waves as i know deep down in the grand scheme of things it's really not a big deal but of course I've played the what if's game and blaming myself. However in reality the only thing I blame is my real lack of knowledge on the subject. I was always pretty careful and had a deep seated fear of HIV but I kind of just thought the only way you got Herpes was from sex with someone who has oozing sores everywhere which obviously is very far from the truth. I haven't been dating since, (and even before finding out) however i have relatively high hopes for my future as I live in a very populated section of Los Angeles where either people are most likely open minded about it or have it (a good friend claims she's slept with tons of men with it. Of course I'm still nervous about disclosure as I'm a fairly confident, good looking guy(at least I think) in my late 30's who somewhat has his shit together, plays in a band etc. I've gone through talking to women and feeling gross, feeling like a diseased freak, thinking I'm a walking shedding virus since finding out. However I am extremely upset about not being able to eat my favorite food Peanuts and peanut butter, as well as chocolate and coffee. My first visit with a new PC doc is in mid March and I'm going to beg for suppressive therapy if anything for a piece of mind in my first year. I'm wondering when you go on ST pills has it made it easier to live a somewhat normal life in regards to eating, not worrying so much about OB's etc? My first outbreak was so terrible and i had no idea what it was, I was bedridden for a week, sick, night sweats couldn't go to the bathroom it was horrible. I've heard that usually the first is the worst and it gets much easier, especially I think my immune system is solid I rarely get sick. Again thank you all for the support on here it really is something of a god send