nadine10

Thanks for all the great info. It's been like 2 weeks and I'm still SO wiped out. I need to sleep all day. Not sure if it's the heavy dose of meds or the virus. I am almost done with the mega dose of meds and believe I will continue with suppressive therapy even though I'm not in a relationship and never plan on being in one again. I just would prefer to never deal with all this again so whatever can decrease the probability of outbreaks. Seems the side effect profile is quite low.

Thanks for all that wonderful info. Really appreciate it. Good to hear again the 2nd outbreak won't be as bad. I'm hoping to never have another one but I'm under such chronic stress - that's unlikely. Question : why do you only take the medication when you are sexually active ? Are there side effects? If not I just want to stay on it every single day to increase the chance I don't ever have to see this recur. Not sure if that's smart on my part.

Hi. I'm in Chicago. Just diagnosed this week and really heading down the spiral of shame. I'm feeling like I should prepare for a life alone. I'm late 30s and a new grad- doctor (go figure- but this is not my area of specialty) and I feel very isolated as I can't talk to any of my friends about this. I would greatly benefit from a little support but I'm used to being in the caregiver role - so this is new to me. I know what I would say to patients but this isn't translate when I try to tell positive things to myself. I literally feel like my options have been even further diminished now to the point where I'd just be better off solo and asexual. So I'm mourning the loss of my sexuality and all those hopes and dreams that I would rally here in the 9th inning amd actually have a partner and family and full life at this late age. My mother is end of life and I have no siblings or other close family except a cousin--- I just keep picturing the patients who have no family after a stroke etc and picture myself. Without being greedy :-) . I would prefer both a male and female buddy to get both perspectives. Location doesn't matter but I would prefer someone who is a professional within my age range. You have a great website here and I can see where this type of support can really make a difference in how we view ourselves and this condition. I need that help right about now because I feel my options are so bleak.

Btw- does plodding oneself with things like lysine and echinacea and green tea and ginseng and fluids and vitamin c and aloe help? Because that's my diet along w copious amounts of valtrex and all those cupcakes of shame. :-/

Thank you guys. Seriously. I do find comfort in your responses. :-) watching Gatsby on the couch with my dog helps too. Funny- My first thought was to throw myself into work and try to make crazy money. Because maybe money could anesthetize against a future of no love or sex. Ok- that was not my first thought ... But it occurred while still in the ER pummeled by shame. Thanks again for the support. This really is quite isolating.

It is Friday night and I am alone on the couch....where I imagine I will be to infinity. Suspected this last weekend...actually went to the ER bc the systemic symptoms were So bad. It was a humiliating experience and the nurses were not very nice and said all the wrong things..."at least you don't have HIV...well you might the test didn't get back yet" and "you might find someone who wants to be with you" And that was the nice RN...I felt everyone was just scouring at me like the STD girl. I ended up violently ill from a boatload of antibiotics they made me take assuming I had every other disease under the sun. I had to call my aunt in between vomiting and checked out AMA. I know better...this was a slick Ex who I know is a risk. But it was around my birthday. The anniversary of a miscarriage...my exhusband leaving without a goodbye...I feel my immune system is completely crushed from grief...so I couldn't fight this off. My mother is dying and I am generally crying everyday adn am completely alone in this world. Now this diagnosis just sort of seals the deal. God I feel like my stock has plummeted...now I am almost 40, divorced, and now anyone I am with gets the threat of an incurable disease? Lovely? I am still in terrible pain. Can't help to feel this is a punishment from God for decisions I have made. It certainly feels like a plague of some sort. I can barely walk and am trying to go to work and then home and take a bath and straight to bed. Missed my favorite holiday Halloween...taking myself off all dating sights....This completely is changing my goals and plans for life. Now it is die alone or maybe adopt a child alone....the idea of ever having a boyfriend and walking hand and hand in the crunching leaves to get a coffee on a Sunday morning is dead. I was evidently not good at relationships prior to this Stigmata. I already am judged when I have to tell a prospective new man the story about my crazy ex as it still somewhat effects my life...now there is this? It is just too much. I know already how it feels to be judged and rejected and I do not need anymore of it. I sort of believe that the Universe wanted my lesson to be in this lifetime how to live completely and utterly alone...without family or intimacy and just focus on being self sufficient. Been getting this message for awhile now...and I loathe it ...because I truly wanted all those good things that come with Love...but this is sort of the Mega sign. I know this post is apocalyptic and whiney....but I can't share this with anyone else. I just tell everyone I have the flu and they think I am being dramatic. My Aunt who is really the only family I have...who really did show up at the hospital and helps me a lot with my Mom's health decline --- she actually is not warm and fuzzy and an say the meanest things ....so when I said "I am basically going to never date"....she was like "Nope...now your untouchable."....and this IS my support system. So alone on the couch is it. I can't believe this happened....well I suppose in one way...if you are out dating around for a cumulative total of 20 years total...you are bound to get an incurable STD. I have to admit between my thoughts of wishing I would die last night and googling how to be asexual....I found this website. The podcast did make me smile through my tears. And the fact that they called it an inconvenient skin condition did start to change my perspective a bit. But then my mind went back to realizing I am probably only thinking along these lines now because "I" have it. it is like cognitive dissonance. I digress...I hope to find some peace. Right now I feel disgusting. I made cupcakes and won't bring one to the doorman or my neighbor because they are Herpes cupcakes in my mind. So now I am relegated to eat the entire tray. And what would that matter....as I have already established the never ever having sex again thing and dying alone in my apt unfound for months with my face being eaten off by the numerous cats I ended up adopting who are starving. So there is one upside....not giving a crap how I look naked ever again. Sorry for being such a negative Nelly. that phrase about the skin condition is mildly comforting. Even though my GYN didn't intially taking suppressive therapy as he wasn't sure I would have another episode....however I pray I never have to go through this again and would take 5 of those horse pills daily if it would prevent this from happening. So doing the suppressive thing once done with these bolus doses. I hate to even look and see what percentage of those who take the suppressive therapy still have multiple outbreaks the first year...because this year is a year of misery and this is the herpes cherry on my Sht Sunday of life.... Happy Friday ....