DoesntDefineMe

Hi All, Id love to start a thread of some positive outcomes after being diagnosed with herpes. Feeling a little down lately and could use some uplifting stories as I’m sure others could use them as well.

Have you thought about getting the western blot? Your levels weren’t really high to begin with so it’s possible you may have received a false positive. With numbers that low I would definitely purchase a western blot to confirm whether or not you have HSV1 or hsv2

Do you take suppressive medicine?

They can have outbreaks anywhere in the boxer short area.

It’s better to find out which type you have because that could possibly help you just a little more with disclosing. If it is HSV1 then it is recommended that he gets tested because about 80% of the population has HSV1 and most of them don’t even realize it. With that being said, if you. Have GHSV1, then you can’t transmit it to him genitally because he has already built up the antibodies for the virus. If it is HSV2, it is still recommended that he gets tested as well, because just like HSV1 a lot of people don’t know that they have it. Now as for antivirals. Antivirals reduce Asymptomatic shedding. Which means the virus is present without symptoms. If you were to not use any protection and decided not to take antivirals, there is a 4% chance that you could transmit to your partner without an active outbreak. With antivirals, that number is reduced to 2%. With both a condom and antivirals, it’s reduced to 1%. And just be sure that if you feel anything weird down below to refrain from having sex during that time. Hope this helps!

Hey there! So it seems to me that your levels are pretty low. From what I’ve read and with speaking to a few doctors, you may want to get a western blot. Your results could have been a false positive. Especially since you are married.

I can’t say I disagree with this post. You have valid points. However, I will say that with my first disclosure I contemplated about even telling him. He was moving out of state and I kept thinking what was the point. But when it came down to it, it wasn’t even a choice for me. I had to tell him. It was always in the back of my mind. Ideally, I wish I didn’t have to disclose until it became a serious relationship but I think if waiting that long it ends up looking deceitful to that potential partner.

I don’t believe they have actual data on the transmissions rates from genital to oral. It is important for you to find out which strain you have though. Hsv1 Prefers oral and is harder to transmit sexually. Hsv2 prefers the genital area and is extremely rare to transmit orally, but not impossible.

This may just be my opinion but I would suggest using condoms until you two are completely sure you will be spending forever together. I don’t think one knows the impact of the diagnosis has until it happens to them. And you wouldn’t want him using this against you by some chance it doesn’t work out and you want to go your separate ways. It is both of your decisions to go forward without using condoms.

Hey there. Did the doctor do a swab test to find out which type you had? I know it’s a huge shock when you hear those words come out of your physicians mouth, but just know that having oral hsv is extremely common. The first 6 months your body is building antibodies against the virus. Once it has established antibodies, your outbreaks should decrease. Just know that it is normal to feel anxious and depressed in the begging but those feelings will subside. Also-are you out in the sun a lot?

I’d like to start off by saying kudos to her for being brave and having the courage to disclose to you. I can tell you from experience that it is a very hard thing to do especially when you are developing feelings for someone. Let me lay out some numbers for you to explain the transmission rates. Without taking antivirals or using a condom, there is a 4% chance of transmission. With antiviral medication that percentage drops to 2%. With antivirals and a condom, 1%. Birth control is the same deal, there’s a 1% chance you can get pregnant on birth control. Nothing is ever 100% effective. I honestly think that if you care for this girl, which it seems like you do since you are doing your research, then don’t let this come between you. It doesn’t define her. And with her knowing she has this and disclosing, she is doing more than some people would to protect you. Sex with anyone is a risk, I say go for it for someone you see a potential future with. Best of luck to you both! ❤️

@mr_hopp thank you for your response. I am trying really hard to not let it get to me but I think between this and all the chaos going on in today’s world, I’m having a harder time dealing with it than I usually would. I too, am proud that I had the courage to tell him. He’s younger than I am so I feel like maturity has a lot to do with why he decided not to take the risk. He still messages me every day saying he misses me but I’m wondering if continuing to talk to him is doing more harm, than good. Sorry for the vent. I am just at a loss right now lol.

Hey everyone. I disclosed for the first time to a guy I was dating for a month. He took it really well and we continued seeing each other but never had sex. He is moving two hours away and all along the talk was that we were going to try and do the long distance and see how it goes. Well it seems that now he doesn’t want to do it because he feels as though we can’t have sex because of my situation. I’m broken to be honest. I was upfront and honest with this guy and put my guard down. I had hopes that this would develop a stronger relationship and in the end, he bailed. I feel defeated by this. It makes me wonder if I will ever find someone who truly accepts me for me. I don’t know how to feel at this point. Just could use some words of encouragement. Thanks for reading.

I have been waiting for the day where I could finally post in this topic starter! I have had my first successful disclosure and he was completely understanding and accepting. We have gotten to know each other on an emotional level more than anyone I’ve ever met. I am so proud of myself for having the courage to tell him as I know a lot of people don’t. The next part has been a little tricky. We have not had sex yet and honestly both him and I are scared to. I don’t want to pass this on to him. I would be devastated. But at the same time I want to see how our physical connection is. I have not had sex in over a year and am nervous that our first time will cause an outbreak. What can I do to prevent this? Does the anxiety of transmitting eventually go away?

Thank you for the kind words! So I ended up not disclosing that night, but instead disclosed the next day via text. I know some people may say it’s not the best way to do it but I find myself better at explaining thing in writing rather than saying it in person. He was very understanding and said he was so sorry this happened to me. He asked me a few questions and then continued on with our normal conversation. He’s coming over for dinner tonight so I’m not sure if more will be brought up then. All I can say is that whether or not this works out I am soooo proud of myself for being able to tell him. I am hoping this shows him just how open and honest of a person I am.