Pippy

Sweet baby angel! This virus can be a tricky one, though mostly only in so far as broader social views of it are concerned. I completely empathise with your feelings of anxiety, but I do want you to know (& without being presumptuous or belittling your experience) that this is an anxious response! What you told your partner is by no means downplaying the reality of the virus! If I was to tell a partner and base it on my experience of it I would tell them I get no symptoms at all and I find it much more difficult dealing with chronic psoriasis (which is significantly harder to manage). Regarding the ‘facts’ of GHSV2 - I do think we play a made up game of saying one form of HSV is ‘better’ than the other & definitely play the game of one location being better than the other. Yes GHSV2 can result in more outbreaks (& more viral shedding), however the reality is 87% of people who have it are symptomless or get such mild symptoms they don’t look or feel anything like ‘classic’ cases of herpes (though I would argue that a classic case of herpes presents as symptomless lol). Regarding the 4-5 outbreaks a year - that’s an average (of the minority who experience symptoms) and generally refers to more recently acquired cases (over time, outbreaks are fewer and symptoms lessen). For some people with unfortunate immune systems this is not the case. That’s luck of the draw, I’m afraid - however through looking after yourself and with antivirals, in the majority of cases (out of the minority who do get symptoms - just to really hammer my point home) it’s very easily managed! As I say, my psoriasis which I’ve dealt with chronically is a real asshole to deal with! Now, back to my point about about anxiety. I know it may be hard to believe - given, as we all do, you’re living inside your own mind, it’s entirely possible to not give a shit about herpes. I have met a veritable plethora of individuals who shrug or laugh sweetly at the mention of herpes. So it’s entirely possible that ya bf is one of those individuals. When we’re so in something it can be really hard to see that other people have different perspectives on things. I used to have agoraphobia (in short, I was pretty terrified of leaving the house/feeling I couldn’t get out of situations. I was constantly amazed that other people didn’t have this issue (like genuinely was like “how do people do this life thing”). I think through bad sex Ed and some social conditioning some people see herpes as a bigger deal than necessary (which is also fine!), but it’s also entirely possible to work on that and feel better with it and it’s also entirely possible for people to just never feel affected by it. Everything you’ve done, by disclosing, talking to your experience and leaving it open for your bf to have a think and ask questions is 100% the right way to handle this. & although I understand you feeling worried about bringing it up with him because you’re worried you’ll scare him (if that does end up being the case, I’d say - well if he’s unable to engage in something small scale emotional, then that may be for the best) but likely it’ll be fine. I do think it’s important even just to let him know you feel anxiety around your H+ status, that sometimes you’re fearful about it and it gets you down and sometimes your worried that he could contract it (something to that effect) and just be honest that it plays on your mind. I also think it may be helpful to get you some therapy! (Lots of good sexual health/sexuality therapists out there) or to even join a support group, just so you can get to a better place with your diagnosis &, because I do think - while it’s important to discuss your anxieties with your bf - if your are obsessing/overthinking something that the other person can’t quite relate to, it can be hard on both of you (you to not feel totally heard and the other person to not quite understand your anxieties/feel like they’re helping you). I’ve had some mental health issues, the focus of which defffffinitely ended my first relationship because my partner was so drained by my anxiety. Apologies for this whole-ass rant. But I relate; my past-self helps me empathise and I send several thumbs up - cause your moral compass is on point, but you just need to get that anxiety in check!